cheesemoney

Just broke up after 3 heavy years with my girl. I wanna go out and nail every girl I see, but am so out of the game now that I've relocated back down to So Cal. I've gone out with 2 girls in 2 months since i've broken up and moved, and can't even summon any desire to call or set up a second date unless I'm hammered after the bar shuts down and I've struck out. Any suggestions to get back on the normal dating path? I'm half content to just continue to meet new girls in bars and at beaches. Not really looking for how to pick up females advice, cause I can handle myself, but I'm curious about typical breakup experiences and time cycles. Just wanted to know about how the rest of the world feels regarding the return to the dating scene (and yes, I do feel like a kid in the candy store with a gift certificate or store credit).
Appreciate your response.
Cheese

woopdee

reasons for the break up?

maximus

i am knida in the same position, but i feel the opsoite way. my gf broke up with me 2 weeks before our 3 year aniversary and that was in may. it is now august and i absolutely do not want to go out and meet other people. i have this hope in the back of my mind that we may get back together, but it is only a hope, since i have not talked to her in over a month and have not seen her since june. i recently found out that she is kinda seeing someone now and it just makes me even sicker. at this point i never want to date anyone again. there seems to be no end of the feelings that i had for her. so to answer your question, i think it depends on how much the other person ment to you and how you are handling it. gl.

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i don't want to be lonely, i just want to be alone.

dabossy2k

Man there really is no cure for that except time. Its just how things go. If anything you should just go out and have fun and not worry about meeting people or dates. It seems you want to go meet someone to help you forget but I honestly don't think thats possible. So just go out have a good time what happens happens, at least your having fun and not sitting at home sulking.

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Recovering nice guy

Ralvek

I know how that works, I've been in a relationship for more than five years and am so dense I can't even tell when a girl is hitting on me.

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Ban country music, it promotes inbreeding.

eci

it's hard to pick up any sort of time-cycle for these things - every situation is different. at least things aren't totally dry for you: ie, you've still got what it takes if you choose to use it. things'll look up.

maximus: that sucks - one of the worst situations i can think of being in. breaking up with my first ex after 2+ years was more than bad enough, and if i'd found out that she was seeing someone new before i'd recovered then it would have ripped my guts out completely. i feel for you man. my tip? drop the hope - it's bloody difficult, but even if it's the tiniest thing in the back of your mind it'll totally stop the healing process and make you a bitter bag of nerves for ages. try as hard as you can to drop it and move on, even if it's not back into dating. and remember: time is a great (the only) healer.

Amano

maximus, you need to give up that hope that you'll get back together. It's not going to happen and it's just hurting you, and preventing you from moving on...

At the beginning of last summer, I broke up with a girl I had been seeing for almost 2 and a half years. I didn't get over her until more than 6 months after. She sorta knew I wanted her back, and about 5 months after we broke up she just had to let me know completely out of the blue that there was no way we were getting back together. That's what really did it for me, in terms of getting over her. When she told me that, I felt even worse, but things soon started to look up... realizing I wasn't being strung along anymore, and seeing that it was a definite end to something that in reality had ended months before, but I chose to ignore.

It takes time... but give it up, holding on to that hope is just hurting yourself in the long run.

maximus

thx for the good words, but i just have 1 thing to say, time does not heal all wounds. i dont want to go on without her in my life. i see no future without her. it is like a part of me was ripped out and left to die. nothing looks positive anymore...

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i don't want to be lonely, i just want to be alone.

Rippley

Maximus, buddy! Plenty o' fish and all that! There's nobody out there worth that attitude. I posted on the old board around Xmas last year, feeling much the same way. IMHO its all about gettin' shit done. Catch up with old friends, maybe leave ton for a while, start doing stuff you didn't do with her. Eventually you'll get to the point where you can go places that remind you of her, without breaking down. Took me a few months, but now I can be face to face with her, and think nothing worse than:"Wow, she has no idea how stupid she was to throw me away..."

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roadrazer - 300kgs, 300hp = pure fun.

lyxo

it all depends on why you guys broke up, if there was something wrong with the idea of being together...

if she had a reason that you don't understand, then that may be a problem, you have to jump into her shoes and see what went wrong, how you may have went wrong or how she is a psycho-bitch

dabossy2k

Damn dude you sound like your gonna kill yourself your something. I hope you have some guy friends that aren't going to let you sit in the house and sulk all day. You gotta take it one day at a time stay busy, do things with your friends workout, play ball, do something. Try to stop thinking about it. We all go though this at one time or another. But it is true time does heal all wounds but you had 3 years vested in this so its gonna be a lot of time to get over it. Not like a couple months might be years, but thats what its gonna have to be, so deal. I know your not going to be a punk and just quit and take the easy way out. So suck it up and move on.

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Recovering nice guy

aestivalis

I think I can imagine your situation.
In my case, I began dating a bit after a month of breaking with my old girlfriend.
Thing is... after 6 dates... I wasn't happy or none of them got me interested enough anyway.

I just focused on work and my hobbies and just let things happen...
It was too hard forcing "something" to happen between me and ANY new girl out there just so I can forget my ex-GF.
I just let the next girl come withoutme thinking about it

gduventree

maximus: been there, done that. Shit happens, life goes on. There have only been two loves in my life, and I'm married to my second one now. The break-up with my first gf was really hard on me, mostly because the bitch wouldn't tell me why or give me any closure; just bam it's over. I think I was a little depressed for at least two years after that. About a year and a half later I see her with this other guy and boy did I get steamed, because it was then that I figured out why we had broken up.

Anyways, what I want to say is that once I got past the depression, I started thinking about the relationship and started to realize that the signs of the coming break-up were there, I just didn't see them at the time (love is blind, and all that). Now I can look back at our relationship and think maybe we weren't such a good couple after all. It wasn't an issue of her being wrong for me, it was more that I wasn't good enough for her. Love is a two way street and although you may feel that she is the perfect woman for you, the truly perfect woman feels you are the perfect man for her. Try to reflect on your relationship and see if there were times when she would hint that you could be 'better'. Like someone else said, the sooner you realize the relationship is over the sooner you will get on with your life.

explorer

ok then

Achernar

Just be yourself and don't try too hard.

Trust me, it'll happen when you least expect it.