Women Psychology - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

NeoSparky · 12-25-2003, 11:41 PM

Who ever can answere this question gets a big prize..

Why is it that every women I've made it clear that all I wanted was sex. Treated the girl as a sex object and pretty much been a complete ass to always wants more? what I mean by more is a long term realtionship, love, etc..

but at the same time, every girl that I've treated with respect, honesty, love, and just being sweet to pushes me away till either I can't take it anymore and leave or leave me?

and on top of that most women I talk to bitch and complain about how rude and mean men are and how they always treat them like a sex object..

Xenomorph · 12-26-2003, 12:38 AM

It's the confidence thing. I'm sure someone here can explain it better than I can, but here's my simplistic understanding...

By instinct, choice or both...women want a man with a backbone and a pair of balls. They want someone who wants to wear the daddy pants, and can do so comfortably. They don't like being worshipped...the ones that are chased after have been there and done that, and it puts ones that aren't chased after into confusion and/or defensiveness. Most would rather be treated like objects than deities...

...which leads us to the real tricky part. Sometimes, when we treat them with a little too much "honesty, love, and just being sweet,"(especially the latter and not so much the former) they think we're just supplicating. They don't want to be the pillar of stability while we go about our business without any cojones, so they blow us off.

Assholes don't have to worry about skirting that line, although they have problems of their own.

There are varying philosophies on your last point. Some think it's a not extremely uncommon masochistic desire to seek an abusive partner. The "ladder theory" types just resign themselves to bitterness and loss. Basically, just come to grips with the fact that attraction doesn't work like our mothers and kindergarten teachers told us it does and open your mind to new ideas.

strcrssd · 12-26-2003, 12:51 AM

Damn...

Xenomorph has a great answer to this. I agree with both of the above posters. I can see where Xenomorph is coming from, but I also observe first-handedly what NeoSparky is describing...

slimshaydee · 12-26-2003, 05:09 AM

All I've got to say is
Girls are fickle.

sillygirl · 12-26-2003, 07:47 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Xenomorph
It's the confidence thing. I'm sure someone here can explain it better than I can, but here's my simplistic understanding...

By instinct, choice or both...women want a man with a backbone and a pair of balls. They want someone who wants to wear the daddy pants, and can do so comfortably.

Yes, we want a man who has a backbone and balls. Personally, I do not want someone who wears the daddy pants. That doesn't make it a 50/50 relationship. That puts one person in charge.

Quote:

They don't like being worshipped...the ones that are chased after have been there and done that, and it puts ones that aren't chased after into confusion and/or defensiveness. Most would rather be treated like objects than deities...

Uhhh........ we don't? I love being worhshipped. There is nothing better than having a guy care so much for you that he'll just pop in at a random time to give you flowers. Or whatever. There does, however, need to be a healthy balance. There's a fine line between "worship" and "obsession". I also do my best to worship back. A guy who treats me like an object is a guy that doesn't last long.

Quote:

...which leads us to the real tricky part. Sometimes, when we treat them with a little too much "honesty, love, and just being sweet,"(especially the latter and not so much the former) they think we're just supplicating. They don't want to be the pillar of stability while we go about our business without any cojones, so they blow us off.

Again with the balance issue you seem to be having.

Quote:

Assholes don't have to worry about skirting that line, although they have problems of their own.

There are varying philosophies on your last point. Some think it's a not extremely uncommon masochistic desire to seek an abusive partner. The "ladder theory" types just resign themselves to bitterness and loss. Basically, just come to grips with the fact that attraction doesn't work like our mothers and kindergarten teachers told us it does and open your mind to new ideas.

An abusive relationship is tough to get out of. No matter how many times you run away from it. More mental damage is done than physical damage in a lot of instances. It's not necessarily a masochistic desire. I've had a few friends who were abused and stayed. They were terrified. Terrified to stay, terrified to get help, etc. And each of them truly believed for some reason that her guy loved her. Not because of the way that he hit her, but because of the oh-so-innocent "I love you, baby, I'm sorry, please forgive me" 's that they always gave.

vveronica · 12-26-2003, 08:25 AM

This is simple ... many of us are attracked to the confident strong guy, a guy who treats us with little concern. The reason for the attraction is we all find what we cant have more desirous..

It is also the reason that the nice sweet guy looses out to the to the bad boy. Alot of girls want the attention but want it from the guy who wont give it..

I have a very close friend who I have known a long time and he started dating this girl casually and she was calling him all the time and he told me how she after him constantly.. Some where along the line he fell in love and began returning her interest in kind, calling her and desiring her. She then took control of their relationship and soon got bored and left him... It was clear to
me she wanted him to be a certain way with her. It was the chase that was what she wanted... I felt bad for him but I got some great friendship sex out of it... heheheheheheheeh

shannon · 12-26-2003, 06:03 PM

here's what i see is likely the cause.
as much as i think it's stupid to say that people are above and below other, in the dating game people often use social comparison to determine who would be a suitable match, who is too far above them to even bother trying to obtain, and who is too far below them to be worth it.
you would be more likely to try to get sex without any sort of promise of commitment, etc. from a woman who you thought was below you. and if you are making accurate social comparisons, this woman would be the more likely woman to be interested in a relationship with you, because you would make a good match, as you would be an upward pairing for her.
at the same time, if you saw a woman who you thought would be likely to be out of your league, you would be likely to treat her well and try to keep you, while she may be likely to not want anything to do with you. i'm not saying this happens on a conscious level or anything, but it may explain why the same women you treat well are the women who don't care and why the women you don't treat well are the women who do care.
i know this wouldn't nessecarily apply to everyone, but it would likely apply to most pairings and could be the cause for the relationship between your effort and the desire the women show.
i hope that makes sense....

ratbastid · 12-26-2003, 06:34 PM

I don't quite know why it looks like women are that way. I do know that it only looks like women are that way.

At some point in your life, you grow up and you start being YOURSELF around people, including around women. You start to see how you can HAVE a spine and a set of balls, while still worshipping Those Who Deserve Worship. And you'll quit playing these petty little games about how you'll treat this one and how you'll treat that one, and you'll start treating them ALL like people.

And THEN you'll find out how women REALLY are. I speak from personal experience on this one.

sillygirl · 12-26-2003, 06:36 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by ratbastid
I don't quite know why it looks like women are that way. I do know that it only looks like women are that way.

At some point in your life, you grow up and you start being YOURSELF around people, including around women. You start to see how you can HAVE a spine and a set of balls, while still worshipping Those Who Deserve Worship. And you'll quit playing these petty little games about how you'll treat this one and how you'll treat that one, and you'll start treating them ALL like people.

And THEN you'll find out how women REALLY are. I speak from personal experience on this one.

Damn. Redlemon was right about you, ratbastid!

Wax_off · 12-27-2003, 12:27 AM

Well, my two cents is that it's all about wanting to change a man. If you've got a guy who is an asshole, then you want to change him into a nice sweet guy. You've conquered him, bent him to your will. This is something girls are taught at an early age. Something about horses.
Of course, once you've fixed him, taken the bad boy out of him, he's no longer a challenge and not worth your time. On to the next conquest. Guys do the same thing, only with sex. Girls don't want guys who don't need to be "fixed" and guys don't want a girl who won't put out.

I think it's funny that both sexes bitch about the habits of the other without recognizing that this is the way they're socialized, and probably aren't in full control of it.

Hopefully, by the time girls have grown up to be women, they've gotten over the "fix him" impulse. Sadly though it's rare.

SparklingDot · 12-27-2003, 12:29 AM

Bottom line, if you are an ass, odds are you'll get the girls who need someone like you to feel special and wanted. They aren't the forever type of girl, and that is not a healthy relationship. If you are sweet and kind and loving, you also have to be patient. Don't get fed up for lack of sex because you're used to easy girls. That is being an ass.

Figure out who you are, and then be yourself. That's the best way to attract girls that are worth being worshipped and worth your time. Being patient is absolutely necessary.

NeoSparky · 12-27-2003, 12:47 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by SparklingDot
Bottom line, if you are an ass, odds are you'll get the girls who need someone like you to feel special and wanted. They aren't the forever type of girl, and that is not a healthy relationship. If you are sweet and kind and loving, you also have to be patient. Don't get fed up for lack of sex because you're used to easy girls. That is being an ass.

Figure out who you are, and then be yourself. That's the best way to attract girls that are worth being worshipped and worth your time. Being patient is absolutely necessary.

I'm not fed up because of a lack of sex. Honestly sex isn't that big of a deal to me anymore. Dont get me wrong I love having sex, it's just not the first priority in what I would consider a relationship.

NeoSparky · 12-27-2003, 12:54 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by ratbastid
I don't quite know why it looks like women are that way. I do know that it only looks like women are that way.

At some point in your life, you grow up and you start being YOURSELF around people, including around women. You start to see how you can HAVE a spine and a set of balls, while still worshipping Those Who Deserve Worship. And you'll quit playing these petty little games about how you'll treat this one and how you'll treat that one, and you'll start treating them ALL like people.

And THEN you'll find out how women REALLY are. I speak from personal experience on this one.

wow, that's one hell of a dis to me..

I am myself around everyone. I treat everyone pretty equally.. The reason that some women I treated like sex objects and not others was due to 2 factor's.. One I was younger and still trying to figure out this delecate balance between the good and evil of a relationship. And two because I didn't want a full blown relationship at the time..

I've seen a lot of posts about women liking the chase more than the end goal and I think that has something to do with it. when it comes to women that I really enjoy being around I'm pretty easy (in all senses of the word) but when i'm with someone that I really dont want to be around i'm more of a hard ass and stand offish. So maybe it's like when I'm a hard ass the girls try and "change" me and as such try and stick with me, but when i'm being easy the girls find no challange and they become stand offish..

i dunno, what do you all think?

skysooner · 12-29-2003, 03:42 PM

This is a complex question, and there have been some really good answers to it.

The kinds of girls that went for my friends in college (most were the asshole type) were not the kinds of girls I could have had a future with. They were great for a few weeks of sex but that was about all.

I know that when I met my wife, we really hit it off after the 2nd date. It took a few weeks, but we were already talking marriage. I used to drop a rose on her car at her office every couple of days or just write a note and put it under her windshield wiper. She was one that appreciated this, but she also had pretty good self-esteem. She had not dated much and didn't play games with me (which was refreshing).

There is just a fine balance between being an asshole and being a gentleman. I think it takes a little of both early in a relationship just to keep things interesting, but this should go away very quickly if the relationship is going to last. People say there should be immediate passion in a relationship or it won't last. I disagree. I think you have to really get to know each other first. That way you will find the person who you should be with.

12-29-2003, 05:23 PM

Well, women see it as this: if men can treat women like sex object, women can treat men like puppets.
Not that I do, but most women know that it's all mind-games when it comes to sex & relationships. They want to be heard, they want to be respected, they want to be loved and pampered- all at once.
Men: all about the sex- plain & simple
Women: Confusion up the yinying. They never seem to say what they really mean then play that back on you like it's all your fault.
Hmm- crazy world.

12-25-2003, 11:41 PM	#1 (permalink)
NeoSparky Crazy	Women Pschcology Who ever can answere this question gets a big prize.. Why is it that every women I've made it clear that all I wanted was sex. Treated the girl as a sex object and pretty much been a complete ass to always wants more? what I mean by more is a long term realtionship, love, etc.. but at the same time, every girl that I've treated with respect, honesty, love, and just being sweet to pushes me away till either I can't take it anymore and leave or leave me? and on top of that most women I talk to bitch and complain about how rude and mean men are and how they always treat them like a sex object..

12-26-2003, 12:38 AM	#2 (permalink)
Xenomorph Crazy Location: St. Louis, MO	It's the confidence thing. I'm sure someone here can explain it better than I can, but here's my simplistic understanding... By instinct, choice or both...women want a man with a backbone and a pair of balls. They want someone who wants to wear the daddy pants, and can do so comfortably. They don't like being worshipped...the ones that are chased after have been there and done that, and it puts ones that aren't chased after into confusion and/or defensiveness. Most would rather be treated like objects than deities... ...which leads us to the real tricky part. Sometimes, when we treat them with a little too much "honesty, love, and just being sweet,"(especially the latter and not so much the former) they think we're just supplicating. They don't want to be the pillar of stability while we go about our business without any cojones, so they blow us off. Assholes don't have to worry about skirting that line, although they have problems of their own. There are varying philosophies on your last point. Some think it's a not extremely uncommon masochistic desire to seek an abusive partner. The "ladder theory" types just resign themselves to bitterness and loss. Basically, just come to grips with the fact that attraction doesn't work like our mothers and kindergarten teachers told us it does and open your mind to new ideas. __________________ The facehugger is short-lived outside the egg which normally protects it. Armed with a long grasping tail, a spray of highly-concentrated acid and the single-minded desire to impregnate a single selected prey using its extending probe, it will fearlessly pursue and attack a single selected target until it has succeeded in attachment or it or its target is dead

12-26-2003, 12:51 AM	#3 (permalink)
strcrssd Insane Location: Rio Grande Valley, Texas	Damn... Xenomorph has a great answer to this. I agree with both of the above posters. I can see where Xenomorph is coming from, but I also observe first-handedly what NeoSparky is describing... __________________ "I can't understand why people are frightened of new ideas. I'm frightened of the old ones." -- John Cage (1912 - 1992)

12-26-2003, 08:25 AM	#6 (permalink)
vveronica Psycho Location: northern california	This is simple ... many of us are attracked to the confident strong guy, a guy who treats us with little concern. The reason for the attraction is we all find what we cant have more desirous.. It is also the reason that the nice sweet guy looses out to the to the bad boy. Alot of girls want the attention but want it from the guy who wont give it.. I have a very close friend who I have known a long time and he started dating this girl casually and she was calling him all the time and he told me how she after him constantly.. Some where along the line he fell in love and began returning her interest in kind, calling her and desiring her. She then took control of their relationship and soon got bored and left him... It was clear to me she wanted him to be a certain way with her. It was the chase that was what she wanted... I felt bad for him but I got some great friendship sex out of it... heheheheheheheeh __________________ ...We find ourselves in a struggle for our very right to exsist... We will not go quietly into the night... We will not give up without a fight...

12-26-2003, 06:03 PM	#7 (permalink)
shannon Psycho Location: Canada	here's what i see is likely the cause. as much as i think it's stupid to say that people are above and below other, in the dating game people often use social comparison to determine who would be a suitable match, who is too far above them to even bother trying to obtain, and who is too far below them to be worth it. you would be more likely to try to get sex without any sort of promise of commitment, etc. from a woman who you thought was below you. and if you are making accurate social comparisons, this woman would be the more likely woman to be interested in a relationship with you, because you would make a good match, as you would be an upward pairing for her. at the same time, if you saw a woman who you thought would be likely to be out of your league, you would be likely to treat her well and try to keep you, while she may be likely to not want anything to do with you. i'm not saying this happens on a conscious level or anything, but it may explain why the same women you treat well are the women who don't care and why the women you don't treat well are the women who do care. i know this wouldn't nessecarily apply to everyone, but it would likely apply to most pairings and could be the cause for the relationship between your effort and the desire the women show. i hope that makes sense.... __________________ "When I look down I just miss all the good stuff. And when I look up I just trip over things"

12-26-2003, 05:09 AM	#4 (permalink)
slimshaydee If you've read this, PM me and say so Location: Sitting on my ass, and you?	All I've got to say is Girls are fickle.

12-26-2003, 06:34 PM	#8 (permalink)
ratbastid Darth Papa Location: Yonder	I don't quite know why it looks like women are that way. I do know that it only looks like women are that way. At some point in your life, you grow up and you start being YOURSELF around people, including around women. You start to see how you can HAVE a spine and a set of balls, while still worshipping Those Who Deserve Worship. And you'll quit playing these petty little games about how you'll treat this one and how you'll treat that one, and you'll start treating them ALL like people. And THEN you'll find out how women REALLY are. I speak from personal experience on this one.

12-27-2003, 12:27 AM	#10 (permalink)
Wax_off No Avatar, No Sig.	Well, my two cents is that it's all about wanting to change a man. If you've got a guy who is an asshole, then you want to change him into a nice sweet guy. You've conquered him, bent him to your will. This is something girls are taught at an early age. Something about horses. Of course, once you've fixed him, taken the bad boy out of him, he's no longer a challenge and not worth your time. On to the next conquest. Guys do the same thing, only with sex. Girls don't want guys who don't need to be "fixed" and guys don't want a girl who won't put out. I think it's funny that both sexes bitch about the habits of the other without recognizing that this is the way they're socialized, and probably aren't in full control of it. Hopefully, by the time girls have grown up to be women, they've gotten over the "fix him" impulse. Sadly though it's rare.

12-27-2003, 12:29 AM	#11 (permalink)
SparklingDot Insane	Bottom line, if you are an ass, odds are you'll get the girls who need someone like you to feel special and wanted. They aren't the forever type of girl, and that is not a healthy relationship. If you are sweet and kind and loving, you also have to be patient. Don't get fed up for lack of sex because you're used to easy girls. That is being an ass. Figure out who you are, and then be yourself. That's the best way to attract girls that are worth being worshipped and worth your time. Being patient is absolutely necessary. __________________ 17 seconds is all you really need - Smashing Pumpkins

12-29-2003, 03:42 PM	#14 (permalink)
skysooner Registered User Location: Oklahoma	This is a complex question, and there have been some really good answers to it. The kinds of girls that went for my friends in college (most were the asshole type) were not the kinds of girls I could have had a future with. They were great for a few weeks of sex but that was about all. I know that when I met my wife, we really hit it off after the 2nd date. It took a few weeks, but we were already talking marriage. I used to drop a rose on her car at her office every couple of days or just write a note and put it under her windshield wiper. She was one that appreciated this, but she also had pretty good self-esteem. She had not dated much and didn't play games with me (which was refreshing). There is just a fine balance between being an asshole and being a gentleman. I think it takes a little of both early in a relationship just to keep things interesting, but this should go away very quickly if the relationship is going to last. People say there should be immediate passion in a relationship or it won't last. I disagree. I think you have to really get to know each other first. That way you will find the person who you should be with.

12-29-2003, 05:23 PM	#15 (permalink)
:::OshnSoul::: Guest	Well, women see it as this: if men can treat women like sex object, women can treat men like puppets. Not that I do, but most women know that it's all mind-games when it comes to sex & relationships. They want to be heard, they want to be respected, they want to be loved and pampered- all at once. Men: all about the sex- plain & simple Women: Confusion up the yinying. They never seem to say what they really mean then play that back on you like it's all your fault. Hmm- crazy world.