Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community  

Go Back   Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community > The Academy > Tilted Sexuality


 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 04-25-2003, 01:34 AM   #1 (permalink)
Psychopathic Akimbo Action Pirate
 
Location: ...between Christ and Belial.
I need a point of view from people uninvolved

Here's my story --

Been dating her for 1.5 years. She's a great person and I very much care for her.

But I fear I've let things go too far. I think perhaps I deluded myself into false emotions.

It's all just so convenient. A smiling face to talk to and share problems with. Someone to spend time with. Someone to make love with.

But with her graduating from college and me still being a student, I am staring right in the face of reality. We're nearing that juncture where we need to decide if we want to take the relationship to a higher level.

I don't even have to think about it for a second -- the answer is "no".

I mean, she's a great person. I person I care a lot about. But I really have zero interest in committing further to her.

When and if she moves away for a job or whatever, the convenience which I think I may be addicted to will all but vanish. I don't feel like it's worth struggling through a long-distance relationship. Not in the least.

Marriage? No way. I can in no form or fashion imagine myself spending the rest of my life with this girl. We get along quite well, but we don't share any common interests. I don't things could ever go further between us. The relationship is stagnant, and I don't see any room for growth.

Not to say that things are that bad. I have several complaints, but for the most part things are still pleasurable.

The worst part? I'm almost certain that she has a much deeper and enduring interest in me than I do in her. I really really don't want to hurt this girl. I'm so afraid of it.

Isn't it my fault that I haven't told her those things that bother me most?

Isn't it my fault that I deluded myself into feeling things that weren't really there?

Isn't it my fault for becoming addicted to all the conveniences?

I don't know what to do. I'm so lost.

Am I a sadistic madman out to wound every female possible as vengeance for past experiences, whilst tricking myself into believing that my intentions were honorable?

Or maybe . . .

Maybe I'm in the middle of a depressive episode and I actually *do* have those feelings for this girl. Maybe if I wait a little longer, I'll turn around again and everything will be fine.

I just don't know.
__________________
On the outside I'm jazz, but my soul is rock and roll.

Sleep is a waste of time. Join the Insomniac Club.
"GYOH GWAH-DAH GREH BLAAA! SROH WIH DIH FLIH RYOHH!!" - The Locust
Antagony is offline  
Old 04-25-2003, 01:50 AM   #2 (permalink)
Tilted
 
Location: This side of heaven.
You know I had the EXACT same thing happen to me only I was the one that graduated, we were even living together, we got a long and were by that point only dating by proximity, or at least that's what it felt like. I ended it and moved out when our lease was up. I felt like a total heel for doing it to. Breaking up and coming to terms with these kinds of feelings are never easy, but that doesn't mean that you're a bad person for having them.

It's not your fault that you haven't told her these things because up to this point you haven't had reason to think on them.

It isn't your fault that you deluded yourself into feeling things that wern't really there because you DID feel them. There is no such thing as a feeling that lies. If you feel it it's true. You may find out later that your motivations for your feelings were differents than you origionally thought, but you still felt those things, so you never felt something that wasn't true.

It's not your fault for becoming addicted to the convenience. It's human nature to define relationships between ourselves and other people, and after a while comfort is something that everyone wants. Everyone wants to be comfortable and that's not something you can blame yourself for.

You're a good guy. Sometimes things don't work out, and that doesn't make it your fault. Even if you always seem to be the one breaking things off, that just means that you come to a realization, a conclusion and that's the right thing to do, even if it sucks. It seems to me that I'm always the one breaking things off, that I'm the one thats being mean, but this month I met a girl. She left me. Now I get it. I respect her terribly for what she did. She knew that I wanted more than she did. She knew that I would get hurt if it went on. She broke my heart, and it was the right thing to do. I can see that.

I'll leave you with my favorite quote:

"Harm is not when you bring someone pain. Harm is when you don't care."
-From Parables for our Modern Age, by Jackie Robinson
(Nobilis: Sean R. Borgstrom)

Good luck.
Golux is offline  
Old 04-25-2003, 02:12 AM   #3 (permalink)
Jesus Freak
 
Location: Following the light...
It appears that Golux is probably right, but I cannot be certain for I have not lived it myself, and thereby cannot give a valid oppinion.
__________________
"People say I'm strange, does that make me a stranger?"
ForgottenKnight is offline  
Old 04-25-2003, 02:37 AM   #4 (permalink)
Upright
 
Re: I need a point of view from people uninvolved

Quote:
Originally posted by Antagony
Here's my story --

The worst part? I'm almost certain that she has a much deeper and enduring interest in me than I do in her. I really really don't want to hurt this girl. I'm so afraid of it.

I hate to be negative. However...

I really believe that you must break up with this girl. If everything is as you say, then she will be hurt. In a sense, the damage has been done.

I say this from experience. You do not want to be involved in a false relationship.

Life's a bitch, no?

Good luck....

-D.S.
Dorian_S is offline  
Old 04-25-2003, 03:37 AM   #5 (permalink)
Upright
 
Location: NEAR DC
damn that situation sounds like it sucks.

i wish you the best of luck man.
__________________
whadata my damie.
shotofgmplease is offline  
Old 04-25-2003, 03:50 AM   #6 (permalink)
Registered User
 
sixate's Avatar
 
Location: Somewhere in Ohio
Re: I need a point of view from people uninvolved

Quote:
Originally posted by Antagony
I don't even have to think about it for a second -- the answer is "no".

I mean, she's a great person. I person I care a lot about. But I really have zero interest in committing further to her.

When and if she moves away for a job or whatever, the convenience which I think I may be addicted to will all but vanish. I don't feel like it's worth struggling through a long-distance relationship. Not in the least.

Marriage? No way. I can in no form or fashion imagine myself spending the rest of my life with this girl. We get along quite well, but we don't share any common interests. I don't things could ever go further between us. The relationship is stagnant, and I don't see any room for growth.
By the sounds of that I'd break it off. Tell her the truth. There's no point to waste any more of her time or yours if that's how you feel. The longer you wait the harder it will be to tell her.
sixate is offline  
Old 04-25-2003, 08:51 AM   #7 (permalink)
Cracking the Whip
 
Lebell's Avatar
 
Location: Sexymama's arms...
No,

You're not a sadist madman, nor will you develop feelings that haven't developed by now.

You're simply comfortable in a relationship where it is.

That being said, ARE you leading her on? Be honest. It sounds like you know where things are. You need to have the testicular fortitude to tell this lady what this relationship means to you and what you expect and DON'T expect out of it, for your sake and hers.

Don't you think she deserves that respect?
__________________
"Of all tyrannies, a tyranny exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It may be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end, for they do so with the approval of their own conscience." – C. S. Lewis

The ONLY sponsors we have are YOU!

Please Donate!
Lebell is offline  
Old 04-25-2003, 09:00 AM   #8 (permalink)
I aim to misbehave!
 
rockogre's Avatar
 
Location: SW Oklahoma
You have to have more than convenience. Looking back I think that my marriage started because it was so convenient for the both of us. When our kids moved out we found that there was nothing without them.

Obviously you care or you wouldn't agonize over this. You will have to bite the bullet and have a heart to heart with her on this or you could both live to regret it.
__________________
Only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you,
Jesus Christ and the American G. I.
One died for your soul, the other for your freedom
rockogre is offline  
Old 04-25-2003, 09:22 AM   #9 (permalink)
pow!
 
clavus's Avatar
 
Location: NorCal
It sounds like you are being honest with yourself and have assessed the situation fairly. Good job. That's more than a lot of people can do.

Break it off. It will be painful. It will be wierd. It will suck.

But its got to be done, and you know it.

You were probably hoping that someone would tell you a way to avoid hurting your lover. Sorry. But the longer you carry on, the more you will hurt her when the inevitable happens.

best of luck
__________________
Ass, gas or grass. Nobody rides for free.
clavus is offline  
Old 04-25-2003, 10:59 AM   #10 (permalink)
Banned
 
If after a year and a half you haven't figured out if you love her it is time to move on. I knew I ws in love after a couple months the first time it happened. We lasted 5 years till school put us on oposite sides of the country for 3 years. The second time it was instantly. I have been with my second love for 15 years now.
Mango is offline  
Old 04-25-2003, 11:09 AM   #11 (permalink)
Crazy
 
Location: in the midst of a dissociative fugue
I don't think you should be too hard on yourself. It sounds like you have an honest and genuine grasp of the situation, and I also think that you probably already know what you need to do.

In regards to your "Is this just a depressive episode.." question, I think that is a real question you need to ask. But, from the sounds of it, I honestly doubt that that is the case. If that was true, you probably wouldn't have been agonizing over this for such a long time. Besides, do you find yourself dissatisfied with other aspects of your life that you should be pleased with?

Don't get me wrong, I'm not claiming to be a shrink here. But I do think that if it was merely an episode you're going through, you wouldn't be experiencing the types of feelings and questions that you're going through.
synkron is offline  
Old 04-25-2003, 11:14 AM   #12 (permalink)
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
 
*Nikki*'s Avatar
 
Location: Charleston, SC
I know what you are talking about because this DID happen to me.

Don't waste her time. Don't waste her love. Let her go, let her find someone who does deserve her.
*Nikki* is offline  
Old 04-25-2003, 11:19 AM   #13 (permalink)
Psychopathic Akimbo Action Pirate
 
Location: ...between Christ and Belial.
Yeah.

Thanks for the responses, guys.

I feel a bit less like a horrible monster now.

This won't be pretty . . .
__________________
On the outside I'm jazz, but my soul is rock and roll.

Sleep is a waste of time. Join the Insomniac Club.
"GYOH GWAH-DAH GREH BLAAA! SROH WIH DIH FLIH RYOHH!!" - The Locust
Antagony is offline  
Old 04-25-2003, 11:24 AM   #14 (permalink)
Banned
 
I've been in this same position once or twice now, and i can tell you that i've decided that life, as we always have believed, is a long journey- except that at the end, we all reach a precipice- the top of a hill, the edge of a cliff- in our lives... should you walk her, happy, all the way to the edge of her happiness and then push her off, or should you simply leave her behind you as you continue on without her? Which do you think is more painful? Leave her behind, man, it's really what's best.
analog is offline  
Old 04-25-2003, 11:50 AM   #15 (permalink)
Cracking the Whip
 
Lebell's Avatar
 
Location: Sexymama's arms...
Quote:
Originally posted by Antagony
Yeah.

Thanks for the responses, guys.

I feel a bit less like a horrible monster now.

This won't be pretty . . .

It never is man, but waiting will only make it worse.

I wish the both of you the best of luck.
__________________
"Of all tyrannies, a tyranny exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It may be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end, for they do so with the approval of their own conscience." – C. S. Lewis

The ONLY sponsors we have are YOU!

Please Donate!
Lebell is offline  
Old 04-25-2003, 03:36 PM   #16 (permalink)
Addict
 
Location: Boone, NC
The last mistake I made with my love life was being impatient. I think about it most everyday. BE PATIENT. You never know what you've got till it's gone. I know that is a cliche but it is true to the bone. Wait a while, if she moves and you miss her, the relationship and your feelings can grow to monumental heights.
Although there is a chance the love will go sour and you are right, you have to ask yourself...will you feel a sense of loss?
__________________
"the greatest trick the devil ever pulled, was making the world believe he didn't exist" -Kevin Spacey 'The Usual Suspects'
riptide4070 is offline  
Old 04-26-2003, 05:44 PM   #17 (permalink)
Upright
 
Location: Rapid City, SD
I dated a striper with 4 kids, yes that sucked, and I followed false emotions. I knew it wouldn't work out but I forced myself to stay with her for 2 years. Even if you force it, and act on make-belive emotions, it always seems to be a problem someware else. What I mean, is it is not the fact that she is graduating and moving away, it is the fact that there are deeper problems between the two of you that no one even realizes, these problems are rooted from the begining of the relationship, and most relationships now a days arent started out proprerly. You have to be best best friends before becoming intimate.

If you can't say yes I'll move with you or are unable to waite untill you graduate, there is something else wrong. Don't try to fix it, there isn't enough time. Your in college, PARTY, that's what I did. You'll find someone else, and she will be even better, and she will let you look at the titty board
__________________
What Did One Women Say To Another Women?

Who Cares They Both Are Full Of Shit Anyway!
sloedough is offline  
Old 04-28-2003, 01:09 PM   #18 (permalink)
Junkie
 
Minx's Avatar
 
Location: Up yonder
Ok boys move aside...girl advice forthcoming. It's so simple...Antagony if you know for a fact you are not in love with this girl & have absolutely no intention of carrying it farther than you have it now then break it off. You are worried about hurting her down the road when/if things get serious....well if you know right now that she is in for a world of hurt then do yourselves both a favor and let her go now with no hard feelings.
She will thank you in the long run when she meets the person who is the right one for her.
__________________
You've been a naughty boy....go to my room!
Minx is offline  
 

Tags
people, point, uninvolved, view

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 06:22 AM.

Tilted Forum Project

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2
© 2002-2012 Tilted Forum Project

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282 283 284 285 286 287 288 289 290 291 292 293 294 295 296 297 298 299 300 301 302 303 304 305 306 307 308 309 310 311 312 313 314 315 316 317 318 319 320 321 322 323 324 325 326 327 328 329 330 331 332 333 334 335 336 337 338 339 340 341 342 343 344 345 346 347 348 349 350 351 352 353 354 355 356 357 358 359 360