nack104

First of all, I'm a virgin.

When I was with my ex, I would get hard from just kissing her. However, I would almost lose it as soon as she went down on me. Then, when I reached for my condom, I lost my erection. I believe that if I had put in my penis with a condom I probably would have been fine, but it was soon as I tried putting the condom on that I lost it. I asked my ex if she could help in any way IE giving me a hand job or something, and she was disgusted. Another time, she attempted getting me off by dry humping, but it didn't work and she got bored. Maybe you can see why she's my ex.

Anyways, I've always had anxiety. Whenever I go to the bathroom, I can not pee when someone else is in there. I try as hard as I can, but the urine will just not come out until everyone leaves. I think this has some connection with my sexual issue, but I don't know what to do. I was considering taking viagra when I was with my ex, but I didn't see why I needed it since I could easily get an erection from simply kissing her.

What do you guys think I should do? I currently do not have a girlfriend, but I would have in the future to get into the same predicament. I can't tell my next gf that I refuse to use condoms because I find that really rude. Does anyone have any advice?

skinnymofo

keep fooling around while you work to get it on, or have her do it. maybe go to your doctor about anxiety problems but then you never mentioned having attacks.
another idea would be to not think so hard, take it easy and go with the flow. hopefuly youll be much calmer than getting super exited about getting rid of your virignity and ready to burst.
hope that helps some

sexymama

Practice putting on condoms when alone.

Have her put the condom on for you.

Find a woman willing to work with you. There are many woman out there who will be more than happy to help you "relax" and find "helping you" a turn on.

__________________
If you can go deeply into lovemaking, the ego disappears. That is the beauty of lovemaking, that it is another source of a glimpse of god

It's not about being perfect; it's about developing some skill at managing imperfection.

Val_1

Sounds like nerves to me. I use to be that shy. Now I'm lucky if I don't take my cock out at work. Hey, if Tom Arnold can have confidence, so can you.

__________________

I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.

-Frank Sinatra

Harshaw

I had this problem also. I think Sexymama had some good ideas.

That's a very good idea. I never thought of that one. My biggest problem rushing to put the condom on <b> correctly </b> without taking all night.

This is what did it for me. After my girlfriend put the condom on for me a few times I got over my anxiety.

You are probably rushing to get the condom on and get back to the action. If you have her put it on for you, you never leave the action. But it is also importiant to... relax. If you put it on yourself, slow down, don't worry about how long it takes you. Just keep relaxed.

__________________
This too shall pass.

nack104

Yeah, actually one time with my ex I asked if she would put it on for me, and she said no.

Thanks for the advice.

jon_264

One good method already mentioned would be to practice putting it on yourself as then you would master it prior to having to rely on doing it with your next girlfriend. This in turn should relax you enough knowing that you know what you are doing etc so should sort this issue out.
Plus as everyone else has said don't rush things, take your time and enjoy yourself.

ElwoodBlues

sounds like its all psychological, and you had a bad ex. Sounds to me like she was not at all understanding, and didn't help your situation one bit.

what you may have my friend, is a case of stage fright. Try not to think about it so much when the time is near. Focus on something else, and you may find the results to be much more....pleasurable.

Nocturnal

Sounds like a bit of performance anxiety.

WillyPete

Get the 'easy on' durex condoms and try with those.
Lot better.

Some brands are just bitches to use.
check out the websites for manufacturers, sometimes they give out free samples.

ratbastid

Yeah, and with your then-partner's attitude, it's hard to see why...

Look for somebody patient and eager for your next attempt.

Oh, and I don't recommend opening with "First of all, I'm a virgin." What you're really saying is, "I've tried and failed to have sex. I therefore suck and am a total failure." That attitude won't help with the anxiety.

Zegel

I'm pretty sure the sexual anxiety and the shy-bladder are seperate issues. They both are a form of shyness, but I've heard of plenty of guys that have the shy-bladder syndrome that dont have any anxiety in bed, including myself.

They shy-bladder thing is weird too... I'm extremely comforatable around my fiance, but when it comes to going pee in front of her my brain just shuts down. Atleast she thinks it's cute, so I dont have a complex =P

StephenSa

I've had that problem before. It can be a big mental block. After the first time it happens you then worry about it happening again so it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. Then the more you try not to think about it the more you DO think about it. Hard to get any blood to your penis when its all in your head! Aarrgh! A few suggestions; have the condom easily accessible and have the package already torn so you don't spend a lot of time fooling around retrieving it and trying to get the package open. Practice putting one on so that doesn't slow you down much either. Try to relax and take your time. Just try not to feel pressured. The worst thing that can happen is you don't get laid and the best is that you do. You've got nothing to lose so try to just go with the flow. Easier said than done I admit but the less anxiety the better. If you still can't get it up, do things to please HER. Sex isn't all penis into vagina you know. You've got a tongue for more than just talking so use it. A lot of women like their nipples kiss and sucked, gently caress and kiss her all over her body, and of course performing oral sex on her is usually a crowd pleaser! You've got fingers too so use all your tools to give your partner pleasure. You might find that during the time you are spending on her your downstairs friend has crept up and is at attention, ready for action! Also as you get the girl more turned on she might be more inclined to give you the "help" you need. I've found that after a successful penetration or two the anxiety goes away and there are no more problems. Should this continue for a long time you might consider talking to your doctor about it. I don't hink thats where you are but if so don't be shy about bringing it up. Docs hear it all the time and thats what they are there for. Buck up! This too shall pass.

nack104

Thanks. I was using foreplay on my ex for probably 25 minutes before we attempted sex. I really got her going, although for some reason I lose my erection while I'm going down on her.. I don't know why. It bothered my ex because I was able to really turn her on with my foreplay, but then I wasn't able to complete the job as to say. I was hoping there would be anxiety pill I could take that would remove the fear, but I guess there's not.

For some reason I feel almost disgusted when I was about to have sex with my ex. However, it wasn't even just her, it was even the previous two girls I was with. However, this previous ex was the first time I had attempted anything sexual with a gf. Nevertheless, whenever I thought about having actual sex with any of them, it felt degrading for some reason. I'm worried that this thought will always bother me. I personally don't really even care so much about sex, I really just like the whole spooning thing. On the other hand, it still bothers me a lot that I can't have sex while so many other guys have no problem with it.

Cimarron29414

Okay, with regards to peeing. Soon, you will be 21 and at a football game. You will be drinking a lot of beer. The peeing problem will go away, trust me.

With regards to the other, this is not uncommon. There are three issues here:

1) "Confused penis" because you are concentrating on other things. I lose my erection when going down on girls. It's because I am concentrating on what I am doing - there is a lot of technique that needs to occur and it IS about pleasing her, not you. When you are trying to get that goddamn condom wrapper open, you are concentrating on that, and you lose the sexual interest. I would suggest opening it prior to the encounter (if possible) so all you have to do is grab it, unroll it, and bury it!

2) "Confused penis" due to moral issues. This one is REALLY simple. Once you have actually been in the holiest of holies, you will realize the greatness that is a woman's body. You will never worry about this again. It feels far too good to be wrong. And if lovin' the puss is wrong - baby, I don't want to be right!

3) "Confused penis" due to performance anxiety. Start with a virgin, you can't suffer by comparison. Other than that, it is a complicated issue that can require professional counselling.

PS: People like you that have been brainwashed into thinking Viagra is the solution should be smacked. Your penis works fine, it's your head that is screwed up!

nack104

Thanks again. On the peeing issue, I do not drink alcohol and will not, so your solution Cimarron won't really help.

bad jane

from your initial posts and your responses...i'm getting the impression you aren't really interested in having sex. maybe, for whatever reason, you simply aren't ready and your body isn't willing to cooperate because of that.

if sex feels degrading to you, i'd suggest figuring out why. that doesn't mean therapy, but maybe you need a serious commitment to sleep with a woman (seeing it as an act of love versus a nasty perversion of the flesh)? kissing and spooning are typically loving actions and if love triggers your sex drive, it makes sense you'd get an erection. while going down on a woman can be a very loving thing (and many would argue it is) it's not generally associated with love. i dunno, but i definitely get the vibe that staying a virgin a while longer might be in your better interests--and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.