Strange Famous

We went to a bar and played pool (and I did have a few drinks but not enough to be drunk), we got on really well again - I made her laugh a lot and she made me smile a lot... but my question is just, how does one move thing on to be more intimate in a physical sense?

I dont want to sound crass, and I probably do anyway. but I mean I do fancy her quite a lot, but its not like Im just going to jump on her, what is supposed to be done? I have only actually really dated two girls before and both of them I knew really well before we even dated and things were just natura;. With kate, this girl, I have only known her since last week. At the end of the dates she has kisse dme on the side of the mouth, and no more, and she leans against me and stuff like that, but nothing really intimate seems like it will happen, I havent even kissed her properly, and I mean I am a little scared just to try it because what if she doesnt want me too?

Obv you cant just discuss it cos it would be impolite, my most natural tactic would be to just wait for her to make every move, because I am too nervous to, but if she feels the same as me it would take forever! We are going to the pictures next week, I think we will see "Mean Girls" so maybe I can try the yawning and then putting my arm around her trick? I mean, i would do it in an ironic way, but it would be nice too... I dont know what to do honestly, we get on really well and flirt a lot verbally and she leans against me and like plays with the buttons on my shirt and stuff, which is pretty sexy... but I dont want to just grab her and kiss her, because what if she didnt want me too? And I am just worried that if I just wait for her to do anything, she might think like I am not a man or I dont like her, and if I discus how I feel well I would just sound like more of an idiot even than I am. Sp what do I do? ???

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"Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate,
for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing
hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain
without being uncovered."

The Gospel of Thomas

SinisterMotives

When she leans against you, put your arm around her and see if she nestles into it. Don't do the yawn and stretch thing, just slip your arm around her. Touch her on the underside of the forearm and slide your hand down towards hers. If there's any chemistry there, she will most likely instinctively meet your hand with hers and hold hands with you. If she doesn't hold it tight but instead lets her hand remain limp, that might not be a good sign, however. It could just mean she's humoring you. Don't worry, you'll pick up definite vibes if she really likes it.

eribrav

Kiss her!

Either she DOES want you to (which I think is the case) and you'll both be very happy OR

She doesn't want you to, in which case you won't waste your time pursuing this any further.

See, you can't lose. Good luck.

bermuDa

don't wait for her to make the first move... you have to just go for it. You'll know when the time is right. (I'd say sometime after the movie)

also, having your arm around her in the theatre isn't very comfortable... it's an awkward and restricting sort of contact. Stick to making contact with your hands or legs.

and try not to overthink this (cause it sure seems that way). Just let things happen naturally and you'll both be a lot happier for it

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maleficent

Nothing personal, but sometimes you boys are just as dumb as a box of rocks.... What does she have to do -- get nekkid? You'd probably hand her your jacket...

If it feels right, kiss her, don't over analyze it.

She's leaning against you, she's playing with your buttons... Where were your hands and arms when she was doing this?

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sailor

Hahaha, kinda what I was thinking

Just go for it man... If shes acting like that, it wont be a problem. Try taking a mental step back--if you saw a girl acting like that to another guy, youd think she was wanting to be kissed. Why is it any different with you? Go for it!

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dirtyrascal7

wear a buttonless shirt next time and button-fly jeans... then ask if she wants to play with your buttons like she did last time.

Johnny Rotten

She wants you to.

In case I'm wrong, and I'm not, you've only lost a week or so of your time chasing her.

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hannukah harry

if you're gonna take her to the movies, see soemthing better than "mean girls!!!"

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Key

this is why nice guys finish last, they just sit back and wait until the end of time.

she seems physically comfortable with you, you're just wasting time. i can understand how certain situations wouldn't make the best make-out spots, though. so set up a good situation. rent a movie instead of taking her to one, you can do a hell of a lot more alone on the couch than you can in a stadium seating environment with thousands of people around. pick a movie that has a romantic subplot, isn't too cheesy, and has doesn't have a story that requires full attention. something where you pretty much know what's going to happen and there's more emphasis on you two rather than the movie itself.

go for a kiss on the lips, my guess is she'll surprise you. after that it's just a matter of rounding the bases. now THAT'S the fun part.

JStrider

yah man... shes playin with your buttons and all that... sounds golden ... just gotta work up the confidence and go for the kiss...

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-=JStrider=-

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Strange Famous

Well she only played with the buttons of my sjhirt one time, but maybe it means she does like me in such a way. I just get nervous and always think that she must not really like me, I keep waiting for one of those Hollywood moments when we are messing around, and then find each other staring into each others eyes... but one must be realistic! To be honest physical contact a lot of times makes me feel uncomfortable, because I am so overweight, but next time when she kissed the side of my mouth I will try to kiss all of her's, and see where it goes... if she doesnt want me too she should let me know very quickly, and she could hardly blame me for thinking she might if she does it first.

__________________
"Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate,
for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing
hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain
without being uncovered."

The Gospel of Thomas

wonderwench

If I were you, I would quit over-analyzing the situation and just kiss her.

maleficent

If she didn't like you, she wouldn't have gone on a second date with you or agreed to a third date. Women are not stupid, if we don't like someone, there's no second date...

Quit putting yourself down.

Many women are not shallow, and she probably doesn't care or even notice that you might be overweight.

She's out with you, and enjoying your company.

Try touching her casually, touch her hair, her neck, when you are walking somewhere, hold her hand, and relax - you are really overanalyzing this too much.

She appears to like you-- accept that and have fun.

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SinisterMotives

Yeah, what maleficent said. Women like guys to be bold and make a move on them. If you're too passive, she might start wondering about you.

wonderwench

This thread puts me in mind of the scene from "It's a Wonderful Life" when Jimmy Stewart is walking home with Donna Reed after the dance.

An old man on a porch overhears their conversation:

Man on Porch: Why don't you kiss her instead of talking her to death?

George Bailey: You want me to kiss her, huh?

Man on Porch: Ah, youth is wasted on the wrong people.

denim

Yeah! I wish women I wanted would have been that clear.

we really need a smilie which does the "drool drip" thing. :/

maleficent

...and you know she's probably whinging to her girlfriends that she sent this guy all the proper signals, and still he wouldn't kiss her -- and what's wrong with her

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Key

haha, great line. youth is wasted on the wrong people, how true.

if i could go back a few years and know what i know now. *sigh*

anyway, while you're "in there" make sure you don't mess it up by overanalyzing it some more which you seem to be doing. "am i kissing right? too hard, too soft? hmm i wonder if she likes this. is she bored? should i go further?"

that's the beauty of the situation, it works out a hell of a lot better if you just clear your mind of like, everything. :P

jmad

You keep saying you're nervious to initiate something physical. I just think you're in the wrong mindset. Instead of worrying what she'll do if you kiss her, worry about what will happen if you miss your opportunity. You won't get an infinite number of opportunities before she loses interest, so just keep your eyes peeled for a good time to move in. Once you get that ball rolling, it's all downhill.

st33lr4t

all i have to say is dont worry about being nervous and awkward, just have fun with it. from what your saying she is totally giving you positive signals so i would go for it. hell man give her a kiss on her hand and see how she responds to that.

ratbastid

Here's your new mantra, my friend:

Don't Think.

Say that 1000 times between now and when you next see her.

Thinking just gets you into trouble. When she was snuggled up against you playing with your buttons, I'll bet your brain was going a million miles an hour, no? And if it had been all quiet in there, what do you think you could have done?

Don't think.

Also, don't use tricks. The yawn-stretch-arm-around-her trick is pathetic. Just put your arm around her. You want to, don't you? Then do it! Same with kissing her. You want to? Then do!

Stop telling yourself about everything that's wrong with you and that she could never be interested in you. This is a little like telling somebody to stop blinking their eyes--you can do it for a while, but given enough time, it's a losing game. Still, try it.

OzOz

Strange Famous, if you read through this board you'll find all sorts of threads along the lines of, "This girl is giving me mixed signals..." and guys wondering what is happening. It sounds like you're in a much better situation, so make the most of it. Forget the yawn-stretch-arm-around-her routine. Next time she leans into you, just put your arm around her as if it's the most natural thing in the world. Also, to give you some completely original advice - just kiss her!

And above all, have fun!

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ShaniFaye

I agree with everyone else....once you get that first kiss out of the way you'll be wondering why you waited so long!!

I think this whole situation is adorabley sweet

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Redgirl

As Mal pointed out, there would be no 3rd date if she didn't like you. Now is the time to make that move. Hope you go for it and it leads to something hot and spicy for ya!

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Thought for the day: Men are like fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

ibis

Just say:
"I don't exactly know what I am required to say in order for you to have intercourse with me. But could we assume that I said all that. I mean essentially we are talking about fluid exchange right? So could we go just straight to the sex."

On second thought...

imkeen

The only other comment I can think of is to not suprise her. I would just try to kiss her, you can ask her if you can kiss her (to be polite, and cute), when YOU want to, not when she's expecting to just peck you on the cheek. Suprising her with a full on kiss when she's trying to do something else could get messy, or it could work out that she was really, really waiting for it and that would be just fine. I just think by you initiating it would show that you are truly interested and not meek about your feelings toward her.

YMMV

pinkie

Originally posted by Strange Famous
Okay, that is flirtation. Don't make the first kiss in public. Do it in private, be sitting down too, like on a couch together. Rent a movie or something. When the moment is right, and you've scooted up closed, you're both silent, and looking at each other, lean your face closer to hers, if she leans too, lean more, until your lips touch. Then go to town, but keep it slow. Let you mouths guide each other. Do not use a lot of tongue the first time. Unless it gets hot and heavy, then you can give her a little, but deep tongue action is usually pre-sex foreplay stuff in my opinion.

Have fun, be you.

pinkie

I painted my husband's fingernails on our first kiss/date. But that's just us, and we're weirdos.

Kalnaur

Just kiss her, you damn fool!

What have you got to lose?

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PC: Can you help me out here HK?
HK-47: I'm 98% percent sure this miniature organic meatbag wants you to help find his fellow miniature organic meatbags.
PC: And the other 2 percent?
HK-47: The other 2 percent is that he is just looking for trouble and needs to be blasted, but that might be wishful thinking on my part.

Strange Famous

Well, it didnt really work out, because she said she was getting back with her ex which I just accepted, but then I saw her today at the store and it all became confusing, cos she was saying she was scared of her ex and she hated him.

__________________
"Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate,
for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing
hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain
without being uncovered."

The Gospel of Thomas

ShaniFaye

Introduce her to TFP...so we can tell her HOW STUPID SHE IS!!!

sheesh, we spend all this time explaining to you how its bad form to play games and here she's doing that shit to you

can I just say Im really mad about this?

Im real sorry for you SF

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I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!

Kalnaur

Don't chase a woman who plays games, SF. You'll always lose in the end, because she makes the rules, and can change them whenever she feels like it. Sh may be beautiful, and you may feel love for her, but in the end, she will always win. I speak from (a small amount) experience.

And I am sorry that she did not want such a fine person as yourself. I have only been here a short time, but everyone is so kind here that I infer from that a kindness that you would all have in life.

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PC: Can you help me out here HK?
HK-47: I'm 98% percent sure this miniature organic meatbag wants you to help find his fellow miniature organic meatbags.
PC: And the other 2 percent?
HK-47: The other 2 percent is that he is just looking for trouble and needs to be blasted, but that might be wishful thinking on my part.

pinkie

I agree with the above.

Xell101

Something I learned the hard way is that it is best to go with the flow, and thinking that interupts action is bad.

Nisses

grrrrrr

playing games like that angers me. Damn, this used to be a feel-good thread for me, I really liked the way things were going for you...



Can't say anything else but hang in there...

Oh, and that I agree with ShaniFaye's first line in her post

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bookerV

I would say get out to. That is a real kick in the junk. Nothing is worse than someone playing the ex card on you. I would let this one go. It's gotta be hard and I feel for you, but it will be the best in the long run. You need someone who is ready to be with you. None of this ex business.

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