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frogza · 05-26-2006, 07:28 AM

My brother and I sold pest control one summer, my brother ended up with the best story ever. He knocked on this door. The guy cracked the door open and asked "What do you want?" My brother started his sales routine and the the guy interupted him and said "Your not fooling me, I'm too smart for those tricks. You're from the CIA or FBI" He then opened the door the rest of way, which is when my brother noticed the guy had a gun.

At this point my brother was rather alarmed.

The guy started into some tyrade on how he hates the government and how the government has been trying to fool him and have him killed to keep him from exposing them to the world. Each time the guy would tell about some other injustice that he'd endured at the hands of the evil government my brother would shake his head and say "I hate the government" hoping that would appease the guy.

Finally the guy stopped and just stared at my brother for a minute then said "Maybe your alright come in I have something to show you." He then waved my brother inside with his gun. What choice did my brother have but to go inside. All he could think about was trying to figure out how to get away without getting shot.

Once they got to the kitchen table the guy looked my brother in the eye and said "I'm OJ Simpson, maybe you've heard of me." Before my brother could edit himself he said "I thought OJ was black" then realizing what he had just said added "At least thats what the government says"

The guy seemed really agitated at that and started explaining that the whole OJ trial was a government cover up, that he was the real OJ Simpson. He explained that he was OJ Simpson because he lived in Oxnard and his name was Jeff Simpson. The governments code name for him was Oxnard Jeff, that's where OJ Simpson came from. Apparently the media had found out that the government was tracking an OJ Simpson so the FBI had fabricated the story about a black guy named OJ SImpson killing his wife to throw the media off the trail.

This went on for about thirty minutes. Finally the guy told my brother that since he was such a cool guy that he was going to buy the pest control service from him. He also told him that he was blackmailing the government and should be getting his first million dollar check any day and so he'd use that to pay for it.

After filling out the paperwork, my brother started to leave and the guy told him not to move and left the room. My brother froze, expecting the worse. (The guy still had his gun in hand) When the guy came back he had some posters and a playboy calender that he had ripped off the wall and gave them to my brother so he could remember him in case the government ever succeeded in killing him.

Once my brother found me, he was too freaked out to knock doors any more that day so we spent the rest of the day on the Ventura Beach peir.

05-26-2006, 07:28 AM	#14 (permalink)
frogza Registered User Location: Right Here	My brother and I sold pest control one summer, my brother ended up with the best story ever. He knocked on this door. The guy cracked the door open and asked "What do you want?" My brother started his sales routine and the the guy interupted him and said "Your not fooling me, I'm too smart for those tricks. You're from the CIA or FBI" He then opened the door the rest of way, which is when my brother noticed the guy had a gun. At this point my brother was rather alarmed. The guy started into some tyrade on how he hates the government and how the government has been trying to fool him and have him killed to keep him from exposing them to the world. Each time the guy would tell about some other injustice that he'd endured at the hands of the evil government my brother would shake his head and say "I hate the government" hoping that would appease the guy. Finally the guy stopped and just stared at my brother for a minute then said "Maybe your alright come in I have something to show you." He then waved my brother inside with his gun. What choice did my brother have but to go inside. All he could think about was trying to figure out how to get away without getting shot. Once they got to the kitchen table the guy looked my brother in the eye and said "I'm OJ Simpson, maybe you've heard of me." Before my brother could edit himself he said "I thought OJ was black" then realizing what he had just said added "At least thats what the government says" The guy seemed really agitated at that and started explaining that the whole OJ trial was a government cover up, that he was the real OJ Simpson. He explained that he was OJ Simpson because he lived in Oxnard and his name was Jeff Simpson. The governments code name for him was Oxnard Jeff, that's where OJ Simpson came from. Apparently the media had found out that the government was tracking an OJ Simpson so the FBI had fabricated the story about a black guy named OJ SImpson killing his wife to throw the media off the trail. This went on for about thirty minutes. Finally the guy told my brother that since he was such a cool guy that he was going to buy the pest control service from him. He also told him that he was blackmailing the government and should be getting his first million dollar check any day and so he'd use that to pay for it. After filling out the paperwork, my brother started to leave and the guy told him not to move and left the room. My brother froze, expecting the worse. (The guy still had his gun in hand) When the guy came back he had some posters and a playboy calender that he had ripped off the wall and gave them to my brother so he could remember him in case the government ever succeeded in killing him. Once my brother found me, he was too freaked out to knock doors any more that day so we spent the rest of the day on the Ventura Beach peir.