Mephex

Once a 3 years ago, I applied for a job at a local ISP.

I went in for the interview, and was met by 2 women. One of which, was so cute, I couldn't stop blushing. I answered all of their wacky questions, like what I eat for breakfast etc, and ended up meeting the boss, and was hired.

This girl, this beautiful, funny, perky, gamer girl sat across from me all day long. I often had a hard time keeping myself from staring. As I got more comfortable in the job, I began to go out drinking with the boss and the office manager, it usually ended up me making an ass of myself, as at the time, I was drinking wayyyy too much. During this time, I'd told them how I felt about the girl in the office, they'd laugh, see everyone they knew wanted her in one way or another. It ended up that the entire office ( all 4 of us ) went out one night. It has to be one of the best and worst nights of my life. I found out that she liked me. I tried kissing her in the back of my bosses car, but that didn't work so well. We headed back to the office, where I took my car, and ended up passing out, and driving right up a massive chain link fence. I snapped awake, looked about, panicked and took off, headed home, got there, and went to sleep.

I don't remember how, but somehow she found out and called me the next morning. I was so impressed, she really cared about how I was. She even offered to come down to my place ( 35 mins away ) and bring me back to the office. I was in total shock.

After that night, things were fantastic, better then anything I've ever known. We would often sneak kisses while everyone was out of the office, it was just too much fun.

We ended up moving in together, while working together, so we saw a lot of each other. Every day, all day, we were together.

It lasted 3 years. In the end, I wasn't paying her enough attention, and throughout, she'd have these feelings, that she wouldn't share with me. I'd often get angry and badger her into telling me what was wrong, usually through sobs and tears.

She never told me though. Instead, I find out now, she'd email herself the way she felt. Ugh.

As time went on, I the job got worse, I got worse, we didn't go anywhere, and she would avoid me as to prevent me from getting angry. It worked some of the time.

During our entire relationship, I would become so happy, I felt better about her and us then I had felt about anyone, she truly made me happy. But I wasn't going to let that get to me, we had a future to plan for. Our job cut back pay, the sex wasn't there, she was always very involved in tennis, so she'd go do that at night. So I would often tell her that I think we are better off as friends. She would bust into tears, and I would feel like shit. I just couldn't do enough for her, I had bad credit, I couldn't give her what she deserved ! She didn't want me anyway, she never wanted to fool around, she said I made her feel like an object.

On thanksgiving, I had to go mediate between my drunken brother and his wife, to find out that she had cheated on him. That night, she told me about how he was always wanting to get out, never wanted to be with her, felt he wasn't good enough, and it really, really, really hit home.

I told my girlfriend about that, how it scared me, how I could easily turn out that way. It was the last time she needed to hear it. We decided to go our own way for a while. Well. The months before this, I could feel her do a complete 180 towards me. All she would do is sit and play her mmo's. All the free time she had would be spent at her computer. I got jealous, I got suspicious, I confronted her many times, she always denied anything going on.

One morning, about a month ago, she had left for work so I hopped on her computer and opened the chat log for her game. Sure enough, not only had she been seeing someone ONLINE, but she was making plans to pay for this guy to fly in and spend a weekend at a hotel.

I was so angry ! I still, to this day, cannot believe it.

I mean, no relationship is perfect, but DAMN.

I couldn't let it go, I constantly asked why?was she in love? who was he ? So now, I've moved out, I still pay rent for the last 3 months of the lease, but I won't live there, I won't cause her that pain of always having to be so heavy.

She doesn't want me out of her life, she wants me as a friend still. We still work together, I know she talks to him while we are at work, I know that she doesn't want me to come over to the apartment because she wants to be with him, she tells me all of these things as if she thinks it'll keep me safe when all she does is LIE to me.

Fuck.

This guy is married, he's 10 years older then us. She says this started after we 'were apart', but in retrospect, I remember seeing this goofy sonuvabitch on her monitor ALL SUMMER. "Oh, he's a friend". Grrrowr. It's only online RIGHT ? Well damn, I never thought the phrase "playing games" could make me so angry.

I still want to talk to her, I still want to see her f'ing smile, and I still want her in my life, but I'll be damned if I want to know that she is compltely untrustworthy and that all we had together meant nothing.

Gah, vent, rant, post+1 whatever. I'm so angry, and no matter what I can do, it won't go away. Gee, maybe I posted this in the wrong forum and it'll get deleted anyway, sure felt good typing it.