Halx

I'm thinking here... is sex so sacred? Here are a few arguements against abstinence.

1. What if your partner sucks? Sure, you may love them to death, but let's face it.. some people cant catch on to certain things. This is then the first conflict of your marriage. "Oh my God, I married a stiff." This may work for couples who don't plan on having much sex, but today's society doesn't really let people think that way much.

2. Impotence. Premature Ejaculation. You NEED to test drive the car. Who the hell invests their LIFE in something that they aren't 100% sure of?

3. Insecurity. I believe sex is a fun activity. It's all about pleasure and enjoyment. If you put any more weight on it, then it becomes so stressful and loses it's charm. Chances are, anyways, your first time wont be a big blast of fun. Which leads to...

4. It's anticlimactic to wait for marriage. You'll be lying there, having only lasted a couple seconds, thinking, "THAT is sex?"

5. No variety. Humans aren't pillars of iron will. Sooner or later, you're gonna wonder, "Can it be better?" "Can it be different?" "I've been boning/boned by the same person for the last 5 years and I don't know if this is as good as it gets or not."

6. Physical mismatch. Big penis meets tiny vagina. Sure, they are meant to stretch, but it's still gonna hurt all the time. Tiny penis meets big vagina. "Is it in yet?"


Here are a few arguements FOR abstinence. (Taken from various websites)

1. Religion. If you're religious, it's probably against your beliefs to get a little pre-nup nookie. Appease your God.

2. Health. You wanna make sure you never get an STD? Easy... just make sure you're both virgins from start to finish.

3. Avoid Pregnancy. This is a no-brainer. The best contraceptive is no sex at all.

4. Strong relationship. Some argue that abstaining lets couples focus on the emotional and intellectual side of a relationship before learning eachothers bodies.

5. Failure rates of contraceptives. Condoms break, the pill can be neautralized. It's a war zone out there.

Propaganda: http://www.abstinence.net

Counter points....

1. Contraceptives have advanced in the last 20 years. If you put enough effort into it, then pregnancy should not be an issue.

2. Education about sex is a better substitute than abstinence for a rational (read: non-religious) couple. The more you know, the more you can avoid the consequences of happless sex.

3. Relationships are all different. Assuming that building a relationship without sex is a cure-all then you're putting a cookie cutter to the canvas. If you're intelligent and honest about your relationship, then sex should in fact be a strengthener.

4. Lop-sidedness in the relationship (one partner is abstinent, one is not) will cause rifts. This is quite a black and white subject in which compromise is useless. As long as the couples are compliant with counterpoint 3, then they have a good chance of escaping (having sex) with their relationship intact.

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Averett

Well, I've already crossed that bridge. I never thought I would save myself for marriage. I ended up having sex for the first time at a somewhat older age (just past my 22nd birthday) but it wasn't because I was "saving it". It was because I hadn't had the opportunity.

Would I marry a man who was a virgin? I don't know. I bet if I met such a man we wouldn't get on in other aspects of a relationship.

While I think sex is a special thing best shared between two people who care about eachother, I also think that that idea is a bit cliche and overly romantic. Some people place sex on this high platform and once they get down to having sex, they wonder what they were thinking before.

I'm rambling with no clear direction of thoughts. I tend to do that!

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rogue49

I would wait a long time in the relationship,
but by the time I get close to marriage, we better have had sex.

I'm too much of a passionate man, to be married to someone who isn't interested.
This is kind of the same as you going for someone who has the same goals, beliefs and interests as you.

Sexual compatibility is VERY important...there are TOO many stories that show this.

Konichiwaneko

back when people regularly got married at the age of 16 or even younger, saving yourself for marraige made a lot of sense. Now though, when it's about 24 or 26 when you get married, it doesn't work with when our hormones are kicking in compared to when we get married.

I personally lost my virginity out of wedlock and I don't feel any worse for it. Its annoying knowing the person I lost it too has slept with other people, but that's that annoying guy possessive trait that we have and I can't do much about it.

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Harshaw

I'm glad I didn't wait till marage. My first through third times pretty much sucked. I would hate to wait and wait for this "special night" and then I suck it up. I think I am better now. I have this fantasy of marrying the girl I lost my virginity to, but thats pretty much a seperate thing.

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Jedbeck

I never wanted to wait till marriage. I just waited until I fell deeply in love with someone. I think that is the most important part.

Johnny Rotten

I wouldn't marry someone without having sex with them any more than I would buy a car based on word of mouth. But that's because sex is a significant aspect of who I am. Others, their religious beliefs are more significant, and more power to them. Whatever blows your hair back. I personally think it should be a private decision made by the two people directly involved. I also wouldn't want to stumble my way through humiliatingly on the wedding night.

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89transam

Im not really even sure sex has to be that special of a thing. I truly think that some day in the future sex will be more of a recreation.

It seems to me if your really good freinds with a girl why not have sex with her? It would be fun and pleasureable for both of you and its something to do. With pregnancy and desiese not an issue the only thing really left is the bad reputation that girls get when they are "loose".

Its headed this way now I would say. I was in HS a few years back and there were more than a few people that had "freinds with benefits". Ill bet that this sort of thing did not happen back 50 years ago. I mean now I hear about these JR high "Rainbow partys" where guys get oral from all these different girls. When I was in JR high those did not exsist...or mabye I wasent cool enough.

Either way, in 100 years I predict sex will be a recreational activity that people will casually do like people today would go see a movie.

Sex before marrage? Yes, what if it diddent fit? :doh:

crow_daw

Holy shit do I feel you on this one.

Except that my girl doesn't wanna save herself til marriage, just til she's "sure".

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ibis

I know, it's frustrating. My first serious girlfriend (of nearly 2 years) was the same way. In fact, I believe this was part of the reason I began to loose interest in her.

I may sound like a jerk, but sex is simply something I need in a relationship.

Cardinal Syn

Going on my 27th year of life and still a virgin myself Hal :>

todd

I'm still a virgin, but have a long ways to go before I even think about getting married. I don't plan on waiting that long. I've had a few girlfriends, but we never went 'all the way.' All it would take for me is the right time, the right place, and just the right amount of hornyness in the both of us.

bermuDa

I never planned on waiting for marriage. That's such a huge committment to make before exploring such an important aspect to the joining of two people.

It took me a few tries to catch on, but now I've got my technique down and I'm as happy with my performance as my girlfriend is.

sexual compatibility is important in a relationship! marriage is a huge leap of faith when you haven't even determined your compatibility with your partner.

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SparklingDot

But you didn't mention anything about the fluctuations that are possible. If you observe social trends, you'll notice alternating periods of sexual freedom and repression. That's the end of my lecture, now onto the real post...

I always thought I'd wait til I got married. Then I realized that I'm not going to get married for a loooong time. So I changed it to no sex until my partner and I can handle the consequences. Much more realistic IMO.

The whole compatability bit is very important. You can learn a lot about a person by the way they do things. And I don't want to waste my wedding night on figuring things out.

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FallenAvatar

Sex for some is just an act that provides physical pleasure. For happier relationships, sex is bondage ( A bond! We're not to the games yet...). Sex can be an experience that will make love grow. The needs of each partner are filled by the other, providing that bond. As this bond gets better over time I'm sure the relationship would as well. So I guess the sex part comes down to this. Is the relationships love, or just hormones?


I wouldn't wait till I was married to have sex. I find that to be a little far. I want to know all I can before I give myself to this person for marraige. Waiting till the relationship was deep and strong before having sex sounds fine to me. I'd rather sex be something that brings us closer rather then just taking care of physical needs. I didn't wait to be married, and I'm glad. I learned things about my partner, I'm happy to say for the better... but what if it hadn't worked out.

Any comments?

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KellyC

Here's one FOR abstinence I heard in school.

"So you don't have to compare with past partners"

There was a guest speaker who came to my HS and talked about abstinence and he brought this point. He said he heard so many come to him crying that they wish they'd wait after marriage because everytime they have sex with their spouse, they would compare or think of past partners, thinking, "Well, this is different" or "Not as good as that other guy/gal." And then they'd feel guilty about it because they don't want to think that way, but yet, they can't help it.

two other reasons that he gave that made valid points are

1) So you won't have to fight a bad reputation - self explanatory
2) So you won't be stealing from someone else's marriage - he refers to guys who wish his wife is his first, but she isn't, due to sex before marriage with other guys.

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*Nikki*

Waitng for marriage was never an option for me. Who knows.....I might not get married!!

I enjoy sex way to much to deprive myself of it. I would go crazy long before the guy did.

doncalypso

I lost my virginity at age 14 because at the time I was so convinced I'd never have a woman interested in me enough to get in a relationship with me (much less to get married with me) that I wasn't willing to wait.

Even now, at age 22 I'm still not sure I'll ever get married. I still have ten more years of school to go through before I'll even get my first real job. And by the time this happens, I'll have been out of the dating scene for so long that I probably wouldn't be able to tell a woman truly interested in me from a gold-digger who just wants an alimony check.

If I had decided to wait until marriage then there's a good chance I'd probably have spent my entire life a virgin and would've missed out on the pleasures of sex. However, I do think I started way too early, and I do wish I had exerted a bit more self-control in my youth.
And as Halx pointed out, sexual compatibility is a very important thing when it comes to marriage. It would be a big mistake to get married to someone with whom you're sexually incompatible because that's the person you're gonna wake up next to for the rest of your life (unless you don't believe in marriage as a lifetime committment).

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im2smrt4u

I thought I should wait until marriage (for religious reasons) until I was actually in a relationship. Then, that went out the window!

However, we did waith nine months into the relationship before we had sex, and I don't reget it one bit. Now, I hope to marry her!

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Jesus Pimp

I think sex is special but I personally don't think people should wait till marriage to have sex. Halx nailed it with all his points. When I'm going out with a girl, I usually wait a year before having sex with her.

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Stompy

No offense to those who want to wait, but every single person I've ever known who wants to wait till marriage has been a VERY closed minded individual and usually carries emotional baggage of some kind usually linked to trust.

Most are the hardcore religious type while the others are simply, for lack of a better description, prudes. Of course, I'm not saying everyone in the world who waits is like this, just the ones I've known.

IMO, relationships with them aren't worth it. Not because of the lack of sex, but... just because the surrounding issues.

It's beyond me why there's this illusion that sex is more special than it really is. It's a natural part of life. If you can take a crap every morning, then, if properly protected, you can have sex without any consequences whatsoever. Trust me, "god" won't hate you. You have the parts, so use them! Enjoy your life.

There are some I've known that will do everything BUT sex, and that baffles me. If you're gonna go down on another person, you might as well go all the way. There's really no sense in waiting as they're no longer "pure".

This also falls into the same category as those couples who refuse to live with each other prior to getting married. That's like randomly picking a car based on name alone and expecting to be happy with it.

Luckily for me, I never plan on getting married, so I'll never have to deal with this

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analog

I know several couples who are the happiest, most caring and trusting couples i've ever met, and they're just waiting because that's what they want. I don't understand how they can pull it off when they're both VERY sexual, he's a good-looking guy, and she's hot (and a tease, damn! ), but I have nothing but respect for their decision. I want them to fuck so badly, though. LOL... when they start, I know they'll fuck like rabbits on speed every day for the rest of their lives.

Good times.

A shout-out to Moby and his fine, fine woman.

SecretMethod70

There are benefits to both sides of the coin. I think waiting until marriage can certainly be a good thing, but I don't necessarily think it's "wrong" not to. It's fairly easy to make a religious argument against abstinance if someone is open-minded about their religion, so I don't think religious reasons are all that valid.

As they say, different strokes for different folks - for some people, waiting can be a very good and enriching thing, and for others it may not be. The most important thing when it comes down to it is that people have sex when THEY are ready, not when only one of them is. Communication is the key.

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SparklingDot

One more mind boggling revelation I've had tonight... Even though I've found the guy I want to spend forever with, there's always the possibility that forever just won't work out. In that case, I don't want to have any regrets. I know that whether or not my SO and I spend the rest of our lives together, I'll cherish the memories we've made and the time we had together.

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Nitrox

Maybe it's just me, but being in high school in the late 70's, the word "abstinence" wasn't even part of our vocabulary.