I'm Becoming Boring, Help - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Shades · 11-17-2003, 10:01 PM

This has been bothering me for some time now, but I can't really seem to help the way I feel:

I am becoming boring in the sack. I'll do whatever she wants me to do, but if I have my druthers, I want to be on top or have her on top, and that's about it. The main things that I feel less comfortable with are

1) Blow Jobs. She's very good at them, but I don't want it to go all the way because it takes a while for me to "cycle around" and I enjoy being inside of her the most.

2) Doggy Style. I don't want to finish in this position. Every time I do, right after I have this kind of empty, lonely feeling. Laugh if you want, but I want to be held, and you really can't do that when your partner's butt is facing you.

I'll admit, I've been under a good deal of stress lately, but it's not like I've ever been Mr. Wild'n'Crazy. I'd appreciate any advice or pep talks you guys may have on how to deal with the feelings. I've talked to her about it, and she says it doesn't make me a loser or anything, and we still do those things, but I feel like I ought to be more proactive about it.

absorbentishe · 11-18-2003, 06:47 AM

Well, there's nothing wrong with being boring in the sack. It's taken several years for my wife to finally start to experiment. I bought her the Karma Sutra book, and that helped, plus I've gotten a few toys to try, just to help add to the experience. If you're not comfortable with that, then that's okay too. As far as wanting to be held, I've had phases like that, then phases where I don't want to be touched either.

I guess in a nut shell, my advice is to talk with your SO and let her know your feelings, maybe she has the same? Change is always hard at first, but if you want to change, do some homework first, and communicate!

Bloodslick · 11-18-2003, 06:55 AM

You could always try and spring something interesting on her, but there's a chance it will backfire. Your best bet would probably be to start feeling her out, mentioning things that you think would be fun to try. Gauge her reaction, then spring one of them on her the next time you two have some free time.

Oily sex on a plastic shower curtain is pretty fun.

cas305 · 11-18-2003, 07:08 AM

I guess my question is if this is really about sex or about your feelings for her? Did you lose the spark in bed or in the relationship? You didn't once mention your feelings for her in your post. Maybe I am off base here, I don't know? But you can't expect to be having a good sexual relationship without a solid personal one. But if you do both really love each other, I wouldn't worry about it too much that will only complicate the problem. If you two talk about it in a loving realtionship it will work itself out!

vveronica · 11-18-2003, 09:37 AM

okay there is the fact that if she is happy with the samething all the time then fine. But, I couldn't.. after awhile id want more or different.. better discuss it with her...

Shades · 11-18-2003, 11:39 AM

Feelings are high, I love her to distraction whether at work or school. Hell sometimes even in the middle of a hockey game (I play on a team).

I guess what's really going on is I have a part time internship and am a full time graduate student, and it's combining to make me have very little free time and some extra stress.

I don't want the same thing all the time in bed (or the kitchen floor, or the bathtub, the couch, the living room), I'm just kind of in a slump at the moment. I think she said she had read the Karma Sutra, maybe I'll get a copy and give it a look.

Also, we used to have sex a lot, like two times a day minimum(if you spend the night often, that's at least once when you go to sleep and once when you wake up, I'm sure this isn't exceptional), but lately I've been doing it like once and then I'm happy to just cuddle. And in the morning, I want to sleep.

So to sum up, I love her, and she has been extremely loving to me, I'm just worried that if I slack off in the sack it could lead to problems down the track.

tritium · 11-18-2003, 12:04 PM

The Joys of Tantric Sex ...

skysooner · 11-18-2003, 03:03 PM

Some of the problem I think is the stress you are under. This can have large effect on how you are feeling in the relationship. You need to talk to her and discuss sex. Make it a learning experience. There is always something you can do differently. It is so easy to get in a rut and hard to get out of unless you work at it. Spend quality time with her where you aren't having sex. This doesn't mean watching tv together, but sit down and really talk (and it doesn't have to be serious). Just remember that women love to talk about their problems. They want empathy and not necessarily solutions. Talk about her day with her. Give her a little back rub with no expectations (and in fact you should do it when there is no chance of having sex). You would be surprised how this can affect both your and her desire.

11-17-2003, 10:01 PM	#1 (permalink)
Shades Insane	I'm Becoming Boring, Help This has been bothering me for some time now, but I can't really seem to help the way I feel: I am becoming boring in the sack. I'll do whatever she wants me to do, but if I have my druthers, I want to be on top or have her on top, and that's about it. The main things that I feel less comfortable with are 1) Blow Jobs. She's very good at them, but I don't want it to go all the way because it takes a while for me to "cycle around" and I enjoy being inside of her the most. 2) Doggy Style. I don't want to finish in this position. Every time I do, right after I have this kind of empty, lonely feeling. Laugh if you want, but I want to be held, and you really can't do that when your partner's butt is facing you. I'll admit, I've been under a good deal of stress lately, but it's not like I've ever been Mr. Wild'n'Crazy. I'd appreciate any advice or pep talks you guys may have on how to deal with the feelings. I've talked to her about it, and she says it doesn't make me a loser or anything, and we still do those things, but I feel like I ought to be more proactive about it.

11-18-2003, 09:37 AM	#5 (permalink)
vveronica Psycho Location: northern california	okay there is the fact that if she is happy with the samething all the time then fine. But, I couldn't.. after awhile id want more or different.. better discuss it with her... __________________ ...We find ourselves in a struggle for our very right to exsist... We will not go quietly into the night... We will not give up without a fight...

11-18-2003, 12:04 PM	#7 (permalink)
tritium Professor of Drinkology	The Joys of Tantric Sex ... __________________ Blah.

11-18-2003, 06:47 AM	#2 (permalink)
absorbentishe Boy am I horny today Location: T O L E D O, Toledo!!	Well, there's nothing wrong with being boring in the sack. It's taken several years for my wife to finally start to experiment. I bought her the Karma Sutra book, and that helped, plus I've gotten a few toys to try, just to help add to the experience. If you're not comfortable with that, then that's okay too. As far as wanting to be held, I've had phases like that, then phases where I don't want to be touched either. I guess in a nut shell, my advice is to talk with your SO and let her know your feelings, maybe she has the same? Change is always hard at first, but if you want to change, do some homework first, and communicate!

11-18-2003, 06:55 AM	#3 (permalink)
Bloodslick Loser Location: a darkened back alley	You could always try and spring something interesting on her, but there's a chance it will backfire. Your best bet would probably be to start feeling her out, mentioning things that you think would be fun to try. Gauge her reaction, then spring one of them on her the next time you two have some free time. Oily sex on a plastic shower curtain is pretty fun.

11-18-2003, 07:08 AM	#4 (permalink)
cas305 Insane Location: Indiana	I guess my question is if this is really about sex or about your feelings for her? Did you lose the spark in bed or in the relationship? You didn't once mention your feelings for her in your post. Maybe I am off base here, I don't know? But you can't expect to be having a good sexual relationship without a solid personal one. But if you do both really love each other, I wouldn't worry about it too much that will only complicate the problem. If you two talk about it in a loving realtionship it will work itself out!

11-18-2003, 11:39 AM	#6 (permalink)
Shades Insane	Feelings are high, I love her to distraction whether at work or school. Hell sometimes even in the middle of a hockey game (I play on a team). I guess what's really going on is I have a part time internship and am a full time graduate student, and it's combining to make me have very little free time and some extra stress. I don't want the same thing all the time in bed (or the kitchen floor, or the bathtub, the couch, the living room), I'm just kind of in a slump at the moment. I think she said she had read the Karma Sutra, maybe I'll get a copy and give it a look. Also, we used to have sex a lot, like two times a day minimum(if you spend the night often, that's at least once when you go to sleep and once when you wake up, I'm sure this isn't exceptional), but lately I've been doing it like once and then I'm happy to just cuddle. And in the morning, I want to sleep. So to sum up, I love her, and she has been extremely loving to me, I'm just worried that if I slack off in the sack it could lead to problems down the track.

11-18-2003, 03:03 PM	#8 (permalink)
skysooner Registered User Location: Oklahoma	Some of the problem I think is the stress you are under. This can have large effect on how you are feeling in the relationship. You need to talk to her and discuss sex. Make it a learning experience. There is always something you can do differently. It is so easy to get in a rut and hard to get out of unless you work at it. Spend quality time with her where you aren't having sex. This doesn't mean watching tv together, but sit down and really talk (and it doesn't have to be serious). Just remember that women love to talk about their problems. They want empathy and not necessarily solutions. Talk about her day with her. Give her a little back rub with no expectations (and in fact you should do it when there is no chance of having sex). You would be surprised how this can affect both your and her desire.