Pwilll

I know there has been other threads like this, I can use the search feature, but, there is none quite like mine so please read my situation and try to help me out some, thanks in advance.

So, my girlfriend and I have been dating for about 5 months; we aren't having sex but we're doing everything else. We just started to do oral a few months ago and since we're both so busy, we never really have a chance to do anything. Last night we went at it pretty hard but then at the end of the night, she got really depressed. When I asked her why, she told me that she felt disapointed that she couldn't have an orgasm. Since she never has masturbated, which I actually believe because she is catholic and has just recently gone to the darkside at all. I reconsoled her and told her that lots of girls have this problem and that we'd work at it together until she could when, I realized that she thought it was my fault, though she'd never admit it. I've made other girls come, I dont' consider myself bad at any of the sexual acts. This makes sense to me a little, she's never had any other partners in anything, nor masturbated. Being a regular guy, it makes me happy to make her happy and, I'd give anything to help her come. I really feel bad especially since she thinks that it's my fault. I've tried to help her and tell her to relax and she says that she is.

Any advice on either aspect of it?

Thanks tons.

water_boy1999

1) She thinks it is your fault:
Has she ever had an orgasm? Have other guys gotten her off? I can't speak from a woman's perspective, but it seems that if she doesn't masturbate, she may be quite inexperienced with her own body as well as yours. If you both are young, nerves have a lot to do with it. It can cause one to worry so much about pleasing your partner that you yourself are not being pleased. Has she made you come? If you are young and inexperienced as well, you might not be hitting the right buttons on her, which brings us to number 2.

2) How do I make a girl come?
I have never really had this problem, but I think a woman might be better suited to answer this part from a woman's perspective. Mal? Nikki? Care to take over from here?

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Ramallah

Has she started masturbating? If not, she should at least explore her body a little. She can't expect you to make her cum if she doesn't even know what she likes. She's also probably still a little nervous and might be afraid to really let herself go.

Pwilll

I have gotten other girls off, we are both young, and I am her only parnter in anything but kissing and breast action, ever.

I've encouraged her to masturbate because if she can't make herself come then how can I, and that she needs to learn her body.

adam

You might consider buying her a hitachi magic wand... I'm told they are a lot of fun.

There are lots of books for women on learning to have orgasms.

Halx

I've been down this road. I wish I hadn't.

Just be more patient than I was.

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the_marq

I think they also cost about $200, probably not in the budget of the average...umm sex rookie?

I'd echo what has already been said, get her to masturbate to learn her own in's and out's. If she can't make herself come it's entirely unreasonable for her to expect you to know how to do it.

These things take time, you've been having sex only a few months (by your post), it will take a while to learn all the angles.

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adam

A quick glance through froogle showed me one for $39.95: http://www.nitetimetoys.com/massager...magic-wand.php

Pwilll

we haven't started having sex yet

the_marq

Well ignore what I said then

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KinkyKiwi

..hate to admit it but i've been pretty dissapointed sexually too...

when me and biznatch first started dating there were times that he couldnt make me cum...still happens often... its hard to admit but i used to and still do get a lil annoyed at him a bit...i'm very comfortable with my body and i can easily bring myself to orgasm..but sometimes he just cant get the stroke right or something ...i've found that when hes not "rubbing right" i take over the clit and have him finger me...makes it easier..and i don't get dissapointed ..tho i do realize i shoudl spend more time "training" him to what i like...little by little i'll show him...

dont vibes decrease sensitivity?

maybe if you like start with a romantic evening..LOTS of kissing and stroking ...that way she gets very aroused..then just go gently and slow...make sure that neither of you EXPECTS her to come..and just enjoy the ride

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boredom

well vibes only decrease when you set them on high, its better to just keep it on a low or medium setting to make the experience longer, or so those voices who speak to me say.

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Rlyss

Pwill - Don't let her say it's your fault, and don't let yourself get sucked into it either. If I was in your situation and she hinted that it was my fault I think I might send her packing. There are a gazillion reasons why she isn't having an orgasm, and I think almost everyone here would agree that it's a mixture of inexperience (on your part and on hers) and nerves.

Keep at it, read up on all the techniques you can find and try them all (give each one a fair chance), make the mood right, make sure you aren't rushed for time, etc.

Encourage her to explore herself and make sure she lets you know when something feels like nothing, and when something feels good, and when something feels <b>good</b>. If she's not letting you know what you're doing right (and I mean by actually saying, out loud, 'That feels great, don't stop!') then you'll try something else. Since you can't feel what she's feeling, you have to rely on her reactions to tell you what feels good. As you get older and more experienced you'll recognize the body language clues (breathing, curled toes and all that) but at this stage it's probably best to say things out loud.

Don't let her make you feel guilty about this. You're trying to do something for her that she can't even do herself. I think I have a few issues with people who don't masturbate but expect their partners to hit the magic buttons straight away. If she doesn't know what she likes, how are you supposed to?

maleficent

I'm gonna be a hardass here and say -- tell her she's wrong - so completely wrong.

I get really tired of hearing women complain that their guy can't get them off, that it's something they are or aren't doing. We, as women, are responsible for our own orgasms, if we can't figure out what makes us happy, how on earth can we ever expect someone else to do it.

The only thing I can suggest is to give her a hand mirror, and a bottle of lube, and tell her to go have fun with herself for a while... The mirror helps you see what you are touching, and where your hand is - -and the lube makes it slippery. Honestly, if she's not comfortable doing that - then the "everything but" you both are doing she shouldn't be doing.

It's not your fault, don't ever think for a moment that it is...

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skier

IT may be true that the orgasm is the culmination of sex, but there are MANY things that feel very good for both the guy and the girl without orgasm. You two are doing a very fun activity. It's not a task, or a goal oriented action. Just loosen up and have fun exploring each other's bodies, getting comfortable with what feels good and what feels GREAT. Have her communicate what feels good to her- get her vocal with her pleasure. Look for body cues for when she likes what you do. Her orgasming will come sometime in the future, so don't worry about doing it right away.

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slimshaydee

If she's never masturbated and you're her first sexual partner how the hell is she gonna know:
1. How to get off
2. What an orgasm feels like
3. If she actually had an orgasm or not
I bet you she was as tense as anything and it was this coupled with the fact that was was completely inexperienced that caused her not to orgasm. Just because you don't have the ability to get any girl off in 30 seconds or less doesn't mean it's your fault she didn't get off. As mal said, it's up the woman's responsibility for her own orgasm.

Pwilll

Thanks for all the help guys. We talked it over and agreed to just not worry about it and that it'll come when it comes (pun intended)

but seriously, thanks for the help, you guys are great.