shoe

what the fuck.

I have been spending lots of time with this girl and i was not the only one initiating it. So she was over at my house today because SHE wanted to come , and i absolutely love seeing her, and when she gets back home she calls me up saying how cool it was today and she's really ecstatic etc. She tells me she considers more as more than a firend as she has feelings for me BUT she fucking throws a " im confused, i like you but i dont know if i want a BF right now" at me. What the fuck is this ?? I know she likes me its so incredibly obvious, why wouldnt she be sure if she wants a BF ?

She told me she isnt messing with me. Trustworthy ? I think so. This girl has been the best thing that happened to me in a long , long while. If im getting played.. ima break down.

fuck.

Chemical Smoo

We are talking about women here. Enough said. WE cannot understand them. They barely understand themselves.

anti fishstick

we never claimed to know what we want.

that line generally means that she's probably not ready/interested in a relationship right now. in the long run, it's better bcos it saves you some heartache.

i can be attracted and even like a guy but that doesn't mean i want a relationship with them.

__________________
And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
~Anais Nin

shoe

In that case , do you let him know ? Because that just seems wrong to me.

lurkette

There are a lot of reasons why she might like you, but might not want a relationship right now. Just because you're there doesn't mean it has anything to do with you! It could be that she wants to focus on other things - herself, school, career, whatever. It could be that she has some emotional "work" to do before she feels ready for a relationship. It could be that she's not ready to settle down. If you really like her, take what she's willing to offer, no strings attached. Hang out with her, enjoy being with her, and if she decides she wants a boyfriend, great, you're right there. Meantime, you go about living your life, meeting people, enjoying yourself. It's hard to be in an "undefined" relationship like that, but you have to ask yourself: do you want to push her for exclusivity at the risk of alienating her or making her do something she doesn't really want/isn't ready for; or are you willing to let things be the way they are in exchange for the pleasure of her company?

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"If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing."

- Anatole France

ratbastid

lurkette told me EXACTLY the same thing when we were first looking at getting together. She was just off a "serious" relationship (I put that in quotes, because it was only six months long--plenty serious at the time, but looking back....) that ended suddenly and with no explanation on his part. She was hurt, trying to figure out what she'd done wrong, and then all of a sudden there I was. She wasn't looking for a relationship, you can be damn sure.

That was 12 years ago. We've been married for 8 of those years.

What did it take? Persistence, my boy. Sheer cussed persistence.

Here's what I recommend. Make sure SHE knows that YOU know she's not out for a relationship. Deal with yourself until you AGREE that she shouldn't be out for a relationship right now, there's no argument about that for you. And at the same time, make CERTAIN that she knows you want a relationship with her. Hold that position until something happens.

Evil Milkman

Give her some time, but at the same time you can begin to move on and see how she reacts.

Falcon Inc

She's fucking with you and regarding her not wanting a boyfriend... she had penis ennui (boredom) with her boyfriend. Now she want to sample as many as possible.

Abort immeditately.

shoe

I know for a fact she has never had a boyfriend before. She is a very independant woman and has told me she is somewhat "scared" of having a BF since its unknown territory to her.

Thanks for the advice you all , i am finally at peace after having talked to her.

Redlemon

Ha! I told a woman the same thing in college, 'cause I was still figuring out my freshman year. Of course, she hadn't figured out yet that i was even interested in her, but it put the idea in her mind.

That "not dating" lasted two weeks. We're married.

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I can't read your signature. Sorry.

diddagirl

Honestly... if the girl has never had a relationship before, and has always been very independant- the dating you can become a VERY scary thing, and she has every right to feel confused. I used to be exactly like her- I turned down plenty of possible relationships, because I was so independant, not to mention very scared of getting serious and getting hurt. Be supportive of her, this whole "fuck.. am i getting played" stuff is crap. She's not playing you. Sounds like she is interested in you, but she is not sure if she wants to invest everything it takes to "have a BF". I wish you and her both luck.

__________________
"Is it so small a thing to have enjoyed the sun, to have lived long in the spring, to have loved, to have thought, to have done."
-Matthew Arnold

anti fishstick

yes i did let him know :-D

i don't think its fair to lead them on without the talk. heh.

__________________
And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
~Anais Nin

empu

My man, you are inside her head. This is a very good thing. Just relax and give her whatever space she needs.

Sapper

Just be chill about it.

She is obviously into you ... but needs some time to make it "OK" with herself.

Don't push this - you will frighten her away. But don't let go either.

Good work!

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rm -f /bin/laden

Plan9Senior

You, my friend, have One-itus and she senses it. Play hard to get and not only give her the space she wants but blow her off the first time she initiates wanting to hang out with you. Trust Dr. Plan9 on this one...I know you most likely wont take my advise because you sound whipped but if you do you will get her back interested. If you continue to chase her and tell her how much she means to you and how much you like her, you will only make her run furthar and faster away from you.

Good luck

shoe

Haha.. she asked me to come sleep over on tuesday when her roomate is out... and i should decline ?! lol. I've had time to think about the whole situation and i have expressed my feelings towards it and she was very responsive. She was happy i was so understanding.

And yes, i most certainly do have one-itus but i do not think i am whipped. I get attached easily i guess but i most definately have feelings for this girl. And its established that she has feelings for me. I could go on and on about how great she is..

Anyways.. this is starting too look better and better. This community rocks.

wry1

What does your little inner voice (you know the one - the one that says "I told you so!" when you fuck up) say about this? It's usually the voice of reason, and I'd say that if it's telling you to give her some time and be around, then you're on the right track.

Don't sit there pining for the girl. It sounds like she's got stuff she needs to iron out before you two could even be a possibility, let alone decide if you're the one she wants to start her first BF relationship with....I'm not saying that she's not interested - but she may not even be fully aware of what it is she's wanting at this point.

Get on with your life, but keep her a part of it for as long (and as much) as possible. If she comes around to the idea of the two of you being together, then great! If not, then you're at least still continuing with your life - and who knows, you might find somebody absolutely perfect in the meantime....

Zorvox

Hold on...

Just relax, play it cool... don't let her know that your bothered about it... give it a bit more time say a few weeks, then just say I am interested in a relationship, can we go slowly or something?

But there is a big chance not to do that, just be her friend for hte time and help her and stuff... just be nice

Even if she still says no, still be a friend

Sapper

Go. Sleep over. Let things happen naturally ... chances are that nothing will happen .. but it is a building block.

Just don't become the gay best friend if you know what I mean. If she talks about doing makeup, etc .. just grunt and scratch yourself to remind her that you are _not_ her gay friend.

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rm -f /bin/laden

monkeysugar

Patience and very discreet persistance are probably your best friends in this situation. It sounds like it'll probably work out, but if it doesn't, one more friend isn't a bad thing by any means. Shit, most of my closest friends and advice givers are former potential girlfriends. Either way it tends to work out pretty well IMO.

Good luck and have fun.

__________________
I've got the love of my life and a job that I enjoy most of the time. Life is good.

Bloodslick

Being fuckbuddies is a wonderful segue into a relationship.

It, uh, is also a wonderful way for her to sleep with you and enter a relationship with someone else later on. Given your situation, I don't see that happening.

However, as the Devil's wet and pooling advocate, I'm going to give you the bad news: if you stay friends, she might not go further. Sometimes it happens like that. Carry that in the back of your mind so that you won't miss your chance because you're comfortable, and so that you'll realize how lucky you are when things work out.

As Louis Pasteur is reported to have said, "Chance favors the prepared mind." (Imagine that that line happened en francais.)

abelak

I think you should just enjoy the time you do spend with her and make the most of it. Maybe she'll come around later as you spend more an more time with her. And hell, if she doesn't, look at it as an experience. You got to spend some quality time with someone you like - can't see that as a bad thing.

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Screw it, Let's go bowling.

snoopdog

dude -

head for the hills... otherwise, you'll spend the next few months in the "more than friends when she needs ya" zone.

She knows you'll be there when she needs you, unless... you play hard to get.

Take a page from the movie Boomerang:

"Instead of being pussy-whipped, ya gotta whip that pussy!!"

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Thanks for the mammaries.

emphant

When she says sleep over, are you actually sleeping over, or are you getting down?

If it reall is a sleep over, he is right, say no, make her chase you a little. If not, well, take care of buisness

macmanmike6100

be cool about it, very non-chalant. tell her that it's alright. then, stick with what you're doing, if she's worth it (and sounds like she is)

girls are often confused about this stuff, so no worries

shoe

Haha.. what a fucking failure htis was..apparently she has no more feelings for me .. sometimes it was yes and sometimes it was no but now its more of a no. fucking fantastic.i took it as you all said.. everything was great but now wtf. how can someone change what they feel so easily.. how do you have feelings for someone and the next day you dont.

I think i really do fall in love to easily.. damn my own feelings . All they bring me is sadness and anger.all the fucking time, this needs to stop. i guess i should grow from this experience , maybe il be more , better and higher but right now i feel like total and utter crap. everything is worthless. everything is futile. nothing can compare . Its all so dull. This couldnt have come at a better time , i hope this will not affect my finals. Heh.. motivation wasnt high already .. now its as existent as richard simons masculinity. I feel like dropping everyting but to go where.. to do what.. how..what the fuck am i supposed to do.. and now i realize i am taking this way too seriously.. how else am i supposed to take this.. and we werent even going out yet. damn my feelings. fucking humanity. Yeha , " il meet someone else" . Fuck it. goddamn ocnfusion , i dont think this alcohol helped..

She said she wasnt playing me and wants to remain friends .. wtf am i supposed to dsay. Doesnt she understand that i haveFUCKING FEELINGS. staying friends isnt going to help me get over her , if i ever do. time is slow i wonder how long i will last..But i dont htink i want to die , this is surely just a passing thing, something of the mooment. I wish i can grow from this but it seems quite obscure for now.. I think i am dead anyways,, i dont feel anyting but pain , so numb. how can i go through those days like a drone. i dont have nothing to accomplish, nothing to look for, nothing to love..


merry fucking christmas. feel free to laugh at , hate , sympathize, mock whatever the fuck you want.

monkeysugar

Dude....you're kinda implying some scary shit here. I'm sorry things didn't work out for you and this girl, and wish there was a good answer to why people's feelings change from day to day. Go out with some friends. Try to get your mind off of things. I realize you may have been intoxicated when you wrote the last post, but seriously...if you're having suicidal thoughts, please go talk to a counselor of some type. There is no shame in it, and it doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with you. Sometimes it's just nice to have someone just sit and listen to you so you're not constantly internalizing everything. I hope things work out for you man.

__________________
I've got the love of my life and a job that I enjoy most of the time. Life is good.

emphant

No, you should absolutly not stay friends with her. What good would it do? None.

empu

I realize it's a tough time for you my man but do you have to go and knock Richard Simmons?

suviko

Humd. Usually "I don't wanna date atm" is less honest and nice way to say "You are not the One", but it could be tons of other things. "I got stuff to do in my life that needs taking care of".

In your shoes anyways, I would stick around and see if there's something else to do while waiting for her to start warming up. Be a perfect gentleman and not trying to pry her open or invade her space when she wants privacy. People usually fall for someone who stays around and shows good qualities if it's really only about timing.

shoe

a much needed laugh , thanks.

Battlefield

It's possible she wants to tell you she likes you but she wants to protect herself from rejection by saying she doesn't want a bf right now. My friend's gf never had a bf before and when they first met she said the same thing...they've been together 1 year now