worried about my girlfriend - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Hedgehog · 04-10-2004, 05:51 PM

Folks, I am in a long-distance relationship, and I am going to visit her soon and stay with her for a couple of weeks.

My girlfriend has very little sexual experience, though she is in her late 20s. Her last boyfriend was her only experience (another long distance thing), and from what info I can gather, he basically just jumped her bones and banged away with little or no regard for her feelings, then had the nerve to criticize her performance afterward. Then he dumped her.

This has left her quite worried about us and how our experience will be. She found penetration with her ex to be quite painful.

I'm currently going by the theory that she wasn't aroused or lubricated when this jerk started banging away at her, and this is probably the cause of the pain she felt before. But I need reassurance on this point. Can you folks help me out here?

I am a slow lover, and I love foreplay, including cunnilingus and the works before penetration. I plan on having some lube on hand too. Basically, I want to give her the best feeling she's ever had so she'll forget all about the bad previous experience. She's likely to be scared when we start out.

Any advice?

Ace_O_Spades · 04-10-2004, 05:56 PM

Just take it slow with her, its obvious from what you're saying that she has never had someone take time and care to make her feel good...

just dont rush into things, let them develop on their own, especially if she is uncomfortable

doncalypso · 04-10-2004, 07:34 PM

Invest in lubricant...

Astroglide would be a good choice.

04-10-2004, 08:30 PM

I think you answered your own question, friend.
Do all of that which you like to do. Show her that sex CAN BE wonderful, intimate and special. Show her how a man makes love to a woman.
but also keep in mind the other posters' suggestions.

Prince · 04-11-2004, 12:15 AM

You'll do fine. It'll be fine. Don't sweat it. You're not her ex.

Averett · 04-11-2004, 05:25 AM

It sounds like you've got the right idea. Make it about her and you'll be just fine

i8one2 · 04-11-2004, 07:18 AM

I have had a similar experience with a wonderful lady a while back. The whole idea of sex made her really tense. she was early 30's, and had but one boyfriend, that she had been intimate with. besides the lubes...the most important thing is not to make it a commanding all thought out project thing... Have FUN! make it into a game of sorts, get her comfortable and relaxed...And like you stated slow, very slow, don't force the issue.. Get the atmosphere right...Maybe popcorn in the micro.. great smell.. ice cream feeding and kissing...DON"T forget the romance factor before hand either, a nice card, flowers, a light lunch, walk...Let her bring up SEX....

skysooner · 04-11-2004, 11:44 AM

Most of this is probably mental. My wife had a good friend whose husband was like that. Consequently they were only having sex about once a month (after having 3 kids together) and only after he got her drunk. She thought she hated sex. Fast forward a year. She got divorced and got a boyfriend who took the time to do lots of foreplay and emotional buildup. They were fucking like bunnies, and she felt she was the hottest thing in the world.

Talk about it with her a bit just to reassure her that you are focused on her pleasure. Do something romantic ahead of time. Kiss and touch (back, neck, stomach, anything but breasts and vagina) a bunch. Eventually you and she will both know when she is ready.

Beefimator · 04-11-2004, 12:01 PM

Look man, all you have to do is be yourself. Do whatever comes naturally. Show her the ways my friend. Ultimatly if she is really into she'll be fine.

LpClint · 04-11-2004, 06:37 PM

if you can make her laugh and feel comfortable doing anything with you, your golden.

LaughinMon · 04-11-2004, 08:23 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Hedgehog
I am a slow lover, and I love foreplay, including cunnilingus and the works before penetration. I plan on having some lube on hand too. Basically, I want to give her the best feeling she's ever had so she'll forget all about the bad previous experience.

sounds like good advice to me

raeanna74 · 04-11-2004, 08:42 PM

You sound like you are already on the right track. If you take it slow enough, show enough love, she'll probably know when she's ready for it and so will you. Just showing that you care about her feelings will make it a better experience for her. Also like skysooner said - talk to her about it. Talk a lot. Women tend to work through their feelings of anxiety a little better when they've talked it all out first.

Also if she's interested, you could suggest that when it comes down to penetration you could allow her to get on top. It will help her not be afraid of things being to uncomfortable because she will be more in control and able to stop if anything hurts. Just reassure her all the way. I wish you both the best.

04-10-2004, 05:51 PM	#1 (permalink)
Hedgehog Crazy Location: Charlotte, NC	worried about my girlfriend Folks, I am in a long-distance relationship, and I am going to visit her soon and stay with her for a couple of weeks. My girlfriend has very little sexual experience, though she is in her late 20s. Her last boyfriend was her only experience (another long distance thing), and from what info I can gather, he basically just jumped her bones and banged away with little or no regard for her feelings, then had the nerve to criticize her performance afterward. Then he dumped her. This has left her quite worried about us and how our experience will be. She found penetration with her ex to be quite painful. I'm currently going by the theory that she wasn't aroused or lubricated when this jerk started banging away at her, and this is probably the cause of the pain she felt before. But I need reassurance on this point. Can you folks help me out here? I am a slow lover, and I love foreplay, including cunnilingus and the works before penetration. I plan on having some lube on hand too. Basically, I want to give her the best feeling she's ever had so she'll forget all about the bad previous experience. She's likely to be scared when we start out. Any advice? __________________ Wait a minute! Where am I, and why am I in this handbasket?

04-10-2004, 05:56 PM	#2 (permalink)
Ace_O_Spades The Death Card Location: EH!?!?	Just take it slow with her, its obvious from what you're saying that she has never had someone take time and care to make her feel good... just dont rush into things, let them develop on their own, especially if she is uncomfortable __________________ Feh.

04-10-2004, 07:34 PM	#3 (permalink)
doncalypso TFP Mad Scientist Location: Philadelphia, PA	Invest in lubricant... Astroglide would be a good choice. __________________ Doncalypso... the one and only Haitian Sensation

04-11-2004, 12:15 AM	#5 (permalink)
Prince /nɑndəsˈkrɪpt/ Location: LV-426	You'll do fine. It'll be fine. Don't sweat it. You're not her ex. __________________ Who is John Galt?

04-11-2004, 05:25 AM	#6 (permalink)
Averett Is In Love Location: I'm workin' on it	It sounds like you've got the right idea. Make it about her and you'll be just fine __________________ Absence is to love what wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.

04-10-2004, 08:30 PM	#4 (permalink)
:::OshnSoul::: Guest	I think you answered your own question, friend. Do all of that which you like to do. Show her that sex CAN BE wonderful, intimate and special. Show her how a man makes love to a woman. but also keep in mind the other posters' suggestions.

04-11-2004, 07:18 AM	#7 (permalink)
i8one2 COMPLETED and A TRAINER Location: BEAN_TOWN	I have had a similar experience with a wonderful lady a while back. The whole idea of sex made her really tense. she was early 30's, and had but one boyfriend, that she had been intimate with. besides the lubes...the most important thing is not to make it a commanding all thought out project thing... Have FUN! make it into a game of sorts, get her comfortable and relaxed...And like you stated slow, very slow, don't force the issue.. Get the atmosphere right...Maybe popcorn in the micro.. great smell.. ice cream feeding and kissing...DON"T forget the romance factor before hand either, a nice card, flowers, a light lunch, walk...Let her bring up SEX.... __________________ LEATHER, LATEX and LACE "SSC" "Nothing That Gives Pleasure is Bad" Quality is for those who know what they want and are at peace with what they have. "S/M is about emotion; the erotic tension between my impulse toward something and my resistance against it."-- Virginia Barker

04-11-2004, 11:44 AM	#8 (permalink)
skysooner Registered User Location: Oklahoma	Most of this is probably mental. My wife had a good friend whose husband was like that. Consequently they were only having sex about once a month (after having 3 kids together) and only after he got her drunk. She thought she hated sex. Fast forward a year. She got divorced and got a boyfriend who took the time to do lots of foreplay and emotional buildup. They were fucking like bunnies, and she felt she was the hottest thing in the world. Talk about it with her a bit just to reassure her that you are focused on her pleasure. Do something romantic ahead of time. Kiss and touch (back, neck, stomach, anything but breasts and vagina) a bunch. Eventually you and she will both know when she is ready.

04-11-2004, 12:01 PM	#9 (permalink)
Beefimator Tilted Location: Philly 'Burbs	Look man, all you have to do is be yourself. Do whatever comes naturally. Show her the ways my friend. Ultimatly if she is really into she'll be fine.

04-11-2004, 06:37 PM	#10 (permalink)
LpClint Upright	if you can make her laugh and feel comfortable doing anything with you, your golden.

04-11-2004, 08:42 PM	#12 (permalink)
raeanna74 I'm not a blonde! I'm knot! I'm knot! I'm knot! Location: Upper Michigan	You sound like you are already on the right track. If you take it slow enough, show enough love, she'll probably know when she's ready for it and so will you. Just showing that you care about her feelings will make it a better experience for her. Also like skysooner said - talk to her about it. Talk a lot. Women tend to work through their feelings of anxiety a little better when they've talked it all out first. Also if she's interested, you could suggest that when it comes down to penetration you could allow her to get on top. It will help her not be afraid of things being to uncomfortable because she will be more in control and able to stop if anything hurts. Just reassure her all the way. I wish you both the best. __________________ "Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama My Karma just ran over your Dogma.