tres

Ok. My fiance is on the Patch- Since she has been on the patch, she hasent been interested in sex at all. Every Few days or so, she decides that she wants to have sex with me because she knows that I want it. However, I don't like the fact that she does that. I feel like I'm almost taking advantage of her. Its almost like she might at well be faking it, which I definetly don't want. During these sessions, I can tell she's not into it, and it makes me really uncomfortable. I would almost rather not even have sex? I know that it sounds weird comming from a guy, but its the truth. I love her to death, and don't want her to do anything that she doesent want to. I've told her how I feel and basically it comes down to the fact that sex would only be during or right after her period, that being when she feels into it. While I would like sex more often, I don't want it to be a "chore" for her. I want her to want it. Is that asking too much? She says that she loves me and wants me to be happy so she has sex, even though she may not really want it. How do you feel about that? Would you do it for your men? Guys who are in relationships- would you feel awkward about your girl doing that for you??

Lemme finish by saying.. I'm content with sex whenever she's into it. but like most guys and from what I've read many women on this board- I'd like to have it as much as possible.

lurkette

I'm a woman, so here goes...

Is she willing to try other forms of birth control? I think it's ironic that something that's supposed to give you sexual freedom should completely suppress your sexual urges. It's not supposed to keep you from having kids by making you never have sex again! There are lots of formulations of pills that she could try, there's depo provera, there's the diaphragm, etc. You guys have lots of options.

Also, what was your sex life like before she went on the patch? Is the lack of libido purely a chemical thing, or was her sex drive iffy before and now it's just nonexistent? Could there be psychological reasons behind it?

I don't think it's too much for you to want her to want it. If she's just having sex for you and not enjoying it herself you might as well be masturbating. There's the occasional "well, allright" fuck, but if it's all the time....

Definitely look into alternate methods, and find out if there's anything else going on besides side effects.

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cowgirl02

i would definately say maybe try another form of birth control. I had the Patch and i did not have this problem but my friend had the same problem as your fiance. She decided to try tri-cyclin low or something like that its an oral pill and her sex drive is back. If nothing else... MASTURBATE!! Dont feel bad its not your fault, maybe just suggest some other type of birth control. Hope everything works out for the best!! Good Luck!!

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tres

Before the patch she couldnt keep her hands off of me. we were having sex day in and day out..Thats why I insisted she go on B/C because the last thing we want is a child. She was concerned about forgettingto take the pill daily. so we decided on the patch. She refuses to do depo, seasonal, the ring, or a diaphram. she doesent believe that its save not to have a period, or to have something stuck up there all the time, no matter how much proof i show her. ( I'm in the health care field).

She says she just wants me to be happy, and it makes her feel good that I fell good... ::sigh::

Gilda

Can't comment on the birth control, as my SO and I don't have any need or it.

On the desire thing, though, I kinda agree with you. You want her to want to have sex and for her to enjoy it. This shows that you care for her, which is a good thing, and is far from universal among men or women. Of course we want our partners to want to have sex with us; it makes us feel desirable. And it is much better when both partners are really into it. Doing it just to please your partner once in a while is fine, but having sex solely for that reason can lead to an unfulfilling sexual relationship for both partners; I've been in one of those, and it didn't work out in the long run.

But I'd also say that until you figure out a solution to the libido problem, accept her at her word when she says she's happy to have sex with you because it makes you happy. You're making her feel desirable, and she's getting some pleasure out of pleasing you. Vicarious pleasure is better than none.

dlish

i say..take it as it comes (excuse the pun). Cos undeniably when you two decide to get married, by default your sex life decreases. maybe it has already decreased cos you moved in together already?? it happens...

as for feeling guilt.. not your fault... or hers i guess.. talk to her about alternates to the patch... if she was open to suggestins to the patch, then shes probably open to other types of birth control methods.

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tres

She went to the doctor today, seems that she perscribed a pill, with a lower dose..it's not tricyclin lo- it's something i've never heard of... hopefully that will make her normal again. other than sex.. the patch made her emotionaly level all the time... it's almost like its not her anymore...

thanks for the advice

Sage

it's the freakin birth control- good for her for going to the doctor. I am living proof that hormonal birth control can and does make a woman "not herself." Be supportive of her, she REALLY needs it, because if she's anything like I was, she won't believe that she can ever get back to normal. I got an IUD because of birth control issues (and no, I haven't had a baby, so it DOES happen) and my husband and I FREAKIN LOVE IT!! we're having more sex now than when we first got married!

good luck!

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Trueheart

tres,

You're going to have to deal with the fact that your girlfriend wants to get pregnant. The "chance" is a large part of what made her so horny before she began using BC. Now she knows its just an act of pleasure, and mostly yours. So she does it to please you, but she wants to make a baby.

Why don't you visit some preggers porn sites and see if you wouldn't find her body sexy when she's pregnant. Then marry her and knock her up. She give you good loving after that.

tres

You just gave us a great laugh...

If she wanted to get pregnant, she would tell me. I think you looked just a little too far into this. She is one of the most anti-children people I know next to me. We both love children, and have them around often. But the part we like the best is giving them back to their parents. I guess you could say we are a very selfish couple, and cant be bothered with having our own children.

Now..as far as pregnant women... YES.. very HOT!! always been a little fetish of mine.. but.. not my women, and certainly not my baby..

Just out of curiousity..are you a die hard catholic that believes that no sperm should go wasted?

Thanks to everyone else who replied, and if you feel like it.. any other advice would be great.

KinkyKiwi

omg trueheart your really funny!

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Acetylene

Trueheart, don't be an idiot. The patch uses a different formulation than the pill and it is not only possible, but quite LIKELY, that taking hormones will mess with your sex drive.

Tres, good, I'm glad she is on a lower dose; that sounds like it should help. I'm currently in the problem of finding a new method myself. I switched to Depo (shot) because I couldn't remember the pill well enough and the patch made me sick; but, Depo made my period come and...never stop. As of next week, I will have been bleeding for two months straight. NOT COOL!

Depending on how your woman feels about barrier methods (condom), you could have her use the pill and then also use condoms. The two together are very safe, even if you miss one pill. You could also use spermicide. Basically anything that pushes the odds in your favor. And, if your woman misses two pills, ABSTAIN until the next cycle (according to the directions on the package). Think of it as an excuse to get lots of head.

I totally understand you not wanting to have 'pity sex'. Until she is feeling better, you should try to spice things up for her, so there is something going on besides just sex. Like for me, when I'm less interested in sex itself, I will ask for unusual things like sex in the shower, where there are other sensations going on besides just sex. Try mixing in sound, taste, smell, etc. to hold her interest, or play games, including roleplaying or dress-up. This can help keep her entertained and she will enjoy herself more, even if the physical pleasure is dampened somewhat by her medications.

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tres

I thought depo was supposed to make your period Stop?? not go for months.,

bad jane

while i feel for the guy whose partner isn't dying to jump his bones...i'm with her on the being happy just to do it deal.

if i were in a relationship where my sex drive wasn't up to speed with my partners, i'd have sex anyway. will it be as good for him or me? i'll try--but aside from faking (not my thing) there isn't any guarantee. but to me, sex is nice even when you aren't really in the mood. i like the intimacy, the connection, and i love making my partner happy. it may not be orgasmic, but it's pleasurable.

good to hear she's willing to try the pill. i hope things improve for both of you

Lucky Girl

Acetylene, I was on the Depo shot for over 6 months, thought that if I took more than one dose it would kick in. Boy was I wrong. Gained 30 pounds and had my period every day for over 6 months!! I couldn't to remember to take the pill every day either that is why I switched to the shot, went back to the pill and finally found the patch, which I love and wouldn't trade for the world. It sucks that the patch made you sick. Good Luck finding something that works for you.

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lindseylatch

Unfortunately, it can do both. Even seasonale has warnings to that effect. As well as changes in sex drive. I've had lots of fun with this problem, although it was with antidepressants and not BC.

I LOVE not having a period for three months (I just take the Pill for three months at a time, sometimes longer). My mom's a doc, and she said it's ok, and if anything started to get wierd I would definitely stop.

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mwb200

... just be glad this didn't happen after you were married ... RUN

skysooner

It is the hormones. My wife lost her sex drive when she went on a certain medication. Change the formula, and her sex drive came right back. People just don't change overnight unless there is some emotional or medical reason, and the way she is reacting to you shows me it probably isn't emotional. Just keep trying new medication until they find the right one.