Marrek

Ok, about two weeks ago (give or take) I made a post about getting advice with my newfound girlfriend. In the end I let her know I was a virgin, and she accepted that really well. She took charge of everything and I must say, sex is the greatest thing in the world. In the two weeks we've been doing it it's been absolutely great, but, I've started to develop a problem....

She's good looking, and I'm a horny guy. But I can not, for the life of me, maintain an erection when I'm with her. If she's giving me some special attention or something like that then I'm fine, handjob, blowjob, etc etc. But it comes down to me having to have my cock being worked with to keep it up. The other night we were having sex, and she was on top. I wanted to switch positions and be on top, and in the 15 seconds it took us to switch I went flaccid, and after that couldn't even get it back up. For some reason that struck me really badly, even with her telling me not to worry and that it happens to guys all the time, just her trying to console me. I found it to be incredibly embarassing and I think of it as being a personal fault now. Especially considering I can get hard watching porno (with her, mind you) and when we're just messing around (nothing sexual, just kissing and cuddling and the like).

What the hell is wrong with me?!

Trilidon

Erectile dysfunction can stem from other problems.

Go to your doctor and get bloodwork done. Even if everyone keeps telling you its all in your head, better to be safe then sorry.

Nisses

just wanna add here that this is *not* a personal fault. A biological one, maybe, but not like you had the choice and said: oh well, I'll just not get hard.

Don't beat yourself up over this, and like Trilidon said, if it continues, get some medical advice, that's what they're there for after all.

points to the post below: you could try WK's advice too. Not too expensive, and easy to use

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World's King

Cock Rings... it's all about the cock rings.

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yournamehere

Reminds me of the old joke:

<i>What's the difference between 'disappointment' and 'panic'?

Disappointment is the first time you can't get it up twice.

Panic is the second time you can't get it up once.</i>

Seriously, though - ed can be caused by many things - drugs, alcohol, too much masturbation, stress, etc. Or it could be physiological - unusual in young people, though. Ask your doctor if you know it's not the first three I mentioned.

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chizzle

I think it's very sweet that your girl is cool to you like that. That is the benefits of having feelings for each other and even being in love. In a real relationship, one is willing to help the other through minor/temporary problems such as yours.

I wish I had a relationship like that where it was based on love and not sex. Sex gets old when it is meaningless.

Well, not really...lol but, its much better when you are in love...and you feel a lot less guilty.

simplyhere

viagra.... its not just for Bob Dole.. :0)
and besides.... its fun

-Anders

Ever tryed a muscle relaxant?
Just stick that needle in your cock and pump some shit in there, it'll be hard for a month.

(Disclamer: Don't do it. Ask your doctor)

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Subform

Marrek:
I had the same problem once, but i experienced that it had nothing at all to do with the blood in your body. For goodness sake, you already had it up once.

Its a mental thing i tell ya. And in my case it was because i was feeling i had alot to perform.
I was always thinking, 'This girl had other, can i ever get as good as them' .. And when i thought that, slowly but steady my cock would look downwards .. During that time, when you can feel it coming down, you start to think, 'No, no no no .. get up .. get up' .. And for the record, it only made things worse ..

My solution was to find a drive that kept me going .. a thing that made me want more ..
My way of thinking might be a guy thing, but here is what i did.
I found out that i was SO into make the girl want more, make her give you those naughty looks. Always think that she is gonna get it. And if she doesn't say something .. Then just give her more ..
If you got yourself a moaning girl, Then its alot easier, this way you can think, 'Oh, so she is moaning???, Now she should really get some' ..

With all this, im not saying that its best hard .. Im not telling you to do it rough or anything .. Im just telling you to think roughly. And maybe give her abit of naughty looks. They love it ..
And it will keep you going ..

And once again mate, Think happy thoughts! .. don't begin to fear your performance! .. You rock .. you are the best! .. And you know it! ..

Say it

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cheerios

i'm thinking it's, for lack of a better term, performance anxiety, and nothing is gonna get you over that, other than relaxing. good luck!

jbrooks544

Cock ring. Metal are scary. Go to the hardware store and buy an assortment of rubber "O" rings. one and a quarter inch or one and a half inch, or whatever - experiment with which fits and suits you best. Don't go too small. It should be just a tad snug when you are limp and keep you like a raging stud until a few minutes after you come off. Two at the same time might be better but not usually. Don't worry, your thingy will shring back and you will be able to stretch and pull off the oring. If you use one WAY too small then there is a small possiblity that you would have to cut it off with a scissors but just don't force too small a one on. Now you know why I don't want to try a metal one.

BTW, you won't go limpy with one on and you can get it up even if you are tired or drunk etc. I think that 1/2 the guys on viagra just need a cock ring.

HaloLauren

This is going to be a bad cycle with you worrying about it making it worse. Maybe try viagra or something, but please, don't worry about it!

air45

this is a severe problem for you!

perhaps you could ask for the handjobs very often until the moment you enter the warm vagina? then you may have an erect member for sure.

adisca

I have the same problem... if my penis doesn't get constant attention it can go flacid really quickly. Like you said, this is especially frustrating during sex... but on the bright side it makes getting my gf pregnant a lot more difficult, and it basically means I can go for like 2 hours in the 69 position (when i'm about to blow I'll start working the clit like there's no tomorrow, she'll get distracted, and I'll get soft so she can work me back up again).

Anyway, I personally don't think it's performance anxiety for me, though it could be... but I think it's from too much masturbation. All I know is that I remember when I was younger I could get hard just looking at porn, but I can't even dream of that now... I usually maturbate at least once a day, and now that I think about it once a day for 4 years is a helluva lot of wanking it.

I'm gonna stop wanking and see if that helps... my only concern is that this will cause me to orgasm too quickly, but it's worth a try anyway.

angela146

Yup. If you can get it up and hard when she strokes you, or when watching a movie, it probably isn't ED.

It just takes practice. My fiance (now husband) and I had the same problem early on. Part of it was that he had trouble keeping his balance while trying to enter me. He was thinking about the mechanics instead of thinking about having sex.

If she is willing to help (and it sounds like she is) try this: get yourself in position as if you were going to put it in her (even though you are soft). Then she does whatever it is that *really* turns you on.

That might include telling you erotic stories or touching herself or thrusting her hips or whatever. The key is, get yourself in position *before* you are hard and then start working on the erection.

themikkerman

I once heard Dr. Drew say "If you can get an erection by other means than intercourse then the problem is all in your head"

cliche

Just relax - if you can get erections then there's nothing physically wrong with the 'system' as it were. Just lay back and let her.. give you one

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smithja0423

STRESS STRESS STRESS!!! I can remember being with my first girlfriend and wanting to please her SOOO bad.. But couple the anxiety of that and my dissapointment over my greatly inflated expectations of intercourse and you have disaster.

RELAX RELAX RELAX.


Also - this probably isn't good advice, but it may get you over the hump (bad pun - my apologies) is to lose the condom, if you're using one. Yes, you're taking risks. Make sure you're using some other form of BC - Make sure the both of you are clean. Using condoms is something that people have to adjust to and if you have no reasonable expectation of the gloved experience, you may have problems. If that's not an option, try using a water-soluble lube on both surfaces of the condom. It'll transmit more heat and smooth things out. Whoever said that they put enough lube on pre-lubed condoms needs to be shot.

Sorry - Long winded. I just didn't want you going off and begging your Dr. for viagra if it's something that can be solved by changing your behavior.

Enjoy your new found sex-life. Every minute of it. Nothing's quite as special as your first. (As i've found out about 9 girls and 6 years later)