Balaniki

Newbie here ladies. Something that has been happening lately with my husband and I - I just can't seem to get to an orgasm without using the vibrator. He will be going down on me and I'm RIGHT THERE - on the edge - but I just can't seem to go over.

I never tried toys prior to my husband - it was just the fingers for me. But I've learned to like the vibrator! I only use it when we're having sex - don't use it by myself. Can't remember the last time I masterbated without him being involved.

The o's I get from the vibrator are different from the ones I get from his mouth. The o's from his mouth are deeper and I can ride them longer. The ones from the vibrator are stronger but I can't ride them at all - too strong.

Any thoughts or suggestions?

Double D

Balaniki- welcome.

I don't know if one can use toys too much, but since you raised the question, here are my comments.

Are there two issues here? One, that you can't get off right now simply thru oral pleasuring and two, that you would like to be able to ride your orgasms longer, and you can't while using a vibrator?

What I think has happened is that you've gotten somewhat desensitized by using the vibe, thus needing the extra oomph that a vibrator provides.

If so, would turning down the vibrator to a lower speed help at all to lessen the intensity and extend the ride?

I masturbate on my own, and I know that I need more stimulation going it alone to achieve orgasm, than with my husband, who gets me much more excited than my toys do.

Also, masturbating on your own once in a while might give you a bit more control of the threshold, so to speak, of your orgasms. Sometimes when I masturbate by myself, I stop before orgasm, then later make love with my husband. Orgasms achieved with him then are always a really good, long ride.

Plummie

You could try using the vibrator to get close to climax, then let your husband finish it off with his mouth.

__________________
Kim

ally

No idea,.... but good luck!

sierra2774

Using them too often will definately desensitize you...trust me, I know!

__________________
"Every tomorrow brings new opportunities, challenges we must address...A chance to affirm all our wishes and dreams, to seek beauty and true happiness."

~springrain

it is true...

when you use a vibrating toy a lot... your nerves "adjust" themselves... it's a natural body "defense" of sorts in regards to pain and/or over stimulation...

the good news is that it's not permanent... but you might want to consider simply putting the vibrator away for a while. it might be difficult to achieve orgasm without it for a bit... but your body will come back around... just give it a little time and patience...

snowy

Yup, the vibe will definitely desensitize you...one thing I like to do is restrict myself to once a week with the vibe so that when I do use it, I can use it at a lower speed and still get off. The other thing is, try putting the toy away for a while and just try doing it manually, perhaps with another kind of aid--erotica, naughty stories, a video, etc. Give your nerves time to recuperate. Then bring the toy back into play...but do it the other way around...try bringing yourself to orgasm with the toy and then letting your hubby finish the job. But remember, limit yourself to once a week, or buy a vibe that is less intense.

__________________
If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

*Nikki*

I would prefer getting off with my man's mouth ANYDAY over a vibrator.

They are great things for when I am alone. I would choose sex with a real person over the plastic though. Sometimes it is great to use during sex, but the human touch feels so much better to me.

Baileys

It took me forever to come off a vibe, or so it seems. I personally always felt guilty using one as I would never really 'come'.

Then I gave up sex with the ex, cause it just really sucked and I so just fell way out of love with him. The first time I came off a vibe I was shocked. I stopped feeling guilty!

However, I started using them more though! I found the first two o's easy. The 3rd was harder to get to, but well worth it.

Personally, I'd perfer the tongue or fingers of my partner than the vibe, but a girl has to do what a girl has to do. I would think if you let your partner know you are becoming too dependent on it, for them to tease you with it/withhold it, and then talk to you about letting you have it or not, might just build you up enough that you don't need it?

__________________
Baileys

Balaniki

*Nikki* - I couldn't agree more!!! My husband has a mouth to die for. I know - I've died many times from it!!

But the more I used the vibe the longer it took to come when my husband went down on me. I'm not as ... open is not quite the right word but it comes close ... open as he is to sex. To me it's still something that is done in the dark in the bedroom in the basic positions. I know, I know - I'm learning!!

But the problem was that it would take longer to come from his mouth and I was trying to come fast (don't know why - guess it's till some inhibition I have) so I would be trying too hard and it wouldn't work.

But I've taken SnowyOwls advice and have been NOT using the toy but doing it myself. It took quite a bit of effort the first time but since has gotten easier. My hubby gets off on watching me play with myself so it's not a hardship for him to take a back seat to my pleasure (so to speak). I'm hoping that in a bit I'll be able to have him get back in the saddle :O) and let him have fun once again!

Never thought I'd be openly talking about this kind of stuff!!

__________________
Balaniki

"Everyone should have something to believe in.
I believe you should keep your beliefs to yourself."

redrose2

What springrain was describing about nerves is a process called desensitization and is documented in studies involving vibrating and heating sex toys. Nerve endings increase their tollerances over time. At first it was thought that excessive masterbation would cause desensitization, but that has been limited to just the excessive use of stimulating agents. The long fix would be to gradually lower the speed of the vibrator during each session so that you can ween yourself off of the excessive stimulation. The quick fix is to just give up all stimulation( sex, oral, masterbation, etc.) in the area for a period of days or weeks. Let everything heal to the point that any touch feels like the first time. That can be fun.... if you can manage to wait that long!!

Pandabear

I don't masturbate...there are most definately times I want to but don't because I am afraid of the fact that it will be harder to hit orgasm durring sex. hmmm?

Pandabear

at least rarely

cheerios

Panda: a wank every now and again won't be a problem, as far as I know. in fact, it may help you figure out what you like, which you can then turn around and share with your partner, meaning MORE and easier orgasms, instead of the opposite.

also, a general tip: don't give up the vibe altogether, just don't turn it on! I know i enjoy the feeling of something in me, while I rub my clit, whether it's buzzing or not!

Pandabear

I understand. My husband and I have no problem getting me off. It is easy for sure but I want him to be in control of me...That is when I lose control.

Apache

I guess by reading sierra2774, & springrains and others you CAN actually use them to much! But I kind of know what your talking about when you say you are right there on the edge but you just can't go. It's happened to me before a few times, it usually happens if something distracts me and its like the feeling is still there but my mind is focused on whatever it was that distracted me. Sometimes I eventually get going again and there have also been times we've had to use backup and thats where the vibrator comes into play. He holds that on me while going down on my too! He uses the vibrator to get me sensitive again then he takes over. Its worked so far!!!!!