funny, but extremely scary at the time. - Page 2 - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

jvwgtr · 10-29-2003, 08:30 AM

I think we'll all try to learn from your mistakes.
Nobody wants to go to the doctor with one of those "one-in-a-million chance, doc" stories.

Count_Khocula · 10-29-2003, 10:46 AM

umm, i too have used pliers to fish things out- but not out of her ass. i know the feeling you speak of here. we were using one of those 1960's style massagers with the detachable plastic heads. well, one detached 'inside of her' and after pondering the hospital, i used a pair of needle nose pliers to retrieve the offending hunk of plastic. that was a tense moment, but surprisingly the pliers worked well.

btw, the wife banned all massager play after that.

yournamehere · 10-29-2003, 02:10 PM

"If it hasn't got that safety flare,
keep it out of your derriere."

-Jackie Chiles -

ally · 10-29-2003, 09:35 PM

wow!!! unbelievable...... does stuff like that really happen?

can she laugh about it yet?

Jervis · 10-29-2003, 10:26 PM

What sort of stimulation does a vibrator provide anally for a women? I figure they don't have any prostate or anything so they dont feel anything...

thejoker130 · 10-30-2003, 09:04 AM

My GF and i have done the same position and situation. Fortunatly nothing went Poof on us. Personally have nightmares about this kind of thing happening.

Fearless_Hyena · 11-03-2003, 03:08 PM

YIKES!!! hahahah man i dunno what is funnier, your description (POOF! it was gone. Right up her ass) or some of the replies in here.....

amge · 11-03-2003, 03:19 PM

So during the time you were trying to fish the viberator out, was it still buzzing?

cheerios · 11-03-2003, 06:56 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Jervis
What sort of stimulation does a vibrator provide anally for a women? I figure they don't have any prostate or anything so they dont feel anything...

wrong. there are nerves there, just like on y'all... no prostate != doesn't feel good.

Wyodiver33 · 11-03-2003, 07:31 PM

Yes, it was still chugging along. lol.

Snakebyt · 11-06-2003, 01:35 PM

all i can say is next time use a wrist strap on that thing, you know like the one on your digital camera

f00sion · 11-06-2003, 02:13 PM

what kind of punishment would anal sex warrant?.. what does court martialling entail? I have never heard of the sex limitations in the military, seems weird that they can do that stuff... I will add that to my ever growing list of reasons not to join up.

Eldaire · 11-06-2003, 06:32 PM

Mostly scary.

Wyodiver33 · 11-07-2003, 06:27 PM

In the military, a person is subject to all Civilian laws, as well as all Military laws, so life is a bit more tricky. I am not anti-military at all, I had a blast in the USAF, but I also feel that NOBODY has the right to regulate what goes on in my bedroom. As long as everything is consensual, mind your own damned business. Punishment for "Deviant" sex acts could be loss of pay, loss of rank, discharge, prison, etc. Yay.

skippy · 11-07-2003, 09:22 PM

I am crying...

I would just die to have had an experience like that ...

I am sooo Lonely

Sob

macmanmike6100 · 11-07-2003, 09:55 PM

that's a wild post buddy; glad to hear that it all worked out

xtreemmar1ne · 11-08-2003, 02:42 AM

Being in the Marine Corps, I can simpathize with you man. I've had a couple friends that have barely avoided court martial a couple different times for similar things. I agree though, considering we as members of the military put our lives on the line, it would be nice if the UCMJ would stay out of the bedroom.

Glad-I-Ate-Her · 11-08-2003, 06:40 PM

I'm glad that you were able to solve a potentially harming situation. This is a definite classic story. Very funny and scary at the same time.

I have a question, was it still on when it slipped in?

Glad

Wyodiver33 · 11-08-2003, 06:57 PM

Yes, it was still buzzing away. lol.

niccoli · 11-08-2003, 09:46 PM

Damn does that sound painful! So was she getting off while it was way in there or just scared as hell?

Wyodiver33 · 11-08-2003, 10:39 PM

Actually, she didn't know until I told her. So the question is: even though I knew, did I wait until I was done? What would You have done?

Wyodiver33 · 11-08-2003, 10:40 PM

(it was a small pinky-type vibe.)

feelgood · 11-26-2003, 12:46 PM

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I had to try to contain my stiff laughing in the middle of the study hall...

txlovely · 11-26-2003, 01:20 PM

Speechless.

Glad you at least had some fun out of the whole ordeal.

Sho Nuff · 11-28-2003, 07:10 AM

youre a lucky man my friend. give my best to the mrs.

rmarshall · 11-28-2003, 10:10 AM

I saw a picture of a girl with a pretty cameltoe. Her bikini bottom was sucked into her pussy and I got to thinking.
You know how the diaphram can suck/blow air in/out of your lungs. Can it also suck/blow in/out of the pussy? Or, in this case the anus?
Of course the stomach muscles also could be used. I would think heavy breathing and contraction of stomach muscles could suck anything into your body. A vibrator has a pointy end and a flat end. It could easily go in, but not out.
Be careful with those little sex toys!

taliendo · 11-29-2003, 05:14 PM

I haven't laughed that hard all weekend long. Thank you and sorry for your loss. . .

Wyodiver33 · 11-29-2003, 08:43 PM

Hey, it's been 10 years since it happened, and she's an ex-wife now, so I had to share. It is a very funny story. It was really scary at the time, because we were both in the USAF, and we would have been in big trouble if we had gone to the base hospital. But looking back, it's pretty funny. lol.

nukeu666 · 12-01-2003, 11:07 AM

i wonder what would have happened if she had to goto work with a vibrator turned on in the ass
HAHAHAHAHA

Pragma · 12-01-2003, 11:59 AM

Sick leave until the batteries ran out.

nefarious · 12-02-2003, 05:39 PM

hahe . very entertaining read. next time make sure you have a long 3 foot cord tied .. if there are no flares .. then you can just yank it out .. (ow)

anyone know of a website detailing the laws inside your bedroom when you're in the military?

hellasnow · 12-03-2003, 11:22 AM

hahahha holy shit. guess thats why they make plugs eh?

herostar · 12-03-2003, 01:45 PM

that's fucking hilarious

I never saw the pliers coming!!!

uv7piy · 12-03-2003, 07:40 PM

Call in MacGyver

unoaman · 07-16-2004, 05:24 PM

Don't give up, buy one of them things with electric cords on em...ya can pull it right back out, and get on with your business!

Wyodiver33 · 07-16-2004, 07:21 PM

Trust me, it's funny as hell now, but at the time, we were both pretty nervous. The US Military has zero-sense-of-humor when it comes to sex, even between a maried couple. If we have had to go to the base hospital, well other than being extremely embarassing, we would also have been punished. She was quite the trooper, digging that thing out like she did. I sure couldn't get it out. lol. ( I did try, but I was afraid that I would hurt her.)

Dawson70 · 07-16-2004, 07:50 PM

LMFAO.......When I was a Hospital Corpsman in the Navy, we had a few visits with things lodged in the poopshoot. Don't worry about being turned in for that. It falls under the Dr-patient confidentiality rule (yes even in the military that applies). FYI-All the things we pulled, were from men's asses and that was before the dont ask dont tell rule. God...what a woman!

thebeat · 07-16-2004, 08:02 PM

Talk about an ANAL probe!!!!

Funny ish!!

xxSquirtxx · 07-16-2004, 08:06 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Wyodiver33
Well, I was all ready to take her to the Air Force hospital. But, as I stated before, anything other than the missionary position is against the UCMJ (Uniform Code of Military Justice) so we would both have been in trouble. When you join the military, you actually lose a lot of rights under the constitution. Yes, the military regulates your bedroom. Although the situation was consentual, and heterosexual, we both would have faced UCMJ punishment. If, while being questioned under oath, a military man or woman declared that they gave or received oral sex, that person could be court martialed. Long live the likes of John Ashcroft. Who said that Nazi Germany was dead? Hell, we have Ashcroft, Bush, etc. We have a new bread of fascists. Sorry, son, you are only 19. "Hey, thanks for enlisting with the US military. You are ok to die for our cause. Just don't drink any beer or suck any dick, or eat any pussy, etc..."

Ahem. Not to make this all political and shit, but those regs were in force when I and my husband enlisted back in 1985, and they were in force before that. No need to tar and feather Ashcroft and Bush for rules THEY didn't invent. Carry on.

/steps off soapbox

crow_daw · 07-17-2004, 01:34 PM

That was hilarious and reminded me of another story I read in Maxim that was sent in by a reader who had a misadventure with anal beads.

He was slowly feeding the beads into his partners anus and then pulling them back out and she was digging it big time. So he gets excited and decides to put all the beads in at one time........and then "yanked em out like I was pull-starting a god damn lawnmower." After that, there was a "loud noise, a lot of poop..." and what we can assume was a classically awkward moment.

10-29-2003, 02:10 PM	#43 (permalink)
yournamehere Invisible Location: tentative, at best	"If it hasn't got that safety flare, keep it out of your derriere." -Jackie Chiles - __________________ If you want to avoid 95% of internet spelling errors: "If your ridiculous pants are too loose, you're definitely going to lose them. Tell your two loser friends over there that they're going to lose theirs, too." It won't hurt your fashion sense, either.

10-30-2003, 09:04 AM	#46 (permalink)
thejoker130 Insane Location: slippery rock university AKA: The left ass cheek of the world	My GF and i have done the same position and situation. Fortunatly nothing went Poof on us. Personally have nightmares about this kind of thing happening. __________________ WHAT MORE CAN THE HARVEST HOPE FOR IF NOT FOR THE CARE OF THE REAPER MAN? ------------------------------------- I like you. When the world is mine your death will be quick and painless.

11-03-2003, 07:31 PM	#50 (permalink)
Wyodiver33 Just here for the beer. Location: Ft. Lauderdale, Floriduh	Yes, it was still chugging along. lol. __________________ I like stuff.

11-06-2003, 02:13 PM	#52 (permalink)
f00sion Tilted Location: So. Cali	what kind of punishment would anal sex warrant?.. what does court martialling entail? I have never heard of the sex limitations in the military, seems weird that they can do that stuff... I will add that to my ever growing list of reasons not to join up. __________________ Tell me what we’re fighting for— I don’t remember anymore, only temporary reprieve. And the world might cease if we fail to tame the beast; from the faith that you release comes an atheist peace.

11-07-2003, 06:27 PM	#54 (permalink)
Wyodiver33 Just here for the beer. Location: Ft. Lauderdale, Floriduh	In the military, a person is subject to all Civilian laws, as well as all Military laws, so life is a bit more tricky. I am not anti-military at all, I had a blast in the USAF, but I also feel that NOBODY has the right to regulate what goes on in my bedroom. As long as everything is consensual, mind your own damned business. Punishment for "Deviant" sex acts could be loss of pay, loss of rank, discharge, prison, etc. Yay. __________________ I like stuff.

10-29-2003, 08:30 AM	#41 (permalink)
jvwgtr Completely bananas Location: Florida	I think we'll all try to learn from your mistakes. Nobody wants to go to the doctor with one of those "one-in-a-million chance, doc" stories.

10-29-2003, 10:46 AM	#42 (permalink)
Count_Khocula Upright	umm, i too have used pliers to fish things out- but not out of her ass. i know the feeling you speak of here. we were using one of those 1960's style massagers with the detachable plastic heads. well, one detached 'inside of her' and after pondering the hospital, i used a pair of needle nose pliers to retrieve the offending hunk of plastic. that was a tense moment, but surprisingly the pliers worked well. btw, the wife banned all massager play after that.

10-29-2003, 09:35 PM	#44 (permalink)
ally Insane Location: Boone,NC	wow!!! unbelievable...... does stuff like that really happen? can she laugh about it yet?

10-29-2003, 10:26 PM	#45 (permalink)
Jervis Tilted	What sort of stimulation does a vibrator provide anally for a women? I figure they don't have any prostate or anything so they dont feel anything...

11-03-2003, 03:08 PM	#47 (permalink)
Fearless_Hyena Hello, good evening, and bollocks. Location: near DC	YIKES!!! hahahah man i dunno what is funnier, your description (POOF! it was gone. Right up her ass) or some of the replies in here.....

11-03-2003, 03:19 PM	#48 (permalink)
amge Crazy	So during the time you were trying to fish the viberator out, was it still buzzing?

11-06-2003, 01:35 PM	#51 (permalink)
Snakebyt Psycho Location: Lubbock Texas	all i can say is next time use a wrist strap on that thing, you know like the one on your digital camera

11-06-2003, 06:32 PM	#53 (permalink)
Eldaire Loser Location: Davidson College, NC	Mostly scary.

11-07-2003, 09:22 PM	#55 (permalink)
skippy Banned	I am crying... I would just die to have had an experience like that ... I am sooo Lonely Sob

11-07-2003, 09:55 PM	#56 (permalink)
macmanmike6100 High Honorary Junkie Location: Tri-state.	that's a wild post buddy; glad to hear that it all worked out

11-26-2003, 12:46 PM	#63 (permalink)
feelgood Free Mars! Location: I dunno, there's white people around me saying "eh" all the time	LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I had to try to contain my stiff laughing in the middle of the study hall... __________________ Looking out the window, that's an act of war. Staring at my shoes, that's an act of war. Committing an act of war? Oh you better believe that's an act of war

12-01-2003, 11:59 AM	#70 (permalink)
Pragma I am Winter Born Location: Alexandria, VA	Sick leave until the batteries ran out. __________________ Eat antimatter, Posleen-boy!

11-08-2003, 02:42 AM	#57 (permalink)
xtreemmar1ne Upright Location: South Kakilaky	Being in the Marine Corps, I can simpathize with you man. I've had a couple friends that have barely avoided court martial a couple different times for similar things. I agree though, considering we as members of the military put our lives on the line, it would be nice if the UCMJ would stay out of the bedroom.

11-08-2003, 06:40 PM	#58 (permalink)
Glad-I-Ate-Her Junkie Location: 1 mile from Ground Zero	I'm glad that you were able to solve a potentially harming situation. This is a definite classic story. Very funny and scary at the same time. I have a question, was it still on when it slipped in? Glad __________________ I'm "Glad I Ate Her" because the payback was worth it!!

11-08-2003, 06:57 PM	#59 (permalink)
Wyodiver33 Just here for the beer. Location: Ft. Lauderdale, Floriduh	Yes, it was still buzzing away. lol. __________________ I like stuff.

11-08-2003, 09:46 PM	#60 (permalink)
niccoli Tilted Location: Denver, CO	Damn does that sound painful! So was she getting off while it was way in there or just scared as hell?

11-08-2003, 10:39 PM	#61 (permalink)
Wyodiver33 Just here for the beer. Location: Ft. Lauderdale, Floriduh	Actually, she didn't know until I told her. So the question is: even though I knew, did I wait until I was done? What would You have done? __________________ I like stuff.

11-08-2003, 10:40 PM	#62 (permalink)
Wyodiver33 Just here for the beer. Location: Ft. Lauderdale, Floriduh	(it was a small pinky-type vibe.) __________________ I like stuff.

11-26-2003, 01:20 PM	#64 (permalink)
txlovely Insane Location: ...We have a problem.	Speechless. Glad you at least had some fun out of the whole ordeal. __________________ Cruel words erode self-esteem like the ocean eats away the shore.

11-28-2003, 07:10 AM	#65 (permalink)
Sho Nuff Addict Location: Harlem	youre a lucky man my friend. give my best to the mrs. __________________ I know Nietzsche doesnt rhyme with peachy, but you sound like a pretentious prick when you correct me.

11-28-2003, 10:10 AM	#66 (permalink)
rmarshall Addict Location: Kingston,Ontario	I saw a picture of a girl with a pretty cameltoe. Her bikini bottom was sucked into her pussy and I got to thinking. You know how the diaphram can suck/blow air in/out of your lungs. Can it also suck/blow in/out of the pussy? Or, in this case the anus? Of course the stomach muscles also could be used. I would think heavy breathing and contraction of stomach muscles could suck anything into your body. A vibrator has a pointy end and a flat end. It could easily go in, but not out. Be careful with those little sex toys!

11-29-2003, 05:14 PM	#67 (permalink)
taliendo Insane Location: an indelible crawl through the gutters	I haven't laughed that hard all weekend long. Thank you and sorry for your loss. . . __________________ -LIFE IS ABSURD-

11-29-2003, 08:43 PM	#68 (permalink)
Wyodiver33 Just here for the beer. Location: Ft. Lauderdale, Floriduh	Hey, it's been 10 years since it happened, and she's an ex-wife now, so I had to share. It is a very funny story. It was really scary at the time, because we were both in the USAF, and we would have been in big trouble if we had gone to the base hospital. But looking back, it's pretty funny. lol. __________________ I like stuff.

12-01-2003, 11:07 AM	#69 (permalink)
nukeu666 Junkie Location: India	i wonder what would have happened if she had to goto work with a vibrator turned on in the ass HAHAHAHAHA __________________ Why did the Comp. Engineer get X-mas and Halloween mixed up? Because Oct(31) == Dec(25)

12-02-2003, 05:39 PM	#71 (permalink)
nefarious Insane Location: Tucson, AZ	hahe . very entertaining read. next time make sure you have a long 3 foot cord tied .. if there are no flares .. then you can just yank it out .. (ow) anyone know of a website detailing the laws inside your bedroom when you're in the military? __________________ Si vis pacem, para bellum. - Vegetius "Do Re Mil.3, Prol.

12-03-2003, 11:22 AM	#72 (permalink)
hellasnow Insane	hahahha holy shit. guess thats why they make plugs eh? __________________ "when life looks like easy street..... theres danger at your door." (JG)

12-03-2003, 01:45 PM	#73 (permalink)
herostar Psycho Location: South Dakota	that's fucking hilarious I never saw the pliers coming!!! __________________ Got time to chill?

12-03-2003, 07:40 PM	#74 (permalink)
uv7piy Banned Location: Near NYC	Call in MacGyver

07-16-2004, 05:24 PM	#75 (permalink)
unoaman Loser Location: Scenic Drive	Don't give up, buy one of them things with electric cords on em...ya can pull it right back out, and get on with your business!

07-16-2004, 07:21 PM	#76 (permalink)
Wyodiver33 Just here for the beer. Location: Ft. Lauderdale, Floriduh	Trust me, it's funny as hell now, but at the time, we were both pretty nervous. The US Military has zero-sense-of-humor when it comes to sex, even between a maried couple. If we have had to go to the base hospital, well other than being extremely embarassing, we would also have been punished. She was quite the trooper, digging that thing out like she did. I sure couldn't get it out. lol. ( I did try, but I was afraid that I would hurt her.) __________________ I like stuff.

07-16-2004, 07:50 PM	#77 (permalink)
Dawson70 Here to Help My Fellow TFP'er Location: All over the Net....(ok Wisconsin)	LMFAO.......When I was a Hospital Corpsman in the Navy, we had a few visits with things lodged in the poopshoot. Don't worry about being turned in for that. It falls under the Dr-patient confidentiality rule (yes even in the military that applies). FYI-All the things we pulled, were from men's asses and that was before the dont ask dont tell rule. God...what a woman! __________________ "I Finally Finished My Goal....You Can Too! Yippie Ki Ya...

07-16-2004, 08:02 PM	#78 (permalink)
thebeat Insane Location: Deep South	Talk about an ANAL probe!!!! Funny ish!! __________________ random