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Originally posted by Xenomorph
It's the confidence thing. I'm sure someone here can explain it better than I can, but here's my simplistic understanding...
By instinct, choice or both...women want a man with a backbone and a pair of balls. They want someone who wants to wear the daddy pants, and can do so comfortably.
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Yes, we want a man who has a backbone and balls. Personally, I do not want someone who wears the daddy pants. That doesn't make it a 50/50 relationship. That puts one person in charge.
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They don't like being worshipped...the ones that are chased after have been there and done that, and it puts ones that aren't chased after into confusion and/or defensiveness. Most would rather be treated like objects than deities...
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Uhhh........ we don't? I love being worhshipped. There is nothing better than having a guy care so much for you that he'll just pop in at a random time to give you flowers. Or whatever. There does, however, need to be a healthy balance. There's a fine line between "worship" and "obsession". I also do my best to worship back. A guy who treats me like an object is a guy that doesn't last long.
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...which leads us to the real tricky part. Sometimes, when we treat them with a little too much "honesty, love, and just being sweet,"(especially the latter and not so much the former) they think we're just supplicating. They don't want to be the pillar of stability while we go about our business without any cojones, so they blow us off.
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Again with the balance issue you seem to be having.
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Assholes don't have to worry about skirting that line, although they have problems of their own.
There are varying philosophies on your last point. Some think it's a not extremely uncommon masochistic desire to seek an abusive partner. The "ladder theory" types just resign themselves to bitterness and loss. Basically, just come to grips with the fact that attraction doesn't work like our mothers and kindergarten teachers told us it does and open your mind to new ideas.
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An abusive relationship is tough to get out of. No matter how many times you run away from it. More mental damage is done than physical damage in a lot of instances. It's not necessarily a masochistic desire. I've had a few friends who were abused and stayed. They were terrified. Terrified to stay, terrified to get help, etc. And each of them truly believed for some reason that her guy loved her. Not because of the way that he hit her, but because of the oh-so-innocent "I love you, baby, I'm sorry, please forgive me" 's that they always gave.