taboo

what it would be like to run into an ex that you've been dying to see, that you haven't seen for the longest time? I still have very strong feelings for someone, as I know they do too, and I can't help imagining what it would be like to meet with this person again. Even from far.. just to give them a sign of life and to let them know that I still care...oh god some nights are tough... ...

whenn you know how strong a bond you have with someone, meeting them after a very long time would be just mind-blowing..i think i would cry from happiness and all the emotions that would come back.... life can be really sour sometimes..

savvypup

ok, you need to clarify Taboo. If you both have strong feelings, why are they your ex?

But yes, I think there's few people that come into our lives that truly leave a memorable mark. These people, no matter how far will always be with us. To long after someone who no longer has feelings for you is heartbreaking too.

__________________

ciao bella!

ngdawg

There are many days where I wonder how an ex is doing, if he's ok. There's at least two I would love to see again. One ex died a little over a year ago-some tears came, but nothing overpowering.
I have tried to keep contact with one-when he broke it off, he'd said we'd still be friends, but I've only spoken with him once in the past year and emails have gone unanswered.
I have always believed people come into your life when they're supposed to and regardless of where the relationship heads, short of wanting to kill them at the conclusion of that relationship, cutting them off completely leaves a void.

__________________
Don't blame me. I didn't vote for either of'em.

*Nikki*

I wonder about my ex and how he is doing as well. No more so though then I wonder about friends I lost contact with. I think it is only natural to wonder and care about people who are no longer a part of your life.

madeodreams

give him a call..don't be scared, if you think he feels something he will be glad to hear from you, don't live your life dreaming of moments like that MAKE THEM HAPPEN...if not you are giving up on your own happiness... i think we all think about our Ex's why?? i have no idea we must of not liked something about them if they hold that status...but i stepped up to the plate made the proper arrangements and realized why i kicked the loser to the curve and moved on and i must say I am much happier not thinking about him at all, i know my ex will be fine and if something bad happens to him.. news travels fast =o) (he wasn't one of the good ones) but stop imagining what ifs...create your own destiny

applesauce

If you haven't had any contact with this person for a long time, how do you know that he/she is still the same person you used to know, and that this person feels the same as you? People do change over time. For that matter, isn't it possible that you've over-romanticized your memories of this person, and that you're in love with the person you want him/her to be rather than the person he/she really is? I had an ex who I didn't see for close to a year after we broke up, and when I finally did, it was rather anticlimactic. I'd been looking forward to seeing him again, but when it happened, I really didn't feel anything. We'd just grown apart and had literally nothing left in common to talk about or do. I'm not saying that it would necessarily be that way if you saw your person, but it seems to me that it would be more likely than just picking up again like nothing had ever happened.

abaya

That's more than just missing an ex and wondering how they are doing... that sounds more like something else you haven't resolved, to be honest. Applesauce made a very good point in saying that you are still in love with the person he was at the time, and not who he might have become since then... that was certainly the case for me, when it took me 3+ years of singlehood (in my early 20s!) to get over an ex. I finally wrote a letter to the person who existed in my head, compared it to the reality, and emerged from my fog.

I think it's normal to wonder how people from your past are doing, exes included, especially if it was an intense relationship. I think about them now and then, and even stayed in touch with one of them for a while (after about 4 years of silence)... but if I met one of them in person, I would not cry or feel all those crazy emotions. I would probably smile, enjoy seeing their face again (I must have found them attractive at some point, so I doubt that would have changed), ask some curious questions about how they've been and where they're going, exchange family/life news, tell them about how lucky I am to be with my current man... but otherwise I can't imagine feeling overly emotional. Those are the feelings I reserve for my current bf only; no one else deserves that kind of heart-attention from me, especially not a ghost from the past.

Sometimes it's better to cut things off cold and never go near them again, no matter how intense it was. Maybe especially when it was a more intense thing. That's my theory, at least. We would all be wrecks if we kept opening up the Pandora's Boxes of past relationships... they end for a reason.

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

Impetuous1

Abaya you really are a wise woman. Taboo, you really confuse me. As has been mentioned before, how do you know that your "ex" still has strong feelings for you too? Are you still talking? Not that there's anything wrong with that. But IMO it sounds like you never really got closure on the breakup or took time for yourself after the breakup. Like you just left without saying anything to each other. Why is that? Living in fantasy is fun but there's always time to wakeup and take a look at what and who's around you. As has been said before, they're your ex for a reason.

taboo

exactly-- i never did get closure, although i saw it coming a mile away.
i have to keep reminding myself to LOCK Pandora's box, and serioulsy throw away the key, destroy it

shoegirl

I say there's nothing wrong with giving an ex a call to see how things are going - as long as that's all it is. I'm friends with nearly all of my exes, mostly because I know that they're all my exes for a reason and I don't have any desire to get back together with any of them. So, I see no reason why exes can't be friends if they both want to be. Just because you no longer care about someone romantically doesn't mean you can't still care about them as a good friend. But if there's a chance you still have feelings for him, probably better to just stay away from it.

Sweetpea

Well, I got in touch with my ex. after a year of separation. The circumstances under which we broke up we somewhat complicated and we still had strong feelings for each other when the breakup occurred. I wondered how he was doing, I wrote a letter and then I called. We had both changed, yes, but we'd grown as people and actually were an even better match than we had been when we had been initially dating. That was years ago that i rekindled our relationship and i'm really glad i listened to my inner voice.
We'll be celebrating our 4th wedding anniversary next month.

So yeah, sometimes it pays to get back in touch with an ex.

I say, make an effort to pick up the phone and go out for some coffee and see if anything is still there, if there is... it's good to know... if there's not... you can have some closure and move on.

sweetpea

__________________
Having a Pet Will Change Your Life!
Looking for a great pet?! Click Here!
"I am the Type of Person Who Can Get Away With A lot, Simply Because I Don't Ask Permission for the Privilege of Being Myself"

Sultana

Taboo, I have to ask if this is the married affair guy you are talking about. If so, Stay Away. Leave him alone.

If not, then I don't know why you shouldn't.

__________________
"Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath.
At night, the ice weasels come." -

Matt Groening

My goal? To fulfill my potential.

STEPHY

I guess I wonder, I am friends with most of my ex's to this day. The ones that I don't talk to I guess they couldn't handle actually being friends.

Things happen for a reason, if you are thinking about him, then call him.

If you don't take the first step,then you will never know!

daxia

yeah! stephy has a point.... be yourself! tell him what you feel and I'll do it for myself too... tnx stephy!

genuinegirly

Yes, I do imagine.

and then I come to my senses, look at the world around me, and realize that I don't want that creep here.

I keep the mental image I have of him, which I know to be severely distorted, as my dream. The perfect moments of our relationship as fond and wonderful memories.

But lingering on it - I can't. It only makes me disturbed. After all, how can someone that you love so dearly and that claims to love you too decide to forceably have sex with you...

but there we are. that's my baggage. not yours. keeping imaginings in check is a healthy thing. reminding yourself that it takes time to get over these things...

yeah, it'd be great to see them from a distance. But I know my weakness and I wouldn't want to find myself involved in that mess again. I have written, he has written. we're staying away.

__________________
"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq

"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy

Montanas Heart

Oh boy thats a toughie... The father of my daughter that I had to give up for adoption is someone that I have never ever stopped thinking about. We were trying to stay in touch. He went over seas and I got a dear Jane letter from him. He married a Korean woman, something I never forgave him for. Years later I was cruising my local phone book and discovered he was back in town, he had been stationed here again. I gave him a call to say hi whats up, and he totally freaked out. So I decided to go looking for him on the base to see what he looked like. He was not anything like my romantic fantasies had made him out to be!!! He had changed so much that I was shocked. Sometimes its better to leave the memories where they are and dont go trying to dig up the past and see where things might go. I learned a hard lesson that day. Leave things in the past thats where they belong. If you are truly meant to be together, you will find a way to be together.

Gilda

I did once run into my last ex-boyfriend, Ben, two or three years after we separated, while shopping at a bookstore. We said hello, shared what we'd been doing, he introduced me to his wife, and I told him about mine. He said that did help explain some things. His wife seemed really annoyed with us, but there could have been any number of reasons for that.

I wouldn't want to meet up with any other guy I've ever dated.

__________________
I'm against ending blackness. I believe that everyone has a right to be black, it's a choice, and I support that.

~Steven Colbert

Kaliena

That definitely happened to me...

Honestly, I can say that I was more in love with the vision/dream I had of what he once was then what he was at the end/had eventually become.

Sometimes I think those fantasies don't really hurt, it's like a dream that you can control. However, honestly, if it's just driving you mad, I would say listen to the previous advice. Either get in touch or let go.

__________________
~Beware the waffle~

goddess_otu

Wow. I totally understand where you're coming from. Your situation is IDENTICAL to how mine was - only a few weeks ago we got to talk again, and we have been since. It feels AMAZINg to have him back in my life, even if it is just as friends. He was my best friend, and he was - and still is - irreplacable.

Pip

There is this guy that I had a brief affair with years ago who I had sort of lost contact with. I was going to meet him when a bunch of old friends got together about a month ago, so before that I decided to Google a bit on him to see what he was up to these days... BIG MISTAKE. I found his profile on a "dating service" for Western men looking for Russian brides stuck in the post-Soviet economical collapse dreaming about a rich Western prince to liberate them from their dreary reality. Or something like that. Yikes. That removed any lingering feelings on my part. And I spent the best part of the meet-up intensely avoiding cracking any jokes about mail-order brides.

Get in touch with the guy and get this out of your system. You might get back together or you might lose your feelings for him completely, but either way you will know.

theycallmelisa

ive wondered about my ex from time to time, not because i miss him, but b/c Im just curious what his life is like without me i guess lol, not to sound vain, but we were such a huge part of each others lives, i wonder whats changed for him since i havent been in it, b/c i know alot has changed in mine! Ive wondered what i'd say if i ran into him, i think itd be akward.

If you have such strong feelings for your ex, and vice versa, why not try toget in touch with him?

surferlove007

I guess I have a negative outlook on my exboyfriends, everytime I think about Dylan (a guy i dated long-distance for two years) I get really angry because I realize what an idiot I was. He never had any money, I paid for so much stuff, lame presents for christmas when i spent a good deal on something he really wanted. He was always constantly thinking that he had some life-threatening disease. I don't think he ever cheated on me, but my suspisions were there when he went to New Zealand for three months. I just get really frustrated with myself for putting up with so much bs from him. I thought I had loved him for some time during the relationship, but we went through alot and it was hard. I found myself crying over him too often, men aren't worth your tears, and they shouldn't make you cry.
My boyfriend over the summer, POST-Dylan, Nate was a good guy, he was sweet to me but he such a pussy...I dunno I just can't date a guy who cries more than I do.
Hopefully your feelings aren't quite so negative toward your ex's like mine are.
If you feel really strong toward them, give a call and catch up!

hunnychile

I guess that I'm one of the lucky few who contacted my all time favorite Ex and we have managed to remain friends over many years, thankfully thru email. I would never do anything to jeopordize his marraige, nor he to mine, but in truth, we do care for each other and realize that we are lucky to have our freindship. It's extremely bitter sweet...and I wish I had lived my life differently in regard to our relationship. I went for the King of Diamonds and I know that the King of Hearts was always my best bet.

__________________
"I need compassion, understanding and chocolate." - NJB

onthedge

I have this very good friend, who at one time wanted to us to get serious. Well, it never worked out, Id turned him down but there was some chemistry between us.He left the country, so did I. Few years later, we got talking and sending texts again like the old good friends we were. I broke up with my a$$h**e BF of that time(very messy breakup) and he was the first one I turned to. He called me everyday and takle to me for hours. He told me about his gf and all. I was not looking for anything but he mentionned had he not been in a relationship, he'd have tried again with me.
We moved to a little more than friends, while on the phone and chatting on msn everyday. We were still in different countries, he'd call everyday.
His old feelings opened up and he confessed still having something for me. I was amazed and shocked but knowing he had a gf I wanted to back out. He realised his mistake and he turned cold towards me. WE fought and stopped talking. Lately he emailed me and wanted us to get back into contact. Now we still talk like the good old friends we always were!
But we both know that there could be more to it, but neither of us want anything. I have a perfect relationship with another person and so does he!

hagatha

There are no ex's that even remotely interest me. There was a man, however, that I met about 10 years ago who was the most magnetic individual I ever encountered. There was definite chemistry, like sizzling hot chemistry, but he was in a relationship at the time so there was only heavy flirting.
I'd be curious to see if we still connect after all this time, but the chances of ever seeing him again are remote and I have no interest in tracking him down.

And the funniest thing is he was the shortest man I ever met, something like 4"11 but just oozing with sex appeal. Weird eh?

__________________
Thats the last time I trust the strangest people I ever met....H. Simpson

jenlovetv

I once made a mistake of getting back together with someone after 3 years of separation.... Never again