Some of our members' more memorable quotes. (NSFW) - Page 3 - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Hard8s · 12-22-2004, 05:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by clavus

Alarmed, I reached out to catch her, to save her, to shove her silly ass in if she were to fall. My hand shot out, and in one swift motion I shoved my thumb right up my airborne dog’s butthole.

I don't know which was worse; violating my dog's butt, or the look she gave me afterwards.

Damn Ishmal beat me too it but Clavus has the funniest stories, so it just had to be repeated.

Hard8s · 12-22-2004, 05:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by clavus

The really pathetic thing about being poisoned is that both ends of your body require the use of the same space, often at the same time. And while you really really want to put your head over the toilet bowl before you hang your ass over it, it’s not always practical to do so. Eventually you realize that it’s a moot point. Your face is exactly where your ass was moments ago.

Later in the thread....

Quote:

Originally Posted by clavus

Dear God, I drank from the toilet-brush cup.

Read the whole story here

Hard8s · 12-22-2004, 09:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DJMala

Maybe it's me, but I think getting him a stint in pound-me-in-the-ass federal prison would be much more satisfying than sending him a rude e-mail.

Just found this one, figured I'd post it too.

Ishmal · 12-22-2004, 10:09 PM

LOL.

that was a good one i hadn't cn...

thanx Hard8s

Coppertop · 12-23-2004, 04:26 PM

You all know where these two are from:

Quote:

Originally Posted by clavus

I was so busy laying down my drug-induced comedy routine that I barely noticed when the doctor picked up what must have been H.R. Giger’s crochet hook and stuck it into my sack-hole.

Quote:

Originally Posted by clavus

The bad part comes days later, when you get your stitches caught in your underwear just prior to taking a pee in a public restroom, and you nearly bite your tongue off trying not to squeal while the guy at the urinal next to you pretends like he doesn’t notice you gyrating and chewing on your tongue.

Psycho Dad · 12-23-2004, 04:44 PM

From Tilted Motors

Quote:

Originally Posted by Faygo

I own a dream car. It's a fucking nightmare.

Hard8s · 12-27-2004, 07:28 PM

Quote:

doncalypso is right: some women can have anal sex without foreplay and lube. I know because I'm one of them...

I'm not gonna say who the quote was from, as I'm not sure she would want her name attached when it's posted out of the context it was given in. But it was memorable!

Hard8s · 12-29-2004, 04:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by screamincheetah

You wouldn't walk right up next to a stranger anywhere else in the world and groan as your rip one right on top of him, but for some reason it's cool in the bathroom. Little secret you Fart Game players............ NOT COOL MAN!!

Made me laugh today, as I can picture someone I know doing this!

amonkie · 01-03-2005, 10:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by < |_| |2 T | 5

Dont just jog along either, run like you stole something.

This made me laugh!

K-Wise · 01-04-2005, 03:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hard8s

I'm not gonna say who the quote was from, as I'm not sure she would want her name attached when it's posted out of the context it was given in. But it was memorable!

You don't even have to say her name. I know who she is and she rocks!

<i>OOOONDA!!! Mi onda es mi vida!</i> <--- pay that no mind.

Asta!!

God of Thunder · 01-05-2005, 10:10 AM

From the Attracted to geeks thread.

Quote:

Originally Posted by lurkette

Beauty fades, but stupid is forever.

That one just killed me.

Hard8s · 01-09-2005, 05:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bernadette

<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/1003/m0us33/tfp/dr_fly.jpg">
or just fucking talk to him ^

Just saw this one, not really a quote per se but it was damn hilarious!

spindles · 01-09-2005, 08:16 PM

I just read this, which made me laugh:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ella

(I'll try and hide the cinammon...we use it for good not evil over here..

)

K-Wise · 01-09-2005, 08:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by eyeronic

Now the key between the e and t doesn't wok.

I am going to jump off a bidge.

Heh I like this one.

Asta!!

Sargeman · 01-10-2005, 08:11 AM

To all you TFP'ers head my warning, DO NOT read this thread while at work.

You're boss WILL come by to pay you a visit, especially because it's Monday morning. Nobody is that happy on Monday!

Redlemon · 01-19-2005, 06:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by munchen

this is your dick man, don't fuck with it.

No, wait, I think he got that backwards. Isn't that the point of having a dick?

(munchen's point was "go see a doctor", if you missed that thread).

K-Wise · 01-19-2005, 01:45 PM

^ Ahahaha

Asta!!

Coppertop · 01-19-2005, 03:06 PM

I'd like to add my new signature to the rolls:

Quote:

Originally Posted by MrSelfDestruct

I'm still trying to contemplate the logistics of ripping out a testicle through the scrotum without surgical tools.

Hard8s · 01-22-2005, 05:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by clavus

Eat a can of corn and get your shit together.

Another Clavus Gem!

MSD · 03-08-2005, 06:32 AM

From a thread about his SO suffering pain in certain sex positions:

Quote:

Originally Posted by innovis

No, I'm not misstakenly putting it in her butt.

amonkie · 03-09-2005, 09:20 AM

While most of these are entertaingly funny, I've found one a little more serious that I think has earned some serious applause:

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheWalkinDude

I had no idea pouring liquid into a sink could be so hard. But the fact that I didn't want to get rid of it just reinforced that fact that I had to.

Takin that hardest first step - kudos!

amonkie · 03-15-2005, 09:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Val_1

You try and try and pull and tear and rip and .... then you find out its one with the clasp in the front.

Just classic....

skier · 03-15-2005, 11:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ARTelevision

I've wanted to say somethinbg in this thread since it began.

The problem I have is attempting to think of attraction as physical. I don't. I see a person's consciousness and that is all I am interested in.

So I was thinking of cliches like looking into a person's eyes, etc.

Then it occurred to me that a person's behavior is a physical sign.

I pay attention to behavior as a sign of consciousness.

and then right after...

Quote:

Originally Posted by wolfpack0102

a female butt!

love the contrast...

Bill O'Rights · 03-22-2005, 11:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kurty[B

Lesson to be learned - Don't give someone with no shame a megaphone and an excuse to make an ass out of himself.

I found this one deserving of immortalization.

Amnesia620 · 03-22-2005, 04:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tecoyah

And her beauty was compared to the rains on desert horizon, and the glistening dew of morning reflections. Too bad no one could remember it....and thus the name.
- tecoyah.

Some people's opinions should never been stifled.

K-Wise · 03-22-2005, 05:10 PM

^ Amen!

Asta!!

TexanAvenger · 03-22-2005, 05:37 PM

Here's one:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Psycho Dad

I would have communicated to the perky server that my tip was going to be based on how well he understood me when I said no thank you.

I'm caught between knowing it's funny and having been a waiter and hurting for tips...

00111000 · 03-22-2005, 05:51 PM

K-wise on Kirsty Alley.

Yeah I used to think she had the most sexy and exotic eyes..but I was like 10...she kinda still does though...I mean yer eyes don't get fat.

Classic.

K-Wise · 03-22-2005, 06:03 PM

^ Ya know I keep hearing that I'm funny but until now I've yet to see myself in this post lol. It's an honor haha.

Asta!!

Nancy · 03-23-2005, 03:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hard8s

I'm not gonna say who the quote was from, as I'm not sure she would want her name attached when it's posted out of the context it was given in. But it was memorable!

I don't mind at all hard8s

a memorable quote huh? Hmm I guess it's not a thing you hear a girl say every day haha

Nancy · 03-23-2005, 03:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by K-Wise

You don't even have to say her name. I know who she is and she rocks!

<i>OOOONDA!!! Mi onda es mi vida!</i> <--- pay that no mind.

Asta!!

hehe thanks!!!... and right back at 'ya C!!

K-Wise · 03-23-2005, 05:40 PM

^ No dizzoubt!

Asta!!

TexanAvenger · 03-31-2005, 02:02 PM

Mojo_PeiPei just won me with this one:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mojo_PeiPei

It's probably some phenomena likened to that of Rome's fixation with the Gladiators and such, only difference is we get Kill Bill.

K-Wise · 03-31-2005, 05:25 PM

Hmm what what the context of that one. I'm a little lost

Asta!!

TexanAvenger · 03-31-2005, 05:27 PM

http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthr...0&page=1&pp=40

Page 3

K-Wise · 03-31-2005, 05:36 PM

Ah I get it now.

Asta!!

OFKU0 · 03-31-2005, 09:03 PM

NCB in politics when the question of what happens to the Pope if he is in a vegetative state.

Quote:

Originally Posted by NCB

Thank God he's not married to a Schiavo

amonkie · 04-09-2005, 09:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bill O'Rights

Most likely to be wearing cartoon underwear, right now: The Original King

I wonder, is this true!?

ShaniFaye · 04-13-2005, 10:03 AM

this made me laugh and laugh

Quote:

Originally Posted by skinnymofo

but the fingers into the anus not only crossed the line it set it on fire and peed on it.

Tophat665 · 04-27-2005, 11:31 AM

Ran across these when looking at the old weekly activities in Tilted Artwork:

Quote:

Originally Posted by clavus

I AM the freakish experience my children have.

Quote:

Originally Posted by clavus

In space nobody can hear your banjo.

12-22-2004, 10:09 PM	#84 (permalink)
Ishmal Wicked Clown Location: House Of Horrors	LOL. that was a good one i hadn't cn... thanx Hard8s __________________ "Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular."

01-10-2005, 08:11 AM	#95 (permalink)
Sargeman Insane Location: Texas	To all you TFP'ers head my warning, DO NOT read this thread while at work. You're boss WILL come by to pay you a visit, especially because it's Monday morning. Nobody is that happy on Monday! __________________ ...because there are no facts, there is no truth, just data to be manipulated. I can get you any results you like, what's it worth to you.....

01-19-2005, 01:45 PM	#97 (permalink)
K-Wise It's All About The Ass!! Location: In a pool of mayonnaise!!	^ Ahahaha Asta!! __________________ "I love music and it's my parents fault (closing statement)." - Me..quoting myself...from when I said that...On TFP..thats here...Tilted Forum Project *It ain't goodbye, it's see ya later! I'll miss you guys!* - Asta!!

03-22-2005, 05:10 PM	#106 (permalink)
K-Wise It's All About The Ass!! Location: In a pool of mayonnaise!!	^ Amen! Asta!! __________________ "I love music and it's my parents fault (closing statement)." - Me..quoting myself...from when I said that...On TFP..thats here...Tilted Forum Project *It ain't goodbye, it's see ya later! I'll miss you guys!* - Asta!!

03-22-2005, 05:51 PM	#108 (permalink)
00111000 Psycho Location: Mostly standing in a blue semi-circle	K-wise on Kirsty Alley. Yeah I used to think she had the most sexy and exotic eyes..but I was like 10...she kinda still does though...I mean yer eyes don't get fat. Classic. __________________ - And so he says, 'I don't like the cut of your jib.' And I go I says, IT'S THE ONLY JIB I GOT, BABY! -

03-22-2005, 06:03 PM	#109 (permalink)
K-Wise It's All About The Ass!! Location: In a pool of mayonnaise!!	^ Ya know I keep hearing that I'm funny but until now I've yet to see myself in this post lol. It's an honor haha. Asta!! __________________ "I love music and it's my parents fault (closing statement)." - Me..quoting myself...from when I said that...On TFP..thats here...Tilted Forum Project *It ain't goodbye, it's see ya later! I'll miss you guys!* - Asta!!

03-23-2005, 05:40 PM	#112 (permalink)
K-Wise It's All About The Ass!! Location: In a pool of mayonnaise!!	^ No dizzoubt! Asta!! __________________ "I love music and it's my parents fault (closing statement)." - Me..quoting myself...from when I said that...On TFP..thats here...Tilted Forum Project *It ain't goodbye, it's see ya later! I'll miss you guys!* - Asta!!

03-31-2005, 05:25 PM	#114 (permalink)
K-Wise It's All About The Ass!! Location: In a pool of mayonnaise!!	Hmm what what the context of that one. I'm a little lost Asta!! __________________ "I love music and it's my parents fault (closing statement)." - Me..quoting myself...from when I said that...On TFP..thats here...Tilted Forum Project *It ain't goodbye, it's see ya later! I'll miss you guys!* - Asta!!

03-31-2005, 05:27 PM	#115 (permalink)
TexanAvenger Born-Again New Guy Location: Unfound.	http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthr...0&page=1&pp=40 Page 3

03-31-2005, 05:36 PM	#116 (permalink)
K-Wise It's All About The Ass!! Location: In a pool of mayonnaise!!	Ah I get it now. Asta!! __________________ "I love music and it's my parents fault (closing statement)." - Me..quoting myself...from when I said that...On TFP..thats here...Tilted Forum Project *It ain't goodbye, it's see ya later! I'll miss you guys!* - Asta!!