claustin8605

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over a year now and there is an age difference between us. He is 21 and I am 17. We have never really had any major problems the past year, we have had normal spits and spats over stupid things but nothing serious. There are alot of things contributing to our problems right now though. I guess you could say some of them have been building up. #1 I have alot on me right now, I am a senior in high school and very serious about my education so needless to say being the beginning of my senior year I am freaking out about college, grades, s.a.t., and ect. # 2 I really don't know what my prob is and this is beside the point but I don't have alot of friends, I have two classes at my high school and the rest at a local college so I don't have the spare time at school to hang out with peeps like most of the other seniors. Also contributing to not having alot of friends is I work on the weekends and try to see my boyfriend (I will explain in a sec) and on the weeknights I am stuck with homework and studying. So my boyfriend is just about all I have, which I know makes me clingy to him. #3 another point is the whole time we have been dating he has been away at school about 3 hours away. So I only see him on weekends and holidays, which makes it really hard that I can't see him as often as I want. I have taken several weekends off and gone up to see him but this is hard to do since I work and I need the money ( my parents are divorced and the whole family is kinda in a financial situation) also when I do go up there it is behind my parents back since they won't let me go. #4 With everything on me all-to-gether I stay really stressed out and pretty much it boils down to I take everything out on him when I get mad and if hes around. #5 another thing is I love him very much, I don't tell him enough how much he means to me but he means the world to me and I can't imagine my life without him. I have never felt about anyone the way I feel about him. I knew he was different from the moment we started dating. I have given him my virginity even which is something really big for me and I hope for him as well, I hope he knows how much I care about him. But also with all of this caring I wish we were older and in the position that we could get married, as some of his friends are and who are engaged. So i kinda push him at times about the idea of engagment and I know neither of us are in the situation that we could get engaged but its only because I love him.

But with all of this said that I am telling you. With all of this going on, I am pushing him too much about everything, and I take alot out on him. Pretty much I am just doing all of this to him and I am pushing him to his edge. The other night we got into a really big fight and he let everything out on me about how he feels and he almost broke up with me. I am terrified now because I know everything he said was true. He told me he loves me and he wants to stay with me but I am going to have to change in order for that to happen. I have started the slow process of trying to change and manage my anger and stress differently. I can only take it day by day and I am trying to do that but now I am just depressed. I stay depressed, all I can think about is him. I don't know what to do. We met the other night for dinner a day after our fight but now I just feel weird and strange around him, almost distance. And now almost everytime I talk to him I cry, or I cry when I am done talking to him. I am really depressed and worried I love him so much but I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I am going to lose him and i dont want that. Please give me your advice because I really need it and I don't have anyone else to confide in so I am turning to you people for your help.