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Most of this is probably mental. My wife had a good friend whose husband was like that. Consequently they were only having sex about once a month (after having 3 kids together) and only after he got her drunk. She thought she hated sex. Fast forward a year. She got divorced and got a boyfriend who took the time to do lots of foreplay and emotional buildup. They were fucking like bunnies, and she felt she was the hottest thing in the world.
Talk about it with her a bit just to reassure her that you are focused on her pleasure. Do something romantic ahead of time. Kiss and touch (back, neck, stomach, anything but breasts and vagina) a bunch. Eventually you and she will both know when she is ready.
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