Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community  

Go Back   Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community > The Academy > Tilted Sexuality


 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 10-25-2005, 04:14 PM   #1 (permalink)
Crazy
 
Kind of confused on this one..

So I started dating this woman a little over a month ago (I’ll call her MD), we hit it off very nicely right from the beginning. I’m already done with school, got my bachelor’s degree and write software for a living, she is working on her PHD. Our backgrounds are very similar, etc.

Date one, I went in for a kiss and she shied away playfully. On date two I called her out on playing hard to get and she ended up reaching across the table and kissing me first. We go out on a few more dates and she tells me her mother told her to tell guys she is dating that “she has a way of getting men to fall in love with her and then pushing them away”.

Me, being the idiot guy that I am decided that it was a good idea to try and play the jealously card against her. She told me she was dating people, but I was the only one she is kissing, so I told her about my dates, but probably went too far with the details.

We ended up going to the beach last weekend and had a blast. Made out in the water every time we went swimming.. I told her I wanted to take her out Friday on the drive back home, and was thinking all week that I had this one in the bag.

Fast forward to Friday. We played phone tag a couple of times until Friday morning and we talk for a little while, then she comes out with the “I need to tell you something” bit. “I have a really good time with you, but I’m kind of in love with another guy”.

At this point I’m totally caught off guard. But I played It cool “Look man, we are dating, this is part of dating, explore your feelings and do what makes you happy”. I agreed to still go out to dinner with her Friday night.

We meet up at her favorite little Mexican place in town and talk for a while. I made it perfectly clear when we started going out that I didn’t like being lied to at all. She tells me that the guy she is in love with is her best friend in school; they have never done anything, but have talked extensively about what it would be like for them to be together. Then she tells me that she has the hot’s for me, but loves him. Sex is important to her, and I’m one of the best kissers she has ever had (we still haven’t had sex). I made it perfectly clear that I really like her (I won’t bore you with the details).and we end up making out in the parking lot and called it a night.

I called her Sunday to hang out but she had some sort of plans with her girlfriends. I haven’t called her or AIM’ed her so I don’t look desperate. Anyone want to try to help me understand what’s going through her head? Do I have relationship potential or does it sound like she just wants me for sex?
__________________
I ain't often right but I've never been wrong
It seldom turns out the way it does in the song
Once in a while you get shown the light
In the strangest of places if you look at it right
gh0ti is offline  
Old 10-25-2005, 04:28 PM   #2 (permalink)
Falling Angel
 
Sultana's Avatar
 
Location: L.A. L.A. land
Huh. If she's *in love* with another guy, why is she dating around?!? Convenience?

I think she should have told you this before it got physical. To be honest, I don't think she should be dating others if she's (and again I use asterics (sp??)) *in love* w/someone?

I'd be very wary.
__________________
"Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath.
At night, the ice weasels come." -

Matt Groening


My goal? To fulfill my potential.
Sultana is offline  
Old 10-25-2005, 04:34 PM   #3 (permalink)
Banned
 
If she's in love with one guy, but still makes out with you... I don't know how much "relationship" potential she has, period. I mean, if a girl and I were admittedly in love, and then she said she was making out with some other guy, she would lose about a thousand trust points. I'd feel cheated on.
analog is offline  
Old 10-25-2005, 04:43 PM   #4 (permalink)
Insane
 
Location: Chicago
You may as well give up on this one. She's flaking and would probably do it again. You have only known her for a short time and will surely have no problem finding another girl to date (you said you were dating multiple?).
joemc91 is offline  
Old 10-25-2005, 04:45 PM   #5 (permalink)
Cosmically Curious
 
onodrim's Avatar
 
Location: Chicago, IL
Yeah, I'd stay away from this one. If she really is in love with this other guy she shouldn't be looking for physical love outside that relationship, and how happy can you honestly be knowing that she's not emotionally invested in *your* relationship? I'd say she's just using you for sex, and isn't emotionally stable enough to hold down a commited relationship, not the kind of person you necessarily want to start one with.
__________________
"The world is so exquisite with so much love and moral depth, that there is no reason to deceive ourselves with pretty stories for which there’s little good evidence. Far better it seems to me, in our vulnerability, is to look death in the eye and to be grateful every day for the brief but magnificent opportunity that life provides"
-Carl Sagan
onodrim is offline  
Old 10-25-2005, 05:09 PM   #6 (permalink)
Insane
 
Location: Rainy Washington
This chick sounds like a wack-job. Do what you like... I sure as hell wouldn't have anything more to do w/ her though.
tec-9-7 is offline  
Old 10-25-2005, 05:19 PM   #7 (permalink)
Insane
 
Dragonknight's Avatar
 
Location: Hawaii
She says that she loves him, but did she say he loves her? I think she's hung up on this guy way too much to be anything near GF material. You have a chance of winning her if you really want, but its a risk you take. I would recommend seeing why they've been talking about getting together, but have never actually gotten together. That is if you intend to pursue her.
Dragonknight is offline  
Old 10-25-2005, 05:31 PM   #8 (permalink)
Upright
 
NEXT.


Also, keep AIM out of any relationship.

/my opinion
embo is offline  
Old 10-25-2005, 05:37 PM   #9 (permalink)
Crazy
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dragonknight
She says that she loves him, but did she say he loves her? I think she's hung up on this guy way too much to be anything near GF material. You have a chance of winning her if you really want, but its a risk you take. I would recommend seeing why they've been talking about getting together, but have never actually gotten together. That is if you intend to pursue her.
They are afraid of getting together because they are both in the same PHD program and do everything in a group together. It could get messy if they got together and then figured out it wasn’t going to work out.

so yeah MD (-5) :-)

Used for sex? I think I can deal with that...

It's just different switching from wanting her as a girlfriend mode to friends with benefits mode.
__________________
I ain't often right but I've never been wrong
It seldom turns out the way it does in the song
Once in a while you get shown the light
In the strangest of places if you look at it right
gh0ti is offline  
Old 10-25-2005, 05:42 PM   #10 (permalink)
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
 
*Nikki*'s Avatar
 
Location: Charleston, SC
She's playing a game with you. I wouldn't play back.
*Nikki* is offline  
Old 10-25-2005, 05:54 PM   #11 (permalink)
Kick Ass Kunoichi
 
snowy's Avatar
 
Location: Oregon
Quote:
Originally Posted by *Nikki*
She's playing a game with you. I wouldn't play back.
Neither would I. Just walk away, bro. Find yourself a new play partner--one who will be completely honest with you and with herself, because it sure as hell sounds as if she's deluding herself.
__________________
If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau
snowy is offline  
Old 10-25-2005, 05:54 PM   #12 (permalink)
Crazy
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by *Nikki*
She's playing a game with you. I wouldn't play back.
So what? just ignore her and let her come to me?
__________________
I ain't often right but I've never been wrong
It seldom turns out the way it does in the song
Once in a while you get shown the light
In the strangest of places if you look at it right
gh0ti is offline  
Old 10-25-2005, 05:59 PM   #13 (permalink)
Condensing fact from the vapor of nuance.
 
Anxst's Avatar
 
Location: Madison, WI
Quote:
Originally Posted by tec-9-7
This chick sounds like a wack-job. Do what you like... I sure as hell wouldn't have anything more to do w/ her though.
She doesn't sound like a whack job to me. She sounds like a woman who has no clue where the hell she's going or how she wants to get there.

If you're looking for some kind of steady relationship right now, it sounds to me like she's not the girl for you. She's not ready for that at this point in time.

Move along with your datng, keep in touch with her if you like. She'll either figure out what she's doing, and come back to you at some point in time, or head off elsewhere.

Just my take on the situation.
__________________
Don't mind me. I'm just releasing the insanity pressure from my headvalves.
Anxst is offline  
Old 10-25-2005, 06:06 PM   #14 (permalink)
Crazy
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Anxst
She doesn't sound like a whack job to me. She sounds like a woman who has no clue where the hell she's going or how she wants to get there.

If you're looking for some kind of steady relationship right now, it sounds to me like she's not the girl for you. She's not ready for that at this point in time.

Move along with your datng, keep in touch with her if you like. She'll either figure out what she's doing, and come back to you at some point in time, or head off elsewhere.

Just my take on the situation.

See, I called her out on this at dinner Friday.. "You don't know what the F' you want do you?" and she just laughed about it saying no.

It's funny, I'm not looking for a serious relationship, but at the sametime I am. I think I'm almost in the same boat she's in, I dont know what I want. I'm the happiest I've probably ever been right now, but at the same time, I miss having someone around all the time.
__________________
I ain't often right but I've never been wrong
It seldom turns out the way it does in the song
Once in a while you get shown the light
In the strangest of places if you look at it right
gh0ti is offline  
Old 10-25-2005, 06:30 PM   #15 (permalink)
Condensing fact from the vapor of nuance.
 
Anxst's Avatar
 
Location: Madison, WI
Quote:
Originally Posted by gh0ti
See, I called her out on this at dinner Friday.. "You don't know what the F' you want do you?" and she just laughed about it saying no.

It's funny, I'm not looking for a serious relationship, but at the sametime I am. I think I'm almost in the same boat she's in, I dont know what I want. I'm the happiest I've probably ever been right now, but at the same time, I miss having someone around all the time.
In that case, as long as you both know you're just 'screwing around' on the relationship front, this might be okay for you for a while. Depends on what you want to get out of it, as well as what she wants to get out of it. As long as neither of you is deluding each other or yourself, you should be fine.

However, figuring out if she is deluding herself is tough at this relationship stage. That's why this kind of thing can often go bad.

Overall, as you're aware, it's your call. Just stop and think about what you want, as well as what you might be stepping into. Make an informed (or as informed as you can get) decision, and you can't really go wrong. The relationship may, but remember that you haven't.

Good luck, with whatever choices you make!
__________________
Don't mind me. I'm just releasing the insanity pressure from my headvalves.
Anxst is offline  
Old 10-25-2005, 07:43 PM   #16 (permalink)
Insane
 
fightnight's Avatar
 
Location: The lovely Northeast
Sounds to me like she thinks she "loves" this guy she's friends with, but they're not a couple, is this true???

If this is the case and she still wants to hook up with you (and you're not looking for anything serious for sure), maybe hook-up and see what happens. Maybe she'll wind up realizing this "friend" is truly just a friend and she really wants you. Worth a shot.

Then again I could be completely misreading you.
fightnight is offline  
Old 10-26-2005, 01:53 AM   #17 (permalink)
Tilted
 
Location: where polar bears walk the streets
Just chiming off what fightnight said...
I dont see her telling you about this other guy as a sign of her toying with you, but that she's being honest with you and herself about her feelings. If you ask me, thats worthy of respect, cause if she was really the girl some of the other posters make her out to (maybe) be, she would have tried to hide it.

EVERYONE gets confused feelings with romance at some points in their lives, and its true that she'll have to make up her mind how she wants it before you two can make something real of this (will come a time when you should demand it, actually). Sounds to me like she indeed has feelings for her guyfriend, but obviously something is missing, causing her to keep looking. If you happen to provide her with the full package, and she does the same for you, then damn thats great. She can still love him as a friend, right.

I agree you should watch you step, as always, but dont pass up a potential chance of a great thing cause she's confused. If you help provide her clarity, then bravo.
nightstuff is offline  
Old 10-26-2005, 03:02 AM   #18 (permalink)
Upright
 
Location: Madison, WI
If you're dating this girl and the guy she's in love with is her best friend, at some point you might meet him. If that's the case seeing them together might clear things up a bit. Just my 2 cents.
__________________
I was covered in blood, but it wasn't mine, so it was okay. - Anita Blake
Shadefire is offline  
Old 10-26-2005, 09:35 AM   #19 (permalink)
lascivious
 
Mantus's Avatar
 
Oh for god sakes people. gh0ti, sleep with her. Have fun with her. Girls always say they like nice guys, and she has her nice guy but he doesnt sound like a threat to your relationship. Keep having fun, eventually the other guy will make a move (or wont) and this girl of yours will realize what kind of a looser he is compared to you and he will be banished to the "just friends category".

Never play deffencive, go on the offence. Instead of wasting your energy trying to "eliminate" this threat you should be using it to solidify your bond with this girl. And if she fucks it up, well atleast you had fun and you can move on.

That's my opinion.
Mantus is offline  
Old 10-26-2005, 11:13 AM   #20 (permalink)
Crazy
 
Thanks for everyone's comments on this one.. I'm going to probably just take the have fun route and see where things lead. It's a bit different for me to try to keep my emotions in check, so it’s a learning experience.

I tend to get overly excited about relationships and forget that its all about having a good time and being happy.
__________________
I ain't often right but I've never been wrong
It seldom turns out the way it does in the song
Once in a while you get shown the light
In the strangest of places if you look at it right
gh0ti is offline  
Old 10-26-2005, 11:17 AM   #21 (permalink)
beauty in the breakdown
 
Location: Chapel Hill, NC
Quote:
Originally Posted by gh0ti
Thanks for everyone's comments on this one.. I'm going to probably just take the have fun route and see where things lead. It's a bit different for me to try to keep my emotions in check, so it’s a learning experience.

I tend to get overly excited about relationships and forget that its all about having a good time and being happy.
Yeah. If you want to get involved for a bit of fun, thats well and good Just try to keep your emotional distance, like everyone else said, she doesn't sound like relationship material, and if you approach it as such, you're likely to get burned.
__________________
"Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws."
--Plato
sailor is offline  
 

Tags
confused, kind

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 06:37 AM.

Tilted Forum Project

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2
© 2002-2012 Tilted Forum Project

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282 283 284 285 286 287 288 289 290 291 292 293 294 295 296 297 298 299 300 301 302 303 304 305 306 307 308 309 310 311 312 313 314 315 316 317 318 319 320 321 322 323 324 325 326 327 328 329 330 331 332 333 334 335 336 337 338 339 340 341 342 343 344 345 346 347 348 349 350 351 352 353 354 355 356 357 358 359 360