livingfossil

This is just a poll on people's opinions on marriage. I am interested in generating some discussion on this, because, well, I find it interesting.

Is marriage simply a cultural residue remaining from a society the hedged the power of men? Given the fact that people change, can any marriage last forever (and still be a pleasant experience)? Does marriage need to be a pleasant experience? Is it monogamous? Is it forever? Is it a tool of the state to cement and passify the public?

Much of this thought occurred after I read <a href="www.uchicago.edu/research/ jnl-crit-inq/issues/v24/v24n2.kipnis.html" target="_blank">Laura Kipnis' "Adultery."</a> It's an interesting piece, even if I loathed it at the time. Now, well, I dunno. I think in some ways, she may be correct.

(I think this ought to go here, but maybe philosophy is the place for it. Ah well).

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the_marq

Where's the Poll?

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The Truth:

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#3 in a series

livingfossil

I had to make it. Rush me. Jeesh. heh

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usrbinboy

I don't wanna get married. I also plan on becomming very rich soon and I don't want to risk losing it to some bitch who was just after my money. Oh, and prenups are a dumb idea too. Why not just have fun and die young?

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StickODynomite

I'm for marriage. What kind though, I'm not sure. I'm willing to explore an open marriage (or "nonstandard" as you put it.) as soon as my SO feels comfy doing so of course.

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Lockjaw

Call me old fashioned but I'm all for the traditional marriage that results in the stereotypical 2.5 kids that lasts for life. This is likely my most "feminine" quality in that since I was a little kid I always wanted a family of my own. I want a loving wife and a cozy home. I want the kids that will grow up to be fairly well adjusted due to the love my future wife and I share and demonstrated. Personally I feel people in a strong loving marriage are able to provide more on a relational level than the average person that isn't. Those kind of people will be the folks that will stick with you through thick and thin. The kind of folks you can count on.
Don't get me wrong I'm still a young man that wouldn't mind sampling as much as he can...but when that one lady comes along I honestly don't think I'll have a problem being locked down with her for life. It's somebody you can share things you can't share with anybody else. I dunno about you guys but I sharing your deepest most unguarded thoughts isn't an option with my guy friends. I'd feel uncomfortable even talking about anything deeper than the weather with my female friends, and there are also things you can't share with parents or siblings but I think you can share those things with your life long partner. And while sex IS important after a while if there aren't any type of feelings behind it...what's the use? I mean I'd hate to be a 55 year old dude just hammering some skank because I thought she was hot with nothing else behind it. It just seems pointless. If I want that...that's why they make the porn.

ibis

I did the "I don't know" cause... well... I don't know how I feel about that right now. I've got 6 more years of school left (I'm an undergrad Junior right now) so deffently not any time soon. I'm thinking mabye once I have my career in line.

I feel a little odd about it, but sometimes I have a fantasy about having the whole 2.3 kids thing. I don't know. I guess the way I was raised has conditioned me to think that way.

Though, it seems that conditioning has been wearing off alot latley.

ColonelSpecial

I see a lot of people who are very happy in a traditional marriage. I think that is fantastic. My parents have been married for 25 years. I can see why marriage is something to be cherished but is marriage really something that everyone for all time should enter into? I really can't say yes because I can't imagine being in one relationship for 25 years. Right now (I am 21), that seems like such a time. I find the definitions of family and marriage to be fascinating because of the dynamic qualities they possess. Over the last few decades, we have seen major changes in the types of families who get exposure in the news, TV, radio, movies, print, etc. I grew up in a traditional 2 parent family and am very adjusted but I still have my problems. I can't see myself marrying for a long time (over 5 years) but who knows who might be in my path.

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Jimellow

Do I intend to get married? I don't know, maybe?

It depends on how life turns out and if I come across Miss Right.

I'm of the mindset that if I'm getting married it's for life, and not 2 years, so I want to make very certain that she is "the one" before tying the knot.

I hear so many stories (from friends and elsewhere) about bad relationships, short marriages, and just general discontentment when it comes to marriage and long term relationships, and it all compounds to make me a little more skeptical about settling down with one person.

To think about waking up next to and being with the same person EVERY day for the rest of my life is very daunting to me; and for it to work well and be enjoyable, that person has to click almost perfectly, and I think that's tough to find given the diversity of both people and personalities in this country and the world.

I'd rather be single and content than married and "trapped." But if I find Miss Right comes around, then I don't see why not. I definitely don't intend to rush into things, as it doesn't seem to be worth the risk.

ninety09

I don't really see the point of getting married. Legal reasons maybe? My significant other and me certainly don't need to get married to show that we love each other and that we are commited.

maleficent

I've been engaged twice, and failed to make it to the alter, wisely, each time. Neither person, when I looked at the big picture was the right one for me. Will I ever get married? my mother would sure like to think I would, but I don't know, I won't settle, and I've not met the man who's brave enough to commit to a lifetime with me. (Nicest word I can use to describe myself is that I'm difficult)

The divorce rate in the US is 60 percent because people seem to have no clue as to what marriage is all about, they get married for the wrong reasons, either to escapre something, they are afraid to be alone, or theyt don't think anyone else will ask. They don't give themselves enough credit, and that marriage is doomed to fail.

When/if I do get married, it will be the traditional kind. Forsaking all others... is part of what I believe traditional marriage is all about, and I don't think it's possible to have your cake and eat it too... you can't have mariage,a nd then continue to screw others, and not have it have a deleterious efffect on the marriage.

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Ustwo

I remember seeing this stat before (though it was 50%) used as an example of how stats can be manipulated. Since the divorce rate doesn't count people who get married multiple times any differently then those who stay together it makes it look like a larger segement of the population is really getting divorced when in reality it tends to be the same smaller segment getting divorced more often.

If you weren't sure its good that you waited, but don't let other peoples failures dictate your future.

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Lockjaw

See something was just brought up I don't get. People saying they don't see themselves being able to stay married for more than a few years. Not a slam intended by any means but I wonder why people with that mind set even bother? It's like going into things with a defeatest attitude. Marriage isn't for everybody and in our society it's not even like the thing is based upon any kind of morals so I don't see what the big deal is with getting with someone and just not marrying. Personally that particular choice isn't for me if I'm going to cohabit with someone I want to be married otherwise I don't want them in my house all the time.

doncalypso

I definitely would love to get married and have a family eventually, but I still have about ten more years of school to go after I graduate from college in May (~3 yrs. for a master's degree; ~7 yrs. for the MD/PhD program).

By the time I'm done with school I'll be over the age of 30 and probably won't find single women in my age group who have never been married and are without children so I might end up living alone for the rest of my life. Nevertheless, the ideal condition for me would be to find someone with whom I can enjoy a traditional and stable marriage.

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Ustwo

I did the same thing basicly (DDS/speciality/MS) time wise. I married the same girl I was dating my senior year in college. A good one will wait it out with you, and we didn't get married until after I was already in dental school and didn't have kids until I was done.

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intecel

I don't plan on ever getting married.

I'm 24 years old and I've already been in a 5 year relationship and currently in a 2 year relationship. I always let a girl know where I stand on that issue, upfront.

Just about all of my friends have kids and got married, and are already divorced or they are in the process of a divorce.

My parents got divorced about 10 years ago, but that has nothing to do with my decision, although most of you will probably think otherwards. This really didn't effect me, even at the time.

What's the point of marraige?

If you plan on being with someone your whole life, why do you need a piece of paper that binds you to each other?

A friend of mine's parents have been together for 23 years. They have never been married, and they are the happiest couple I have ever met in my life.

tom12

personally, i am very much looking forward to marriage and i think i'll be much happier after i'm maried

phyzix525

I am starting not to like them.

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Twizted

For me, it's my chosen way of life. I met my wife early in life and got lucky, we fit each other well. We both came from parents that divorced, and sort of resolved to break the cycle and provide a stable home for our kids.

I understand when marriages fail, its time to move on. Luckily, ours has been a success and we've made it 10 years married (and 14 together).

I hope to one day, once the kids are grown, travel the world with her. We had kids young, so we'll be 'free' by the mid 40's and can really focus on the other things in life.

But! I can respect other peoples choice to take other paths as well, that's the great thing about this place... choices!!!

Jason

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mo42

I'm totally in favor of the traditional marriage system. In fact, I'm even in favor of waiting until marriage to have sex. Call me a fool if you want, but my girlfriend is really hot, and pretty good at making out, so I'm gonna trust that she'll be pretty good in the sack, too. Plus, the idea that we will be committed to each other, and neither of us will have had sex with anyone else will make our marital bond that much stronger.

Strong marriages are keys for strong families which are keys to strong societies. I think the weakening family structure is the root of most of the emerging problems we see in America today.

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janda_janda

Despite recent hiccups it's been an extremely positive thing for me - it shouldn't be entered into lightly and it shouldn't be exited lightly either. It's nice having what dr phil calls "a soft place to land" and our family unit is very important to me.

I wouldn't go so far as to say that the weakening family is the root of all troubles but having two parents actively engaged in their child's rearing seems to make the outcome a little more predictable.

If "marriage" were somehow done away with, I still think people would make partnerships because it's easier to run a home with two, and having a person to share things with at an intimate level is good for one's mental health. The pros outweigh the cons.

but as Jason said and do

Lockjaw

Hey there's nothing wrong with marrying younger doublely so if you want kids.
Let's say you are going to be like 32 when you finish up it wouldn't be hard at all to find a nice mature 26 year old female that wouldn't mind sinking her claws into an older established guy...a doctor no less making good money...trust me you won't have a problem at all find a mate that will match you. You just might not be able to share and compare memories from early childhood but that's no biggie.

livingfossil

Interesting vote results all. Thanks for the input.

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summerkc

Been married for 1.5 years, got married to my high school sweetheart right after college (we also went to differnt colleges). So far I love being married and living together, you never feel lonely and there is always some poontang laying next to you. No more trying to get laid stuff.

Of course, only been married for a little over a year, ask me again in 10 years and my story may be differnt.

doncalypso

I'm not into robbing the craddle... sorry.

If there is one thing I can't stand it's when women ignore guys of their own age group to go for older men simply because those older men have material possessions and financial stability. I'll be damned if I end up repeating the cycle by robbing the craddle when I finally make it through my graduate (and hopefully medical) studies.

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4L145

All depends how. Me and my baby boo wanna get a Handfasting due to our personal beliefs and then the traditional White wedding, all "proper" so our deep seated Families don't complain. Christian marriage? No, but those are my personal beliefs. I mean, I'd rather have one of those registry thingies, but hell, it might even be fun to make up our own vows in that "church" thingy.

-j

YaWhateva

Before i met the girl of my dreams, marriage wasn't the thing for me. Now, I absolutely cannot wait to marry her.

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Stompy

Marriage, to me, is lose-lose.

I don't think it's in human nature to be with just one person for the rest of your life. People grow and change. Your needs/desires will change over time.

Having sex with one person for the rest of your life seems boring. If it was an open marriage where you can still have fun with other people, I'd probably consider it.

Another thing that I dislike about marriage is the laws surrounding it. You basically get punished if your marriage fails. For example, the typical "she got half of everything." Fuck that shit. That ALONE would make it all not worth it.

It might a good relationship and things are smooth sailing for now, but you never know, and that lingering possibility is just way too much of a gamble. If there were laws against that, then I'd be even more inclined to do it.

Really, aside from the tax benefits, it's no different than just having a girlfriend. Common law marriage is for the birds, too. Thank god I don't live in a state that suckers you into "marriage" status. I'd just be more inclined to leave the person once that date approached.

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