sexymama

Friends -- Lebell and I have been playing around with dom/sub fantasies and are seriously working toward making them a reality. I have read through several threads about these types of relationships. In them, many of you comment on "teaching" him.

As a naturally very strong woman, the idea of submitting is going to be new to me -- and a role I definitely want to take.

(Just an fyi, as a teacher and mother this relationship will strictly be in our sex life and possibly on trips. We are not planning a 24/7 D/s relationship. Also, we already have a safe word)

My questions are:
1. How do you submit?
2. What and how do you teach him?
3. Do you have any fun ideas you are willing to share with me?

collide

1. "Very easily."
2. I would start with some instructional videos on spanking. Watch them together and practice!
3. Walk around the house with collars and wristbands, or just have him tie you up with restraints on the bedpost for a while. If you're into rope play, you can practice wearing clothes over the rope bondage and no one will bat an eye if you go out in public with them on.

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"inhuman fiery goat worship" is an anagram for "information superhighway" -kingvolc

collide

Heh, take a look at this too:

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"inhuman fiery goat worship" is an anagram for "information superhighway" -kingvolc

Ladyhawke

1. I always sumit when he wants to....and vise versa...so it's a even trade

2. I believe that only another woman truely knows how to please a woman....so, I asked my new girlfriend to teach him on the finer points...and a few girl/girl porn flicks....and lots of pratice

3. You haven't lived until you had a nice hard man between your legs....and a moist woman on your lips at the same time

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Whatever

JadziaDax

in a real D/s relationship, there is no such thing as vice versa.

sexymama: start by reading through a lot of the articles found at Submissive Loving. It's a good place to start. If you have any questions after that, feel free to PM me any time. (You may also want to PM galaxygirl, since I am sure she would be willing to help you out as well).

As lifestylers, we (galaxygirl and I) should be able to help you on your way.

Just keep in mind that D/s is a mindset, not a sexual position.

Vyxen

That's a great site, thank you JadziaDax!

I've been interested in being more Dom to my boyfriend, but I'm shy! It's very confusing wanting to dominate him but being too nervous to do so. Is that strange?

I had assumed being shy would make me lean towards sub, but that isn't the case. I want to take the reigns! So I am wondering if you or anyone know of any good fem dom.. errr.. instruction sites? I've done searches for them on Google but I can't seem to find any sites that actually have tips for the femdom rookie. Thanks much again. =)

JadziaDax

Actually, it's not abnormal that someone who is naturally shy would be more of a Domme than a subbie.

I can lead you towards some great books on being a Domme... The New Topping Book (which you can find at amazon.com or bn.com) is a great place to start. And there is also a book called The New Bottoming Book.

The Loving Dominant is another good book. So is The Art of Sensual Female Dominance: A Guide for Women (this one is by Claudia Varrin, an excellent author and source for D/s relationships).

When I come across other sites, I will let you know.

sexymama

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I had assumed being shy would make me lean towards sub, but that isn't the case.
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Vyxen, I had assumed being strong and outgoing I would lean towards Dom, but that isn't my case. Maybe part of this is the fun of stepping outside the "norm" for us and exploring the role that is opposite our natural tendancy.

I hope you let us know how things go between you and your bf. It sounds like you are headed for some fun!

__________________
If you can go deeply into lovemaking, the ego disappears. That is the beauty of lovemaking, that it is another source of a glimpse of god

It's not about being perfect; it's about developing some skill at managing imperfection.

mew

Collide your post with the Anime how to was awsome! Lol..comical and creative. Ive never been bonded, but that instructional guide made me want to try it!

collide

Heh, I like it too. Glad it'd be of some use to you.

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"inhuman fiery goat worship" is an anagram for "information superhighway" -kingvolc

anti fishstick

ooo now THAT'S knot skill :-D mmmm

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And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
~Anais Nin

Cedar

The real question is: How do you get him interested in anything outside of vanilla at all?

I love Mr. Cedar dearly, but fear that we are completely sexually incompatible. He won't tie me unless I ask him repeatedly, and he's claustrophobic and can't bear being tied down, so domming in that regard is out of the question for me. I know I'm probably hijacking this discussion and will happily start a new thread if the mods want me to, but I've got to do something.

__________________
Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself,
I am large. I contain multitudes.

-Walt Whitman, Song of Myself

sexymama

Cedar -- you are not hijacking. This thread is all about submission -- including ho to submit and how to get him to submit. I hope someone is able to answer your question(s). I would suggest starting with lots of communication! And look at the site that JadziaDax suggested -- it is full of information including how too. Good luck and have fun!

__________________
If you can go deeply into lovemaking, the ego disappears. That is the beauty of lovemaking, that it is another source of a glimpse of god

It's not about being perfect; it's about developing some skill at managing imperfection.

galaxygirl

Yes, what she said. I'd be more than happy to help you out if I can.I've heard alot about Lebell from i8one2 who considers him a good friend and besides I love to talk about D/s!

__________________
Drawing strength from His acceptance, offering all that I am and ever will be

galaxygirl

It's very sensual, and actually comfortable. ANd when you move that little knot rubs your clit. Once you've practiced the harness a few times it doesn't take long to tie. (Of course, sometimes it can be fun to have the tying take some time.)

__________________
Drawing strength from His acceptance, offering all that I am and ever will be

sexymama

Update: I've read "The New Bottoming Book" as well as every single article on the website that Jazie posted above. This is definitely something worth knowing about! Lebell arrives in less than two weeks. I (we) can hardly wait to begin to explore more. In-the-meantime, he has given me some tasks to complete which are helping prepare for the next step.

The major lesson I've learned: this, like all good sexuality, is all about open and honest communication!

The one thing that I read over and over, that some of you don't seem to agree with, is that roles can be switched. Most of the time, it appears, that is done by the top requiring a role play that puts him/her at the bottom. However, some people just choose to play that way. It is a very individual decision -- as all of this is.

One of you that I've been pming mentioned that there is still plenty of plain "vanilla romping" as well. I felt a lot of freedom in that statement as I fell it gives me permission to not be as intense at times -- and to enjoy all my sexuality!

Thank you for all your support and good information! You woman are the best.

__________________
If you can go deeply into lovemaking, the ego disappears. That is the beauty of lovemaking, that it is another source of a glimpse of god

It's not about being perfect; it's about developing some skill at managing imperfection.

ally

Very interesting to me, but my boyfreind is uncomfortable with the idea of tieing me down.
He's really good at being creative when he does though....

~springrain

sexy mama... Willow and i are married... and have been in a loving D/s relationship for the past 6 years.

i would love to talk further with you on this... and please feel free to PM me anytime... but there is one point i feel is very important to make.

just because you are strong... does not mean you can not be submissive... and being submissive does NOT mean without power...

the dynamic of a D/s relationship is a power EXCHANGE... flowing equally between both partners... like the positive and negative poles of a magnet. i feel that the biggest mistake new submissives make is to give all their power away to the Dominant... forgetting themself in the process.

i support you both in this incredible and wonderful journey together...

vveronica

I used to work at a bondage club... Seems like another life ago..

Remember it is the submissive that has the true control, limiting how far and how deeply you go into this.

Ive sorta gone past the dom/sub thing as it was not totally for me... I tend to like to resist too much and dont make a very willing sub...

You can pm me if you have any other questions about it.

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...We find ourselves in a struggle for our very right to exsist... We will not go quietly into the night... We will not give up without a fight...

ShaniFaye

I hope I dont get slammed for this but....sexually speaking I LOVE being the submissive....I am SO dominant in all aspects of my life that leaving that part at the door, so to speak, when it comes to sex turns me on more than anything else.

I have read thru these threads and wanted to comment on a few things..

as this is a "sexual" lifestyle for us, not a "total" my SO and I DO switch roles occasionally as he enjoys being the submissive at times and I enjoy the dominant role (this usually takes place if I've been drinking)

YES communication is the main key, when my SO and I met we had long talks on the level we wanted to take this too....I in NO way get into any form of humiliation so we had to agree that punishments do not involve that.


just my 2 cents

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I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!