NoSoup

So, does anyone have any hilarious, ridiculous, or just downright silly stories about either going door to door or having someone come to your door?

Share them!



Perhaps this is just incredibly hilarious simply because I know the guys, but...

My roomate finally got to sleep around 6:00 am this morning, and was fairly intoxicated. In my life, I don't believe I have ever come across anyone more mild mannered, kind, and easy going - which is important, because this was totally out of character for him.

Apparently, around 8:00ish someone came to our door and continually alternated between knocking and ringing our doorbell. With our vehicles here, it was rather obvious that someone was home, and apparently this person was determined to get someone to answer.

Anyway, my roomate walks down the stairs and opens the door in his boxers. There stands a Jehovah's Witness, who promply launches into some deal about how a convention is coming up soon and blah, blah blah.... At the same time, he hands my roomate a flyer with whatever pertinent information listed on it.

My roomate stares at him in disbelief, and after a moment says

"Are you Serious?!?"

He then reached out slapped the pile of flyers from the fellow's hand, causing them to fall to the ground. He promply closed the door, and that was that.



Although I don't necessarily agree with what my roomate did, it was absolute comedic gold.

Later, when he was a bit more awake, the following statements were made by him....


"Oh, Man.... I'm gonna go to Jehovah Hell..."
*reflective pause*
"That sucks...."
*reflective pause*
"I think I'm gonna go to McDonald's"

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Gatorade Frost

I think it was my great uncle, there was a pair of Mormon missionaries who kept coming onto his property and coming up to his door, and one day apparently he opened the door with a loaded shot gun in hand. That's about the extent of humorous stories.

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Halx

I once answered the door for two Mormon missionaries completely naked. They didn't have much to say to me.

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Grasshopper Green

I try not to answer my door when I see the missionaries come around. I did kind of lead a salesman on last summer though, by listening to his whole spiel and seemed interested, and then filled out my "info" with a fake name, and after all that told him I wasn't interested. Perhaps I'm going to hell for that.

My brother's friend had a completely different take though. He'd answer the door with a beer in hand, invite them in, and (being an incredibly intelligent guy) would debate religion with them for as long as they could take it. They always left before he tired of it, and he never got the same pair of missionaries twice.

Edit: just reread...the friend wasn't intelligent because he debated against religion...just intelligent enough that he could debate anything at all. Not meant as a slur towards religious folks!

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abaya

You mean, you answered the door with *your* loaded shotgun? Awesome.

I wonder how it would work if a woman answered the door naked...

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maleficent

if it were me i'd say Praise jesus...

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The_Jazz

I once answered the door with a whetstone and my gurka knife in hand. The guy selling magazines got about 15 seconds into his speil before breaking off to ask about the knife. I told him I had just washed blood off it (true, but it was my own). He decided that the next house was a more likely sale.

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guthmund

My roommate had the ability to pass gas at will. (I know, I know....what a great gift, eh?) So, whenever the door-to-door folk came around, I usually let him handle it because passing gas at 20 is hilarious...to be honest, it's still pretty funny at 27.

He'd make a game out of the whole thing. He'd blame a passing dog, or he'd yell at us inside to 'keep it down' or he'd keep asking questions to keep the conversation going. Anything to see how long they'd stand there before making some lame excuse and run away. He kept the 'official' times on a dry erase board on the fridge.

"Sure, I'd love to hear more about Jesus and the Kingdom of Heaven..."
BRaaaapppp
"Keep it down in there, Mike....poor dog...he's got gastrointestinal problems....we think it's the dog food"
Bbbbbrruuupppp
"It's a chore, but we love 'em..anyway you were saying?"

The Mormons almost broke the 10 minute mark once, but I don't ever remember seeing them more than that one time.

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StanT

While my dog is as docile as they get, she is also 130# and gets excited when I get visitors (particularly when I encourage it). One day a carload of Jehovah Witnesses pull in the driveway. Picabo was barking her head off, with her front paws on the hood looking down at the driver. He cracked the window and asked if I could put away the dog so that we could talk about the Lord.

"NO, ... good girl"

Smooth23

A friend of mine was just telling me last night about a creep encounter she had. 2 random guys came to her door, knocked and asked if her mom was home(entertaining.. as she's 21 and a mother herself). Apparantly they were looking for somewhere to stay for the summer.. Not real entertaining, but in small town michigan unusual.

mirevolver

I actually know someone who did something similar to Mormons. She answered the door in a robe and it was two Mormon guys. They gave their speech and she said that she was actually in the middle of a religious ceremony (she's Wiccan) and asked them if they would care to witness. They agreed and she led them to a lit candle and told them to sit in front of it. Then she dropped dropped the robe from her shoulders and was completly naked.

She said they did everything they could to avert their eyes and get out of there as soon as possible.

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abaya

Awesome. Damn, that's just... inspiring. I love all these stories, and feel only a tiny bit sorry for those poor dudes going from door to door (it is a pitiful job). Guthmund really had me laughing about his roommate... BRAAPPP from the Lord!

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SirLance

My victims were Jehovah's witlesses.

Oh, and I wasn't completely naked.... I had on my shoulder holster, and my trusty S&W 686....

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frogza

My brother and I sold pest control one summer, my brother ended up with the best story ever. He knocked on this door. The guy cracked the door open and asked "What do you want?" My brother started his sales routine and the the guy interupted him and said "Your not fooling me, I'm too smart for those tricks. You're from the CIA or FBI" He then opened the door the rest of way, which is when my brother noticed the guy had a gun.

At this point my brother was rather alarmed.

The guy started into some tyrade on how he hates the government and how the government has been trying to fool him and have him killed to keep him from exposing them to the world. Each time the guy would tell about some other injustice that he'd endured at the hands of the evil government my brother would shake his head and say "I hate the government" hoping that would appease the guy.

Finally the guy stopped and just stared at my brother for a minute then said "Maybe your alright come in I have something to show you." He then waved my brother inside with his gun. What choice did my brother have but to go inside. All he could think about was trying to figure out how to get away without getting shot.

Once they got to the kitchen table the guy looked my brother in the eye and said "I'm OJ Simpson, maybe you've heard of me." Before my brother could edit himself he said "I thought OJ was black" then realizing what he had just said added "At least thats what the government says"

The guy seemed really agitated at that and started explaining that the whole OJ trial was a government cover up, that he was the real OJ Simpson. He explained that he was OJ Simpson because he lived in Oxnard and his name was Jeff Simpson. The governments code name for him was Oxnard Jeff, that's where OJ Simpson came from. Apparently the media had found out that the government was tracking an OJ Simpson so the FBI had fabricated the story about a black guy named OJ SImpson killing his wife to throw the media off the trail.

This went on for about thirty minutes. Finally the guy told my brother that since he was such a cool guy that he was going to buy the pest control service from him. He also told him that he was blackmailing the government and should be getting his first million dollar check any day and so he'd use that to pay for it.

After filling out the paperwork, my brother started to leave and the guy told him not to move and left the room. My brother froze, expecting the worse. (The guy still had his gun in hand) When the guy came back he had some posters and a playboy calender that he had ripped off the wall and gave them to my brother so he could remember him in case the government ever succeeded in killing him.

Once my brother found me, he was too freaked out to knock doors any more that day so we spent the rest of the day on the Ventura Beach peir.

Redlemon

Frogza... wow. Did your brother get a good finder's fee?

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Fremen

Now that's an enthralling tale, frogza.

Mine, not so much...

My brother and I were 7 and 8 when my father brought home a truckload of used bricks one summer and announced he was going to pave our dirt driveway.
Since most of the bricks were in a state of disrepair, and we wouldn't be able to have many whole ones, he decided we would bust them up to a more or less uniform size.
So, my brother and I spent our free time busting bricks that summer for the Keith St. Chain-gang. :-/

One bright, hot summer day, there we three were, down in the dirt using ball peen hammers, claw hammers, and sledge hammers to get the bricks to the right size, and up walk a couple of Mormon men.

I think they wanted to possibly proselytize my father and us, I don't really know, but my father, instead of getting upset about them interrupting us, he said if they wanted to talk, they'd have to grab a hammer and help out.
Let me tell you, those gents saved a lot of my brother's and I's summer vacation.
They helped reduce the pile of bricks by half that day, where it had taken us a week to do a quarter of that.
Hard workers those Mormons were.
They didn't convert my father, though they earned our respect.

===

On a different tale, I was mowing lawns one summer as a kid and went to collect my earnings from the lady.
She was a very pretty lady to my inexperienced eyes, and when she answered her door in a bikini, (the first bikini I'd seen in person, instead of t.v., mind you) I was understandibly tongue-tied.
I don't remember collecting the money. I 'woke' up walking down the sidewalk with the cash clutched in my hands and had to go back for my lawnmower.

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frogza

No he didn't. Surprisingly the government never sent OJ his million dollars.

Toaster126

Wow, frogza, I hope he turned that dude into the police.

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Hard8s

A buddy of mine in high school, used to have the Mormon's, Jehovah's witness, and a couple other religious types come down his block about once a week. he got a little tired of telling them to go away, so he went and got a shirt made that read "I hate organized religions". The next time a group was coming down the street, he put the shirt on, took his pants off (just his undies), put on Motley Crue's Shout at the Devil, blasted it on the stereo, and waited for the knock on the door. When he answered the door with no pants on, the music blasting "Shout, Shout, Shout at the devil", and the t-shirt, they just looked at him, looked at each other, turned around and left. He said it was priceless. And they never came back...

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Sticky

Don't feel so bad, sometime they get compensated for the number of pitches they do even without making the sale.

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Bill O'Rights

One time, when I was delivering pizzas, I delivered one to a lady who answered the door wearing nothing but her robe. She told me that her husband had all the money, and that she couldn't pay for the pizza. She then dropped her robe to the floor and asked me if what she had there would be enough to cover it.


Wait...oh man...that was just a porno that I was watching last night.

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