danny_boy

Hey,

I'll be with my g/f 2 years as of tomorrow. I love her soooo much, and could not imagine my life without her.

But sometimes I wonder if it's love that's keeping me with her, or just a fear of not having her around, since I've grown so accustomed to it.


It's weird....if we get into a fight, I won't want to see her, but in my head, I hope that she calls. Another huge thing is that when Im in a bad mood, I completely ignore her. If I've had a bad day, I'll come to her house, and not be very friendly. I am not an ass to her, I'll just sit there silently.

Another issue is SEX....I find myself not wanting it as often....

I posted here a while back about my interest in other women on a sexual basis only. I said that I know I've found my soulmate, but monogamy was very hard. Most everyone agreed with me that it's a tradeoff...soulmate or instant gratification from random sex. ...well, I chose soulmate, and my problem keeps getting harder. Yes I still love, and want to marry her, but I also think about having sex with other women...no i would never cheat....I need some help..please.

Averett

How old are you?

__________________
Absence is to love what wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.

danny_boy

I'm 22 years old...

danny_boy

Another thing to add is that, since we started dating, my girlfriend has put on alot of weight. At first it didnt phase me during sex, but now I'm very conscious of it. I'm still attracted to her, but sex just seems different....or if she does a little striptease or something...its different.

I've dated 'bigger' girls before, and its fine, its the change in her body thats throwing me off...

RAGEAngel9

I went through alot of the same in my last relationship. Hell I still wonder if I held on so long because of love or fear of being alone. And the problem is you really never know for sure. The closest thing is believing you do one or the other.

As for the wieght thing....
Talk to her about it. Love and relationships are a complete package including physical and mental, so it's understandable that you want to be physically attrached to your gf. However, watch what you say. And make damn sure you're not letting yourself go also or just keep your mouth shut.

WarWagon

Take a look at my post "2 years, 3 months." You and I sound nearly identical, both in attitude and mentality. I had the exact same thoughts and doubts, and then realized that if I really loved her like I thought I did, I wouldn't have been having those kinds of thoughts.

lurkette

I think everyone goes through this kind of transition, particularly after you've been with someone for a while. Unfortunately, you're the only person who can determine whether you're with her out of genuine love or out of fear/habit. The only way you can really tell is to ask yourself what your life would be like without her. Do you find that it's all about you (I'd be lonely, I'd be bored, I'd be horny) or is it about her (I'd miss talking with her, I'd be lost without her, etc)?

__________________
"If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing."

- Anatole France

arch13

The true test of a relationship is it's ability to weather change. You can count on nothing but change in life, so your relationships ability to fluidly change as you mature and grow as a person is the ultimate test of a relationship.
A good solid relationship is based on communication. In a world were things change you cannot subconsioucly expect your loved one not to grow and mature as well. Sometimes people realize they've grown apart. More often they've simply stopped communicating and stopped really know who the other person is. That's where communication is key. If two people are to know there loved one, they should be able to understand and see changes and be comfortable with them. To many people simply hold on to a vision of who their loved one was when they began to date, and miss the amazing changes and growth that can be so bueatiful to witness in the person you love.

Talk to your girlfreind. Be honest with yourself. The fear of being alone is a strange thing that effects people. search deep within yourself to know your feelings. You cannot truly love someone else if you know not yourself. It sounds like you may be avoiding communication because your afraid of what you may say. Be honorable to yourself and her. Talk. about anything and everything. about each other. about your relationship. Find out how she's feeling. How are you to know if she's perhaps feeling the same way if you don't communicate?

As for your sexual drive, there are many factors that affect a persons sex drive. Stress, obligations, most importantly issues within a relationship. That your sex drive has decreased may be a sign of how important you feel these issues you've brought up are.
It's perfectly natural to have fantasys about other women. My Fiance always jokes that the first thing she thinks of when meeting someone for the first time is them naked in a sexual pose. I often will look appreciatingly at a woman. That's aknowledging that everyone is a sexual being, yourself included. There's a difference between a little daydream and being willing to take it a step further. look within yourself to know that difference.

I assume you to are in college,, a time when one is trying to discover who they are. No party to a relatiionship should ever feel they aren't able to find themself because of a relationship.
But then again, nobody said a relationship was easy. it's not. a good relationship takes work and effort. Despite what your mother told you, a relationship does not just occur. A relationship is saying the hard things, having the fights, remebering the little things that you love about them. Love occurs naturally from that effort. A relationship is at times hard work and at times the easiest and best thing you've ever felt. And it's the most rewarding feeling you'll ever feel.
But you have to know yourself first.

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"The wheel is turning but the hamsters dead"
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Is arch13 really a porn diety ? find out after the film at 11.
-Nanofever

teseniarkc

Imagine this. Leave home for six or so months and the only thing you can do is email back and forth. I am in the Navy and I deal with this sort of thing all the time. Go to other countries and I know that my wife wouldn't find out but it would change the relationship we have. I think about cheating on my wife. It was the same way when we where dating. We talk all the time. And I miss her. The grass is always greener on the other side. I have no idea where I am going with this but talk to your girlfreind. Be on the the same level that she is on. Things will work much easier after you are on the same level.

danny_boy

Hey everyone,

Well, talking to my girlfriend is what I've been doing all along, and it has helped greatly....

I think that every couple goes through rough patches, and the strong ones make it through.

Yes, every guy wants a variety of women, but it's a tradeoff between love and companionship, and instantly gratifying sex. I wont deny the fact that sometimes I want the sex badly, but other times, I don't care.

I fell in love with this girl, and honestly believe that there's no one in the world like her....

Thanks for all of the advice..

iamnormal

Well danny_boy I have bad news. You are a completely and utterly normal human being.
And I have good news. I saved a bunch of money by swiching car insurance.

Prince

Geico strikes again...

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Who is John Galt?

skier

damn that lizard. he took my parking space with that tiny car of his!

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"Asking a bomb squad if an old bomb is still "real" is not the best thing to do if you want to save it." - denim