unkown_person

Hi,

I'm a 24 year old guy and recently while browsing through various forums i came upon a swinger forum. For the fun of it i posted up some details about myself and said i have never done this before and would like to try with a couple. I got a reply from a couple. Wasn't really expecting it because of my age. I am considering meeting up with the couple if they want.
Has any one done this before or were involved in an arranged threesome/ swinger party. I just was wondering what to expect and what is allowed. I suppose every situation is different. Any tips? Not fully sure if will go ahead with it yet if they accept.

aphex140

Alll I will say is if you have any possesive bones in your boday about your partner do not do it.
It starts as harmless fun, but humans develop feelings and attatchment no ,matter how hard you try not to, unless you really dislike the person you are having sex with.


Trouble

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unkown_person

I'm not with anyone at the moment. It is a couple that have sort of asked me to join in. In the email they sent me they have asked what type of stuff am i in to what else could go on apart from 2 guys doing one girl?

StormBerlin

If you think it's something you want to experience, go for it. But you will never be the same (so I've heard), but be careful. You don't know what's out there.

I've tossed the idea around with chewy a little and arrived to this conclusion. There's no way I (we as a couple) could have sex with another couple because of my jealousy And if I were ever to have a threesome I think it would have to be with a seperate couple, I don't think I could stand having some other female all over my man... So, in short, it's probably not gonna happen.

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unkown_person

The idea does sound fun. Although i if i did do it i would want to meet the couple in a bar or some where like that first. Just so i could get to know them a little. If anything seemed weird then it would be easy to leave.
one of my main worries is if i was having sex with some guys wife and suddenly he got pissed of and decided to kick the shit out of me. now that wouldn't be fun
i'm not sure how it usualy works. would we take turns, when he finished i would join in or vice versa. or would we both be at it at the same time. i suppose these are questions i could ask on the night, but its not that it would easy to say.. eg. "so, how do you want me to shag your partner"

skysooner

This is a difficult situation in that it is something new. However, the best advice is just to communicate. The whole purpose of this is to open new avenues of experience for yourself. If there is something that you would feel absolutely uncomfortable about doing (i.e. messing around with him), then you need to make sure that is not in their expectations. I would be worried about the situation if all they want to do is jump in bed immediately. While this can be fun, it is not conducive to the best experience. I have actually done this twice. The first time was a jump into bed experience with a married woman and her boyfriend. It was just too quick, and there was nothing communicated. I just felt used after the whole thing. The second we took a little more time (maybe 2 to 3 hours to have dinner and drinks) and get to know each other. That lasted almost 9 months, and I looked forward to it everytime. Neither situation involved man to man stuff as I am not into that, but if there had been that expecation without us discussing it, then it could have been a real problem. This was a long time ago prior to my marriage so my experience isn't recent, but things don't really change all that much when it comes to sex.

unkown_person

ya skysooner, thats exactly what i mean. don't really want to jump straight in there. would rather talk to them for a while. get to know them a bit before it happens, at least then it would be easy to leave if they expected so guy on guy action.

wow skysooner, 9 months. thats a long time to be with the same couple. were you not worried that over that length of time the guy might get jealous of you. even though it is a prearranged thing there still could some attraction that could lead to disaster at a later stage.

skysooner, was the first time weird? in bed with another guy and girl. i know i will have taughts running through my mind like "keep that hard on away from me"

Ustwo

As someone who can be considered a swinger at various times let me point out a few red flags for you so you go into this with the right amount of caution.

Single males in swinging are a dime a dozen, if that much. There are scores of single men who want to swing, many of them cheating husbands, and most never get anywhere with it. Now you may have gotten lucky and just found a perfect couple right off the bat BUT there may be problems too.

#1 – Might be a fake, make sure to talk to them on the phone first, or as you said meet in a bar. Good chance you might get stood up at the bar.

#2 – The man might be Bi which is maybe why they want to know what you are into. If you don’t do that, make sure they know ahead of time.

#3 – Pictures ahead of time might change your mind.

Also I have been the ‘other’ M in a MFM when my SO was out of town (with her blessing) and while they are fun, they are awkward too. Swinging is really about couples and it’s a lot more fun as a couple, and I’ll be honest in that I never knew why single men would swing.

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skysooner

The guy/girl thing was strange but only really because of her. I went there early and got acquainted with him first of all. He was a dentist and I was an engineering grad student. He told me what she liked, etc. and said he thought that she and I should spend time together upstairs alone before everything else started. She breezed in about 30 minutes later and there was actually very little getting acquainted talk. I was 22 at the time, and I think she was in her early 40s. She wasn't particularly my type physically, but at that point I felt I was committed. It was definitely interesting in terms of showing me how an older woman could really get into it. Most college girls I had been with weren't very open sexually or were too conservative. When he came upstairs, we were basically in bed next each other (king sized bed thank goodness) and she kind of went back and forth. There was no contact between us. However I felt so awkward that I don't think it was very good for her. She had said ahead of time that if we clicked she wanted some one-on-one time with me after that day but that never happened. I tried to talk to her after that, but she had pretty much decided in her head that it wasn't going to work.

As for the 9 month thing that was quite a bit different. They lived about 90 miles away, so we didn't see each other all the time. She was 34, and her husband was 50. He had had a heart attack and was unable to perform physically anymore. I was definitely not their first since they told me they had done this a few times before even when he could perform. They were from Oregon and had decided on an open marriage early on. I might not have even been the only one seeing her at the time. When we first got in contact, she said that they might want to take some pictures but that they would obscure the face. I wasn't particularly comfortable with this or the fact he would be sitting by the bed watching us. I went into it with real trepidation. We hit it off so well at dinner though that it was much more natural. He pretty much left us alone without being in viewing range (although he was still close enough to come running if she had called). I did end up with some feelings for her, but it was never very deep. Once they moved out of state we said that we would get back together, but it never happened and I think we were all relieved by that time.

All I can really say about this is that either way you will enjoy yourself and it will certainly change you. However it is kind of a difference between a one-night stand where you know you aren't ever going to see the person again to a longer-standing relationship. The actual sex was wilder in the first scenario, but the second was much more satisfying.

I will add something about why I did this since Ustwo asked. As a married person or even if I had a significant other I wouldn't have done it. However at the time this happened, I was in a bad emotional state. I was in classes with all guys (engineering). If I met girls in bars they inevitably weren't girls I would consider dating for a long period of time (either too slutty or an emotional mess). My mother was bisexual and she and my dad had played around with other single women as long as I was aware (2nd grade all the way through college). They used to have these really wild parties. One of my mom's best friends was a stripper. When I was in college, I used to date girls she would introduce me to at the club. It was a bit lonely in some respects as I didn't really know how to talk to people. What I was always good at was empathetic sex. This gave me a chance to explore some boundaries safely while knowing that I wouldn't have to commit or deal with emotional blackmail.

Would I do it again with another couple? Absolutely if my wife were into it. She is not into it and has given me any indication that she would ever be into it. Who knows if this will change, but it isn't important enough to me to push on it.

unkown_person

thanks skysooner..
sounds as if you had a colourful and fun past

Ioxus

From one 24 year old to another, GO FOR IT !

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qtpye4u84

Well, I would have a jealousy problem if my man was with another girl, But he knows that some times I think about it but me and him talked about it he even said that he would just watch so i think that would be fun, me and another girl but then my man even said he could even stay up stairs in the living room while me and her went at it so i really want to do it some time, i am a little shy so i have to find the right girl cause my man said i should ask one of my friends but i think that would reck me and my girls friendship so it might be years before i get to do that but when i go places i get checked out by girls, my man thinks I can find one cause i am so sexy but i dout it i am shy as heck how do i find or look for one??. couples always talk to me and ask me but my man would probably not like that.

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toxic515

get comfortable with them, communicate and be HONEST. Set ground rules, and a stop word. and decide for yourself that you want to do it, and you understand that you will abide by all ground rules, and if anyone calls a halt, then everything halts, and nobody gets upset. Then have a great time!

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raeanna74

Ustwo gave some excellent advice.

A couple things I might add. A rule that you may hear fairly often in the lifestyle is "No means no." Meaning if you ask for something, even just a phone number, and the couple says no then don't ask again. They now know you would like their number so when and if they want to give it to you they will. If you push for something like that or even more serious you can get escorted to the door pretty quickly.

I would say about half of the swinger clubs that I know of don't even allow single men. It's not a popular thing with the couples to have a single guy around. Most of them are into it for another couple and a complete swap. As has been mentioned already it's possible that the guy may be bi. Make sure you ask questions and talk about things beforehand.

That's an excellent idea, to meet in a bar first and then leave from there if you are interested. We've gone that avenue many times when we didn't know a couple to begin with. Don't be afraid to ask questions. Even blatent ones like "Do you ever get jealous of a guy being with your girl?" or something along that line. From what I've seen most swingers are pretty comfortable talking about their preferences and feelings on the subject of sex.

Ask them how long they've been into swinging. The ones that have been into it for more than 2 years seem to me to be a little more stable. i.e. the guy won't get uncomfortable with the situation mid-fuck. I've found the older couples seem to have fewer hangups. Older meaning mid 30's and up. Most couples who've done this long enough will have their own cues and recognize when the other is uncomfortable. I've never met a couple where the guy freaked about about my hubby being with his girl or visa versa.

Otherwise. I wish you good luck and have fun. Communicate and respect are probably the best things to keep in mind when swinging. Don't be afraid to ask any question no matter how sexually intimate.

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