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I'm a woman, so here goes...
Is she willing to try other forms of birth control? I think it's ironic that something that's supposed to give you sexual freedom should completely suppress your sexual urges. It's not supposed to keep you from having kids by making you never have sex again! There are lots of formulations of pills that she could try, there's depo provera, there's the diaphragm, etc. You guys have lots of options.
Also, what was your sex life like before she went on the patch? Is the lack of libido purely a chemical thing, or was her sex drive iffy before and now it's just nonexistent? Could there be psychological reasons behind it?
I don't think it's too much for you to want her to want it. If she's just having sex for you and not enjoying it herself you might as well be masturbating. There's the occasional "well, allright" fuck, but if it's all the time....
Definitely look into alternate methods, and find out if there's anything else going on besides side effects.
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"If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing."
- Anatole France
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