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I don't think you should be too hard on yourself. It sounds like you have an honest and genuine grasp of the situation, and I also think that you probably already know what you need to do.
In regards to your "Is this just a depressive episode.." question, I think that is a real question you need to ask. But, from the sounds of it, I honestly doubt that that is the case. If that was true, you probably wouldn't have been agonizing over this for such a long time. Besides, do you find yourself dissatisfied with other aspects of your life that you should be pleased with?
Don't get me wrong, I'm not claiming to be a shrink here. But I do think that if it was merely an episode you're going through, you wouldn't be experiencing the types of feelings and questions that you're going through.
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