claustin8605

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over a year now and there is an age difference between us. He is 21 and I am 17. We have never really had any major problems the past year, we have had normal spits and spats over stupid things but nothing serious. There are alot of things contributing to our problems right now though. I guess you could say some of them have been building up. #1 I have alot on me right now, I am a senior in high school and very serious about my education so needless to say being the beginning of my senior year I am freaking out about college, grades, s.a.t., and ect. # 2 I really don't know what my prob is and this is beside the point but I don't have alot of friends, I have two classes at my high school and the rest at a local college so I don't have the spare time at school to hang out with peeps like most of the other seniors. Also contributing to not having alot of friends is I work on the weekends and try to see my boyfriend (I will explain in a sec) and on the weeknights I am stuck with homework and studying. So my boyfriend is just about all I have, which I know makes me clingy to him. #3 another point is the whole time we have been dating he has been away at school about 3 hours away. So I only see him on weekends and holidays, which makes it really hard that I can't see him as often as I want. I have taken several weekends off and gone up to see him but this is hard to do since I work and I need the money ( my parents are divorced and the whole family is kinda in a financial situation) also when I do go up there it is behind my parents back since they won't let me go. #4 With everything on me all-to-gether I stay really stressed out and pretty much it boils down to I take everything out on him when I get mad and if hes around. #5 another thing is I love him very much, I don't tell him enough how much he means to me but he means the world to me and I can't imagine my life without him. I have never felt about anyone the way I feel about him. I knew he was different from the moment we started dating. I have given him my virginity even which is something really big for me and I hope for him as well, I hope he knows how much I care about him. But also with all of this caring I wish we were older and in the position that we could get married, as some of his friends are and who are engaged. So i kinda push him at times about the idea of engagment and I know neither of us are in the situation that we could get engaged but its only because I love him.

But with all of this said that I am telling you. With all of this going on, I am pushing him too much about everything, and I take alot out on him. Pretty much I am just doing all of this to him and I am pushing him to his edge. The other night we got into a really big fight and he let everything out on me about how he feels and he almost broke up with me. I am terrified now because I know everything he said was true. He told me he loves me and he wants to stay with me but I am going to have to change in order for that to happen. I have started the slow process of trying to change and manage my anger and stress differently. I can only take it day by day and I am trying to do that but now I am just depressed. I stay depressed, all I can think about is him. I don't know what to do. We met the other night for dinner a day after our fight but now I just feel weird and strange around him, almost distance. And now almost everytime I talk to him I cry, or I cry when I am done talking to him. I am really depressed and worried I love him so much but I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I am going to lose him and i dont want that. Please give me your advice because I really need it and I don't have anyone else to confide in so I am turning to you people for your help.

Acetylene

Well for starters I would seriously consider checking yourself out for any psychological issues which might be making things worse. Obviously you are under a lot of stress, and anyone would be upset in your situation even without a boyfriend living 3 hours away, but it sounds like you are reacting in a way which is just making things worse. I would specifically look for signs of clinical depression and/or anxiety and/or obsessive-compulsive disorder.

Another really important thing is to find someone to talk to who is NOT your boyfriend or family. You need someone who is outside your situation, and delightful though this forum is, it's better to do this sort of thing in person. See if your school (especially the college) has any sort of free counseling available, with real practising counselors and not random people who like to listen. If that doesn't pan out, try your advisor at school, academic or otherwise. This gives you a chance to work things out because you are less likely to lash out at a third party--and even if you do, they are paid to put up with you ;-)

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There's no justice. There's just us.

Meier_Link

Make an effort not to take your stuff out on him. If he does something that genuinely should upset you, don't yell about it... Talk about it calmly. Use sentences that start off with "I feel...."

You are probably going to be on thin ice for a while... I know if I tell a girl that I'm going to break up with her if things don't change, I mean it.

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life is a sexually transmitted disease

maleficent

Banned because of age? it still deserves an answer...

It's good your boyfriend laid his cards out on the table with you, because everything you are doing, is the surest way to drive him away. That kind of drama is a lot for anyone to handle, let alone anyone as young as you two are.

You have it backwards though, you say you have to change in order to stay with him. I'd say that's wrong, you have to change, and the only way true change happens, is when you do it for you, and only for you.

You have a lot of stress in your life right now, from family, from school, from boyfriend, from lack of friends, you need help in learning how to manage stress (because, it will just get worse later on.)

In your local phone book, check for the free counseling lines, or thru the guidence office in high school or college, you need a trained professional to get you thru this, Aceteyne's right. Your boyfriend is not the person to be talking to about this right now, becuase he's one of the stress sources, you need someone neutral.

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bermuDa

step 1: learn how to break your thoughts up into smaller paragraphs.

step 2: come back when you're not a minor.

and your boyfriend is guilty of statutory rape, consensual or not. you should probably keep that to yourself for his sake.

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I am the very model of a moderator gentleman.

TM875

Okay, first of all...you went and got yourself banned.

That being said, remember that the human body can handle a huge amount of pressures, both physically and psychologically. You can handle just as much as you want to handle.

Now, when I was your age, I went to school, dated one girl seriously, played professionally in a local concert band, and worked about 32 hours a week. With all that, I finished 40th in my class of 800 with a 4.3 (about 3.7ish unweighted) GPA. In fact, throughout my entire highschool career, I was always ranked 40th, so the extra pressures of my senior year didn't weigh me down.

Okay, here you go, the advice part. Your life is going to be insane for the next 9 months. If you can't rely on extremely easy teachers (which I had) or on natural intelligence (which I used when the teacher thing didn't pan out), then you can't cut back your attention to school. I don't know what your job is, but you probably need the money, so you can't cut back your attention to that.

This boy is just a boy. Just a single blip on the computer screen of life. You may totally and completely love him now, but let me tell you, the world will continue to spin without him. If he's that far away, then life without him might make you much happier. My girlfriend left me after we graduated - naturally I was at first upset, but I got over it. Found better people, had more fun, worked a lot more. The main thing was, I became happier. Now, my happiness was brought to me by a sense of myself that I did not have while with her. In other words, clinging to someone is not what you need - you need you.

Accept that life's little pieces will all fall together. Don't worry about the "perfect college" or the "best SAT scores" or even "accelling in school", because those things will come to you if you want them to come. You don't need him in your life - he's not the one you're going to marry - and he's probably screwing hot college girls while he's three hours away from you. Accept it. Now, go out and have fun with hot highschool boys while you're still in highschool. Acceptance is the only way to truly get happiness. If you don't accept your life as it is, then you're headed for depression and anxiety. Relax and let go.

On a completely unrelated not, that's my largest regret...not sleeping with more highschool girls while they were still legal to sleep with. When I graduated, I finally realized this...I'm never going to again have the chance to have a quickie with the cute freshman in the book closet...



edited due to my obsession with perfect spelling.

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"I've made only one mistake in my life. But I made it over and over and over. That was saying 'yes' when I meant 'no'. Forgive me."

TheBrit

Can banned people still read the forums? I know I can't without logging in.
I can't send her an e-mail, but a mod/admin should be able to.

Captain Nemo

TheBrit, I was going to say the same thing. We're all offering advice to someone who can't see it