machoosh

She used to let touch and play with her vagina a longtime (13 yrs) ago, but now she clams up and says please NO and says shes not sure why. I wanna do oral on her also but she just won't let me go down there. She gives me oral and i wanna return the pleasure of it all. Am i alone with this ? Need some advice... thx .

ps : she really loves me and thats not the problem....she says it 5 days a week or more.

SecretMethod70

has she been raped or sexually abused?

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machoosh

no , absolutely not. just says she needs time....

RelaX

Maybe she just feels insecure about it... has she had a kid in the intervening time?
Women tend to work like that... like somehow now her pussy isn't 'beautiful' enough... like it isn't as 'beautiful' as it was 13 years ago so you might not think like it any more and go like 'ewwww' when you go down there.... strange people... women...
Maybe you need to compliment her more on how lovely it feels and how much you love it and how you think it is one of the most beautiful things in the entire universe and stuff like that....
Ease her mind and let her know that you love every part of her and that part in particulair.

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Jesus Pimp

Did you lick it first? They usually let you play with it after licking..

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bad jane

is it a sensitive area? i know there are times when i really don't want to be touched because it is almost painful...not pleasant at all.

or maybe she feels you focus a little too much on that area? i know for a while i didn't like my bf touching my breasts--not because i didn't like his touch but it got to be...annoying? it felt like he was always focused on my breasts and i wanted more than that from him. once he started paying attention to the rest of me, i was able to relax and enjoy his touch on my breasts again.

bing bing

A few questions;

Are your hands and fingernails clean and fingernails trimmed?
Does she masturbate?
Are her parents religious and or have an authoritarian parenting style?
Has she considered seeing a psychologist?

Sweetpea

Okay . . . she might be insecure about her body . . . woman who are insecure about their body image often don't want their SO to go down on them.

I have been married for 3 years, and i just plain appreciate it when my hubby just approches me and asks me openly about things . . . marriage isn't about guesswork . . . Would she be open to speaking about it with you?? I would just ask her about it, talk to her about it . . . communication often helps in the bedroom, no one can read minds. . . you can't expect yourself to read her mind . . . I would try to bring it up with her . . .

Also: another approach that might help . . . One night, just make it all about her, give her a massage, touch her and kiss her everywhere first and tell her the whole time how attracted you are to her and how sexy she is and that you want to do nothing more than to make her feel really good and to pleasure her. . . She might just be having a confidence issue and needs to feel that you are just really, really into pleasing her because you are so attracted to her and crazy about her

But seriously, try talking you her about it if you can . . .

gar1976

Maybe she's tired of you not doing it right. Ask her to show you what she wants.

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linkillin

How long has this "problem" gone on for? If it is fairly recent, she could be having some problems south of the boarder. How is the communication between you and her? Open lines of communication can do wonders, especially in long-term relationships.

Rlyss

I'd say there's your answer. No offence to you mate but whatever you're doing down there with your hands probably doesn't feel sexual or sensuous or pleasurable to her. If she's only gradually refused to let you do anything with your hands then it sounds to me like you're groping her or otherwise doing something that isn't pleasurable.

If all she says is that she doesn't like it then you've got to find a balance between convincing her to tell you the truth, and not pressuring her to say anything she really doesn't want to say. I really can't think of any solutions except to ask her to be honest. She probably just doesn't want to hurt your feelings by saying that it feels like you're groping her, and instead blames it on herself or says she doesn't know why.

The Prophet

Read Rylss post above.

Realize also, as you get older, she and you both will have varying amounts of interest in sex during periods that may last several years. It has occured to us when the kids were young and when one of us started a new job or returned to school, it has even been caused by changes in extended family and once by the death of a friend. Basically any change in routine can trigger these changes.

Try to talk openly about it with her and understand if you once had it, it will likely return if you are patient. Under no circumstances place blame or lay guilt.

Try a romantic evening once a week, regardless of your situation. Nothing expensive, but quiet and personal. No pressure for sex, let her make the advances. Just quality time. Talk openly.

Once in bed try some toys, soft things - feathers, scarves, even a small, silicone dildo - and both of you work on her. Let her show you what she likes.

But remember - no pressure. Show your love, you'll get the "sex thing" back.

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Acetylene

This is called "sensate focus therapy" and it is very very important to relationships that don't generally involve cuddling. Women in general (obviously there are exceptions) tend to be insecure about receiving sexual favors when they aren't comfortable enough with their partner, and a woman who only touches her man for sex is not going to be comfotable with him. Too much sexual touch can intimidate, and the best way to fix this is to balance it with loving, affectionate touch.

That's like Bad_Janes comment about wanting her man to touch her other places. You have to be totally casual and relaxed about every form of touch in order for her feel ok in her most sensitive and vulnerable places.

The way to make this work best is to cuddle and kiss her and then NOT HAVE SEX (unless she specifically asks you to...don't want to insult her ). That really tells her you LOVE touching her, not just as foreplay but as an event itself!

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