mrachel2

ok right to the point.
my husband has been asking for me to have sex with another guy..
it is his new fantasy, new fo the past 9 years.
i allways said no but now feel likesaying yes, but i do not want to ruin our relation of 15 years,
half of me thinks "it is only sex" and realy it is only sex....
butthe other half is affraid of the moning after.
your thought
thanks
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ngdawg

It has to be something you are willing to do because you want to-not because you're pressured to do it.
As many times as not, realizing a fantasy can have disastrous results.
There are other ways to spice up a relationship.

mrachel2

i ask that question on swingers site and i get the ..do it, your reation will even be better, etc
on other forum i get the "never done it but i know it will harm you relation so dont do it.
i have allways been sexy, flirty, a bit of a tease, do i want to have sex with other guys..sure i do
i am not concern about people findig out , iknow i can hande it, in my head there is love and there is sex, that o me would be simply sex,
my fear is my husband, he thinks he can handle it but can he, will he.
rachel

ngdawg

Wanting to do it and going for it are two different things.
I don't like it when someone says you 'should' or 'shouldn't'. Obviously you are unsure about your husband self-assuredness-after 15 years, though, you should know where it stands.
You could try something of a 'test'-got any sexy photos? Or maybe one or two of the two of you? Cut and paste another man in one. Try to make it look 'real', frame it, put it on his dresser. Reason I suggest this is this: I've done just that, one with a woman pasted in, another with a man. The one with the woman was 'hot', the man, not such a good reaction. Seems the spouse would love to have another woman with me and, while his initial reaction to another man was "that's hot", it changed to "oh, shit".
And, most importantly, discuss it frankly. Why does he want this?

mrachel2

thanks for the reply
is this something you guys did once or is it still going on.
i realy think i am over thinking this
someone wrote me and said...if he wants this for his voyeuristic pleasure it is wrong, if he wants this for my pleasure it is right....
i thought about that and i dont think i fully agree with that statement.
as i said i am over thinking this....i think lol

ShaniFaye

Dave and I have never had an issue with our MFM's we had an ongoing one for quite some time. You REALLY have to make sure the two of you have good communication (AND good communication with the 3rd party) for it to work

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Sweetpea

there is allot of discussion that needs to happen before you can start playing sexually as a couple. really talk things out before you go down this path. Talk about boundaries, feelings, and speak honestly about how you and he would feel afterwards....

Also... make sure this is something you do for Yourself... not because it's a fantasy of your partner's.

I have played with my husband on several occasions in a very controlled environment (aka, we had disscussions with the gentlemen beforehand), it takes allot of discussion and open communication...
Now we have a girlfriend that we share and are committed to that, so we no longer play on the scene with men, but I find it's much easier with another woman than it is with a man... then again, I'm bi, so that makes a difference.

It takes a strong communication to get past any issues that may arise. And trust me... it's always more than just sex... even if you are not emotionally involved with the individual you are playing with... there are still emotions you will have to deal with from both yourself and your husband.

If it is something you are serious about considering... go ahead and have those really honest communications about it with your husband...and then don't open the door to the possibility until you are both ready.

But, my advice to you would be... if you have ANY doubts after discussing it at length a number of times... don't do it.

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ItWasMe

I have a quick question. Do you want it to be "only sex" with your husband?

I am not going to state what I have or have not done. But I will warn that, for some people, once you separate sex into only a physical act with no emotions, something akin to a backrub, it is hard to reverse that. You can accidentally sever a special connection you already have with someone, and it can be damn near impossible to get that back. And you give up and move on, it can take years before you can connect emotionally with anyone new, sex or no sex.

This is obviously not true with everyone. But something for you to consider.

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jewels

^ ^ ^ ^

I agree. This has been brought up by men I've had long term relationships several times. I've found that saying "maybe one day in the right situation" worked wonders. I had thoughts about doing it at times, and in frank talks he was unsure he could deal with it as well. But bringing it up and maintaining the fantasy made our sex lives a lot more exciting.

Sometimes the fantasy is better than the reality. Just the other side of the coin for you to ponder.

Laugh-O-Matic

I really think this is a risky thing to do. It requires a lot of trust, and chances are, you just might end up falling for that guy (or vice versa) and wrecking your marriage.

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loplop08

I think as long as it is a bit of fun and you have your boundaries then it should be fine

Jenna

If you're not fully for it, don't do it. You have time, just think things out fully, and who knows, maybe it will just remain a fantasy?

But damn, I wish my guy had the same fantasy!!

ritzy

you obviously have doubts about this so to be honest while theres doubts dont do it

Eowyn_Vala

very well said and something I will ponder for my own situation - but I do have to agree in this case. There was one time that my husband and I tried anything remotely like this. He kept mentioning that he wanted to try a threesome, never really with a guy or girl although I think he meant a girl. So a few years back on New Years Eve we were drunk with some friends, another couple, and started out by playing strip poker, the other gentleman left to go get more alcohol from his house and while he was gone his girlfriend, my husband, and I started having a threesome. The other gentleman returned and it turned into a foursome. My husband enjoyed this, but as soon as he was "finished" he left the room. A bit later I actually left because I just couldn't be in there without him. He seemed very flustered and bothered by the fact another guy had joined in. He never really wanted to talk about it, but since then he's never mentioned having a threesome again. At all. Looking back I can see that we should have talked about this more beforehand because I hadn't wanted to, but afterwards I would love to again and he doesn't want to. So we have agreed that it wasn't for us as a couple. Now it's just one of my fantasies I pull out when I need something extra.

Be sure, talk with him and be brutally honest if you have to. Ask him to do the same and if he's truly thought it through, you being with another man.

Good Luck!

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