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I need a point of view from people uninvolved
Here's my story --
Been dating her for 1.5 years. She's a great person and I very much care for her.
But I fear I've let things go too far. I think perhaps I deluded myself into false emotions.
It's all just so convenient. A smiling face to talk to and share problems with. Someone to spend time with. Someone to make love with.
But with her graduating from college and me still being a student, I am staring right in the face of reality. We're nearing that juncture where we need to decide if we want to take the relationship to a higher level.
I don't even have to think about it for a second -- the answer is "no".
I mean, she's a great person. I person I care a lot about. But I really have zero interest in committing further to her.
When and if she moves away for a job or whatever, the convenience which I think I may be addicted to will all but vanish. I don't feel like it's worth struggling through a long-distance relationship. Not in the least.
Marriage? No way. I can in no form or fashion imagine myself spending the rest of my life with this girl. We get along quite well, but we don't share any common interests. I don't things could ever go further between us. The relationship is stagnant, and I don't see any room for growth.
Not to say that things are that bad. I have several complaints, but for the most part things are still pleasurable.
The worst part? I'm almost certain that she has a much deeper and enduring interest in me than I do in her. I really really don't want to hurt this girl. I'm so afraid of it.
Isn't it my fault that I haven't told her those things that bother me most?
Isn't it my fault that I deluded myself into feeling things that weren't really there?
Isn't it my fault for becoming addicted to all the conveniences?
I don't know what to do. I'm so lost.
Am I a sadistic madman out to wound every female possible as vengeance for past experiences, whilst tricking myself into believing that my intentions were honorable?
Or maybe . . .
Maybe I'm in the middle of a depressive episode and I actually *do* have those feelings for this girl. Maybe if I wait a little longer, I'll turn around again and everything will be fine.
I just don't know.
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