Kurant

The title may be misleading, but just bear with me..

About 6 months ago I met this female at work. She's outgoing,a nd just an absolute joy to be with. Probably the coolest woman I've ever met, family orintated, doesn't go out and party all the time, honest, etc.. etc..

I'm married. She knows I'm married, she tells me everything, we are the "best" of friends. But when I see her, and hang out with her, it just makes me see how awsome she is. Is it possible to be "best friends?" I mean, really, we are right now, we share everything with each other, go places together, talka lot, etc.. etc.. Things friends do. I still have those feelings toward her though. It's hard to sit around, and hear how she feels about this guy, or that guy. Or tell me how her night went with so and so... I feel like I need to seperate myself from her, I'm worried if I do that, I could lose one of my best friends. Married life is awsome, my wife is a joy, and I love her very, very much. I've never had a temptation like this in the 7 years I've been married, or really in my entire life.

Yes, it may be wrong to have thoughts like this when your married, but it's human emotion. I've never tried to make an advance on her, or even told her how I felt. It woulden't be right. It's becoming more difficult though. Not really sure what to do. I want to remain friends, and that's it. But emotions are a very strong thing, and it's becoming harder and harder the more I see her. I want to seperate myself, but I don't want to lose such a great person in my life.

motdakasha

Would your wife kill you if you told her your feelings on this subject? Is she open-minded and understanding? If so, tell her about your mixed emotions. If you're feeling really open-minded, try researching: polygamy/polyamory. Perhaps she is your Secondary on an emotional level...
If not, depending on this second woman, you may or may not want to tell her about your frustration (not sure if that's the correct word). It might make things easier on you if you tell her about your mixed emotions, but that you love your wife. Maybe it'll lift the weight off your chest. If you feel she might use this to tempt/seduce you, then I'm all out of ideas.

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=^-^= motdakasha =^-^=
Just Google It.
BA Psychology & Photography
(I'm not going psychoanalyze you nor will I let you cry on my shoulder. Have a nice day.)

absorbentishe

Since emotions are involved, it muddies the water. If you can be friends without the "feelings for her", then you should be fine. But it's apperent that you do have feelings for her. I would first talk with your friend and just sort of let her know. Maybe she is sending you mixed signals and doesn't realize it? If you want to loose your marriage, then tell your wife, other wise keep it to yourself. If I had a very close friend that was a female, my wife would not be happy, and wouldn't want me to spend any time with her. Once you clear the air with your friend, either your friendship will be stronger, or it will go away, I bet it will get stronger, without any emotional attachment.

Bamrak

you're married. Until that changes, I wouldn't lead myself into temptation like that. you're just setting yourself, your wife, and your friend up for heartache.

Keg-o-Grog

i think you should back out..

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ratbastid

It's the secrecy that's the problem here. Everybody should know everything that's going on, or there's bound to be big trouble.

It sounds like you have a really solid relationship with your wife. That's great! Tell her what's going on.

angela146

Yes! If your wife is OK with it, this could be very good. Sex between good friends can be wonderful.

Also, maybe your wife wouldn't mind you being attracted to her as long as you don't act on it. It really depends on your relationship and your wife's attitude. Some women take the attitude "I don't mind if he looks at the menu, as long as he eats at home."

Even though we are "sort of polyamorous" there are some women who are "off limits" for my husband. Usually because we can't count on discretion. In those cases, I encourage him to fantasize about them as I get him off. I can usually take him to her bed in his mind.

motdakasha

Exactly what I was trying to say. She could be like his girlfriend on an emotional level, but maybe or maybe not on a physical level depending on how his wife feels about it. Although, there are other women who feel that any other emotions toward other women are unacceptable at all times, but perhaps his wife will be understanding. He needs to talk to his wife to set the boundaries so he's fully aware of what consists of cheating for them. Is it being emotionally involved with another person, or foreplay, or sex, or only when his wife isn't present? There are so many possibilities, that it's just easier to find out from the source (his wife) than to ask a forum (like so many others) what cheating consists of.

__________________
=^-^= motdakasha =^-^=
Just Google It.
BA Psychology & Photography
(I'm not going psychoanalyze you nor will I let you cry on my shoulder. Have a nice day.)

angela146

I think a lot of times, people ask us (TFP) because they aren't sure how to frame the question when talking to their spouse/SO.

They want to talk to the SO but talking to us first gives them an idea of what issues might be involved and what kinds of things to anticipate.

It's a lot easier to have that conversation if you have already thought about some of the ways that other people deal with it.

analog

if you get funny feelings when she talks about guys she's seeing, you are NOT "just friends"... this is OK, but you need to recognize what that could mean in the future. Listen to the girls above me here. Polyamory might be good if the wife is up for it, or you might get your ass divorced. Approach it carefully.