KRM28152

Sorry, in advance, for all of these "Does anybody else" posts, I guess you could call me a curious sort. =)

I have an extremely low sex drive, as in, I never want to have sex. At all. I read on some website that fantasizing (about anyone) during sex with their partner would help increase the sex drive, even if the fantasy wasn't about the person you were having sex with.

I guess my question is does anybody else have this problem (a low sex drive)? The second part of my question is, Does anybody else fantasize during sex about someone other than their partner? Does it work in increasing the sex drive?

Thanks ladies, in advance. =)

__________________

“I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.”

Jenna

I usually fantasize about other things while I'm receiving oral, but intercourse is very intimate, and passionate, so I don't really fantasize about other things during it.

*Nikki*

Yes I have a low drive, didn't used to be that way. Medicine is to blame.

For me it is hard to fantasize during sex because I am so focused at the task at hand.

creepysusie

I agree with Jennaboo, I find it rather distracting to fantasize something when i'm being intimate with someone. I have a rather high sex drive though. I rarely fantasize when I am with someone and only do so as a masturbation technique.

little_tippler

I don't usually fantasize about other people when I'm having sex with someone, but I guess thats' mainly because I only have sex with someone if I'm actually into them, so I don't feel the need to rev myself up so to speak, I'm usually excited enough already!

That being said, I am not the most sexual person, for several reasons, and have no clue how to get a higher sex drive, though I'd like that. I guess if I found sex to feel better than it does for me, then I'd want to do it more often.

I'm not sure what you mean by having NO sex drive...? Throwing another question back at you!

__________________
Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.

Fernando Pessoa, 1918

KRM28152

Well, maybe I wasn't specific enough in my account. When I say I have no sex drive, I mean, literally, I have NO sex drive. It's been 3 weeks since my man and I have done -anything- and I don't miss it.

I love my man more than anything, I think he's gorgeous and stimulating, I just have absolutely no desire to do anything sexual with him, or anybody else. I found an article where a woman wrote to an expert, and her plight sounds very, very similar to mine.

Here's the link: http://health.ninemsn.com.au/askthee...aspx?id=178511

That's what I mean when I say that I have -NO- sex drive...

__________________

“I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.”

little_tippler

NO drive seems odd to me. That would mean nothing stimulates you...and you say you feel stimulated by your guy. So there seems to be an underlying issue. It could be meds, are you on any presently? It could be emotional issues you have with him...if you think it's none of these, maybe your relationship isn't quite right...I don't mean you have to constantly want to have sex, but there has to be something...otherwise it's just a companionship thing. You've never felt horny, on any day, for the past 3 weeks?

Just a few thoughts to work through...

__________________
Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.

Fernando Pessoa, 1918

abaya

Does sex turn you off, or do you just not feel like doing it? What about just kissing?

Regardless of my actual sex drive, I like to have sex a lot (I know, confusing--but it's true). Sex is important to me, even when I don't feel like having it.

As for fantasy, I pretty much only fantasize when I am trying to orgasm. It's really hard for me to get off without it. Sometimes I fantasize about my husband, sometimes I don't... but otherwise, I don't get off (and it also requires accompanying clitoral stimulation, I should mention).

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

KRM28152

Maybe I should say I have an extremely low sex drive. I wouldn't say, per say, that sex turns me off...I just would rather be doing something else. Like sleeping.

I live kissing, and cuddiling, and snuggiling, and everything else that produces warm fuzzies. My man seems to think that since I don't masturbate (and never have, really) that my sex drive has been affected. I grew up in a household that was very religious and sex and sexual exploration was frowned upon. I don't know, maybe that has something to do with it.

I was on the BC pill for awhile, then I went to the patch for awhile, now I'm on the shot. Could this play a part?

I'm sorry, I know ya'll aren't doctors. I want to please my man, and I want to want sex. I just don't know where my drive went. I had one...at one time. We were having sex daily. Then..I don't know.

We live together, have for 2 years. Maybe we just need to spice things up. We had the most amazing sex in a hotel last year...

As I said, please forgive my ramblings. I guess I'm searching for a needle in a haystack. But again, thank you ladies, each and every one. =)

__________________

“I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.”

abaya

The BC could definitely play a part, though if you never masturbated, that does tell us something. My moods were pretty nutso when I was on the patch, and then I switched to the NuvaRing (very low dose of hormones). I still had some crazy moods, mostly due to the long-distance relationship at the time, but overall I don't think it has affected my sex drive.

My formative years were spent as a religious person, but when I was about 22, I started exploring myself (also questioning the whole sex-frowning-upon-thing, so it all went together)... and even though it was 2 more years before I started having sex, I was masturbating at least 1-2 times a week from that point on. So I feel that my sex drive is somewhat correlated to that natural sense of wanting to get off.

How do you feel about watching porn? When I'm watching particularly x-rated porn (and I mean, XXX--close-ups of penis-thrusting-in-vagina ONLY, please!!!), it gets me horny damn quick. It took me a while to become comfortable with porn in general, having never been exposed to it before, but after a while, I came to love it.

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

girldetective

Wait. Did you just ask if anyone fantasizes during sex? Jeeez. I have a whole repertoire to choose from. Like some others here I selfishly pull them out during oral fun, concentrating on my partner at the other times. This is often how it goes : When my turn rolls around I kind of lollygag around thinking about what's going on and often laughing with my partner. After a while things start to quiet down a bit, and this continues until Im thick into fantasy, and then presto! the pinkberry pops!

After leading a very quiet sexual existence, Ive learned lately that noise adds to my enjoyment. If Im lucky my partner will growl, groan, laugh, gurgle, talk, whatever. When I first made it with Tpop he talked dirty to me. Ive never had anyone do that before. He spooned me from behind and used his finger. His mouth was at my ear the whole time whispering. It surprised me, and I loved it.

Of course, we all know he was well versed.

. . . . .

As for the sex drive stuff, as you are now aware of it you may want to think a little bit, be aware, of things that arouse you as you come across them. As you begin to realize some of these turn-ons, you might explore other things that are related, kind of start to expand your thinking and your experience. Reading can be a great turn-on. Theres a classic book around by Nancy Friday (I cant remember the title, I think it has Secret or Garden, or maybe both in the title) that details her study of women's fantasies. It was groundbreaking for its time and is quite sensual.

I guess it has taken me a while to grow into myself sexually but then, Ive always been a late bloomer. Maybe thats true for you too.

__________________
As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons...be cheerful; strive for happiness - Desiderata

ring

I fantasize about sea-creatures...octopus mostly.
But I dunno if we are allowed to talk about that sorta thing here
at TFP...that might be pushing the evolutionary boundaries a tad too much.

girldetective

I wasnt sure either ring, so I didnt mention the giant squid.

Inky.

*

__________________
As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons...be cheerful; strive for happiness - Desiderata

sleepygirl

I find this topic very, very interesting. I am not one of those girls that talks to others girls about sex, except at a high level and generic. We do not typically talk about our own personal sex lives or preferences.

At any rate, I know in my 20s sex was important, wanted it daily. For the most part, it was that feeling of intimacy I desired and I did get physical enjoyment. When I entered my 30s, something changed. I became much more aware of my own preferences, felt like exploring. Where once I though porn was offense, now it interested me. I masturbated for the first time. I also bought magazines a few times just to test the waters, threw them out before anyone came across them. I began to fantasize about others and very taboo things, to reach orgasm in my long term relationship. My sex drive has steadily increased in recent years. I don't always feel comfortable with sex drive. Girls, as we are taught in Catholic school, should not feel this way.

My SO now is very open with me, I do not ever need to fantasize about anything/anyone else when I am with him. I cannot imagine have too much sex with him, though possible. I assume just about anything I can dream up, we will do if I want to. We talk fairly openly about fantasies though I assume we still have a lot of ground to cover He is aware of my sex drive, though I think it scares him and/or intimidates him a bit.

I would be interested in knowing is anyone else feels like they may be intimidating their man with their sex drive. Maybe I just have a Catholic girl complex...

girldetective

its an interesting threadjack - the whole Catholic thingy. Ive had two people, one was my ex, who mentioned at various times my Catholic upbringing and how they thought it had something to do with my sex. Its funny that I never asked them to expound on that. I assume they meant that I was rather quiet and submissive as a partner, often feeling somewhat clumsy and not too wild. Other times though it was like the bad, bad girl. Rather extreme at either end.

Last weekend, I had dinner with Houseboat and he mentioned that he is seeing a girl and casually mentioned that she was Catholic in the bedroom. I responded that I was Catholic, to which he said, "Yeah, but you apparently got over it." So, I guess one can overcome their religious upbringing.

Of course a lot of the action in the bedroom happens because of both people. I think having a fun, active partner in Tpop helped me expand my comfortable feelings. Plus, time seems to have a way of making me feel more comfortable in my body.

Just wait. It gets even better.

__________________
As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons...be cheerful; strive for happiness - Desiderata

Kaimi

KRM28152, I did not see it mentioned by you in here but I am curious. Have you ever felt an orgasm? If you have not, that may play a part in it. I would encourage you to invest some time in yourself and try masturbating. Try a vibrator or other safe toy. Try reading some erotica, watching movies, exploring other avenues of sex. Maybe you will find something that is more stimulating to yourself. Another thought would be to try some counseling, maybe there is some reason why you lack desire. A bad experience can really affect how your view.