HoneyPot

Okay so heres the deal. I met an extremely intelligent/gentlemen kind of guy this weekend. Unfortunately it was at a bar. We actually first met last weekend, but I didn't think he would remember since he was kind of intoxicated. He was out with his cousin last weekend, after a family get together. Anyway, I saw him this weekend and I was walking by and said hello. I really didn't think he would remember me. I ended up chatting it up with him, he bought me a drink. It was quite fun. Then I ended up going to another bar, without him, with some other friends of mine. He showed up there about 20 minutes later. I did tell him I was going there before I left the place where he was at.
ANYWAYS, we ended up hooking up and having a great time. It was his birthday, so he was having a grand ol time! haha I ended up taking him home and well we kind of fooled around... Not sex, just play, ya know?
Then he asked me if I WANTED HIS NUMBER? Whats that all about? I gave him my phone number and haven't heard from him since.
Whats the deal, should I have taken his number? Or am I thinking too much about the whole situation? Its been a couple of days and he hasn't called. I don't think he will. I really wish he would because he does seem genuinely nice.... HMMMMM HEEEELLLLLPPPP MEEEEE!!! I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO OR TO THINK????!!!!

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Mephex

If he gave you his number, call him. Else, consider it a loss ?

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Cynthetiq

so you aren't calling him because why? oh because you didn't take his number. that was dumb...

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Martian

I'd say it's possible that if you didn't take his number he may think you're not interested. It's not impossible that he'll call back but it's not exactly likely just now either. Expect the worst and hope for the best; if he doesn't call, write it off and take the next guy's number if he offers it.

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HoneyPot

The thing is that I don't take guys numbers. He offered his number first. I have this huge problem with calling guys. I don't think a girl should have to call or to say the least make the first move. If a guy really likes a girl, he will get in touch with her. Thats what I'm hoping for. Or if I see him this weekend, hopefully things will change. I messed up, I think. I don't know.

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Siege

I don't see why girls can't make the call. If a girl really likes a guy, why can't she call him?

You didn't, look what happened.

Not to sound harsh or anything, but it's the truth

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aberkok

Honeypot you have to get over the idea that you shouldn't call. I can't be sure, but I suspect that by offering his number, he was giving you the oppurtunity to make the next move (an unusual move in our macho society). I don't think there was more behind it than that.

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Sweetpea

hmmmmm... well, live and learn

The only reason i'm married to my amazing husband is because i Called him first And persued him... he's the quieter type and a gentle sweetheart... and typically, those are the guys who are a little more shy and require a little chasing

The guys who are worth it... will require a little gumption and a phone call

If you see him again, march right up to him and ASK him for his phone number

Sweetpea

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Uncle Pony

You went home with him and didn't give him the sex. He figured you weren't interested after he showed interest. He offered you his number so you'd call if you were interested. You refused. You didn't want sex and you didn't want his number, so why would he believe you're actually interested? He's not going to call you.

Or, he's in another relationship already and just wanted some strange this weekend. He's still not going to call because you've already demonstrated that you won't put out. He'll move on.

Or, he's one of those guys who thinks he has to wait a few days to call you for whatever reason.

Those are the three scenarios that come to my mind. My opinion is the first, possibly the third, probably not the second. Good luck.

skier

lol uncle pony those were exactly the reasons I was thinking.

This happened to me actually, before I realized how it all works. Still was insecure and didn't know that girls will "save themselves" for later when they meet a guy they want to date as not to seem "slutty". Absolutely ridiculous and twisted in my opinion, but I guess that's just the way the world spins.

Thought process in my head went sorta like this:

Met a really great girl at school, while studying for a test. Saw her again at a bar that weekend, and hit it off with her. Spent a lot of time together, and there was chemistry between us. She invited me back to her house- there's only one reason for that. Except we only played around... what's wrong with me? She just wanted to fool around, then send me on my way. I guess i'm not the kind of guy she really wants, and i'd rather not have the akward "friends" speech on the phone. *crumple number, throw in trash*

Anyways maybe this crummy story might give ya some insight. Or not, it's pretty difficult to get the jist of a situation from a message on a forum.

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analog

It's sunday night/monday morning, and you said this happened "this weekend"? So you've waited a day? Two? Have some patience. lol

mandy

so, in response to uncle pony and skier...do girls have to "put out" to let the guy know she's interested?...I DONT THINK SO!!!i believe some guys are really and truely 'NOT LIKE THAT" for my sake i hope, because for some strange reason, i believe in the male species.all they need is some guidance.so honey pot, if you do happen to see him this weekend, i hope you ask him why it is he didnt call you, and if he is as decent as you say he is, well then, he is bound to tell you.

also...next time...take the number:-)

Hanabal

i do have to question whats up with throwing away the number just cause you didnt get any. But this is not the focus of this thread, I was just surprised by that idea.

But it shows what some guys can be like I guess. But then it also shows that if he doesn't call, then maybe he was expecting too much and if he was pissed enough not to call just because he didn't get lucky then hes not worth it. But I think he'll call. the whole wait 3 days BS I never understood and I just do what I fell like, but he might follow the 3 day rule, so just hold out

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tecoyah

Towards the end of my "Dating" days....I didnt call women first anymore, mostly because I found through experience it wasnt productive in the long run. I would give out My number to those I actually wanted to see again and see if they called. I suppose it was a way to check interest , and at the same time see if she had it in her to be proactive (a trait I required). It worked....and I found I wasted much less energy on pointless sex, in favor of actual relationships. Good Luck.

Bill O'Rights

Beat me to it.
Of course...I was in bed when this response was written.

Seriously...give it a little while. See what happens.
However, I'm going to add my voice to those chiming in about not being bashfull over calling the guy. Were it me...I'd have been extremely flattered. Plus, I'm a little on the shy side...so...

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Cynthetiq

understand then you are in the position you are in now because of your" I don't take guys numbers" issue.

so when you are with coworkers and a male coworker offers you a ride to work or to an activitiy you don't take his number when offered? or do you be a hypocrite and say "yes of course I do."?

get over it.. it's the 21st century not the victorian era where women had to wait for gentlemen callers to come to the door.

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balinksi

You said you fooled around, how far did you go? Did you tease him?

pig

Well, I'd have to ask if you got the feeling that he was really into you, and/or if you think he may have gotten the impression that you were more into him than you?

***********************************************************

Communication breakdown,
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edit ps. Is there a reason that the "blow" in your thread title is in quotations, because it strikes me that you might have been in a better "position" to tell us that

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skier

The problem that I see here is not that she didn't "put out", but that she led him to believe that she would. If she really didn't want to engage in sexual activity with him so early in the relationship she would not have taken him back to her house with considerable sexual tension between them after spending time together at the bar.

What I find annoying is that she's attempting to control the speed of the relationships she wants by placing boundaries on subjective sexual liberties of which the other partner has no foreknowledge. She's using the sexual power she has in an attempt to control the other partner. I think Honeypot has to make a conscious decision to set physical and mental boundaries that are clear to both herself and the guys she meets, as soon as she meets them. If she doesn't want to have sex with a guy she just met, she shouldn't take them to her house and tease them for a few hours. If the guy in question doesn't want to see her again if he's not getting sex immediately; he's not the right guy for her.

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Jackebear

Well, I have given my number to a number of ladies and my only 2 long term relationships, including my present SO, were the only 2 that called me back.

I am confident, secure but don't feel like the "player", society expects me to play. Flirt, tease, hit on some woman and try to get a number. After a few fake numbers and women who gave a number just for fun but were already in a relationship, I decided to give my number first. Now, if I like someone, I give them my number and if they call, WOW, a huge first step has already been hurdled. I now know they liked me enough to call, AND they are confident in themselves to call, which is a huge turn-on.

Next time this happens, as your obviously not going to do it this time, if you like the guy and you get his number, take a chance, let your confidence flow and give him a call. You might be pleasantly surprised.

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martinguerre

In which case, this stratagem may have successfully weeded out a bad prospect. If you really value a man who assigns himself the responsbility to initiate communication, you didn't want to be with this gentleman, even if he did fufill other criteria you may have for a partner.

Or, you might realize that who calls first is a bit of a game, and that it's unimportant in comparison with said other criteria for selection of a partner. Up to you...

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Powderedmaggot

He's probably playing the wait a few days game cause that's what his internet friends told him to do. Chances are if you fooled around but he didn't get into your pants he will call you back to try to close the deal.

Uncle Pony

Not all the time. Not even most of the time. But, if you take a guy home from a bar and fool around with him he's expecting to get laid. It's really that simple.

maleficent

and if she doesnt put out... then you never call her again?


Fascinating...

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Bob Biter

Not if all the guy wanted was to get laid and move on. While I disagree with HoneyPot's modus operandi (which is old-fashioned), she might just have avoided an undesired one-night-stand. If the guy only wanted some tail and didn't get it, why would he waste further time? The thrill of the hunt? That's overrated, folks.

Of course, he MIGHT have thought that he didn't completely grasp HoneyPot's goal in taking him home with her. They had a good time, they fooled around, and that's it. No sex.

/me opens window into guy's potential train of thought/

"What gives? Does she want to take her time? Is she really interested in me on a more than physical level? How could I find out if she's REALLY interested, without directly asking her, because I'm shy/stupid/not experienced enough? I know! I'll offer her my number, and if she accepts it and calls, then I'll know she really wants to get to know me. What's this? She refused my number, but gave me hers? Why? Well, she must trust me to some extent, since she's leaving herself vulnerable to trouble if I turn out to be a psycho-obsessive-compulsive that would constantly call her up until she changed her number. However, now I have to take the first step ALL OVER AGAIN, after I CLEARLY SHOWED INTEREST BY GOING TO THE BAR SHE WENT TO AFTER SHE TOLD ME SHE WAS GOING TO BE THERE and then TAKING HER HOME WHEN SHE OFFERED and FOOLING AROUND WITH HER. She must really not like taking any kind of initiative, which is weird after the good time we had. Gee! This is complicated! Maybe I'm better off with someone who's more pro-active."

/window closes/

Next time, HoneyPot, have some more courage.

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Sugarmouse

i agree the guy should call the girl..if he isnt decisive and confident enough to be the one to call me, i am not interested in a guy who will wait for me to call him.......

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pig

Oh, but if one got under your skin I bet it would drive you nuts...

I kind of like a little give and take. I'll call if I get to it first / have something to do...but I don't see why that should prevent the fila from calling me...then again, I like a give and take relationship as well, so it's nice if it's built in from the start. For me it's fairly situational.

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HoneyPot

So I screwed up I'm being told.... What do I do now? Do I ask him why he didn't call or do I just flat out ask him his number, because for some odd reason, I really would like to see this guy again. I don't really met 'good' guys in the bar, but hes a sweetheart and I think he thinks I'm not interested.... HELP ME!!!

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Cynthetiq

next time you see him... ask him for his number...

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maleficent

exactly - ask for his number... if you see something you want - you have to go after it - it's not always going to come to you...

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Uncle Pony

Correct.

MSD

Let's see. She met up with him after not having seen him, bar hopped, then took him home. Nobody says she has to put out, but that's sending some serious mixed signals. There's nothing wrong with it, but it certainly is confusing, and even more so when drunk. Perhaps our "species" wouldn't "need" your "guidance" if your half of the human race didn't seem so intent on fucking with our heads during every waking hour of your lives.

Also, you need to stop hodling onto archaic traditions and let him know you're interested. He's probably assuming you're not interested after a drunken, confusing blur of a night.

joemc91

That makes sense, but he offered her HIS number, and she turned it down. That definitely signals that she's not interested. Also, if we're the only ones doing the calling, we feel like you're not interested either. If you're interested in a guy, call him!

monkeysugar

If I were to have a "fun night" with someone as you so described and at the end of that night my female company expressed her disinterest in receiving my phone number, I would most likely take it as a signal that she was not interested in pursuing things past the events that had recently transpired.

Why would a guy give out a phone number instead of asking for yours? I can't speak for all males, but personally:
1. To see if you're interested enough to take it. If you're interested enough to take it and give yours in return, that says a bit to me. If I give my number to you, the ball is in your court. If you give me yours, the ball is in my court. If we exchange numbers, we're on equal ground and if neither of us end up calling, we're both "at fault."
2. I lose things. I'm a guy, and at the end of the day, my wallet is filled with notes, receipts, and random items of questionable origin. These are sorted out, and occasionally things get thrown away that shouldn't be, such as a phone number. If I've got yours and you've got mine, the chances of one of us getting a call from the other are a lot higher than if only one of us has a number.
3. I don't play games, and I don't put up with games. If I'm interested, I'll call. I will also assume that if you are interested, you will call as well. None of that "you've got to wait for x amount of days, you've got to wait for him/her to call first" bullshit. If I offer my number and you don't want it, but offer me yours instead, I'd be inclined to believe that you are the type to play games and "test" me to see if I call in the right time period, and frankly that sort of thing irritates the holy hell out of me.

So now what? It's been said multiple times, but the next time you see him, ask for his number.

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mandy

exactly my point.sure i agree that she shouldnt have led him on the way you guys say but

im with mal on this one...Facinating...

mandy

it's not a matter of "fucking" with your heads, its a matter of trying to make you understand what we need. we dont want to control you.on the contrary we want to work together...or at least thats how i feel.

im saying you guys are right to tell her that she shouldnt have led him on especially when they were drunk coz of the confusion it caused and she should have know better but also, its not right for her to be treated the way she was just because she didnt wnat to "Put Out"

MooseMan3000

Haven't you been listening?

The guy is not specifically AVOIDING her because she didn't put out. What every single guy who has posted in this thread seems to understand, and what most of the women who've posted seem not to understand, is this:

The signals HoneyPot were giving led him to believe he was getting sex. She may not have meant that, but that's what happened. When he got there, and he didn't get any, he felt a little let down. When he then OFFERED his number to her, and she REFUSED it, he felt downright rejected.

HE STILL LIKED HER. HE WAS GIVING HER A CHANCE TO SHOW HIM THE SAME THING. HE ISN'T AVOIDING HER BECAUSE SHE DIDN'T "PUT OUT." HE FEELS REJECTED, AND HE THINKS THAT SHE DOESN'T WANT TO SEE HIM. GOD.

We have emotions, too, contrary to popular female belief.

Redlemon

What Moose said.

Right now, he won't call you, because all the signs are that you don't want to hear from him again, and he has better things to do with his time than be rejected.

So, next time you see him, you have to somehow make a joke out of not getting his number. Get his number, immediately walk out of the bar (or at least out of his sight), and call him to ask for a date.

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pig

Well, on the other hand bringing some dude home from the bar isn't exactly straight up rejection. I'm assuming they were swapping slobber and etc...if I were in that situation, I'd think the chick either got cold feet, or had some hangups about throwing down on the first night we met after getting drunk...even if it had the bad timing of being on my birthday, when every guy would like a chick to be so overwhelmed by his awesomeness that they were begging to get naked with him. I agree he probably felt a little rejected, but I wouldn't be surprised if he called back. Depends on what the rest of his sex life is like.

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777

Now if this was a person that you've known for ages, you felt like you were soulmates, and suddenly disapeared and hasn't called in a while, then I'd see a cause for concern.

But it was some random stranger, from a bar, for one night.

He could be under the impresion that this was a one-night-stand, or not. Just move on. I fell that if a person continues to worry about something/someone, then you may miss opportunities that may come the days ahead.

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