funny, but extremely scary at the time. - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Wyodiver33 · 10-22-2003, 07:03 PM

Ok, people, here's a true story for you all to laugh at: My wife and I were getting busy doggy style, she asked me to put our thin vibrator in her ass. So far, so great. The vibrations were doing wonders for us both. The damned vibrator was not flaired at all. All of the sudden, POOF! it was gone. Right up her ass. We were both pretty nervouse, as we were both in the USAF. (Anything other than missionary is pretty much against the rules in the US Military. Oral sex is against the rules. lol) So we were both freaking out. I tried to finger the problem out, to no avail. She ended up using a pair of 90 degree pliers, got that damned thing out. What a woman. lol

ledzep · 10-22-2003, 07:17 PM

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOUR KIDDING!!!!!!!! HOLY SHIT

im sorry, but omg thats unbelievable, and im so so so sorry but hilareous omg hahaha sorry just like your description... "POOF" OMG HAHAHAHA

arch13 · 10-22-2003, 07:28 PM

Best. Post. Ever.
No really, that needs to go in a book of sexual bloopers. This by the way is why anal plugs are flared at the end. It's also why dildos that are used in ass play always have the fake ball sack at the base. To prevent "accidental" loss. It's a sex industry saftey issue.
Still, i feel for you having to go through that. I gather you where both sweating balls about it, though i figure she was far more worried than you considering it had gone m.i.a IN her.
Thanks for a great laugh, though i'm sorry you had to go through it!

motdakasha · 10-22-2003, 09:58 PM

There are some pictures of x-rays online of people who had to go to the emergency room to get sex toys surgically removed...

omega2K4 · 10-22-2003, 10:00 PM

I've seen pictures (on rotten.com) of this guy who put a jar of jam, and a potato up his ass. He had to have it removed at the hospital.

devnull · 10-22-2003, 10:02 PM

HAHAHAHA. That's absolutely hysterical. "When Good Sex Goes Wrong", next on FOX.

World's King · 10-22-2003, 10:06 PM

Pliers? Your wife used pliers to fish the thing outta her ass?

Does she have a sister?

analog · 10-22-2003, 10:32 PM

That's a fuckin awesome story. I feel for you, but damn that's funny. lol

numist · 10-22-2003, 10:38 PM

holy shit....

"I think I see it! hold on a sec... here bite on this while I... nope, gotta get the pliers"

yikes, man...

Dilbert1234567 · 10-22-2003, 11:00 PM

intresting, beats a cell phone i guess (more bad xrays running in my head)

glad to hear that it worked out.

numist · 10-22-2003, 11:02 PM

if it were a cell phone, wouldnt it be easier to find? just call it! (and if the vibrate feature is on...)

aahh, I guess not, but at least it wasnt an object with very sharp edges or high breakability.

And why is anything other than missionary not allowed in the force, and how is that possibly regulated?

skysooner · 10-23-2003, 05:51 AM

That's because the government tries to regulate every area of our lives.

mb99usa · 10-23-2003, 05:59 AM

Didn't she trust you with the pliers? That must have been scary to watch. Guess you will be getting one with a flared end.

rogue49 · 10-23-2003, 06:49 AM

OK, good safety tip.

Everyone remember to hump & bump wisely.

Flaired anal probe, check.

Sapper · 10-23-2003, 07:26 AM

I find it hard to believe that the military actually tries to dictate how people have sex.

I would LOVE to see this one go to court!!

onetime2 · 10-23-2003, 07:27 AM

I can just imagine the talk around base after the hospital visit.

numist · 10-23-2003, 09:57 AM

good thing they never went to the hospital...

but if it was anyone else

Dano069 · 10-23-2003, 10:13 AM

Next time, use your G.I. Joe kung-fu grip on that thing!

I'm glad things came out in the end.

vveronica · 10-23-2003, 02:02 PM

the picture of standing at attention as the Drill instructor walks by and hears a humming.... hehehehehehehe... a lil time and a good push... well either way good thing its out... nest time tie a string on it hehehhehehe

mistered · 10-23-2003, 02:10 PM

Did they find any weapons of mass destruction up there, as well?

Saku · 10-23-2003, 04:15 PM

I can't imagine being in that type of situation.

elfuq · 10-23-2003, 05:17 PM

oh my ghod. funny and scary. Though I once lost a cherry tomato in a girlfriend's pussy.

twotimesadingo · 10-23-2003, 06:06 PM

Thank Christ I've no experience to which I can compare your's, Wyodiver33. Glad things worked out...

Samari · 10-23-2003, 06:15 PM

Oh man that's so crazy. How long was the thing? I wonder what that must of felt like being stuck in her ass hahaha
Ouch!

StormBerlin · 10-23-2003, 06:59 PM

OMG, that is the funniest thing I have ever read. Even funnier that the military tries to tell you how to have sex. She should have just tried to shit it out. That might have worked without having to result to pliers.

justadude · 10-23-2003, 07:23 PM

first off, glad to hear that you two managed to retrieve it and since you did, that's HILARIOUS!!!

can you imagine the panic had you not been able to fish it out and she had to carry on "as normal" until she could retrieve it with her little vibrating friend in her backside...good god!!

Wyodiver33 · 10-23-2003, 07:38 PM

Well, I was all ready to take her to the Air Force hospital. But, as I stated before, anything other than the missionary position is against the UCMJ (Uniform Code of Military Justice) so we would both have been in trouble. When you join the military, you actually lose a lot of rights under the constitution. Yes, the military regulates your bedroom. Although the situation was consentual, and heterosexual, we both would have faced UCMJ punishment. If, while being questioned under oath, a military man or woman declared that they gave or received oral sex, that person could be court martialed. Long live the likes of John Ashcroft. Who said that Nazi Germany was dead? Hell, we have Ashcroft, Bush, etc. We have a new bread of fascists. Sorry, son, you are only 19. "Hey, thanks for enlisting with the US military. You are ok to die for our cause. Just don't drink any beer or suck any dick, or eat any pussy, etc..."

Wyodiver33 · 10-23-2003, 07:38 PM

Not that I'm bitter or anything. lol

Soggybagel · 10-23-2003, 08:48 PM

Ha...no bitterness detected.

matt_mll · 10-24-2003, 03:38 PM

great post! That's freaking funny. Glad everything worked out OK in the end! What a woman indeed!

flecktone4 · 10-25-2003, 11:43 PM

oh......
my......
god......

madsenj37 · 10-26-2003, 01:55 AM

sell the pliers on eBay.

Corneo · 10-26-2003, 12:48 PM

My God... A pair a 90 degree pilers....

LaughinMon · 10-26-2003, 01:48 PM

in the state of virginia its illegal to have sex in any position other than the missionary position. there are lots of these 'moral' or otherwise stupid laws that dont mean diddly. they dont enforce them, theyre just there for piece of mind. hell even when youre in the military they let you drink alcohol regardless if youre 21 or not. you only get in trouble for that if you have an anal bastard for a CO or maybe if youre in a court or some other circumstance such as that

numist · 10-26-2003, 01:56 PM

limiting positions is stupid...

we should court-martial clinton.
oh yeah, we did, but that was for lying about it.

We should have pressed the charge that since hes Command in Chief, he cant do anything but missionary. It seems to me that if you force policymakers to obey policy, things would get a lot better, a lot faster.
Like social security. Instead of giving senators and their families thousands of dollars a month, lets just put them on social security, and fix them right up.

Stare At The Sun · 10-26-2003, 02:38 PM

Now THAT is a story to tell

badflsh · 10-26-2003, 07:02 PM

I took a human sexuality class in college where the prof read off a list of things that people had removed from their asses at the e-room. There were some really crazy things...the few that I remember include a bottle of Ms butterworth syrup, a can of spam, and a spoon. lol

hobo · 10-28-2003, 03:59 PM

LOL! Pretty funny, and I bet it was scary too. Did she try to crap it out? You'd think she could if it was solid and shaped like crap.

motdakasha · 10-28-2003, 07:15 PM

I don't know for sure, but:
I'd imagine the muscles that push along feces aren't strong enough to push out something that huge and long without much to push on. I'm assuming it was straight and not wavy or ridged since those would've prevented it from sliding in to begin with.

Coolidge · 10-28-2003, 09:25 PM

Damn...The way she got that out just makes me cringe...

10-22-2003, 07:03 PM	#1 (permalink)
Wyodiver33 Just here for the beer. Location: Ft. Lauderdale, Floriduh	funny, but extremely scary at the time. Ok, people, here's a true story for you all to laugh at: My wife and I were getting busy doggy style, she asked me to put our thin vibrator in her ass. So far, so great. The vibrations were doing wonders for us both. The damned vibrator was not flaired at all. All of the sudden, POOF! it was gone. Right up her ass. We were both pretty nervouse, as we were both in the USAF. (Anything other than missionary is pretty much against the rules in the US Military. Oral sex is against the rules. lol) So we were both freaking out. I tried to finger the problem out, to no avail. She ended up using a pair of 90 degree pliers, got that damned thing out. What a woman. lol __________________ I like stuff.

10-22-2003, 07:28 PM	#3 (permalink)
arch13 Loves my girl in thongs Location: North of Mexico, South of Canada	Best. Post. Ever. No really, that needs to go in a book of sexual bloopers. This by the way is why anal plugs are flared at the end. It's also why dildos that are used in ass play always have the fake ball sack at the base. To prevent "accidental" loss. It's a sex industry saftey issue. Still, i feel for you having to go through that. I gather you where both sweating balls about it, though i figure she was far more worried than you considering it had gone m.i.a IN her. Thanks for a great laugh, though i'm sorry you had to go through it! __________________ Seen on an employer evaluation: "The wheel is turning but the hamsters dead" ____________________________ Is arch13 really a porn diety ? find out after the film at 11. -Nanofever

10-22-2003, 09:58 PM	#4 (permalink)
motdakasha Hiya Puddin'! Miss me? Location: Silicon Valley, CA	There are some pictures of x-rays online of people who had to go to the emergency room to get sex toys surgically removed... __________________ =^-^= motdakasha =^-^= Just Google It. BA Psychology & Photography (I'm not going psychoanalyze you nor will I let you cry on my shoulder. Have a nice day.)

10-22-2003, 10:00 PM	#5 (permalink)
omega2K4 Natalie Portman is sexy. Location: The Outer Rim	I've seen pictures (on rotten.com) of this guy who put a jar of jam, and a potato up his ass. He had to have it removed at the hospital. __________________ "While the State exists there can be no freedom. When there is freedom there will be no State." - Vladimir Ilyich Lenin "Reason has always existed, but not always in a reasonable form."- Karl Marx

10-22-2003, 10:06 PM	#7 (permalink)
World's King Here Location: Denver City Denver	Pliers? Your wife used pliers to fish the thing outta her ass? Does she have a sister? __________________ heavy is the head that wears the crown

10-22-2003, 07:17 PM	#2 (permalink)
ledzep Upright	OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOUR KIDDING!!!!!!!! HOLY SHIT im sorry, but omg thats unbelievable, and im so so so sorry but hilareous omg hahaha sorry just like your description... "POOF" OMG HAHAHAHA

10-22-2003, 10:02 PM	#6 (permalink)
devnull Crazy Location: Bit Bucket	HAHAHAHA. That's absolutely hysterical. "When Good Sex Goes Wrong", next on FOX.

10-22-2003, 10:32 PM	#8 (permalink)
analog Banned	That's a fuckin awesome story. I feel for you, but damn that's funny. lol

10-22-2003, 10:38 PM	#9 (permalink)
numist Banned Location: UCSD, 510.49 miles from my love	holy shit.... "I think I see it! hold on a sec... here bite on this while I... nope, gotta get the pliers" yikes, man...

10-22-2003, 11:00 PM	#10 (permalink)
Dilbert1234567 Devils Cabana Boy Location: Central Coast CA	intresting, beats a cell phone i guess (more bad xrays running in my head) glad to hear that it worked out. __________________ Donate Blood! "Love is not finding the perfect person, but learning to see an imperfect person perfectly." -Sam Keen

10-22-2003, 11:02 PM	#11 (permalink)
numist Banned Location: UCSD, 510.49 miles from my love	if it were a cell phone, wouldnt it be easier to find? just call it! (and if the vibrate feature is on...) aahh, I guess not, but at least it wasnt an object with very sharp edges or high breakability. And why is anything other than missionary not allowed in the force, and how is that possibly regulated?

10-23-2003, 05:51 AM	#12 (permalink)
skysooner Registered User Location: Oklahoma	That's because the government tries to regulate every area of our lives.

10-23-2003, 05:59 AM	#13 (permalink)
mb99usa Keep on rolling. It only hurts for a little while. Location: wherever I am	Didn't she trust you with the pliers? That must have been scary to watch. Guess you will be getting one with a flared end. __________________ So, what's your point? It's not an attitude, it's a way of life.

10-23-2003, 06:49 AM	#14 (permalink)
rogue49 Loser	OK, good safety tip. Everyone remember to hump & bump wisely. Flaired anal probe, check.

10-23-2003, 07:26 AM	#15 (permalink)
Sapper Insane Location: The Internet	I find it hard to believe that the military actually tries to dictate how people have sex. I would LOVE to see this one go to court!! __________________ rm -f /bin/laden

10-23-2003, 07:27 AM	#16 (permalink)
onetime2 Junkie Location: NJ	I can just imagine the talk around base after the hospital visit. __________________ Strive to be more curious than ignorant.

10-23-2003, 09:57 AM	#17 (permalink)
numist Banned Location: UCSD, 510.49 miles from my love	good thing they never went to the hospital... but if it was anyone else

10-23-2003, 10:13 AM	#18 (permalink)
Dano069 is Nucking Futs! Location: On the edge of sanity	Next time, use your G.I. Joe kung-fu grip on that thing! I'm glad things came out in the end. __________________ I may look attentive, but I'm taking peeks down your blouse faster than the human eye can follow.

10-23-2003, 02:02 PM	#19 (permalink)
vveronica Psycho Location: northern california	the picture of standing at attention as the Drill instructor walks by and hears a humming.... hehehehehehehe... a lil time and a good push... well either way good thing its out... nest time tie a string on it hehehhehehe __________________ ...We find ourselves in a struggle for our very right to exsist... We will not go quietly into the night... We will not give up without a fight...

10-23-2003, 02:10 PM	#20 (permalink)
mistered Tilted	Did they find any weapons of mass destruction up there, as well?

10-23-2003, 04:15 PM	#21 (permalink)
Saku Upright Location: Brooklyn, NY	I can't imagine being in that type of situation.

10-23-2003, 05:17 PM	#22 (permalink)
elfuq Insane Location: San Francisco	oh my ghod. funny and scary. Though I once lost a cherry tomato in a girlfriend's pussy.

10-23-2003, 06:06 PM	#23 (permalink)
twotimesadingo Psycho Location: that place with the thing	Thank Christ I've no experience to which I can compare your's, Wyodiver33. Glad things worked out... __________________ I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and all your demons. I'll be the one to protect you from a will to survive and voice of reason. I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and your choices, son. They're one and the same I must isolate you, isolate and save you from yourself." - A Perfect Circle

10-23-2003, 06:15 PM	#24 (permalink)
Samari Upright	Oh man that's so crazy. How long was the thing? I wonder what that must of felt like being stuck in her ass hahaha Ouch!

10-23-2003, 06:59 PM	#25 (permalink)
StormBerlin Happy as a hippo Location: Southern California	OMG, that is the funniest thing I have ever read. Even funnier that the military tries to tell you how to have sex. She should have just tried to shit it out. That might have worked without having to result to pliers. __________________ "if anal sex could get a girl pregnant i'd be tits deep in child support" Arcane

10-23-2003, 07:23 PM	#26 (permalink)
justadude Upright	first off, glad to hear that you two managed to retrieve it and since you did, that's HILARIOUS!!! can you imagine the panic had you not been able to fish it out and she had to carry on "as normal" until she could retrieve it with her little vibrating friend in her backside...good god!!

10-23-2003, 07:38 PM	#27 (permalink)
Wyodiver33 Just here for the beer. Location: Ft. Lauderdale, Floriduh	Well, I was all ready to take her to the Air Force hospital. But, as I stated before, anything other than the missionary position is against the UCMJ (Uniform Code of Military Justice) so we would both have been in trouble. When you join the military, you actually lose a lot of rights under the constitution. Yes, the military regulates your bedroom. Although the situation was consentual, and heterosexual, we both would have faced UCMJ punishment. If, while being questioned under oath, a military man or woman declared that they gave or received oral sex, that person could be court martialed. Long live the likes of John Ashcroft. Who said that Nazi Germany was dead? Hell, we have Ashcroft, Bush, etc. We have a new bread of fascists. Sorry, son, you are only 19. "Hey, thanks for enlisting with the US military. You are ok to die for our cause. Just don't drink any beer or suck any dick, or eat any pussy, etc..." __________________ I like stuff.

10-23-2003, 07:38 PM	#28 (permalink)
Wyodiver33 Just here for the beer. Location: Ft. Lauderdale, Floriduh	Not that I'm bitter or anything. lol __________________ I like stuff.

10-23-2003, 08:48 PM	#29 (permalink)
Soggybagel Psycho Location: Lovely City #1	Ha...no bitterness detected.

10-24-2003, 03:38 PM	#30 (permalink)
matt_mll Crazy Location: some volcano in the middle of the pacific	great post! That's freaking funny. Glad everything worked out OK in the end! What a woman indeed!

10-25-2003, 11:43 PM	#31 (permalink)
flecktone4 Tilted	oh...... my...... god......

10-26-2003, 01:55 AM	#32 (permalink)
madsenj37 Still searching... Location: NorCal For Life	sell the pliers on eBay. __________________ "Only two things are certain: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not certain about the universe." -- Albert Einstein

10-26-2003, 12:48 PM	#33 (permalink)
Corneo Insane	My God... A pair a 90 degree pilers....

10-26-2003, 01:48 PM	#34 (permalink)
LaughinMon Tilted Location: Tampa, FL	in the state of virginia its illegal to have sex in any position other than the missionary position. there are lots of these 'moral' or otherwise stupid laws that dont mean diddly. they dont enforce them, theyre just there for piece of mind. hell even when youre in the military they let you drink alcohol regardless if youre 21 or not. you only get in trouble for that if you have an anal bastard for a CO or maybe if youre in a court or some other circumstance such as that

10-26-2003, 01:56 PM	#35 (permalink)
numist Banned Location: UCSD, 510.49 miles from my love	limiting positions is stupid... we should court-martial clinton. oh yeah, we did, but that was for lying about it. We should have pressed the charge that since hes Command in Chief, he cant do anything but missionary. It seems to me that if you force policymakers to obey policy, things would get a lot better, a lot faster. Like social security. Instead of giving senators and their families thousands of dollars a month, lets just put them on social security, and fix them right up.