Finite well of tears? - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Supple Cow · 02-16-2004, 10:22 PM

I'm going through a pretty painful (but not ugly) breakup right now, and I'm finding that I don't feel like crying as much as I did the last (and first) time somebody I cared about broke up with me. I cared about this recent one a LOT more than I did the other, but the tears aren't always there - and that seems strange to me after the last episode. Part of me thinks that I'm just growing up, but part of me still believes that there are so many tears welled up inside of me and that I won't be done hurting until I've cried as many of them as I did before. Then I worry that I'm prolonging the pain by not dealing with it right away like I'm used to.

This was more of a necessary rant than anything, but it would mean a lot to me to hear from other ladies here (since he was the one that introduced me to TFP and I'd like to continue to associate good feelings with this community).

(Thanks for having a Ladies Lounge, TFP, and thanks in advance for any responses.)

lisa · 02-17-2004, 03:23 AM

Hi Supple Cow,
sorry to hear that girl!

I wish you a lot of support in this difficult time... I guess everyone reacts different every time to a situation like that. If you're not crying now, that doesn't mean that that relation meant less to you than the previous one, maybe you'll have a good "cry-out" later, or maybe not at all...

I remember when I broke up with my previous boyfriend; well, he broke up with me... I expected I would be crying all day long, the problem was, that I had invited a whole bunch of friends to have a barbeque that night at my place... so, I held up my tears, thinking I would just drink myself lazarus, and then cry in my bed, when they were all gone... I didn't tell my friends anything, because if I would have told them, I would definitely broken up in tears and the whole night would have been ruined... when they asked me why he didn't came, or where he was, I quickly answered that he had to do too much work and then changed the subject immediately... I drank a lot that night, a lot more than everyone there present, so I was drunk as hell when everybody left... I went up to my room, finding all the stuff reminding me about him: pictures, tshirts, cd's etcetera... but i was too drunk to care at that moment, so i slept for a day and a half!
When i woke up, i immediately remembered what had happened, and i thought i'd probably be crying for the rest of the week... but that didn't happen... I felt sad, i felt bad, but i didn't cry! Even when I told my friends, it was as if i had lost all emotions... something like that...
I avoided him for a few months, and then finally I cracked down, tears rolled over my face, without any specific, clear reason... I wrote down everything i felt, and thought about him and the whole relation and the break-up, and sent him the letter..; After that, i think i felt better...

Sorry to pore this whole miserable story on you! not sure if this can make you feel better... it's just an illustration on how everyone will react in its own way on every event... you cannot force emotions, you have to endure them...

Good luck to you!!!!

Ladyhawke · 02-17-2004, 07:03 AM

sweetie....your just growing up....there are times when I would give anything to have a good long cry....It's all part of growing...I think our hearts get use to aches like these....and to protect itself...becomes harder

at least yhast's what I think

sexymama · 02-17-2004, 07:55 PM

It took me a long time to cry over my divorce. I don't think it is growing up -- I think when the time is right the tears will come (and come and come.) Tears are very healing -- maybe (even subconsciously) you aren't ready to heal yet as that would mean letting go.

Good luck and you are in my thoughts.

amonkie · 02-17-2004, 08:10 PM

Sometimes, after going through a first breakup, the suceeding ones don't neccessarily hurt any less, but they're not a shocker, either. Just because the tears aren't coming doesn't mean it's any less an emotional experience. As we mature, we show different signs of grieving. In the past, I've cried so much over certain events. However, over the last 4 months, a lot of much more stressful stuff has come up, and I've yet to really cry about it.

Hugs to you, I hope you can find an outlet for your feelings if tears are not coming at your call. Sometimes when I write in my journal, that starts the release of pent up feelings that are finally getting out.

Supple Cow · 02-17-2004, 08:37 PM

Thanks to you all for your kind words and keeping me in your thoughts. I get really sad several times every day, but my natural tendency is to be happy and I try to do everything in my power to make it so. Today, I wrote him a letter and suddenly there all the tears were, hiding behind the words I wasn't letting myself say. Some of your words coaxed some tears out as well. But then I came home and started posting like a fiend and cheered myself up a whole lot. I guess my temporarily-sad-to-temporarily-happy transition phases happen really quickly. I even sent him another email to tell him that I got promoted from Rookie to Tilted a few minutes ago. (Yay!) It feels good to know that you wonderful ladies are here. Thanks again!

ariekitten · 02-17-2004, 10:59 PM

i know breakups can really be hard. here's some good advice i was given a few months ago when i had a breakup. it's good to cry, cry when you feel like it. let yourself be happy with who you are and know that there are good things out there just waiting for you! you will love again, and your heart will heal.

remember that we're here for you.
as for the tears not coming, sometimes they don't. i used to never cry - about anything. now sometimes it's like i can't stop. but like i said, if at times you feel like crying, just let it come out....and if tears don't come, don't worry. everyone takes pain differently. my heart goes out to you. *big hug*

Litespeed · 02-18-2004, 12:42 PM

The more breakups you experience, the easier it is to pick up the pieces of your life afterwards. It's one of those unexpected skills that creeps up.

But here is a word of advice: whenever you feel like crying, let yourself. And cry for everything you can think of crying for. Cry for guys you thought you were long over. Cry for the starving children in Africa. Cry for whatever your heart feels. Cry yourself to sleep. Cry until you're dehydrated, drink some water, and cry some more.

But until the urge hits, don't worry about it. You're learning a valuable skill. Pick up the pieces and move on.

02-16-2004, 10:22 PM	#1 (permalink)
Supple Cow Americow, the Beautiful Location: Washington, D.C.	Finite well of tears? I'm going through a pretty painful (but not ugly) breakup right now, and I'm finding that I don't feel like crying as much as I did the last (and first) time somebody I cared about broke up with me. I cared about this recent one a LOT more than I did the other, but the tears aren't always there - and that seems strange to me after the last episode. Part of me thinks that I'm just growing up, but part of me still believes that there are so many tears welled up inside of me and that I won't be done hurting until I've cried as many of them as I did before. Then I worry that I'm prolonging the pain by not dealing with it right away like I'm used to. This was more of a necessary rant than anything, but it would mean a lot to me to hear from other ladies here (since he was the one that introduced me to TFP and I'd like to continue to associate good feelings with this community). (Thanks for having a Ladies Lounge, TFP, and thanks in advance for any responses.) __________________ "I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. Twenty-six times I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed." (Michael Jordan)

02-17-2004, 07:03 AM	#3 (permalink)
Ladyhawke Crazy Location: Dallas	sweetie....your just growing up....there are times when I would give anything to have a good long cry....It's all part of growing...I think our hearts get use to aches like these....and to protect itself...becomes harder at least yhast's what I think __________________ Whatever

02-17-2004, 07:55 PM	#4 (permalink)
sexymama My own person -- his by choice Location: Lebell's arms	It took me a long time to cry over my divorce. I don't think it is growing up -- I think when the time is right the tears will come (and come and come.) Tears are very healing -- maybe (even subconsciously) you aren't ready to heal yet as that would mean letting go. Good luck and you are in my thoughts. __________________ If you can go deeply into lovemaking, the ego disappears. That is the beauty of lovemaking, that it is another source of a glimpse of god It's not about being perfect; it's about developing some skill at managing imperfection.

02-17-2004, 08:10 PM	#5 (permalink)
amonkie Drifting Administrator Location: Windy City	Sometimes, after going through a first breakup, the suceeding ones don't neccessarily hurt any less, but they're not a shocker, either. Just because the tears aren't coming doesn't mean it's any less an emotional experience. As we mature, we show different signs of grieving. In the past, I've cried so much over certain events. However, over the last 4 months, a lot of much more stressful stuff has come up, and I've yet to really cry about it. Hugs to you, I hope you can find an outlet for your feelings if tears are not coming at your call. Sometimes when I write in my journal, that starts the release of pent up feelings that are finally getting out. __________________ Calling from deep in the heart, from where the eyes can't see and the ears can't hear, from where the mountain trails end and only love can go... ~~~ Three Rivers Hare Krishna

02-17-2004, 08:37 PM	#6 (permalink)
Supple Cow Americow, the Beautiful Location: Washington, D.C.	Thanks to you all for your kind words and keeping me in your thoughts. I get really sad several times every day, but my natural tendency is to be happy and I try to do everything in my power to make it so. Today, I wrote him a letter and suddenly there all the tears were, hiding behind the words I wasn't letting myself say. Some of your words coaxed some tears out as well. But then I came home and started posting like a fiend and cheered myself up a whole lot. I guess my temporarily-sad-to-temporarily-happy transition phases happen really quickly. I even sent him another email to tell him that I got promoted from Rookie to Tilted a few minutes ago. (Yay!) It feels good to know that you wonderful ladies are here. Thanks again! __________________ "I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. Twenty-six times I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed." (Michael Jordan)

02-17-2004, 03:23 AM	#2 (permalink)
lisa Crazy Location: belgium	Hi Supple Cow, sorry to hear that girl! I wish you a lot of support in this difficult time... I guess everyone reacts different every time to a situation like that. If you're not crying now, that doesn't mean that that relation meant less to you than the previous one, maybe you'll have a good "cry-out" later, or maybe not at all... I remember when I broke up with my previous boyfriend; well, he broke up with me... I expected I would be crying all day long, the problem was, that I had invited a whole bunch of friends to have a barbeque that night at my place... so, I held up my tears, thinking I would just drink myself lazarus, and then cry in my bed, when they were all gone... I didn't tell my friends anything, because if I would have told them, I would definitely broken up in tears and the whole night would have been ruined... when they asked me why he didn't came, or where he was, I quickly answered that he had to do too much work and then changed the subject immediately... I drank a lot that night, a lot more than everyone there present, so I was drunk as hell when everybody left... I went up to my room, finding all the stuff reminding me about him: pictures, tshirts, cd's etcetera... but i was too drunk to care at that moment, so i slept for a day and a half! When i woke up, i immediately remembered what had happened, and i thought i'd probably be crying for the rest of the week... but that didn't happen... I felt sad, i felt bad, but i didn't cry! Even when I told my friends, it was as if i had lost all emotions... something like that... I avoided him for a few months, and then finally I cracked down, tears rolled over my face, without any specific, clear reason... I wrote down everything i felt, and thought about him and the whole relation and the break-up, and sent him the letter..; After that, i think i felt better... Sorry to pore this whole miserable story on you! not sure if this can make you feel better... it's just an illustration on how everyone will react in its own way on every event... you cannot force emotions, you have to endure them... Good luck to you!!!!

02-17-2004, 10:59 PM	#7 (permalink)
ariekitten bAck iN aCtiOn! Location: in my imagination	i know breakups can really be hard. here's some good advice i was given a few months ago when i had a breakup. it's good to cry, cry when you feel like it. let yourself be happy with who you are and know that there are good things out there just waiting for you! you will love again, and your heart will heal. remember that we're here for you. as for the tears not coming, sometimes they don't. i used to never cry - about anything. now sometimes it's like i can't stop. but like i said, if at times you feel like crying, just let it come out....and if tears don't come, don't worry. everyone takes pain differently. my heart goes out to you. big hug __________________ I am known as Valentinez Alkalinella Xifax Sicidabohertz Gombigobilla Blue Stradivari Talentrent Pierre Andri Charton-Haymoss Ivanovici Baldeus George Doitzel Kaiser III. Don't hesitate to call. ~Vash, Trigun >'.'< kitty kitty, meow ^..^~

02-18-2004, 12:42 PM	#8 (permalink)
Litespeed Loser Location: Thousand Oaks, CA	The more breakups you experience, the easier it is to pick up the pieces of your life afterwards. It's one of those unexpected skills that creeps up. But here is a word of advice: whenever you feel like crying, let yourself. And cry for everything you can think of crying for. Cry for guys you thought you were long over. Cry for the starving children in Africa. Cry for whatever your heart feels. Cry yourself to sleep. Cry until you're dehydrated, drink some water, and cry some more. But until the urge hits, don't worry about it. You're learning a valuable skill. Pick up the pieces and move on.