mcwoop

I'm a big guy (yes, that means fat) that is trying to get his life in order, i.e. lose weight and improve his health. But, it's been a long time since I've been in a relationship, and I'm getting kind of antsy. I'm not asking if there's a sect of women that get off on big guys and big guys alone, just wondering if there are women out there that can get past it. The last woman I was with honestly loved me for who I was, but, let me repeat, it's been a long time since someone with that specific open-mindedness has been around in my life.
Suggestions? Stories? Advice? All would be appreciated.

Irishsean

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Leon Trotsky

isis

I personally love bigger guys. They make me feel safe. I found the biggest thing is to be confident, or at least be able to poke a bit of fun at yourself. As long as you don't dwell on it, its fine. In my experience, its been that way anyhow.

Key

have confidence in yourself. there's people with all sorts of tastes, fetishes, etc. not all women are shallow and into looks, as long as you provide everything else.

my friend's a huge guy but everyone loves him, he doesn't get down on himself and the confidence he has is really refreshing for people. he just acts like it's no big deal, he doesn't necessarily draw attention to it with self-deprecating jokes but he doesn't pretend he's never seen a mirror either.

i've talked to a few of my friends and they agree it's not so much the extra physical weight, but the emotional weight they're worried about. the impression is if they get involved with someone with a weight problem, they're gonna have to deal with the "oh poor me syndrome" and no woman wants to deal with that. "if he can't carry his own weight i don't know how how he expects me to" was something i remember- referring to the emotional baggage. generally the farther you look like someone from GQ or Maxim the more self-concious you become.

it's like diabetes, just a endless deprecating loop. break it.

bottom line - if you can't accept/love yourself, how can you expect anyone else to?

ShaniFaye

I much prefer "big" guys always have.....so what if my guy is overweight? I love every single solitary square inch of him.....his confidence is much bigger than he is and THAT makes him sexy as hell to me

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I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!

Key

case in point

KCMadcow

I'm a big guy and have had pretty good success. Key is tune into fashion, dress nice, do the whole grooming thing (stylish hair, good cologne, etc.) I'm not talking success in one night stands or anything (I had a problem landing those even when I was slimmer), but in overall dating. After you address the style issue, confidence will come and everything will follow. When you feel good, it shows and makes you that much more attractive. I would also suggest match.com, or another online service. I've had great success through that (it really expands your spectrum of prospective dates) and even usually waited for girls to contact me (which they did). My girlfriend now and I have been dating for just about a year and everything is great!

Coppertop

I'm 6'2" 225 and while I am not fat I am definitely not thin. My girl seems to like me just fine. Had I never approached her, I'd probably be single today.

I agree that confidence is everything. Who wants to go out with someone with no faith in themself? That's not a very attractive trait to have.

Look at it this way: if you were of the opposite sex, would you go out with you?

blar

of course there are i know a few that love em

don't worry about it be yourself

mcwoop

Thank you to those who replied. Sorry for not playing by the rules. I will be more careful of what to say and ask here in the future. Still trying to find my footing on this forum and in other parts of what I make my life.

Ustwo

Slight side track I'm 6'2"ish and 225 but everyone THINKS I'm thin. I know I could lose a few pounds but most think I'm nuts for going on a diet. I guess its how you wear it. I am shooting for 205, its a good fighting weight

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Nancy

to hell with a few extra pounds - it's all about attitude and personality

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I have all the characteristics of a human being: blood, flesh, skin, hair; but not a single, clear, identifiable emotion, except for greed and disgust. Something horrible is happening inside of me and I don't know why. My nightly bloodlust has overflown into my days. I feel lethal, on the verge of frenzy.
I think my mask of sanity is about to slip.

CityOfAngels

Heck no I wouldn't!

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The words "love" and "life" go together. It is almost as if they are one. You must love to live, and you must live to love, or you have never lived nor loved at all.

MSD

Everyone thinks I'm 50 punds lighter than I am, so your weight may be much more obvious tou you than to others.

Strange Famous

Im pretty sure that most girls wouldnt date me cos of my size. A lot of people say "its all about personality" cos they dont want to look superficial, but the fact is, who wants to date someone you arent attracted to? Im 5 9 and about 280 lbs.... simple fact is not many people would find me attractive, so why would they want to date me.

Then again, some people might say it was my lack of confidence that means I dont meet anyone, not being fat... but is it the other way round and people not liking me made me lose all my confidence, cos honestly I used to have one... I dunno.

Either way, sucks to be!

I guess I am not helping with the original topic poster's question.

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"Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate,
for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing
hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain
without being uncovered."

The Gospel of Thomas

watcherz

Strange Famous you gotta "Bring It" ..Walk in a room and Own it!! I'm 6' 1" and 250, But I have big Arms and a Barrel chest. When I walk into a room, I stand Tall (Ex-Military). I know I'm one of the Biggest Baddest Mother Fu#%ers in there.Love "YOU" for "ALL" you are Mate. The rest will fall together,Good Luck Dude!

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Don't run, You'll only die tired!!

inharmony

Be yourself. Have confidence in yourself as well. Make yourself happy, the rest will come. GOOD LUCK TO YOU

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"You can't shake hands with a clenched fist."
Ghandi

"Things do not change: We change"
Henry David Thoreau

jonjon42

yeah I'm kinda of a big guy and my gf loves me so if it can happen to me.. it can happen to anyone.

Just be your(women charming)self and confident in yourself.

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A damn dirty hippie without the dirty part....

JackStoney

Totaly agree , I'm about the same height and weight , and belive me no one wants to go out with some one that fat , I certainly wouldnt won't to date a girl if she were my size , it suks but it is a fact .

Coppertop

I know big men who have women. Perhaps your sights are just set on the wrong ones?

Aside: if you're going to quote people in your signature, be sure to spell their name right, m'kay?

jakewesier

Yeah. I think that the mental thing is there. I am 6'1 and weight in at around 340lbs (last time I weighted myself, and have come down from much heavier). I have a lot of confidence in myself in a lot of ways. I am charming and charismatic but I don't have women. Mostly because of the cliche of it's so strange that you can be so big but almost be invisable.

I walk in, I own the room. Everyone notices me not in a bad way. At the end of it I never leave with anyone. Most times it is because I don't want to. But even I bet if I wanted to go out and try and get some play that I wouldn't get any. I don't dwell on it anymore because it used to drive me crazy. I only periodically go through periods when I feel lonely in that sense and then it passes. Perhaps I've trained myself to settle for reality.

I'm sure that there are women out there who love bigger men, I've seen it. There are men who love bigger women. I guess with North America getting fatter by the year (overweight numbers rising) that pretty soon I'll be leading the charge!

Anyway, that's just a cruel joke at my expense. I don't get women because I don't go out looking for them. But even when I have attempted to start something it doesn't go anywhere at all. Maybe I just hang out with to many beautiful people

trevlya006

glad you think that!

every girl i talk to is like damn you have a killer personality, but then i meet them or something and they go, oh well i have to go..

i am 5'9 250..

people judge by the outside, its no lie.

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"Untill all that is different around you, you will be different"

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denim

People judge by the outside initially, sure. An important point I just realized recently was that I was making up other people's minds w/o giving them a chance. That is, if I tell myself "she won't be interested", I'll never know if she would have surprised me. I'm 5'10", a bit over 300lbs, and I've just recently started dating someone.

HomerSimpson

i am 5'9 238lbs and i dont have a problem. Altho i am big, i still dress nice, smell nice and have a great personality, love to joke around. When i walk into a room full of people i joke and have a laff(about myself and others). But when i am with sum1 1to1 its different.Its about who you are, not what you look like (i think anyway)

p.s the ladies can pm me anytime :P lol

Boylan

DISCLAIMER: Poster is from the land of the Superficial (aka Long Island, NY) and may have his point of view severly skewed
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One thing to be aware of, and this is coming from experience is becarefule when you DO find someone who is really into you.

As a big guy (6'0" 240 lbs) I have blindly walked into relationships with women which were, frankly, drop dead gorgeous. While I count myself lucky that i had relationships with women my Tommy-Hilfiger-model-look-a-like-friends wow at there was always an issue with them. In my experience a lot of these women are very needy. They have been hurt a lot in the past, usually dumped, cheated on, abused in some way etc. And they think that because we're bigger guys and "don't have the same options" we'll be safer for them, and all to often they treat US the way they have been treated in the past.

I don't want to bring anyone down, and I know not all women are like this but it really seems that insecure/heavy/nerdy guys get hit the same way. And lets face it, those who have been less than lucky in love tend to have big hearts and we want to help. Just be careful.

I totally agree with a previous poster (Im too lazy to scroll up and see who) and going to Match.com is a great thing. I've had a few dates and a some short relationships from that site and I have been happy with it. Nothing has really panned out, but its helped me figure out more of what I'm looking for in a woman. (and how to screen out the needy pyscho-baggage-chicks)

Long story short - We heavy guys have a chance, don't worry. Just be careful, you may be happy you found something good, but don't jump in without really looking.

ibis

It's all about the attitude. I knew a dude tht was 300+ lbs that got more action (dammit!!) than me.

Most woman aren't as superfical than you'd think.

vinmag7

i am a bigger guy(now closin in on fat guy used to just be bigger) and i have found women that like big guys - it's like anything else there are people who are turned on by all types of body types

HiWayMan

I'm a fat dude that lacked confidence. However, I found a woman that truely loves me. I'm still a fat man, but she makes me feel like a king and the baddest mo-fo that walks the earth. I've been hit on on numerous occassions now, when in the past I wouldn't get a second look. I'm not bragging, but trying to make the point that self confidence goes a hell of a long way in securing a relationship, and there is someone out there for everybody.