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I choose to be anonymous in order to properly respond to this post.
I have HSV-II myself. I got it from an ex-gf who apparently didn't know, but with her lying who the hell knows.
I went thru these terrible feelings, the feeling of my sex life being over, being rejected for something I got from a long-term partner, and I wasn't promiscuous in any way either. Most don't care about circumstances, they only care about the fact you have something you can't just get a shot for and walk away smarter.I had had outbreaks for a good while but I didn't know or want to know honestly if I had it or not. I did get AIDS tested to be sure and I was clean of that, but I waited a good year and a half until I was diagnosed by a doctor.
The worst part? I had recently started dating and found someone I really had gotten to like. Now I had to tell her what I had found out beyond a doubt. Of course, part of me didn't want to face this, my first rejection, and by someone I had started to really like no less. But I couldn't give this to someone else, much less some one for which I had started to feel something.
You have to understand how this feels. You have to expect to be rejected. You have to expect the person to protect themselves, and you can't really blame them.
Understanding only really comes with your own experience of a situation.
So I call her and tell I have something important to talk about. She is like, ooookk... and we meet at a bar. I sit across the table and tell I have something to tell her and she might go running from the room after I tell her. I look into her eyes, her beautiful face, and think I have to say goodbye to getting to know this person intimately, possibly platonically depending on her reaction. I tell her about the doctor's diagnosis and that I wanted to let her know before anything serious developed. I said I would understand if she wasn't interested in me now, tho it was killing me to say it. She looked at me for a minute, as I hung at the edge of rejection, and she told me "We haven't gotten to that part yet." I nodded my head gravely and -WAIT. She said YET!!!!!
She told me she really liked me and was very happy I was upfront wirh her and took her safety seriously , knowing I took a huge emotional risk doing so. We sat and had another drink and talked a bit as I let this sink in. It sounds like some bullshit romance story, but I felt The Fall start right at that moment. She then drove me home, and in the car before I got out, proceeded to give the the hottest kiss I have ever received, putting her mouth where her mouth is, so to speak.
We had sex a whole two weeks later, much to her chagrin. *smile* We've been together for 3 years now, and eventually she did get it from me. She really wanted to have sex like trusting committed people do-unprotected. I made her take a half hour to think over what she was doing and the risk she was taking, but she was adamant 31 minutes later. It didn't take too many of these encounters before the inevitable happened.
I do feel bad for her, as her outbreaks are monthly with her periods, and I have one a year maybe. I have forgiven myself for giving her HSV and she's never thrown it in my face. I will always love her for not rejecting me, and for showing me my life wasn't over because I had a disease.
The point of the story is; Yes it sucks. Yes you can find someone to love you despite your disease. And yes, you run the risk of giving a loved one what you have, even if your partner doesn't have unprotected sex with you. As long as you disclose your illness and give them the choice to risk infection by being with you, you can feel right about yourself and find a real diamond in the rough.
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