Many lust, some admire, few love, none stay - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

rogue49 · 12-26-2003, 02:16 PM

In my life, and the ladies that have passed through it...

Many have lusted
Some have admired
A few have even loved
but none have stayed

You know...I'm not scared to be alone
but at times, I am sad or angry about it.

I would prefer to share my life
I'm a giving sort, and that is something I miss doing.

And so...I go on...wishing & wondering
trying to do for me...but wanting to be for them.

oh well...maybe someday I'll figure it out.

Averett · 12-26-2003, 03:00 PM

I know how you feel.

Well, I've only had the one boyfriend, so instead I wonder why I've only had him. What is it that I'm doing wrong? I mean, there has to be something. I go out in environments where I could meet somebody, but I dont. I strike up conversations with guys, but nothing happens. I give my number, I get numbers but nothing comes from it.

Maybe I'll figure that out too

legolas · 12-26-2003, 03:01 PM

Don't worry about it. All you can do is be yourself and live your life. When love comes, it will come.

i8one2 · 12-26-2003, 03:16 PM

I am/was happy either way being alone or in a relationship. One thing I have learned is that a relationship is one of giving, but not in the material way.

I used to try way too hard, instead of first trying to understand who I was and what it was I wanted and needed, both for myself and from a partner.
During one phase is was just sex, because I wasn't, pardon the term, getting any...so I would just look or be receptive to anyone one that was willing to GIVE IT.

As I evolved emotionally in my thinking, I learned that I wanted was to be better and was better than that, and a process of improvement of self came next. And I was no longer on the HUNT, I was just happy being myself and the things I was doing and accomplishing for myself.

Fine...BUT I needed more...
I asked for help, and got it by listening to others, and here comes a break through at least for me, I followed through.

I knew who I was, what I wanted, wasn't on the prowl, but searching actively of a mate who felt the say as I did about life.
I was confident, happy, secure, and willing to compromise on some of thing I believed to be true.
And now, because of this journey I have found, and they found me, a mate that embodies all the virtues that are dear to me, we are growing together and life for me has now come full circle because of what I have learned, expressed needed and wanted.

You'll figure it out

,
it took me 42 years, but finally got it!

shannon · 12-26-2003, 05:28 PM

i know that this is little comfort, because i know what it is like to be lonely. but i also know what it is like to be in love. to feel safe. to know that no one is going anywhere for a long time. and as much as i am just a silly lovestruck child, i wanted to give you some hope that sometime people find exactly what they need.
take care.

Pragma · 12-26-2003, 07:37 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Averett
I know how you feel.

Well, I've only had the one boyfriend, so instead I wonder why I've only had him. What is it that I'm doing wrong? I mean, there has to be something. I go out in environments where I could meet somebody, but I dont. I strike up conversations with guys, but nothing happens. I give my number, I get numbers but nothing comes from it.

Maybe I'll figure that out too

I know what you mean - I've had only three relationships in 20-odd years (and only my current one is a "real" relationship) - I've asked myself all those questions, and many more.

I don't really have any words of wisdom, except to keep trying. Being alone hurts - especially around the holidays, and I know that very well, but giving up hope hurts more. Thankfully I got my act back together, kept on asking out girls, and eventually found someone who liked me.

If there's any justice in the world, you'll find a guy out there who will be very lucky to know you.

BigDonkey2 · 12-27-2003, 08:08 PM

being lonely sucks....especially when you want to share your company with someone....i feel your pain

diddagirl · 12-27-2003, 09:35 PM

Yes being alone can be hard...when you want someone to love, and more importantly when you want and need to feel the love of someone else. I know its hard, but try and think of all the good things about being single. Take this time to work on yourself. When you are complete and content by yourself..... thats when you will find someone.

amonkie · 12-27-2003, 10:00 PM

Don't settle for less simply to have SOMEONE. Just remember what you miss and want, and it'll be all the sweeter when you finally do have it in your life again. *Say advice to myself too

*

wry1 · 12-28-2003, 04:08 AM

Love is a fickle thing: it comes along when you least expect it, and frequently when you know you just don't want it, and turns your life completely topsy-turvy.

But when it happens for you, you've just got to grab it with both hands, and hang on for dear life.

I'm sure that those (like myself) who are finding themselves without a significant other will have that chance encounter, that happenstance meeting, and will suddenly be in a whole world of shit that they never saw coming.....

wilbjammin · 12-28-2003, 11:14 AM

I know the feeling... I think one thing that I had to learn is that I kept going for the wrong kind of girl over and over again. There are people out there who will be good for you, its just a matter of finding them and realizing that you do want to go for something different than what you've gone for before. I know for me there are some patterns that I got stuck in, it was hard to break out of it, but it can be done. And then, when you find that person that really is good for you, cherish her and take the time to let things progress naturally. What was good for me was to do things I wouldn't normally ever do to meet new kinds of people... it takes some creativity.

skysooner · 12-29-2003, 03:25 PM

It happens when it happens. All you can do is put yourself out there and don't get all shut in. I was about 4 months away from graduation, was spending all my time in a laboratory and had basically given up dating when my current girlfriend went psycho on me (she was manic-depressive and a bit of a bitch as well). I got all depressed about it and put an ad in a local singles mag asking for a summer romance only since I was moving. The first person that answered has been my wife for almost 13 years now. You just never know.

BentNotTwisted · 12-29-2003, 08:35 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by amonkie
Don't settle for less simply to have SOMEONE. Just remember what you miss and want, and it'll be all the sweeter when you finally do have it in your life again. *Say advice to myself too *

I did that, I settled for less just to have someone in my life. 8 years later I was separated and soon to be divorced. I learned a lot in that relationship. Mostly that I have to respect and be respected by the woman I am with. Try not to get discouraged. Keep believing there is someone out there for you. IMHO, there are hundreds if not thousands of people out there that are right for you and eventually you will meet one of them.

Angel · 12-30-2003, 12:09 AM

*Wishes she were near DC right now*
Big hugs to you my friend.
That lonely feeling is a messed up feeling. She's out there, and it isn't when you "figure it out" but when time figures it in. And yes, that can feel like an eternity.
Being alone is never easy. But I found out the hard way that being with someone and still being lonely is worse. Never settle my friend and you will prevail.

analog · 01-02-2004, 02:56 AM

From my journal... 12/26/03

Quote:

It's fuckign killing me... I don't know why I need love to be happy...

I should be able to lead a perfectly normal existence without NEEDING love, and being a normally functioning human being.

I know what you're going to say- but love is beautiful, love is the greatest of all human emotions and expressions... love is what makes the world go around... how can you say you want to live without love?

I don't want to live without love. I just wish that I could spend a few days without feeling the heartache...without feeling that deep-down inside pain I feel... I want to be able to be me, without feeling the constant tug of the want for love.

Why can't I just feel that love and hold onto it? Is it that I fall in love too easily, or that I mentally find myself open to loving faster because I want to have that love? That's so fuckign selfish...

Can you imagine feeling confused as to why you're with someone, but you refuse to leave them because you feel you love them... but then you think about it and a relationship just wouldn't work in the long-run.....?

Fuck... why? Why? Why can't I wait to love? Why must I rush it each time, only to "fall in love" with someone I find out i'm not compatible with, and only wanted to be with because of the love they showed me? All it does it make me hurt, and kill the feelings of a poor girl deeply in love with a guy, who dumps her suddenly and without coherent reason.... I am a disgusting person for this... and I can't reconcile it to myself... but I can't help being overcome by the desire for love.

Someone please tell me... why do I have to love? Why so suddenly, why so easily, and why so deeply? It's killing me... and my heart has ached for far too long.

I feel your pain, I feel it right now. It happens... but you have more love to look forward to in the future. Best wishes, and best of luck to you. -analog.

Plan9Senior · 01-02-2004, 10:35 AM

Just think of all the money you are saving

.

madp · 01-02-2004, 02:40 PM

Something I have learned in my time as a "dark" and "difficult" man: if you expect love to "complete" you, you will never find a satisfactory relationship. No relationship can do anything for you beyond what you bring to it yourself (sorry for the cliche').

Also. . .many people in long-term relationships are very curious about being single again because of the hard work, sacrifice, and compromise you have to deal with on a daily basis in a serious relationship. Being in a relationship solves the "being alone" problem, but embodies a hole host of new difficulties. Cherish your bachelorhood. If you learn to be happy by yourself, you're much better prepared and apt to have the opportunity to snag the right girl.

Sorry, I'm new, I'm a stranger, but felt compelled to say something.

rogue49 · 01-02-2004, 04:45 PM

No, I don't expect love to complete me.
I'm a very independent man, don't NEED anyone.
I'm very comfortable doing things by myself.

At the same time, I do know how sharing your life can enhance it.
And I do desire to share my life with someone...not a NEED, but a desire.
Love is a intense passion, a hunger beyond physical
or a warmth that does not stop soothing.

I get angry because what others say and what they do, are two different things...this is frustrating.
I get sad because I know what could have been, but they aren't aware.

You can manipulate, or bully, or settle into a relationship.
But that is not my nature.

It needs to be mutual, when I say share I mean it,
they need to meet me halfway...and do it of their own desire.
Otherwise, it is not true...it is an illusion.

And although I might enjoy fantasy...I do NOT like it in my reality.
You must find that partner that wants to dance with you
to walk that path with you...to invest that time into you.

It is difficult to find someone responsible & sane that you "click" with,
and have them first trust you, and then be with you, and finally stay with you.

I know that I make it more difficult by being a "complex" man,
many ladies don't know how to deal with this.
But I'm not going to change, this is my nature.
And I'm not going to bully or manipulate, as I said before.
And I'm not going to stop giving or being honest, this is also a part of me.

I cannot compromise on this...nor would I try.
It seems that many can't handle a man who is what they ask for.
Which is VERY strange to me.

I'm just tired of the merry-go-round
I want to get off, and sit on the bench next to my love.
and watch the kids play on it instead.
You know what I'm sayin'?

Shit, I wouldn't even mind the roller-coaster,
as long as I could be in the same car sharing in the thrill for the ride.

madp · 01-04-2004, 01:46 PM

I feel you, Rogue. Being sophisticated and selective in finding a life partner means you have to endure much more loneliness than those who seem to jump from one relationship to the next until someone gets knocked up or someone gets ready to have a "family," the music stops playing, and they grab the nearest chair.

nirol · 01-04-2004, 02:18 PM

Be Strong, Rogue
Many of us are in the same boat. I still delude myself that it may be out there, still hoping. I just feel that I missed something, and I am trying to work through many regrets. I still have hope that it will hit me, I wont settle for less. To do so is not fair to me, or to anyone else. I guess the light bulb, rockets, tequila, will explode and let us know.
Till then, Keep on striving.

12-26-2003, 02:16 PM	#1 (permalink)
rogue49 Loser	Many lust, some admire, few love, none stay In my life, and the ladies that have passed through it... Many have lusted Some have admired A few have even loved but none have stayed You know...I'm not scared to be alone but at times, I am sad or angry about it. I would prefer to share my life I'm a giving sort, and that is something I miss doing. And so...I go on...wishing & wondering trying to do for me...but wanting to be for them. oh well...maybe someday I'll figure it out. Last edited by rogue49; 12-26-2003 at 03:00 PM..

12-26-2003, 03:00 PM	#2 (permalink)
Averett Is In Love Location: I'm workin' on it	I know how you feel. Well, I've only had the one boyfriend, so instead I wonder why I've only had him. What is it that I'm doing wrong? I mean, there has to be something. I go out in environments where I could meet somebody, but I dont. I strike up conversations with guys, but nothing happens. I give my number, I get numbers but nothing comes from it. Maybe I'll figure that out too __________________ Absence is to love what wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.

12-26-2003, 03:01 PM	#3 (permalink)
legolas shit faced cockmaster Location: CT	Don't worry about it. All you can do is be yourself and live your life. When love comes, it will come. __________________ "To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems."

12-26-2003, 03:16 PM	#4 (permalink)
i8one2 COMPLETED and A TRAINER Location: BEAN_TOWN	I am/was happy either way being alone or in a relationship. One thing I have learned is that a relationship is one of giving, but not in the material way. I used to try way too hard, instead of first trying to understand who I was and what it was I wanted and needed, both for myself and from a partner. During one phase is was just sex, because I wasn't, pardon the term, getting any...so I would just look or be receptive to anyone one that was willing to GIVE IT. As I evolved emotionally in my thinking, I learned that I wanted was to be better and was better than that, and a process of improvement of self came next. And I was no longer on the HUNT, I was just happy being myself and the things I was doing and accomplishing for myself. Fine...BUT I needed more... I asked for help, and got it by listening to others, and here comes a break through at least for me, I followed through. I knew who I was, what I wanted, wasn't on the prowl, but searching actively of a mate who felt the say as I did about life. I was confident, happy, secure, and willing to compromise on some of thing I believed to be true. And now, because of this journey I have found, and they found me, a mate that embodies all the virtues that are dear to me, we are growing together and life for me has now come full circle because of what I have learned, expressed needed and wanted. You'll figure it out , it took me 42 years, but finally got it! __________________ LEATHER, LATEX and LACE "SSC" "Nothing That Gives Pleasure is Bad" Quality is for those who know what they want and are at peace with what they have. "S/M is about emotion; the erotic tension between my impulse toward something and my resistance against it."-- Virginia Barker

12-26-2003, 05:28 PM	#5 (permalink)
shannon Psycho Location: Canada	i know that this is little comfort, because i know what it is like to be lonely. but i also know what it is like to be in love. to feel safe. to know that no one is going anywhere for a long time. and as much as i am just a silly lovestruck child, i wanted to give you some hope that sometime people find exactly what they need. take care. __________________ "When I look down I just miss all the good stuff. And when I look up I just trip over things"

12-27-2003, 08:08 PM	#7 (permalink)
BigDonkey2 Insane Location: California	being lonely sucks....especially when you want to share your company with someone....i feel your pain

12-27-2003, 09:35 PM	#8 (permalink)
diddagirl Addict Location: Calgary, AB	Yes being alone can be hard...when you want someone to love, and more importantly when you want and need to feel the love of someone else. I know its hard, but try and think of all the good things about being single. Take this time to work on yourself. When you are complete and content by yourself..... thats when you will find someone. __________________ "Is it so small a thing to have enjoyed the sun, to have lived long in the spring, to have loved, to have thought, to have done." -Matthew Arnold

12-27-2003, 10:00 PM	#9 (permalink)
amonkie Drifting Administrator Location: Windy City	Don't settle for less simply to have SOMEONE. Just remember what you miss and want, and it'll be all the sweeter when you finally do have it in your life again. Say advice to myself too __________________ Calling from deep in the heart, from where the eyes can't see and the ears can't hear, from where the mountain trails end and only love can go... ~~~ Three Rivers Hare Krishna

12-28-2003, 04:08 AM	#10 (permalink)
wry1 Loser Location: Far too far from my Angel....	Love is a fickle thing: it comes along when you least expect it, and frequently when you know you just don't want it, and turns your life completely topsy-turvy. But when it happens for you, you've just got to grab it with both hands, and hang on for dear life. I'm sure that those (like myself) who are finding themselves without a significant other will have that chance encounter, that happenstance meeting, and will suddenly be in a whole world of shit that they never saw coming.....

12-28-2003, 11:14 AM	#11 (permalink)
wilbjammin * * *	I know the feeling... I think one thing that I had to learn is that I kept going for the wrong kind of girl over and over again. There are people out there who will be good for you, its just a matter of finding them and realizing that you do want to go for something different than what you've gone for before. I know for me there are some patterns that I got stuck in, it was hard to break out of it, but it can be done. And then, when you find that person that really is good for you, cherish her and take the time to let things progress naturally. What was good for me was to do things I wouldn't normally ever do to meet new kinds of people... it takes some creativity. __________________ Innominate.

12-29-2003, 03:25 PM	#12 (permalink)
skysooner Registered User Location: Oklahoma	It happens when it happens. All you can do is put yourself out there and don't get all shut in. I was about 4 months away from graduation, was spending all my time in a laboratory and had basically given up dating when my current girlfriend went psycho on me (she was manic-depressive and a bit of a bitch as well). I got all depressed about it and put an ad in a local singles mag asking for a summer romance only since I was moving. The first person that answered has been my wife for almost 13 years now. You just never know.

12-30-2003, 12:09 AM	#14 (permalink)
Angel Naughty Just Right Location: Euphoria	Wishes she were near DC right now Big hugs to you my friend. That lonely feeling is a messed up feeling. She's out there, and it isn't when you "figure it out" but when time figures it in. And yes, that can feel like an eternity. Being alone is never easy. But I found out the hard way that being with someone and still being lonely is worse. Never settle my friend and you will prevail. __________________ In the depth of winter, I finally learned that there was within me an invincible summer. ~Albert Camus

01-02-2004, 10:35 AM	#16 (permalink)
Plan9Senior Banned Location: Orange County, California	Just think of all the money you are saving .

01-02-2004, 02:40 PM	#17 (permalink)
madp Insane Location: New Orleans/Chicago	Something I have learned in my time as a "dark" and "difficult" man: if you expect love to "complete" you, you will never find a satisfactory relationship. No relationship can do anything for you beyond what you bring to it yourself (sorry for the cliche'). Also. . .many people in long-term relationships are very curious about being single again because of the hard work, sacrifice, and compromise you have to deal with on a daily basis in a serious relationship. Being in a relationship solves the "being alone" problem, but embodies a hole host of new difficulties. Cherish your bachelorhood. If you learn to be happy by yourself, you're much better prepared and apt to have the opportunity to snag the right girl. Sorry, I'm new, I'm a stranger, but felt compelled to say something. __________________ why are you wearing that stupid man suit?

01-02-2004, 04:45 PM	#18 (permalink)
rogue49 Loser	No, I don't expect love to complete me. I'm a very independent man, don't NEED anyone. I'm very comfortable doing things by myself. At the same time, I do know how sharing your life can enhance it. And I do desire to share my life with someone...not a NEED, but a desire. Love is a intense passion, a hunger beyond physical or a warmth that does not stop soothing. I get angry because what others say and what they do, are two different things...this is frustrating. I get sad because I know what could have been, but they aren't aware. You can manipulate, or bully, or settle into a relationship. But that is not my nature. It needs to be mutual, when I say share I mean it, they need to meet me halfway...and do it of their own desire. Otherwise, it is not true...it is an illusion. And although I might enjoy fantasy...I do NOT like it in my reality. You must find that partner that wants to dance with you to walk that path with you...to invest that time into you. It is difficult to find someone responsible & sane that you "click" with, and have them first trust you, and then be with you, and finally stay with you. I know that I make it more difficult by being a "complex" man, many ladies don't know how to deal with this. But I'm not going to change, this is my nature. And I'm not going to bully or manipulate, as I said before. And I'm not going to stop giving or being honest, this is also a part of me. I cannot compromise on this...nor would I try. It seems that many can't handle a man who is what they ask for. Which is VERY strange to me. I'm just tired of the merry-go-round I want to get off, and sit on the bench next to my love. and watch the kids play on it instead. You know what I'm sayin'? Shit, I wouldn't even mind the roller-coaster, as long as I could be in the same car sharing in the thrill for the ride. Last edited by rogue49; 01-02-2004 at 05:00 PM..

01-04-2004, 01:46 PM	#19 (permalink)
madp Insane Location: New Orleans/Chicago	I feel you, Rogue. Being sophisticated and selective in finding a life partner means you have to endure much more loneliness than those who seem to jump from one relationship to the next until someone gets knocked up or someone gets ready to have a "family," the music stops playing, and they grab the nearest chair. __________________ why are you wearing that stupid man suit?

01-04-2004, 02:18 PM	#20 (permalink)
nirol Crazy Location: South East US	Be Strong, Rogue Many of us are in the same boat. I still delude myself that it may be out there, still hoping. I just feel that I missed something, and I am trying to work through many regrets. I still have hope that it will hit me, I wont settle for less. To do so is not fair to me, or to anyone else. I guess the light bulb, rockets, tequila, will explode and let us know. Till then, Keep on striving. __________________ 'Tis better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than open one's mouth and remove all doubt. Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784)