Averett

Alright, this is sorta a follow up to that other thread I started on here.

Guys, why don't you call a girl when you say you're gonna? What's up with that? Follow up questions to follow as needed

__________________
Absence is to love what wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.

hobo

I would call. I am usually afraid of calling places or people I don't know, but with a girl I'm dating I would call because I know she will want me to.

Averett

Okay, this is mostly one of those "Why don't guys call girls that they meet, when they say they're gonna call?" type deals... Cause damn, that shit gets annoying.

__________________
Absence is to love what wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.

juanvaldes

Because were assholes.

rival

I can't speak for everyone, but in my case, there are gnomes that steal anything in my pockets.



Every single time I put a phone number or work related receipt in my pocket, it gets stolen.

numberfive

Depends. There are only a few situations where I wouldn't call someone after telling them I would:

- If an emergency comes up.
- If I die :\
- If I have no access to a phone.
- If I forget.

Other than that I try my best to call them, it's the polite thing to do.

__________________
P.S. Always remember: to forget is a form of suicide. (If I could only remember to forget myself.)

Prince

If I say I'll call and I don't, then it is simply because I don't fucking want to. I don't think it needs further explaining.

__________________
Who is John Galt?

-Anders

Do you have any idea how much guts it takes to call a girl up?

__________________
Signature 101

collide

Oh sure, blame it on the gnomes.

Telling a girl that you forgot to call her is a pretty harsh dismissal. It's basically saying "I'm not interested enough to remember you." Ouch!

Anyway, If you are truly interested, you should call her right away, even if it's just to say "good night" or "I just wanted to call because I was thinking of you."

__________________
"inhuman fiery goat worship" is an anagram for "information superhighway" -kingvolc

G5_Todd

if i call a girl...and she doesnt call me back...i wont call again...if there has been less than 3 dates.....


so check your messages

__________________
"....and when you men get home and face an anti-war protester, look him in the eyes and shake his hand. Then, wink at his girlfriend, because she knows she's dating a pussy."

-General Franks

Sleepyjack

as collide said, forget to call is pretty bad. ie you mean nothing to me. Also its very hard for a guy to call a girl he's interested in cause you get so nervous, especially when you have just meet them, and you ahve in your head that you don't want to come across as some dick. Although you do come across as a dick if you put off calling her.
It might come down to the mind games people play in realtionships to get more "hand" so to speak. I don't know, someone always wants to think of themselves on top.

And Averett, i hope that guy calls you soon. If not, give me your number and i'll call you
smooth.... i know :P

sixate

We call if we think we're gonna get laid.
We don't call if we know there's no chance of getting laid.
We don't call if we already got laid.
It's up to the girlies to call and keep us interested after we get laid.

Altheus

Heh, let me be honest here......

a) you arent top of his priorities, i.e. he might want to go out with his friends instead of calling you.

b) you once pissed him off by not returning a call, cancelling a date etc.

c) he met you when he was drunk, forgetting about his g/f or someone he was seeing

d) he's a little bit uncomfortable just calling you

e) he wants sex, you dont seem to be that person that will give it up

f) he's lost your number

g) he's actually gay

h) he wasnt gay when he met you, but since has met that special someone on his side of the fence.

i) you're dog ugly, and the only reason he said he'd call is because he felt sorry for you.

j) saying he'd call you is the only way he could finish conversation.

k) you come off as an insecure woman to him, and thus by not calling you straight away, he's making you want him more, and thus he will control you.

l) you missed the call

m) since meeting the guy, he's been deported back to cuba, and he cant scrape together the few cents to call you

n) he's actually a hermaphrodite, and he doesnt think you'd be down with that.

o) he's dumped you for an up and coming hollywood porn star

p) he's really insecure about his excessive body hair, and he's waiting for his next beautician appointment before calling you again.

q) he's joined a cult

r) he's lost your number

s) since meeting you he got knock over by a car, and when death took his form, he simple didnt remember you, tough shit you daddy aint rich... (meet joe black...)

t) he's perfectly satisfied with cocaine and hookers.

u) you're a hideously looking freak, and the guy never really existed, you picked up business card off of the sidewalk and make up elaborate stories of guys not calling, more commonly known as the "Which guy will lend me his shoulder, in exchange for head." trick.

v) The guy is simply an asshole, if he asks for you number again knee him in the groin.

w) perhaps the gentleman is a tad nervous, and has been aching to call you all week, but just hasnt yet plucked up the courage and puts down the phone everytime he's on the last digit.

x) Ask yourself this, DO YOU REALLY WANT HIM TO CALL? Men mean trouble, as do women. Stick to casual sex with friends and random strangers, dont complication your life with emotions.

y) Why do you care? He's just a man, there's about another 5 billion to choose from.

z) Generally us guys are fucking pricks. If we dont think sex or a really good relationship is the instant result of the first few dates, we'll stray away. Sometimes a girl needs to take charge, y'know. Why dont you make the call. Fuck it! About 2 mins of embarassment, for what could end up being hours/days/weeks/years/lifetimes of fun. Dont put it on us. We might say we'll call, but nervousness, fear, impatience, frustration make us forget, chicken out, or just not want to call anymore.

As with all guy and all gal's there's a certain proportion of assholes, you might have just got one. Call him and see what's up, then you'll know, that or forget about it... There's always someone new.

slimshaydee

How bout, if you want to talk to the damn guy, call him yourself...im sick of women who expect guys to do everything...like paying on dates, callin and shit...fucking call him yourself bitch

sorry about that, hard days work

Averett

Uhhh... I did call. Tuesday night. Got this message "Your call cannot be compleated at this time"

Yeah, I'm expecting this guy to call me 27 times a day and buy me diamonds already. Give me a break.

What I do expect though, is a call when somebody says "I'll call you tomorrow" Maybe that's a bit silly of me.

__________________
Absence is to love what wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.

Altheus

Nah, I know what you're saying, i just think that you gotta just take them as they come, dont question why. I mean when I've called girls, or texted (it's pretty popular in ireland), and just got no sort of reply... it sorta begs the question "Why do girls give you their number if they're not interested?"

Averett

Yeah, I'd hate that too. I wouldn't give my number if I wasn't interested. I'd be happier with a guy saying something like "Well, I had a nice time, maybe I'll see you around." Then I'd know where I stood. I know that's not easy to say, but sometimes you've gotta say the not easy things.

__________________
Absence is to love what wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.

jimk

i gave a girl my number at a bar one night on a coaster. she was a total biscuit - didn't think i had a shot - she was just being nice talking to me that night.......

she called me a week later when i was out of town, and my roomate just said, "he's not here." no explantation, nothin'. so when i saw her out again one night, she was already pissed at me (for not calling her back)!

we've been married 8 yrs now & she's still a biscuit..


why he won't call:

guys lose shit all the time (phone numbers)
guys have bad-message-taking-roomates/answering machines
guys are scared/lazy
maybe he's just not that interested

__________________
raw power is a guaranteed o.d.

raw power is a laughin' at you & me

-iggy

Averett

I can accept the "lost the number" option. Except he put my number directly into his cell phone. 3rd guy who's done that, 3rd guy who hasn't called. Maybe they all lost their phones? That'd suck!

I think it's more of the scared/not interested option.

He was doing all the right things to show he was interested. Shortly after we started talking at the bar, he motioned over to my friends and asked which was my boyfriend. Asked if I was single. Asked about my family. All that kind of stuff.

If he was just looking for sex, he wasn't trying hard enough.

I figure its either:
-he's scared/nervous
-not interested
-thought I wasn't really interested
-some combination of the above

__________________
Absence is to love what wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.

Altheus

damn!

If he was just looking for sex, he wasn't trying hard enough.

I gotta big huge grin on my face after reading that. As usual you're 2000-4000 miles away, otherwise i'd call ya

He might have a girlfriend (the latest guy), but you said that it was a cell phone, and when you called you couldnt get thru, so in all inevitability he may have lost/got his phone stolen, and lost your number... this has happened me once or twice. I cant get their numbers back now, i wish they'd call me....

jimk

all single men out there - take note!!!!!!!!

__________________
raw power is a guaranteed o.d.

raw power is a laughin' at you & me

-iggy

Averett

He wouldn't have gotten any sex anyway But at least then we'd know where we stood!

And as usual, only the guys who are hundreds/thousands of miles away want me!

__________________
Absence is to love what wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.

Keg-o-Grog

luckely, guys are different, just like every girl.. should never ever stereotype anyone. there are many guys out there that call back, reason you dont hear about them, is because no one complains about them not calling.

__________________
I stand alone without beliefs, the only truth i know is you.

Averett

Good point Keg

I can only speak from personal experience... I was just thinking back, and only once has a guy called me back when he said he would. Back in college.

And I swear, I'm not hideious!!!

__________________
Absence is to love what wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.

Penguin

I think this pretty much covers the "not interested" side of things.

If he is interested, then as mentioned he is probably too nervous. I doubt you would have simply missed the call.
If he thought it worth while to try and ring once, unless he met someone else in the meantime (in which case he is a prick anyway) then there is no harm in him trying to ring a few hours/days later.

__________________
I'm a sex object. I say sex and women object.

raeanna74

Then just don't say your going to call. I've had guys ask me out and I tell them outright that I'm not interested. I say it in the most polite way possible but at least they're not left hanging wondering if there was something they said wrong or what happened to me. I think it's rude to say you'll do ANYTHING and then not follow through.

Averett

Exactly!!! There was one time about a year ago when I was talking to a guy out in a bar and when I was ready to leave he asked for my number. I politely told him that I really wasn't interested, but that I had a good time talking to him that night.

I know guys who get girls numbers just to say they got the number. An ego boost, I guess. And so you can boast to your buddies. It's incredibly lame.

Oh, in the case where a girl will give a guy her number, and then he doesn't call. I won't fault the guy in this case. He didn't ask for the number. He could always turn it down, I guess. But I've only given out my number when A) the guy asked for it and B) I was actually interested in him.

I think the fact that this guy gave me his number says a lot too... Most guys (that I know of) do not do this. The message I got might have been a fluke. All this stuff just gives me a headache

__________________
Absence is to love what wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.

yournamehere

We don't call for the same reason women never give the real reason for a breakup - a little white lie is easier for both parties involved than telling the truth. We can't handle the truth. None of us - male or female.

Don't you agree it would be awkward to have a conversation like this at the end of the date?:

You: "I had a great time - I hope we can do this again real soon."

Him: "Sorry, babe - but your nose is a little crooked, you could lose a few pounds, and you never even offered me so much as a handjob. I think I can do a lot better by the weekend. Have a nice life."

It's just so much easier to say, "Sure - I'll call you."

I'm not saying it's right - I'm just saying that's the way it is.

If you want to get to the truth, you'll have to call him and ask for the truth - tell him it's rude to leave someone hanging like that, and you'd like to know the reason he never called. He still may not tell you, though.

__________________
If you want to avoid 95% of internet spelling errors:
"If your ridiculous pants are too loose, you're definitely going to lose them. Tell your two loser friends over there that they're going to lose theirs, too."
It won't hurt your fashion sense, either.

Thraeryn

Dude, the sucky thing about this thread is that half the people don't know the original circumstances. Someone should come back and put a link to the first thread so that all of the "ending the night" people understand how the night ended.

Edit: Oh, I realized after I looked at the post that it might be taken the wrong way, so, in explanation: I call everyone "dude".

That said, let's check some of the options.
1) As mentioned above, the cellphone could've been lost or returned or pawned or God knows what. Things happen.
2) He leads a hectic life, and has a hard time finding quiet moments for himself, much less to talk to someone else. That'd be pretty sucky, but that also happens.
3) He's got the names and numbers of several girls in there, and he's forgotten which one you were. Not to say that you're forgettable, but hey, there've been times when my own mother called me by my brother's name.

Keep trying to call him off and on, or let it go. Both have been known to produce favorable results in the past. Good luck to ya.

Averett

D'oh! My bad.... Original thread:
http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthr...threadid=24004

I'll try and call again tonight.. I realize that I need to work on some of my own issues. I was talking to my friend who was with me, and she said that I did the whole self-put down thing many times that night. I tend to do this. Keep people at arms length I suppose. Coulda turned him off a bit...

__________________
Absence is to love what wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.

collide

You know what's a great alternative? Email. If he's a technophile, you can just exchange emails (set up a junk account if you're not too sure about this guy). Most of the time it's easier to be able to write well-thought out letters on your own pace instead of real time conversations over the phone.

__________________
"inhuman fiery goat worship" is an anagram for "information superhighway" -kingvolc

Averett

I thought of that... When we got to his apartment, he had AIM up on his computer. Shoulda got the name. D'oh!

__________________
Absence is to love what wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.

Sparhawk

I lost my cell phone a week and a half ago. Lost the number of one very promising girl, so that was just one more thing to be upset about. *argh*

__________________
"In Iraq, no doubt about it, it's tough. It's hard work. It's incredibly hard. It's - and it's hard work. I understand how hard it is. I get the casualty reports every day. I see on the TV screens how hard it is. But it's necessary work. We're making progress. It is hard work."

Averett

Uhh... Is your name Matt? Did you spend time in the back of a cop car with this girl?



Wow, that would actually be sorta bad. Because I'm coming off as quite neurotic here! Oh, I am.... D'oh again!

Sparhawk.... If you met her out in a bar or something, go there on the same night of the week that you met her. Chances are she'll be there again That really sucks though...

__________________
Absence is to love what wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.

clifclav

taking a phone number and saying you will call is the best way of ending an awkward conversation. I f he doesn't call that means that it wasn't meant to be. just go get back on the horse and try another.

/dr phil

__________________
Neither rain , nor cold, nor dark of night shall.......ahh whatever, just get me a beer!

skysooner

I always called back, but it seems I only reach the woman about one-third of the time. The rest of the time I'm leaving a message on her machine or with a roommate. About half of those times I don't get a call back. Now, if I really like the girl I'll try one more time. No returned call means to me she wasn't in to me all that much and was screening. If the date was just okay, I figure she was screening and doesn't want to return the call. As I got a little older, I just figured screw it, I'm not calling if I don't think it is going anywhere. I almost didn't call my wife back after our first date together because it ended kind of badly. Luckily she fell in the like enough stage that we went out again and that was it for me.

I think that guys just get tired of not having much choice in the matter. Most women seem to have more control of whether they continue seeing a guy or not, and eventually we just get tired of it enough to take matters into our own hands. Is it fair? No. But it isn't quite fair to simply say call me, screen your calls and dump us through not wanting to deal with us.

JBX

Easy, they don't dig you. Move on.

__________________
"Youth and Strength is no match for Age and Treachery"

Averett

So grow a pair and DONT ASK FOR THE NUMBER IN THE FIRST PLACE!

Phew, I feel better now

__________________
Absence is to love what wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.

baaa

I try to wait a day or two first, by then sometimes I might think that I waited too long,so I won't call.

Or

I won't call if I just wanted some random sex.

World's King

If I don't call a girl there is a really good reason for it...


Mainly it's becasue I'm drunk.

__________________
heavy is the head that wears the crown