Mephex

Once a 3 years ago, I applied for a job at a local ISP.

I went in for the interview, and was met by 2 women. One of which, was so cute, I couldn't stop blushing. I answered all of their wacky questions, like what I eat for breakfast etc, and ended up meeting the boss, and was hired.

This girl, this beautiful, funny, perky, gamer girl sat across from me all day long. I often had a hard time keeping myself from staring. As I got more comfortable in the job, I began to go out drinking with the boss and the office manager, it usually ended up me making an ass of myself, as at the time, I was drinking wayyyy too much. During this time, I'd told them how I felt about the girl in the office, they'd laugh, see everyone they knew wanted her in one way or another. It ended up that the entire office ( all 4 of us ) went out one night. It has to be one of the best and worst nights of my life. I found out that she liked me. I tried kissing her in the back of my bosses car, but that didn't work so well. We headed back to the office, where I took my car, and ended up passing out, and driving right up a massive chain link fence. I snapped awake, looked about, panicked and took off, headed home, got there, and went to sleep.

I don't remember how, but somehow she found out and called me the next morning. I was so impressed, she really cared about how I was. She even offered to come down to my place ( 35 mins away ) and bring me back to the office. I was in total shock.

After that night, things were fantastic, better then anything I've ever known. We would often sneak kisses while everyone was out of the office, it was just too much fun.

We ended up moving in together, while working together, so we saw a lot of each other. Every day, all day, we were together.

It lasted 3 years. In the end, I wasn't paying her enough attention, and throughout, she'd have these feelings, that she wouldn't share with me. I'd often get angry and badger her into telling me what was wrong, usually through sobs and tears.

She never told me though. Instead, I find out now, she'd email herself the way she felt. Ugh.

As time went on, I the job got worse, I got worse, we didn't go anywhere, and she would avoid me as to prevent me from getting angry. It worked some of the time.

During our entire relationship, I would become so happy, I felt better about her and us then I had felt about anyone, she truly made me happy. But I wasn't going to let that get to me, we had a future to plan for. Our job cut back pay, the sex wasn't there, she was always very involved in tennis, so she'd go do that at night. So I would often tell her that I think we are better off as friends. She would bust into tears, and I would feel like shit. I just couldn't do enough for her, I had bad credit, I couldn't give her what she deserved ! She didn't want me anyway, she never wanted to fool around, she said I made her feel like an object.

On thanksgiving, I had to go mediate between my drunken brother and his wife, to find out that she had cheated on him. That night, she told me about how he was always wanting to get out, never wanted to be with her, felt he wasn't good enough, and it really, really, really hit home.

I told my girlfriend about that, how it scared me, how I could easily turn out that way. It was the last time she needed to hear it. We decided to go our own way for a while. Well. The months before this, I could feel her do a complete 180 towards me. All she would do is sit and play her mmo's. All the free time she had would be spent at her computer. I got jealous, I got suspicious, I confronted her many times, she always denied anything going on.

One morning, about a month ago, she had left for work so I hopped on her computer and opened the chat log for her game. Sure enough, not only had she been seeing someone ONLINE, but she was making plans to pay for this guy to fly in and spend a weekend at a hotel.

I was so angry ! I still, to this day, cannot believe it.

I mean, no relationship is perfect, but DAMN.

I couldn't let it go, I constantly asked why?was she in love? who was he ? So now, I've moved out, I still pay rent for the last 3 months of the lease, but I won't live there, I won't cause her that pain of always having to be so heavy.

She doesn't want me out of her life, she wants me as a friend still. We still work together, I know she talks to him while we are at work, I know that she doesn't want me to come over to the apartment because she wants to be with him, she tells me all of these things as if she thinks it'll keep me safe when all she does is LIE to me.

Fuck.

This guy is married, he's 10 years older then us. She says this started after we 'were apart', but in retrospect, I remember seeing this goofy sonuvabitch on her monitor ALL SUMMER. "Oh, he's a friend". Grrrowr. It's only online RIGHT ? Well damn, I never thought the phrase "playing games" could make me so angry.

I still want to talk to her, I still want to see her f'ing smile, and I still want her in my life, but I'll be damned if I want to know that she is compltely untrustworthy and that all we had together meant nothing.

Gah, vent, rant, post+1 whatever. I'm so angry, and no matter what I can do, it won't go away. Gee, maybe I posted this in the wrong forum and it'll get deleted anyway, sure felt good typing it.

RenaissanceII

theraputic venting helps!!

thank you for reminding those of us who bemoan our singleness
that things are'nt always 'hearts and flowers' in the affairs of love.

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And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
Anais Nin


I Wish You Well.

Prince

What I gather from this is that neither of you were good for one another. I wouldn't place any more blame on her than I would on you. Time to move on...as painful as it will be and as long as it may take.

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Who is John Galt?

macmanmike6100

sorry dude; writing it out is very theraputic indeed; consider yourself a smarter man having experienced that and then move on

Paq

Dude..been there. I used to work tech support for an ISP...actually 3 of them, but anyway...

One of the ISP's i worked for was a family owned local business that was pretty prosperous. We had a crew of like 8 techs total, 4/3 on shift and one guy for third. Anyway, my gf at the time would call to talk to me bc we were dead most of the time. She would call, though, and the call would go to whomever was next in que for the support line, so they would talk to her for a few and transfer over to me. Anyway, i noticed that she would talk to this one guy a little longer and longer and would sometimes ask me to transfer her over to him for a few bc she had something to tell him. Anyway, i thought nothing of it bc the guy had his child and a bitch of an ex wife and he was going to live with her soon. No biggie...

So some time passes and i see this guy talking to one of my exes online and i'm like, "cool, you know her, she's cool, we used to date, but we're friends now" etc....Well, the ex and i have a hard time keeping things platonic, which isn't a problem when both of us are single....

Anyway, my gf at the time hated this ex and constantly thought i was cheating on her. The ex adn i chatted all the time and we flirted, but nothing more than "Oo, you're cute" etc. So this dickwad sends the chat log that he doctored to my gf. She doesn't tell me and she's just acting all weird...

so anyway, time passes, we end up splitting up in a....pretty not so nice way...and one day, we're in O'Charley's having dinner (the gf and i, i mean, except she's the ex now) and we're talking and she procedes to tell me how she was fucking the guy for the last 2-3 months of our relationship...So here I am sitting in O'charleys about to go ghetto on her ass (more like throw plates across the place and storm out) and she's sitting htere all smug talking about his size and how he just wham/bam/thank you ma'am hardcore style fucking her, getting into detail. I think i blacked out everything after that, but i was pretty quiet and didn't say much, other than "Oh, that's nice" and we didn't speak much after that.

I don't think i've ever been so mad at someone before. It was like saying, "oh, i just used you for whatever and this guy was my lover on the side." OOoo, i think about it and...actually i'm not mad about it anymore, but i remember at the time, i could have killed the guy bc he was just using her. I was the one that went through over a year's time with therapy, counselling, etc with her bc of her abusive ex bf and here's this guy just doing exactly what the ex did...ooo, that pissed me off...
then, he leaves and she sleeps with like half of my friends from my first ISP job, so about 10 or so total in about a couple months.

and yeah, i felt a bit betrayed bc i totally believed her when she said nothing was going on, when she was with me and when she was out. I had no problems at all, i even encouraged her to go out with friends, to go have fun bc she'd really been abused before and never had the chance. And then it all came down to "Oh, lemme fuck this guy...and this guy...and this guy...and this guy" ad nauseum.

but really, after about 3 weeks of the initial shock of having been totally fucked over by the girl, i moved on and didn't really think much about it. Over time, it just didnt' matter as much anymore and we can talk like humans now, but we only do so every often. Last i heard, she went ot New Jersey to be with a guy she was talking to online...She caused him to have ot go through a pretty rough divorce and he caused her to miss out on Harvard law....soo now she's a stripper trying to capture all the attention i guess she missed out on..

Ok ok, ok, sorry for threadjacking, but yeah, therapeutic release is good.

My advice: Let it go, really, just avoid confrontations with her, avoid anything more than casual contact, and push aside all the good times and hte bad times you had. She only exists as a shell of what she was to you. Truthfully, it's better you found out after 3 yrs instead of 30..

Seriously, though, i wouldnt' even consider her as a friend. Gotta ask yourself if you need friends that untrustworthy...I know my life is too busy to have to worry about who i can and cant' trust anymore...

Goodluck and dont' ever forget about karma. Also, truthfully, from the middle of your post on, it seems like you two just weren't going to stay together but she seems like she didn't want to dump you until she had an option available..And don't forget, before you do anything drastic, it's only been a month and you're allowed to be angry, it's just what you do with the anger that really matters.

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Live.

Chris

Zorvox

You'll be fine bro

Just keep your head up high and keep your sights set on your goals.

I enjoyed reading ur post, infact.. it sorta reminded me how things were with an ex of mine... the lies, the feelings and the expressions you used..

You'll be fine!

Seeing her at work must be hard, but hey.. I know it's hard, but just think of who you are.

Here we go, I've always thought about my ex, and sometimes often do.. alot of the time.. i miss her immencely, and I often wonder if she ever thinks about me.. and to see her all moved on and stuff means that I couldn't succeed where I wanted to the most, I feel heart broken thinking that she never even atleast thinks about me, that she is so over me and belives in what she has said to me.. she doesn't talk to me at all anymore... and I hate it in a way... but she says "it's the only way it'd work" - which isn't entirely true, it's all so confusing!

But I know who I am, and even though people tend to think that they have done NOTHING wrong and will be right and all that shit, I know who I am and what i've done..

*ugh*, life is so... weird and painful.. yet.. good and happy

Mephex

Wow, thanks for the great feedback, it's much appreciated.

I know I just need to let her go, my mind is there, but my heart is slow to follow. It's so easy to replace the love with hate, but unfortunately, being face to face softens me right back up.

Being single is where it's at I think, I just can't believe I was such a fool and let myself fall in love

Paq

you dont' have to replace love with hate. No one said you had to hate her, but i'll admit that it's much easier that way

just be cordial, don't go out of your wa for her

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Live.

Chris

phathom

Dude, is your name Jason, because other than the ISP part, this sounds EXACTLY like what happened to my friend Jason about 2 years ago. Guy was married too had kids and was offering to fly her out to him to live with him. Things like this are really shitty, and they piss me off, it happens to too many people, almost happened to me, but before it did, I laid down the law, and was like listen it's either me or some guy you never even met before, that and giving her lots of love and positive support and time together,and she came right around. GUYS or GIRLS when you see this coming and you find out about it, you have to make a stand or you WILL lose your girl/guy. And do it in a loving way, if you get pissed off, they'll just leave you anyway because your being a jerk. and for the other end. You older guys/girls that are married and have familys, seriously with someone, ect. DON'T DO THIS KINDA STUFF IT JUST MESSES IT UP FOR EVERYONE! Thank you, that is all. Just some words of wisdom and advice

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-snooch to the nooch

Mephex

No, my name isn't Jason

tec-9-7

This is exactly why you should never become romantically involved w/ co-workers.

Hell, I try not to become friends w/ co-workers; friendly, sure, but 'hey-let's-get-together-and-hang-out-this-weekend-and-why-don't-we-all-take-a-cruise-together?', no way

BCD

I agree that you can't stay friends. You've got to break and move on. Remind yourself that this was not a one-time drunken screw-up, this is the type of person she truly is. You don't need friends like that in your life.

Remember that there are typically two ways you can go with this period of your life: (1) you can go out every night and get drunk chasing pussy with your friends, while your career, self-development and finances go down the drain, or (2) you can immerse yourself in your personal and professional development and become a better person. With the latter of these two options, not only do you come out of this rough spot a better person, but you get the added benefit / satisfaction that your ex will see how great you are doing and will be kicking herself for her treatment of you. And while she may want to get back with you then, my guess is that you will be clearheaded enough to see what a classless and weak person she really is.

Good luck.

/BCD

slimcr

im sorry to hear this bro. i know not much of what i can say will make you feel better, give it time and take care.

Parker

Man that sucks. That was depressing. My only suggestion is to go out with your friends and try to get your mind off of her. It is not worth it to dwell. I know that it is easier said and done, but you will look back at the situation and laugh. Everyone has a story like this. Do not do what I did and confess your feelings at this moment to her because your will regret it. I hope you feel better and you are lucky that you have a website like this to vent because venting is good.

Toecutter

"Note to self: Do not apply for jobs at ISP's and become involved with coworkers form said ISP!"

Man, i though working in the home health field was bad! What i had to learn the hard way is that you don't get yer ass the same place you get your bread! It's bad business.

Paq

Seriously, ISP jobs rock in terms of money, but the women that get involved are seriously...screwed up..

not really, but they can be. I've seen a couple of women hold "normal" relationships with guys who were in tech support, but normally they end up in a burning blaze of fire..

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Live.

Chris

Ace_O_Spades

I'm in the same boat as you, only probably in the denial stage BEFORE finding out, she has all these "friends" back in our home town she always has sexual conversations with, but she denies that its anything serious and says its "joking" and if she felt it was serious at all she'd get them to stop.

I hope beyond hope that she isnt lying like your SO was

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Feh.