quagmire

So, my girlfriend and I have been together for 3 months, and I really care about her. She's a great partner, a beautiful woman, and a good friend... I really can see this going far. We started sleeping together about a month ago, and much to my dismay... I can't seem to make her climax. She has assured me that the sex feels amazing, and a couple times, she has actually screamed herself hoarse... but the only thing that puts her over the edge and actually makes her climax is if she masturbates.

Now, the trouble is... when she masturbates alone... sometimes, she can't even make herself climax. So, after we have sex, (if we aren't both completely exhausted) I'll suck on one of her nipples while using my tounge to stimulate it. At the same time; she fingers her clitoris, and I normally have one or two fingers inside of her, working on the wall of her vagina right behind the clitoris. This activity normally takes about 10-30 minutes before she comes... and that is a wonderful thing. She's really beautiful, and I love to see her satisfied.

Normally, before sex, we may have anywhere from 20-90 minutes of foreplay... I really care about her a lot and I enjoy teasing her and really making an event out of our love-making... I give her as much oral as she can stand (and I put it that way, because normally I stop at her request) and I may finger her a while, and kiss her all over... I must admit, the foreplay is top-notch.

The trouble with me working on her body is this: I've heard about the fact that with a woman's body, a good touch can become a bad touch, almost without notice. i.e. a motion or amount of friction can go from very pleasureable to extremely uncomfortable in a split-second. So, since I am not directly tied into her central nervous system... I have a hard time telling what the body is doing. She tries to remember to communicate to me how she's feeling, but honestly... the less she has to think about during sex/foreplay, the better

She's assured me that she's never been able to climax from sex, and that she's not even able to do it herself, every time... so I'm kinda stuck on where to go from here. I fear for her, that there may be some emotional block that prevents her from really letting go and letting her body feel the pleasure. And her inability to climax is becoming (as horrible as it sounds) a bit of a turn-off to me. I know going into sex, that I'm going to have to do a lot of work once I've come, to get her off. I'm absolutely willing, but often times we're talking about a half-hour of neck-breaking-carpal-tunnel-enducing, sexual acrobatics.... sorry to be dramatic, but it's been a real feet sometimes.

Even though she says that sex with me is wonderful, I have a hard time accepting that as "good enough". Half of it is my macho need to satisfy/conquer her body... and the rest of it is that I really want her to enjoy sex as much as possible, and I'm certain that the human race doesn't know enough about our bodies to say for sure that some people CAN'T climax from penetration.

I have been with women that are more external than others... I have also been with women that were mult-orgasmic from intercourse. I have also been with women that faked it [badly].

... So c'mon internet... fix my problems!

'er... Uhm... I mean, any feedback would be greatly appreciated.

Squishor

Well from a woman's perspective, it sounds to me like the main problem is in your own mind. I have a happy, active and fulfilling sex life and I never orgasm from penetration, and only rarely from someone else's efforts. I'm sure she means it when she says sex with you is wonderful. It sounds like she's enjoying it, a lot. And, really, you've only been together three months, so why not relax and give you both some time to get a little better acquainted with each other's bodies?

If you feel so strongly that you should be able to give her an orgasm, she may start to feel pressured and inadequate. This could potentially ruin what sounds like a good thing. Speaking as someone who's been in her position, my personal experience has been that ultimately I get turned off by this scenario. I prefer not to feel pressured by men to climax how they want me to, when they say I should, and from what type of stimulation.

When I got together with my current boyfriend the orgasm thing was a concern, but he was patient and I showed him what works for me. Eventually he learned to make it happen for me and, although it's still only sometimes, it's always much much better when it does. I don't feel like I'm missing out at all.

junglistic

I totally agree with the above, I think you should give it some time and see what goes on.

My fiance and I have been together a bit over 2 years, and it wasnt under about the 6-9th month that she had an orgasm, her first by sex. She probably orgasms 80% of the time we have sex now and she loves it, but in the begining, it was more of a getting comfortable stage.

So, be compassionate, and be there if she needs you, but do not pressure her, or rush her. Good luck

StickODynomite

I agree with squishor and junglistic.

I also cannot stand being pressured to orgasm. My SO felt bad for the longest time about not being able to make me orgasm. It was very difficult for me to orgasm because I kept thinking that If I didn't orgasm he would feel bad, and that started a vicious cycle. Neither one of us had fun. It's hard to relax when you know that your SO is thinking that if you dont orgasm, they didn't do a good job. The LAST thing you want to do when you're having sex is THINK.

Best of luck to ya.

__________________
"The human mind is like a parachute, it works best when open."

MSD

Try getting her off before you start actual sex, and it may be easier for her to have a second orgasm after that. If that doesn't work, you have an excuse to spend money on silly toys like vibrating cock rings.

mr sticky

Dude, MOST women cannot climax from sex alone. Moreso, only the most talanted of them can enjoy sex at all with some guy trying to force the issue. So, relax, communicate with her. In fact, compleltely drop the orgasm issue. You don't want to ruin her experience of sex by trying to reach a a goal of satisfying your ego.

Dude, forgive me if that sounds harsh, but I was an asshole about this issue when I was younger, and it took me forever to unfuck myself! I'm just trying to save you a lotta time and heartbreak!

__________________
The sad thing is... as you get older you come to realize that you don't so much pilot your life, as you just try to hold on, in a screaming, defiant ball of white-knuckle anxious fury

KinkyKiwi

I'm a girl and I have the same kind of problems..so is it like NORMAL not to be able to orgasm unless you do it yourself? I mean like is this a common problem for girls?

__________________
Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.
Play with each other. Play with yourselves. Just don't play with the squirrels, they bite.

Glory's Sun

it's quite common for women not to be able to orgasm every time they have sex. There are many factors in this and I'm sure that a woman would be able to explain them better than I could.

ratbastid

The single best piece of sex advice anyone could ever get is: Check your ego at the bedroom door.

Is she satisfied? How would you know? You'd ask, right? And she says she is, right? So...

ngdawg

Wouldn't say it's common(women only getting off by themselves), just that it happens. Sometimes, guys try so hard to reach that goal they actually end up hurting us . We get rubbed raw, the juices stop flowing and we end up tired out.
Try this: instead of you working to get her off, and she's waiting for it or working another part of her own body, do each other together. 69 or T(she's above you giving head while you triple-play her from behind with your hand). Experiment a LOT. And don't think 'orgasm' every second. Think 'fun'. Good luck!

KinkyKiwi

lol i think worrying about reaching orgasm and the stress from not being able to all the time is why 95% of us need therapy

__________________
Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.
Play with each other. Play with yourselves. Just don't play with the squirrels, they bite.

day6

one of the other things could be that since your relationship is still very new, she might need to just get more comfortable with you.

just a thought.

Aladdin Sane

I've been with my wife for 16 years. She doesn't orgasm easily, and she has never orgasmed from penetration alone. She must have clitoris stimulation. She cums easiest when I give her a good licking, but even then it's not 100%. This distressed me alot for 10 or 12 years. I have more or less accepted it now. I still do fantasize that one day she will cum from fucking. But I have come to accept that the problem is not mine.

__________________
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

CityOfAngels

Remember: Only SHE knows when she's satisfied. That means when she says she's satisfied with or without an orgasm, believe her. Women are not men (thank God); they don't consider having an orgasm as being "finished." I don't know WHAT they consider being finished, because I'm not a woman, but I'll tell you this: If women refused to have sex with men unless they knew they were going to have an orgasm, our species wouldn't have lasted past Adam and Eve.

__________________
The words "love" and "life" go together. It is almost as if they are one. You must love to live, and you must live to love, or you have never lived nor loved at all.

TheFu

My advice buy a book, buy several. Read them together and work on the problem together. Women are too complex for solving on a message board. She'd probably kick your ass for posting about it too.

Anomaly_

I wish I could dig up a relevant Loveline clip at the moment;nevertheless, this amounts to a non-problem. Men and women experience sex very differently, which means your current approach is skewed. There is no Lost City of Atlantis down there that you're going to find. It is a fact that most women don't have orgasm from penetration, and your aggression in pursuing it only worsens the situation. If she says she's enjoying the experience, believe her and let orgasms come as they please.

animal909

My gf tells me that instead of worrying about her orgasm, focus on how my thingy feels and how good it is to make love to her. She helped me helped her because I didn't worry about my performance during sex.

Ramega

DUDE! Buy a silver bullet. Its a very small vibrator with a "throttle" that you or she can control. After you've gone at it for a bit, have her get on top and pin that little sucker between you and her clit. She'll come like a freight train, and it will be while you're having sex.

They are the best things ever.

tom12

hey man as long as you love her and she's happy it doesnt matter how she gets there!