Locomotive

Yeah I know the subject is a bit crazy

Well, I recently found out I have genital herpes. Serious bummer... no cure. Granted, it's not like I'm dying (thank GOD. My heart goes out to those living with HIV). And I usually have three or four outbreaks per year, not too bad. But the big question is, who's going to want to sleep with me now?? I don't think some chick would be hip to the idea of having sex with me. Yeah I could put on a condom, but you know how it is, nothing is ever 100% safe.

What should I do?? Does anyone have any advice? Am I totally screwed? Should I just save up $7000 and buy one of these?

Fett56

start saving dude. Anyways, at least you've gotten some.

How well does a condom prevent contamination?

lurkette

If you can, take the antiviral drugs. There is some evidence that, in addition to preventing outbreaks, they can prevent viral shedding when you're not having an active outbreak, and therefore reduce chances of spreading it.

This is probably small consolation, but since about 1 in 5 people has genital herpes (though most of them don't know it), chances are you're likely to run into someone who's already contaminated and will understand. That said, having contracted one STD should make you doubly careful about keeping your willie wrapped to keep you from getting another one. Or spreading this one.

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primord

I have no idea where you live,
but look for some support/social groups.

There are lots of people in this world, and lots of them have various STD's.
I know we all hope for the best every day in regard to new cures and drugs.

I wouldn't be suprised if there is a GHA (genital herpes anon?) somehwere....
even if it isn't a serious relationship you could find a dooable bootay call maybe?

Squishor

I had a boyfriend with herpes and it was one of the hottest sexual relationships I could have hoped for. I never caught it from him, either. There is hope for you, don't worry, just do what you can about it.

boink

Dude, I'm gonna throw down with you... I got it too. how'd you get it ? do you know ?

I got it like this, I'd been seeing this girl for a few weeks or a couple of months. (err I still am) we used rubbers but they sliped off me or broke often. I KNOW I was clean as I hadn't had sex with another human for quite a while before her and never had ANY kind of sore on me ever. I asked her if she was clean and she said she was early on when we met. I trust a person first off in a relationship myself, if they break the trust...well I dunno...anyway after a while I just stoped using the rubbers as she said she was clean. she didn't really protest.

anyway, after maybe 3 years (yep, years) we were doin' it and she was blowin me. I supose I was a tad agressive and I (she ?) cut my dick on a tooth. yep it hurt a bit but we kept going and went on to fucking...then I got sick as fuck and I got a lil sore on my dick right where the cut was. I went off to the free clinic and shure enough I got FUCKING HERPIES !!

well, the dock was a nice woman ( I was so glad she was a woman) and told me some chicks can have it for years and not even know it cause the sore is up in there out of view.

so I go home and we chat and it turns out she FUCKING KNEW ALL THE TIME !! oh man I just couldn't believe it. after so long (again, three years by then) I couldn't believe she was holding this secret from me. it made me pritty sad she was so scared to tell me. on one hand I was sad she was scared she'd loose me if she'd have told me first off (which she would have)
on the other I was furious she was such a selfish bitch she put me at risk so she could keep my company so to speak.

my ob's were about twice a year for three years or so but they have gone down to none. I havn't had an ob for 4+ years at all. I've thought I might be starting to have one but nothing happens.

one thing that pissed me off soooo bad was she'd taken away my most constant, loyal, and most acomplished sexual partner....ME !! fuck all twards the end of an ob (2 weeks or so) I wanted to wank so bad but the damn sore wasn't quite healed up yet !! lord that pissed me off !! god I feel so lucky my ob's have stoped it seems (knock on err heh wood )

I sorta feel now like I got traped by a sadly loney leper and I'm still there with her. her breech of my trust has slowly eroded our relationship to sorta friends that sleep w/ eachother. it was hard enough for me to speak to chicks before and now this has just made me feel like if I do ever truly break off with this chick I'm done w/ women because I just won't find the courage to toss this out on the table if I did meet a nice new girl plus I'll always have trust issues.

I've felt like a fool for staying with her, not shure weather to kill her ( no I'm not a violent person at all) and sad for her pain of being alone with this secret. she says she loves me but I do feel that someone who can do this is just too imiture to really feel love. after all she was too selfish with her lust to be with me than to tell me -who she thinks she loves- that she has this issue.

when I got it I did find msg boards dealing with it and frankly, they just scared me more, people can have some pritty bad kinds of ob's like sores between their balls and A hole. jezus how could you evan walk !! mine were small, about 1/8" on my dick head ( yeah I know sounds GREAT ) but lord it could be worse. so I just stoped looking at that shit.

I've never taken any drugs to help the ob's and they've never been so bad I couldn't work. ( my work is very phisical too) so I'm just luck there too cause like I said they've just stoped hapening.

another bummers is, herpies jokes arn't too funny anymore, too close to home ya know.

I have thought, where the fuck is the herpies only bar or club where you KNOW you can meet chicks that are down (heh) with it...

I think the reason I have such a low ob rate is that I'm pritty mellow, I rarly get too stressed out on stuff that's beyone my controll. stress is a trigger suposedly.

what should you do ?? fuck I dunno. I fear the big drug companys see more $$ to be made from maintenance drugs than a cure. maybe you shuld start that bar I mentioned...the HERPIES ONLY CLUB

pritty ironic to cause I'm a good looking dude, sorta like jonny dep but not so hollywood perfect and heroin thin.

pritty sad too, if I was alone again w/o my uhh gf, I just can't imagine asking a girl out. each time I think of it I just feel like some kind of leper and I don't even want to pollute her sweet bod w/ my sickness ( there was a sweet blond checker girl who used to make leading chatter to me, she was so farm fresh noxema girl looking. fuck I could even see having kids with that icon of womanhood but then I"M FUCKING DESEASED !!!)

yeah I know we all fantasize what strangers are all about, maybe she had a devils head tatooed on her ass and that's fine...but you know all the crazy thoughts that swim around in a humans head.

well, I hope you don't mind all the crap I've written, I don't mean to take over the thread or anything, just wanna say yer far from alone with your thoughts...yeah 1 in 5 whatever....it's all the thoughts theat swerl around, the doubts and fears and stuff....trying to muster up the courage just to hit the submit reply button......mfmgngngnn... uhhh did it.

absorbentishe

I know someone how has it, and has no problem sleeping with who ever. Of course she must not be telling them.

I would suggest seeing a doctor about a script to control the out breaks. And wearing a condom is a really good idea, and no sex during an out break. Seek counseling too.

Captain Nemo

My god, how times have changed since so much emphasis has been placed on STD's (you gotta love the Reagan white house and the crack down on sex). Anyway, I have had Herpes since 1983 and have lived a perfectly normal life since. I have had multiple sexual partners since then (including my wife of the past 4 years). I don't havce sex if I have an active outbreak, and I can recognize the symptoms if one is upcoming. It is just a part of life.

Blackthorn

Aside from the grammar and spelling I think this is one of the best and most honest sounding posts I've ever read. Good luck to you boink...

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screamincheetah

WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP!!! WE HAVE A WINNER FOR BEST SUBJECT LINE EVER!!!!
I felt my NutriGrain bar coming back up in my mouth with the thought of banging a diseased ass. I have to say the Mixed Berry flavor is just as good if not better the second time around. Mmmmmmmmmmm...........

primord

OMG. Mixed Berries better the second time around.

You should sell that line to Quaker Oats for a new advertising compaign!

/dielaughingoff

tooth

Perhaps dating, without sex -gasp!-, is your answer. Avoid sex, until the relationship has progressed to the point that you are comfortable telling them of your problem. Let them make an informed decision as to whether they are willing to take the risk and move forward, or not.

I know it sucks, spending time with someone knowing that the end of the relationship could happen as soon as it starts getting good. But what the hell are you going to do? Walk around with a sign that says, "I Have Herpes!", just to see who it doesn't scare away?

denim

Okay, what does an outbreak look/act/feel like?

Mr. Hyde

I choose to be anonymous in order to properly respond to this post.



I have HSV-II myself. I got it from an ex-gf who apparently didn't know, but with her lying who the hell knows.



I went thru these terrible feelings, the feeling of my sex life being over, being rejected for something I got from a long-term partner, and I wasn't promiscuous in any way either. Most don't care about circumstances, they only care about the fact you have something you can't just get a shot for and walk away smarter.I had had outbreaks for a good while but I didn't know or want to know honestly if I had it or not. I did get AIDS tested to be sure and I was clean of that, but I waited a good year and a half until I was diagnosed by a doctor.


The worst part? I had recently started dating and found someone I really had gotten to like. Now I had to tell her what I had found out beyond a doubt. Of course, part of me didn't want to face this, my first rejection, and by someone I had started to really like no less. But I couldn't give this to someone else, much less some one for which I had started to feel something.



You have to understand how this feels. You have to expect to be rejected. You have to expect the person to protect themselves, and you can't really blame them.



Understanding only really comes with your own experience of a situation.


So I call her and tell I have something important to talk about. She is like, ooookk... and we meet at a bar. I sit across the table and tell I have something to tell her and she might go running from the room after I tell her. I look into her eyes, her beautiful face, and think I have to say goodbye to getting to know this person intimately, possibly platonically depending on her reaction. I tell her about the doctor's diagnosis and that I wanted to let her know before anything serious developed. I said I would understand if she wasn't interested in me now, tho it was killing me to say it. She looked at me for a minute, as I hung at the edge of rejection, and she told me "We haven't gotten to that part yet." I nodded my head gravely and -WAIT. She said YET!!!!!


She told me she really liked me and was very happy I was upfront wirh her and took her safety seriously , knowing I took a huge emotional risk doing so. We sat and had another drink and talked a bit as I let this sink in. It sounds like some bullshit romance story, but I felt The Fall start right at that moment. She then drove me home, and in the car before I got out, proceeded to give the the hottest kiss I have ever received, putting her mouth where her mouth is, so to speak.


We had sex a whole two weeks later, much to her chagrin. *smile* We've been together for 3 years now, and eventually she did get it from me. She really wanted to have sex like trusting committed people do-unprotected. I made her take a half hour to think over what she was doing and the risk she was taking, but she was adamant 31 minutes later. It didn't take too many of these encounters before the inevitable happened.


I do feel bad for her, as her outbreaks are monthly with her periods, and I have one a year maybe. I have forgiven myself for giving her HSV and she's never thrown it in my face. I will always love her for not rejecting me, and for showing me my life wasn't over because I had a disease.


The point of the story is; Yes it sucks. Yes you can find someone to love you despite your disease. And yes, you run the risk of giving a loved one what you have, even if your partner doesn't have unprotected sex with you. As long as you disclose your illness and give them the choice to risk infection by being with you, you can feel right about yourself and find a real diamond in the rough.

sailor

Now that girl there--shes a keeper.

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RainbowBright

I agree with Tooth. This sounds like a good opportunity to develop a really good relationship. Get to know eachother, grow to trust one another, take your time, then have the "big talk". Shouldn't we all be doing that anyway? My best relationship ever (and my current) we waited almost 3 years before having sex (we were not virgins, we just felt we really wanted to do this right). I think it took a lot of stress off the beginning of the relationship, we didn't have all the worries and responsibilities that come with sex.

boink

Locomotive your pritty brave for outing yourself there and I'm gonna thank you for giving me the courage to do so myself.

kjroh, I'm a pritty honest person, at least when I do figure out what my feelings are. I'm a Pisces and I flip flop like a fish all the time. but this experience has tought me that being truthful is the single most importiant thing at the core of a relationship. if I don't have trust I don't have anything at all.
yeah, heh, spelling...I don't have spell check on this rig here. and I don't type or write for a living, not that it's an excuse.

tooth, frankly, if I honestly found myself talking to a woman that truly seemed interested in me, be it a feeling or if she flat out hands me her phone # I'd come out with it. "look girl, your really sweet, I really like talking with you alot. please forgive me if I'm out of line or getting ahead of the situation, but I have herpies and you better know now when it really dosn't matter".
if she's brave enough to go on with it she may be a winner. as far as I understand it's not that much extra hassel to be sexual and not transmit it. after all I was still clean after 3 years of regular sex w/ my gf. including some lucky encounters with her underwear just pulled to the side and scuffing me up. seriously lucky then cause I'd have grown a rash of blisters up the side of my dick.

so yeah, I'd almost wear a button that says I'm HP, believe you me I'd shure apreciate it if my gf had done similarly. for god sakes have some respect for others.

plus now there are drugs you can take if you DON'T have it that makes it harder to get so I hear. I haven't looked into it so I don't have links or any specific info to post.

screamincheetah, heh, pritty funny, and that's cool cause if you can't find humor your FUCKED anyway !

absorbentishe- "I know someone how has it, and has no problem sleeping with who ever. Of course she must not be telling them ." heh, well if you ask me that's pritty fucked up. no offence to you or your friend, but it's just not right. if your gonna mix it up with someone rubbers or not, shit happens rubbers can break or fall off etc. fucking up someones LIFE just to get off one night is incredibly selfish.

some people shed active cells only during an ob, women can as I've said have an ob and not know for shure. some people shed active cells ALL THE TIME !

denim- I think it's quite diferent for diferent people. when I first got it I found a messageboard of people with it and there were alot of diferent stories. I think theres diferent kinds like the flu virus. some people's systems are weak and some strong so that can factor in alot it also depends on where the thing starts out. from what I understand, it usually re occures at the same point, but that's a generalization.
my experience is somwhat common in that it'll start like a tingle and sort of athalete's foot fever itch (mild though) if I check and it truly hapening, they'll be a little blister -sounds freaky but it just looks like a zit on your face would but smaller. it may get a tad bigger ( about 1/8" in my experience) then it'll open up (yeah I know YUCK) you'll wait for it to dry up and form a scab and heal like any other scab would. but the scab will not start for a week or so so yeah you have an -ghaaa- open sore for a while. meanwhile as this is going on I'll feel extra tired and my lower back will be sore. ( that where it lives while dormant, (yes I've had all sorts of Gigeresque visions of a parasite creature living in me) anyway as the scab heasls and falls off like any other. I feel better and better and life is good again. agaiin I must say that's just me. and as I've said somehow I haven't had an ob in about 4 years or so.

here is a link I read when I first got it
http://www.medinfo.co.uk/conditions/shingles.html

also that mesg board I lurked when I got it
http://www.racoon.com/herpes/

wow, Mr Hyde, I just previewed my post and I see yours too now. well, I'm still with the same girl myself and like you, I don't blame her or throw it in her face, I know she feels bad enough all by herself. and I know she was lied to herself as well. I'm disapointed by her fearfullness but too empethetic to her own pain to rage on her and walk off. since I've never spoke of this to anyone but one friend, I've always wonderd if I should have left her for doing this. but at the time I felt I was now a leper and I probably wouldn't ever find another person to be with, also I didn't want to deal with the pain alone, but I was so disgusted with myself I didn't want to tell anyone else.

anyway, Mr Hyde thanks, your story makes me feel better if I do ever break off w/ my girl.

Esco

Cheers to you all for your courage and honesty. I don't know much about the disease, just the ignorant misconceptions most people are familiar with. I imagine it's a life changing event.

Best of luck.

basmoq

hmmm, interesting thread, I just started working with Dr. Visali at www.ipfw.edu doing research on cytameglovirus (herpes). I'll keep yall informed if I find a cure, lol, not likely, but who knows? maybe we'll get lucky. I just wish we had the equipment to work with iRNA...

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forkies

please be responsible about it. and, considering the circumstances of your infection, you'd be hypocritical to not be.

i was seeing a guy for a while. we were both really into each other physically and emotionally. a little bit into us seeing each other we were about to have sex, but it was one of those spur-of-the-moment don't have a condom times. i'm soo glad i stopped it, because later he told me that he suspected he has had herpes for about 1 yr... i was thinking OMG WTF just goes on pretending everything is normal when you could infect others and particularly someone you care about.

robodog

I just want to say that this is one of the coolest threads I've ever read and a real testament to TFP.

legolas

wow those two stories are crazy. i would have to assume there has to be some kind of community where you live though.

question too - if two people have herpes, can't they sleep with eachother without extra consequence?

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shipofshame

I, too, just wanted to come in here and give my respects to the posters in this thread.

It's incredibly heartwarming to hear of your honesty and love for your SOs and your love for life itself.

This thread is a true testament to the power of the TFP.

bscox00

If you really like someone and you want to take things to the next level, you have to be honest. Tell them you have this disease, you're taking medication to control it and that there are simple/responsible ways to control the spread of the disease.

This is a good test of your relationship. If someone likes you, and you are open and honest, then this shouldn't be a problem.

herostar

This is a good thread. Thank you all for sharing your stories. I know things like this are hard to talk about for lots of people, and appreciate you doing so.

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toxic515

Great thread, and a tribute to what an online community can be when used properly. I'm proud to be a small part.. And you guys, thanks for sharing the stories. If nothing else I gained some understanding and insight into something I've been lucky enough to never face.

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Blackthorn

The CDC Site has a good overview on the HSV 1 & 2 are all about. There are photos out there for those of you curious enough to google it up. This may be a blinding flash of the obvious but there is no sense in linking pics into this thread.

I too commend those that have shared their stories here with great openess, honesty, and certainly a heavy dose of dignity. Nicely done....


CDC Herpes Fact Sheet

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YaWhateva

I think that this thread is a great thing and you all are very courageous to come out about it. I myself have pearly penile papules and was scared to death about what it could be. Good thing they are benign and not contageous. Good luck with everything.

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Locomotive

Hey, sorry for the late response, I've been really busy lately.

To answer some questions.....

Well, I was with someone for six years. We were both faithful, and suddenly one day, I have herpes. The doctor said it's very possible that I could've had it for over six years and not known it.. or she could've had it. So that's how I got it. I have no idea where it came from really, but here it is, a lifelong companion who visits me a few times a year.

What is herpes like? I think people's experiences vary, but for me, the first sign of an outbreak I get is an itching penis. Man.. it itches like crazy! A day or two later, pus-like blisters show up.. hard to say how many.. approximately 7-10 or so. At this point, the itching is pretty much gone. Then, a few days later, the blisters burst... and go from white to red. Now's the painful part, but it's only slightly painful, no biggie. Just gotta wear tight underwear so things don't chafe and cause more unnecessary pain. This last part lasts a while. I'd say the whole ordeal lasts about 1.5 to 2 weeks or so. You can take Valtrex to shorten the outbreak, but you gotta take it as soon as the first signs show up. If you start taking it too late, after the blisters start to pop, you're way too late and you gotta wait it out. Damn annoying.

So.. now I'm single, and I've just been pondering the whole thing. It's no issue right now because I don't plan on dating for at least a few months if not more. But it's still gonna be there in six months, so.. I have to confront it. The posts above have been helpful.. it's nice to know there are women out there who are willing to take the risk with someone they truly love. I guess in a way it will be a good test of character. Women who just say "see ya" were never worth my time to begin with.

Just remember guys..it could be worse. We could have HIV. And then not only would people be even MORE scared to have sexual contact with us, but our LIVES would be on the line. At least herpes is just an annoyance and nothing more.

Thanks for sharing your stories.

moonstrucksoul

you could always find a chick with it too, gives new meaning to the term "bumping uglies"

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Menoman

This is one of the best posts I've seen in a long time. So much honesty and helpfulness even in the face of letting out personal information about your body and sexuality.

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