How to make my girl happy - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Memalvada · 05-25-2003, 06:52 AM

So, my girlfriend broke up with me, but I managed to convince her to give me another chance. This is my last chance with her, so I can't screw this up. I was wondering, how to make her happy, I mean, I've always wanted to make her happy, and sometimes i've succeeded, and sometimes I haven't.

I want to do something for her that she will never forget. I wanna make her feel special, unique. I want to do something romantic.

I need to show her that she will not regret giving me this chance. I need to show her all of what i feel for her.

Please help. I would particularly like suggestions from girls.

damhna · 05-25-2003, 07:17 AM

Im feeling bad about this.

Nothing personal but if you are appealing for a Grand gesture suggestion then perhaps you may be overlooking fundamental underlying issues.

If you dont know her well wnough to knwo exactly what would make her happy and are seeking suggestions here welll.....

Nonetheless ...things that I know have made women happy.

Make them feel loved and listened to :
Can you remember anything that she might have said in passing that she really liked ? I remeber one girl who told me once that she really loved it when the sound of the wind. Some time much later on I took her to a very special valley where there are two lakes in a a very steep valley and when the wind blows it makes the most amazing asurgin noises through the trees. For almost an hour she stood there , face upturned , eyes closed just listening. I enjoyed just watching her , she enjoyed that. Result Two Happy People for the price of one.

My point on that one is that there is something that she alone will haev told you , something you know about her.

In another case it was a helicopter flying lesson because this girl had mentioned once that she would love that .

Another time it was just both calling in sick and spending the day in bed giggling and eating Jelly Bellys. Samll thing , Big Happy. She just liked the illicitness and the decadance of it (innocent little thing) .

Presents work , embarrass yourself , walk to her job with a big ass bunch of flowers or a teddy bear . Letting all of her friends and colleagues know she has a man who really cares for her and does goofy things to please here will please her no end (no matter how much she might give out about how you embarrased her) .

Do stuff you wouldn't normally do.
Show her that she makes a diffenece in your life and that she is not just a stuck-on part of it . Make her beleive and know that there is nothing more important .

Prove it.

Mean it.

Blow off the stag party with the guys/ take her to paris/ buy rollerblades for both of you that you'll only use once/ take her to the best salon to have her hair done/ dinner out/ help her friend move house/ she's upset ? hold her and say nothing/ She's upset ? Hold her and tell her the exact right thing she wants to hear....these all work to cheer someone up , they didnt cheer the same someone up mind you ..becasue everyone is different...soem of these would have been exactly the WORSt thing to do in certain situations.

Whatever it is you must choose , if you love her you will know.

suviko · 05-25-2003, 08:06 AM

I quit smoking and started losing weight in similar situation, also did all the house work and never turned him down when he wanted sex. I took a job and bought prettier clothes, wore make-up and did every damn thing I could. And it worked. After half an year, life is better now. Not heavenly, but better

My advice is: If you really can't live without her, go to extremes and do EVERYTHING she wants you to. A rose bush or a wine bottle can't change the basis of your relationship. What you need is romance and she has to be able to be proud of you and it also helps if other people see the change and comment on it positively to your girl.

HFrankenstein · 05-25-2003, 09:35 AM

Okay, before people start telling you everything that you want to hear, I'm gonna stop the madness and tell you what you need to hear, before you go getting yourself hurt again.

The reality is this, Memalvada: she broke up with you once, and she will break up with you again. Do the right thing and put a stop to it now before it's too late to do it without having a nervous breakdown.

The funny thing about serious relationships is, you don't really learn how to handle them until you've either blown one or had one blown for you. Look at this as a new begining for you, a chance to start over with someone new.

After things are broken off, spend some time single. Let's say a few months. Reflect on the relationship. Consider everything she did wrong first, and then consider everything you did wrong (I say it in this order because you'll be beating yourself up enough as it is).

When you've got your head together again, get out there and start meeting women. Find one you like, get her phone number, wait one more day than you feel comfortable waiting, and then call her up and ask her out on a date. Have a time and place ready. Then hang up. No phone conversations. Save it for dinner.

When you're out with her, keep the conversation about her. If she asks you a question about yourself, answer it quick and then fire it right back at her. If it's a serious question (anything to do with past relationships, for instance), dance around it and ask her something else. Have some funny lines ready. Make her laugh, show her a good time, compliment her once and only once, do not allow her to get the check no matter how much she insists, and always get doors for her.

And above all, kiss her goodnight. This is the single most important thing you must do, because it will tell you everything you need to know about how interested she is in you. If she turns a cheek, she's not interested. Move on. If she kisses you back reluctantly, you haven't proven yourself yet, but you still have a chance. If she kisses you back and means it, you're all set for the time being, but nothing is clinched yet. In either of these two latter cases, again wait one more day than you feel comfortable, and then call her up and ask her out again.

As for how long to wait to call exactly: five days to a week. DO NOT call before five days. Why? Because that whole time that she doesn't hear from you, if she's interested in you, you'll be on her mind, and her interest in you will continue to climb as she wonders when you're going to call.

I've adapted these insights from those of Doc Love at Askmen.com. Go <a href="http://www.askmen.com/dating/doclove/index.html">here</a> and read everything he's got. It's invaluable advice that's turned my romantic life completely around.

But first and foremost, you have to break things off with your girl. For that, I have nothing to say other than to just do it. It doesn't matter how, because chances are, it'll be the last conversation you ever have.

Good luck, big guy.

suviko · 05-25-2003, 09:46 AM

HFrankenstein:

That's idealistic opinion are you are entitled to it, but there have been and will be couples who break up anbd come back and can make it work. Serious relatioships reguire work and effort and sometimes people break up in heat of a fight and find out some time later that that was not what they really wanted. So, she might break up with him, true, but that chance is in EVERY relationship. They could be happy for decades before that happen and then it's hardly because of the issues at hand ATM. Or she might not and have that "happily ever after" ending.

Conclamo Ludus · 05-25-2003, 09:57 AM

Get out and go make yourself happy. You can't make anyone else happy until you are. DO NOT do everything you possibly can to please her. That's not love, its submission. Please yourself and somebody will love you for it eventually, and in the meantime you are happy.

HFrankenstein · 05-25-2003, 10:25 AM

suviko:

I'm not sure how my opinion is idealistic. Seems more realistic to me. At any rate, I said what I said based solely on precedent. I see it all the time: girl breaks up with guy, girl takes guy back, girl breaks up with guy again. I've only seen it work out otherwise once, and they are by no means a happy couple.

Conclamo Ludus:

You're reading my mind, man.

suviko · 05-25-2003, 10:33 AM

It is idealistic in the way that in the western judeo-christian culture we still have the romantic image of finding someone special, everything clicking and being perfect. It is realistic to say that it's likely that a couple that has split up once will split up again, but look at the divorce rates. It's also realistic to say that a couple that hasn't split up will do so rathar than die together. I have seen several couples split up and get it going again and some of them are happy, some are just content. But so are other couples. My best friend met her bf in high school so after 5 years or so she wanted to go out to the World and explore. After an year, they came back together. After several years of moving together they married each other three years ago and are sickeningly happy nowadays.

HFrankenstein · 05-25-2003, 10:44 AM

Wait, you just claimed that two things are realistic to say, and then right out refuted them both yourself. I'm not sure I follow you. I'm also not sure when I asserted that there's a special someone out there that you just have to wait to find, though any good physicist will use the Unified Field Theory to show you that that's exactly what's true. The events of the Universe were set into motion at its creation, after all.

I should also say that all generalizations have exceptions, (including the generalization that says that all generalizations have exceptions). Indeed, there are plenty of couples who have broken up but are still together. More power to 'em. All I'm saying is that the odds aren't in his favor. And even if they do end up together, this poor guy will have that breakup in the back of his mind for the rest of his life, making him forever fearful that she'll do it again.

I'm just being realistic.

Conclamo Ludus · 05-25-2003, 10:44 AM

As soon as priority number 1 becomes pleasing yourself. I'd be willing to bet you'll find yourself doing some incredible things for her, not because it makes her want you, but because it makes you feel good. There is nothing selfish about doing what makes you happy, because you'll find that if you are REALLY in to her, the selfless acts will make you the happiest. No woman wants a lapdog (not trying to imply that you are...but beware), at least not for long.

I would ask yourself why she broke up with you. Then I would ask yourself why should I give her a second chance. Like HF said, she may do it again...why? What did she need that she couldn't find in you? What do you need from her. Be careful of wants and needs.

Love starts with yourself...

Frowning Budah · 05-25-2003, 01:26 PM

You aren't going to be able to make her happy all the time. Period. In reality you can't make somone else happy. You can be thoughtful and considerate and do the things you know she likes. If that makes the relationship work great, if not don't beat yourself up and just move on.
Sorry that sounded harsher than I meant it to. Remember relationships are two way street.

illdeviant · 05-26-2003, 12:34 PM

i dont know, man. if you've got to work so hard, and be anything BUT yourself around her, i dont think she's your girl =/

GoldenOuroboros · 05-26-2003, 03:34 PM

Just look at yourself, who you are and what you do. If it is generally YOU that is making her unhappy then you have to change. Like I had to.

I thought the problem was my girl, was so blinded to myself. But we both changed and grew up. Things are better than they've been in quite some time

You should know what she wants mate. What flowers she likes, what wine she likes, pasta or her other fav food. If you don't know, make suttle hints. Then remember them for a later date.

Personally I'd clear everyone outa the house, have dinner planned, my girl loves my spaghetti, some wine. While I'm cooking we usually just slow dance in the kitchen. Serve it up with wine. Followed with a tub of chocolate mud cake ice cream dribbled with kahlua and baileys. The we'd make love for the night.

gibber71 · 05-26-2003, 06:07 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Conclamo Ludus
Get out and go make yourself happy. You can't make anyone else happy until you are. DO NOT do everything you possibly can to please her. That's not love, its submission. Please yourself and somebody will love you for it eventually, and in the meantime you are happy.

That's right,because what will happen is you'll keep giving and she will keep taking until the boredom drives her nuts,.. until using you anymore is just a waste of her time. If you hold your head high,there's a much greater chance that other people will notice you sooner than if you have your head up some chick's ass.

HFrankenstein · 05-26-2003, 06:52 PM

Ah, if only more people would be so blunt, gibber71. Kudos.

Podmore · 05-26-2003, 07:30 PM

It's hard to give advice without knowing what the problems were. You should think long and hard about the things that she broke up with you about. If they are things that you agree are lacking in yourself, and you think you can change them, then do. But do it for yourself. But if it's just an incompatibility, then you might not work it out with her. Even people who love each other sometimes don't work it out. Just don't make changes that you'll begrudge later.

JangoFett72 · 05-26-2003, 10:13 PM

From the information you provided, I think that some grand gesture on your part (sky-writing, having her name spelled out in fireworks, etc) will only drive her away again. You want to let her know you care about her and her interests, and are not just desperate.

Leviathan[NCV] · 05-27-2003, 04:49 AM

Suvinko:

I hate to say it, but what you did is change who and what you are to meet the ideals that someone else had. There *is* no such thing as uncoditional love, but changing yourself to meet someone elses standards is just wrong.

Just my opinion.

Leviathan

ratbastid · 05-27-2003, 06:58 AM

One of the strongest couples I know dated for four years, was married for four years, divorced and lived apart for four years, dated and lived together for four years, and got remarried two years ago.

You better believe that in two years, their eyes will be WIDE open.

My point is, people are different, and there's no one rule for how relationships work.

suviko · 05-27-2003, 08:22 AM

Leviathan[NCV]:

a) Tell me why it is wrong? Just because we have this idea that we are individuals who are responsible for their own actions, it doesn't mean we shouldn't change at all. Success in life and relationship is much about being able to adapt.

b) And I didn't want to be a fat whiner who was broke all the time and just tried to get on with university studies without living at the same time cos that would have made me banckrupt. They are also *MY* standards I changed according to. Otherwise I wouldn't have done it. I just never thought I had it in me to make all those things so I just kept being depressed loser. Who wants to spend his/her life with somebody like that???

Even if we would split up TODAY for life, I am happy for changing. Smoking wasn't really such a part of my personality that I couldn't give it up. Some of the changes were "changes" like giving in every time he wanted sex untill we got both got happier and he started to care about again if I want it or not. And yeah, he changed in some ways I wanted him to. He strated respecting me more again, quit yelling and pushing me ariound and make the initiative to say "sorry" more often.

All in all, I won and didn't lose anything I didn't want to. You can keep your opinion, specially since I didn't ask for one. The thread was about Memalvada's situation and while there was so little info that I can't say does it compare 100% or 90% or even 70% to my situation, I wanted to bring out the fact that many couples have to work on it together to make things work and people do split and get back together and get it right the 2 nd time around.

HFrankenstein · 05-27-2003, 08:26 AM

But the reality is that it ends badly more often than not. That's the point I've been trying to make. Does that mean he should lose hope? No, of course not. Does it mean he shouldn't get his hopes up? Good Lord, yes.

suviko · 05-27-2003, 08:47 AM

THE REALITY is that most realtionships ends badly.

ALL YOUR relationships will, if you always run when there's issues to be solved.

So yeah, there should be a balance in this, you shouldn't tolerate everything, but realize when it's time to let go and every case is unique, people are differend, yada yada.. I see your point, HFrankenstein, and as you might see, I am not totally on the opposite side in this.

But what the orginator of this thread wanted was advice what to do to make his gf happy and I wanted to answer that. I am sure he puts up another thread asking for advice on getting a new chick when he feels like that is in order next.

HFrankenstein · 05-27-2003, 09:15 AM

She ran, not him. There were issues to be solved, and instead of trying to resolve them, she dumped him. I refuse to lead this poor guy on into thinking that this can be salvaged. He's only setting himself up for more pain.

This is global advice that for all men out there: if she dumps you, do not take her back. That's all she needs to see that she has you wrapped tightly around her little finger. Never let a woman control you. Memalvada, if you continue this relationship, it is exactly what you will be allowing her to do.

I know Mem started this thread to get advice on pleasing his girlfriend, but it's not what he should be attempting to do. She will find another reason to dump him. Is that a good reason for him to dump her first? You better believe it is.

308 holez · 05-29-2003, 06:32 PM

she isn't waiting for you to do the right thing. she's waiting for her to feel the right thing. she's lost that feeling, and thought about breaking up with you long and hard before she did it. Now she feels guilty, you're willing to do anything, but think about it... what person were you when she fell for you in the first place? Are you different? Have you changed, or has she? I just don't want to see you thrown a few mercy lays and then get dumped again.

That may be a bit too blunt, but I recently did what she did to you. I took a girl back, after breaking up with her, only to regret it. The whole time she's telling me stuff "like please don't break my heart again." Then I go and do it. To the break up-er, it's something that has to be done because they can't live a lie anymore.
to the break up-ee, they'll change anything, be anything to get them back. and so the cycle continues...

Balaniki · 05-29-2003, 07:34 PM

My first question would \be WHY did she break up with you? Was it something YOU did or something she DID or something she wanted and didn't get or etc. ....

Until you know WHY the relationship did not work you cannot work on fixing it. You can make all the grand gestures you want - they won't help in the long run if the foundation of the relationship is not stable.

05-25-2003, 06:52 AM	#1 (permalink)
Memalvada Psycho Location: South of the border	How to make my girl happy So, my girlfriend broke up with me, but I managed to convince her to give me another chance. This is my last chance with her, so I can't screw this up. I was wondering, how to make her happy, I mean, I've always wanted to make her happy, and sometimes i've succeeded, and sometimes I haven't. I want to do something for her that she will never forget. I wanna make her feel special, unique. I want to do something romantic. I need to show her that she will not regret giving me this chance. I need to show her all of what i feel for her. Please help. I would particularly like suggestions from girls. __________________ "The weak are food for the strong, so die and let me feast!" - Makoto Shishio (RK) Last edited by Memalvada; 05-25-2003 at 07:10 AM..

05-25-2003, 09:35 AM	#4 (permalink)
HFrankenstein Crazy Location: New Jersey / Delaware	Okay, before people start telling you everything that you want to hear, I'm gonna stop the madness and tell you what you <i>need</i> to hear, before you go getting yourself hurt again. The reality is this, Memalvada: she broke up with you once, and she will break up with you again. Do the right thing and put a stop to it now before it's too late to do it without having a nervous breakdown. The funny thing about serious relationships is, you don't really learn how to handle them until you've either blown one or had one blown for you. Look at this as a new begining for you, a chance to start over with someone new. After things are broken off, spend some time single. Let's say a few months. Reflect on the relationship. Consider everything she did wrong first, and then consider everything you did wrong (I say it in this order because you'll be beating yourself up enough as it is). When you've got your head together again, get out there and start meeting women. Find one you like, get her phone number, wait one more day than you feel comfortable waiting, and then call her up and ask her out on a date. Have a time and place ready. Then hang up. No phone conversations. Save it for dinner. When you're out with her, keep the conversation about <i>her</i>. If she asks you a question about yourself, answer it quick and then fire it right back at her. If it's a serious question (anything to do with past relationships, for instance), dance around it and ask her something else. Have some funny lines ready. Make her laugh, show her a good time, compliment her once and only once, do not allow her to get the check no matter how much she insists, and always get doors for her. And above all, kiss her goodnight. This is the single most important thing you must do, because it will tell you everything you need to know about how interested she is in you. If she turns a cheek, she's not interested. Move on. If she kisses you back reluctantly, you haven't proven yourself yet, but you still have a chance. If she kisses you back and means it, you're all set for the time being, but nothing is clinched yet. In either of these two latter cases, again wait one more day than you feel comfortable, and then call her up and ask her out again. As for how long to wait to call exactly: five days to a week. DO NOT call before five days. Why? Because that whole time that she doesn't hear from you, if she's interested in you, you'll be on her mind, and her interest in you will continue to climb as she wonders when you're going to call. I've adapted these insights from those of Doc Love at Askmen.com. Go <a href="http://www.askmen.com/dating/doclove/index.html">here</a> and read everything he's got. It's invaluable advice that's turned my romantic life completely around. But first and foremost, you have to break things off with your girl. For that, I have nothing to say other than to just do it. It doesn't matter how, because chances are, it'll be the last conversation you ever have. Good luck, big guy. __________________ When in doubt, sauerkraut.

05-25-2003, 09:57 AM	#6 (permalink)
Conclamo Ludus Modern Man Location: West Michigan	Get out and go make yourself happy. You can't make anyone else happy until you are. DO NOT do everything you possibly can to please her. That's not love, its submission. Please yourself and somebody will love you for it eventually, and in the meantime you are happy. __________________ Lord, have mercy on my wicked soul I wouldn't mistreat you baby, for my weight in gold. -Son House, Death Letter Blues

05-25-2003, 10:25 AM	#7 (permalink)
HFrankenstein Crazy Location: New Jersey / Delaware	suviko: I'm not sure how my opinion is idealistic. Seems more <i>realistic</i> to me. At any rate, I said what I said based solely on precedent. I see it all the time: girl breaks up with guy, girl takes guy back, girl breaks up with guy again. I've only seen it work out otherwise once, and they are by no means a happy couple. Conclamo Ludus: You're reading my mind, man. __________________ When in doubt, sauerkraut.

05-25-2003, 10:44 AM	#9 (permalink)
HFrankenstein Crazy Location: New Jersey / Delaware	Wait, you just claimed that two things are realistic to say, and then right out refuted them both yourself. I'm not sure I follow you. I'm also not sure when I asserted that there's a special someone out there that you just have to wait to find, though any good physicist will use the Unified Field Theory to show you that that's exactly what's true. The events of the Universe were set into motion at its creation, after all. I should also say that all generalizations have exceptions, (including the generalization that says that all generalizations have exceptions). Indeed, there are plenty of couples who have broken up but are still together. More power to 'em. All I'm saying is that the odds aren't in his favor. And even if they do end up together, this poor guy will have that breakup in the back of his mind for the rest of his life, making him forever fearful that she'll do it again. I'm just being realistic. __________________ When in doubt, sauerkraut.

05-25-2003, 07:17 AM	#2 (permalink)
damhna Tilted	Im feeling bad about this. Nothing personal but if you are appealing for a Grand gesture suggestion then perhaps you may be overlooking fundamental underlying issues. If you dont know her well wnough to knwo exactly what would make her happy and are seeking suggestions here welll..... Nonetheless ...things that I know have made women happy. Make them feel loved and listened to : Can you remember anything that she might have said in passing that she really liked ? I remeber one girl who told me once that she really loved it when the sound of the wind. Some time much later on I took her to a very special valley where there are two lakes in a a very steep valley and when the wind blows it makes the most amazing asurgin noises through the trees. For almost an hour she stood there , face upturned , eyes closed just listening. I enjoyed just watching her , she enjoyed that. Result Two Happy People for the price of one. My point on that one is that there is something that she alone will haev told you , something you know about her. In another case it was a helicopter flying lesson because this girl had mentioned once that she would love that . Another time it was just both calling in sick and spending the day in bed giggling and eating Jelly Bellys. Samll thing , Big Happy. She just liked the illicitness and the decadance of it (innocent little thing) . Presents work , embarrass yourself , walk to her job with a big ass bunch of flowers or a teddy bear . Letting all of her friends and colleagues know she has a man who really cares for her and does goofy things to please here will please her no end (no matter how much she might give out about how you embarrased her) . Do stuff you wouldn't normally do. Show her that she makes a diffenece in your life and that she is not just a stuck-on part of it . Make her beleive and know that there is nothing more important . Prove it. Mean it. Blow off the stag party with the guys/ take her to paris/ buy rollerblades for both of you that you'll only use once/ take her to the best salon to have her hair done/ dinner out/ help her friend move house/ she's upset ? hold her and say nothing/ She's upset ? Hold her and tell her the exact right thing she wants to hear....these all work to cheer someone up , they didnt cheer the same someone up mind you ..becasue everyone is different...soem of these would have been exactly the WORSt thing to do in certain situations. Whatever it is you must choose , if you love her you will know.

05-25-2003, 08:06 AM	#3 (permalink)
suviko Banned	I quit smoking and started losing weight in similar situation, also did all the house work and never turned him down when he wanted sex. I took a job and bought prettier clothes, wore make-up and did every damn thing I could. And it worked. After half an year, life is better now. Not heavenly, but better My advice is: If you really can't live without her, go to extremes and do EVERYTHING she wants you to. A rose bush or a wine bottle can't change the basis of your relationship. What you need is romance and she has to be able to be proud of you and it also helps if other people see the change and comment on it positively to your girl.

05-25-2003, 09:46 AM	#5 (permalink)
suviko Banned	HFrankenstein: That's idealistic opinion are you are entitled to it, but there have been and will be couples who break up anbd come back and can make it work. Serious relatioships reguire work and effort and sometimes people break up in heat of a fight and find out some time later that that was not what they really wanted. So, she might break up with him, true, but that chance is in EVERY relationship. They could be happy for decades before that happen and then it's hardly because of the issues at hand ATM. Or she might not and have that "happily ever after" ending.

05-25-2003, 10:33 AM	#8 (permalink)
suviko Banned	It is idealistic in the way that in the western judeo-christian culture we still have the romantic image of finding someone special, everything clicking and being perfect. It is realistic to say that it's likely that a couple that has split up once will split up again, but look at the divorce rates. It's also realistic to say that a couple that hasn't split up will do so rathar than die together. I have seen several couples split up and get it going again and some of them are happy, some are just content. But so are other couples. My best friend met her bf in high school so after 5 years or so she wanted to go out to the World and explore. After an year, they came back together. After several years of moving together they married each other three years ago and are sickeningly happy nowadays.

05-25-2003, 10:44 AM	#10 (permalink)
Conclamo Ludus Modern Man Location: West Michigan	As soon as priority number 1 becomes pleasing yourself. I'd be willing to bet you'll find yourself doing some incredible things for her, not because it makes her want you, but because it makes you feel good. There is nothing selfish about doing what makes you happy, because you'll find that if you are REALLY in to her, the selfless acts will make you the happiest. No woman wants a lapdog (not trying to imply that you are...but beware), at least not for long. I would ask yourself why she broke up with you. Then I would ask yourself why should I give her a second chance. Like HF said, she may do it again...why? What did she need that she couldn't find in you? What do you need from her. Be careful of wants and needs. Love starts with yourself... __________________ Lord, have mercy on my wicked soul I wouldn't mistreat you baby, for my weight in gold. -Son House, Death Letter Blues

05-25-2003, 01:26 PM	#11 (permalink)
Frowning Budah Slave of Fear	You aren't going to be able to make her happy all the time. Period. In reality you can't make somone else happy. You can be thoughtful and considerate and do the things you know she likes. If that makes the relationship work great, if not don't beat yourself up and just move on. Sorry that sounded harsher than I meant it to. Remember relationships are two way street.

05-26-2003, 12:34 PM	#12 (permalink)
illdeviant Crazy Location: Lawn Guyland	i dont know, man. if you've got to work so hard, and be anything BUT yourself around her, i dont think she's your girl =/

05-26-2003, 03:34 PM	#13 (permalink)
GoldenOuroboros The Cheshire Grin... Location: An Aussie Outback	Just look at yourself, who you are and what you do. If it is generally YOU that is making her unhappy then you have to change. Like I had to. I thought the problem was my girl, was so blinded to myself. But we both changed and grew up. Things are better than they've been in quite some time You should know what she wants mate. What flowers she likes, what wine she likes, pasta or her other fav food. If you don't know, make suttle hints. Then remember them for a later date. Personally I'd clear everyone outa the house, have dinner planned, my girl loves my spaghetti, some wine. While I'm cooking we usually just slow dance in the kitchen. Serve it up with wine. Followed with a tub of chocolate mud cake ice cream dribbled with kahlua and baileys. The we'd make love for the night. __________________ Can you see me grin grin grrriiiiinnnning?!

05-26-2003, 06:52 PM	#15 (permalink)
HFrankenstein Crazy Location: New Jersey / Delaware	Ah, if only more people would be so blunt, gibber71. Kudos. __________________ When in doubt, sauerkraut.

05-26-2003, 07:30 PM	#16 (permalink)
Podmore Crazy Location: SoCal	It's hard to give advice without knowing what the problems were. You should think long and hard about the things that she broke up with you about. If they are things that you agree are lacking in yourself, and you think you can change them, then do. But do it for yourself. But if it's just an incompatibility, then you might not work it out with her. Even people who love each other sometimes don't work it out. Just don't make changes that you'll begrudge later.

05-26-2003, 10:13 PM	#17 (permalink)
JangoFett72 Tilted	From the information you provided, I think that some grand gesture on your part (sky-writing, having her name spelled out in fireworks, etc) will only drive her away again. You want to let her know you care about her and her interests, and are not just desperate.

05-27-2003, 04:49 AM	#18 (permalink)
Leviathan[NCV] Well... Location: afk	Suvinko: I hate to say it, but what you did is change who and what you are to meet the ideals that someone else had. There is no such thing as uncoditional love, but changing yourself to meet someone elses standards is just wrong. Just my opinion. Leviathan

05-27-2003, 06:58 AM	#19 (permalink)
ratbastid Darth Papa Location: Yonder	One of the strongest couples I know dated for four years, was married for four years, divorced and lived apart for four years, dated and lived together for four years, and got remarried two years ago. You better believe that in two years, their eyes will be WIDE open. My point is, people are different, and there's no one rule for how relationships work.

05-27-2003, 08:22 AM	#20 (permalink)
suviko Banned	Leviathan[NCV]: a) Tell me why it is wrong? Just because we have this idea that we are individuals who are responsible for their own actions, it doesn't mean we shouldn't change at all. Success in life and relationship is much about being able to adapt. b) And I didn't want to be a fat whiner who was broke all the time and just tried to get on with university studies without living at the same time cos that would have made me banckrupt. They are also MY standards I changed according to. Otherwise I wouldn't have done it. I just never thought I had it in me to make all those things so I just kept being depressed loser. Who wants to spend his/her life with somebody like that??? Even if we would split up TODAY for life, I am happy for changing. Smoking wasn't really such a part of my personality that I couldn't give it up. Some of the changes were "changes" like giving in every time he wanted sex untill we got both got happier and he started to care about again if I want it or not. And yeah, he changed in some ways I wanted him to. He strated respecting me more again, quit yelling and pushing me ariound and make the initiative to say "sorry" more often. All in all, I won and didn't lose anything I didn't want to. You can keep your opinion, specially since I didn't ask for one. The thread was about Memalvada's situation and while there was so little info that I can't say does it compare 100% or 90% or even 70% to my situation, I wanted to bring out the fact that many couples have to work on it together to make things work and people do split and get back together and get it right the 2 nd time around.

05-27-2003, 08:26 AM	#21 (permalink)
HFrankenstein Crazy Location: New Jersey / Delaware	But the reality is that it ends badly more often than not. That's the point I've been trying to make. Does that mean he should lose hope? No, of course not. Does it mean he shouldn't get his hopes up? Good Lord, yes. __________________ When in doubt, sauerkraut. Last edited by HFrankenstein; 05-27-2003 at 09:11 AM..

05-27-2003, 08:47 AM	#22 (permalink)
suviko Banned	THE REALITY is that most realtionships ends badly. ALL YOUR relationships will, if you always run when there's issues to be solved. So yeah, there should be a balance in this, you shouldn't tolerate everything, but realize when it's time to let go and every case is unique, people are differend, yada yada.. I see your point, HFrankenstein, and as you might see, I am not totally on the opposite side in this. But what the orginator of this thread wanted was advice what to do to make his gf happy and I wanted to answer that. I am sure he puts up another thread asking for advice on getting a new chick when he feels like that is in order next.

05-27-2003, 09:15 AM	#23 (permalink)
HFrankenstein Crazy Location: New Jersey / Delaware	<i>She</i> ran, not him. There were issues to be solved, and instead of trying to resolve them, she dumped him. I refuse to lead this poor guy on into thinking that this can be salvaged. He's only setting himself up for more pain. This is global advice that for all men out there: if she dumps you, do not take her back. That's all she needs to see that she has you wrapped tightly around her little finger. Never let a woman control you. Memalvada, if you continue this relationship, it is exactly what you will be allowing her to do. I know Mem started this thread to get advice on pleasing his girlfriend, but it's not what he should be attempting to do. She will find another reason to dump him. Is that a good reason for him to dump her first? You better believe it is. __________________ When in doubt, sauerkraut.

05-29-2003, 06:32 PM	#24 (permalink)
308 holez Crazy Location: nowhere near good food	she isn't waiting for you to do the right thing. she's waiting for her to feel the right thing. she's lost that feeling, and thought about breaking up with you long and hard before she did it. Now she feels guilty, you're willing to do anything, but think about it... what person were you when she fell for you in the first place? Are you different? Have you changed, or has she? I just don't want to see you thrown a few mercy lays and then get dumped again. That may be a bit too blunt, but I recently did what she did to you. I took a girl back, after breaking up with her, only to regret it. The whole time she's telling me stuff "like please don't break my heart again." Then I go and do it. To the break up-er, it's something that has to be done because they can't live a lie anymore. to the break up-ee, they'll change anything, be anything to get them back. and so the cycle continues... __________________ Fark headline: "Kobe's lawyers gain access to text messages sent by accuser soon after the alleged attack. Omg koby frkd me nda assnowi m gona b richlolol1.111.~.11"

05-29-2003, 07:34 PM	#25 (permalink)
Balaniki Upright Location: WI	My first question would \be WHY did she break up with you? Was it something YOU did or something she DID or something she wanted and didn't get or etc. .... Until you know WHY the relationship did not work you cannot work on fixing it. You can make all the grand gestures you want - they won't help in the long run if the foundation of the relationship is not stable.