ASU2003

For this question assume the people are in a long-term relationship, and their sex life is good, and both partners like/love each other.

If both partners are spooning naked, and they have fallen asleep. If the male gets an erection during the middle of the night, does he need to have asked ahead of time if it would be ok to put it into her if she was still asleep? Would she wake up, freak out, not notice, or enjoy it?

I would guess that some will say it's ok, while others say it's wrong. However, I could be very wrong in either way. I don't know.

I know my answer is that it would be awesome if I woke up and she had noticed that it was hard and slid it in her.

And to make this thread a little more interesting possibly... Are there any assumptions or things you wonder about how your partner or the opposite gender feel about something?

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I'll threadjack my own thread in the first post...
I'm half-tempted to post anonymously, but I feel that I shouldn't be embarrassed to ask sexual questions on-line. In real life, I am nowhere near being able to bring up questions like this with friends or other TFP people. So, please don't be too harsh if this isn't good.

Willravel

Depends on the person.

ASU2003

What are the odds in general do you think 50/50, 90/10? I know there are different types of people, but if your answer is no, is it a big problem or something that you would solve by not spooning again for a while?

And would you like to answer? I would guess that males would generally be fine with it, but that assumption might be wrong as well.

Pearl Trade

I'd be down with that, as a guy. Then again, I'm a guy, so what I say doesn't really matter when it comes to me possibly sticking my dick in a sleeping lady.

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Martian

I'm all about consensual.

I remember a similar discussion to this involving the lady being passed out and leaving a note saying 'do what you want.' I seem to recall the response as being overwhelmingly negative.

Besides, if there's going to be sexin going on I reckon both parties ought to be awake to enjoy it.

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Seaver

I've had exes who ended up having sex with me while I was asleep as they woke up and I was hard. I must say... it's a great way to wake up.

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Xerxys

<----- Dude here ... no mystery whatsoever.

Geez, that made me sad, I really need some dimension to my life.

PonyPotato

It really depends on the person.

With me, it probably wouldn't fly. Consent is a big deal for me, and it's something that relates to an individual ACT, not an individual person. Even if I've been sleeping with someone for a year, it doesn't mean I want to be fucked when I'm unconscious.

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ASU2003

While it is a sexual act, I wasn't really thinking about pumping away or anything. (Not that there is anything wrong with that to me, but that might be considered a different question)

I guess the bigger question is have you ever talked about sexual boundaries with your partner? Is it a common thing? When does this conversation happen...when you are dating or after you have been having sex for a while? Do you wait until they have crossed the line before saying that isn't good? Or do you usually always ask before doing anything?

PonyPotato

I've had the boundary conversation pretty early in a couple relationships. Generally because they're either joking about boundaries and/or ask about my sexual history (mine includes sexual assault, which colors my opinion of situations like this). Otherwise, I've had most guys err on the side of caution, and I am the one asking if he wants to do X to me that he might have been nervous about asking me about.

Others push boundaries and get a "NOT COOL" response. My last relationship ended because he pushed a boundary AFTER we had gone through the boundary conversation a couple times.

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— Henri-Frédéric Amiel

snowy

See, I would be totally okay with this, but that is because I've given my husband permission. I think it would be nice to wake up to. He's never done it, because he's like Martian.

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Shadowex3

As "sexy" as the idea is having a knee-jerk reflex from a similarly colorful history I think I'd rather she didn't unless we'd already talked about it.

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Wes Mantooth

It just depends too much on the people involved to say one way or another. Thinking back to some of my long term relationships I've had girlfriends that would have loved that and others who probably would have called the cops. In the end its all about consent and depending on the couple it might just be an unspoken perk of being in a relationship or something that needs to be discussed before hand.

Personally I wouldn't do that to anyone unless I knew that she was okay with it. Having said that I couldn't think of any better way to take care of pesky morning wood then waking up to a blow job or sweet sweet unconscious and dreaming intercourse.

Anybody ever have somebody give you the business during a sex dream? Instead of waking up to cold, lonely, alarm clocky world its just a nice seamless slide from sleep to reality. You feel like you could conquer the world after that.

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wraithhibn

I've had girls tell me that it would be ok but I don't think physically it would work too well.

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levite

I dunno. I mean, if a girl's made it crystal clear that she's the total horny nymph 24/7 and she's always up for anything no matter what, I would say you could presume she'd be into it, and go ahead. But unless she's given you everything but landing lights, I'd probably ask first. Never hurts, and besides, sometimes when you ask, you get an unforeseen bonus in the answer, for example:

"Say, honey, if we were spooning, and I woke up with a hard-on, would you be cool if I just slid it in and woke you up that way?"

"Are you kidding? I'd love it. And for that matter, I'd love it if someday I woke up handcuffed and in a tongue sandwich between you and my best friend Jennifer!"

(sounds of jackpot bells ringing, confetti falling, balloons popping, crowds cheering)

/advice

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Xerxys

^^ You forgot clouds parting and angels singing.

Punk.of.Ages

I would never get into a long-term relationship with somebody if there was even a question in my mind as to whether or not she'd call rape if I tried to wake her up with some surprise sexin'...

That just doesn't fly in my book. Trust issues much?

Bottom line: If I'm in a long-term relationship with someone, them trusting me and being completely comfortable with me has a very big hand in me being there. Not in the mood for sex? Say, "Hey, sorry, but I'm not really in the mood right now." I'll jump off and take a cold shower if necessary.

Perhaps I'm being a bit insensitive towards certain circumstances that could be in place here, but I believe you should have worked through base issues in a relationship before you started considering it a long-term thing.

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Charlatan

All it takes is asking her if she'd be cool with it.

If yes: insert tab A into slot B
If not: go back to sleep

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ASU2003

I am looking for a girl with this type of 'personality' as well I guess. I don't want girls to change if they are really against it, but I'm not sure I would feel comfortable with a really sexually conservative girl. But I'm sure there are guys out there that would be.

Redlemon

My wife does not wake up well. I've learned that the only way to wake her up from sleep is a gentle press on her shoulder. Anything else ends up with a startle response. If I tried to stick it in her while she was asleep, I can't even imagine how poorly that would turn out. Once she's awake, no problem, but the transition from unconscious is not a good place.

However, wouldn't lubrication be a problem here? Or would people theoretically be lubing up before sticking it in?

I've given my wife permission to wake me up with a handjob or blowjob, but it has not happened yet.

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hunnychile

If the man I love woke me up...while giving me the sweet Spoonin' weiner, I'd love it, and hope it happens more often.

Just like I already know he would Love waking up to a surprise blowjob. Anytime.
After time together and in love, the boundries are less & less and creativity & motivation rates higher on the mental "list".

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snowy

The wake-up BJ is definitely a fun one

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Xerxys

OK, that it! Snowy isn't real. She's a bot. No such female human exists. No pictographic proof can dissuade me from that!

CinnamonGirl

I also wouldn't have a problem with it... I've had the kind of sex where both parties are still half asleep, and it has a cool, dream-like quality to it. The only problem would be the timing...if it's close to waking-up-time, chances are, I have to pee. And that doesn't make for comfortable sex (granted, there's always "hold up a sec, I'll be right back," but that sort of takes away from the spontaneity of the whole thing.)

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Shauk

Yeah it's all bullshit really, like it's perfectly possible for a guy sleeping in the buff to get a wake up bj, and I had permission from a girl to return the favor but have you ever tried to get between a girls legs without waking her up? it just doesn't happen

snowy

No, it really depends on the kind of boxer shorts my husband is wearing. Sure, if he's wearing boxer-briefs it's less likely to happen. On the other hand, he has a couple of pairs where he just kind of...pops out. When he wears those, then it's stealth BJ time.

You've also got to wait for when she's curled up a bit and just do it like spoons

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noodle

We have an understanding in our relationship.
That I'm fine with it.
He is also respectful enough to try to rouse and
arouse me before he slides in.
It's actually quite nice.

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PonyPotato

I take offense to the idea that being unwilling to participate in one specific sexual activity (someone fucking me while I'm still asleep/passed out/unable to consent) defines me as sexually conservative. I'm really not. There are just pieces of my past that make that an uncomfortable situation for me, and I would just prefer to be an active participant, kthx.

Defining someone as sexually conservative based on a single criteria is not realistic.

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"Without passion man is a mere latent force and possibility, like the flint which awaits the shock of the iron before it can give forth its spark."
— Henri-Frédéric Amiel

MSD

The Women's Studies department at work has posters all over campus, and one of them simply states "Consent is sexy. Get it every time." In a relationship it's more like "is it OK if I ...?" but the same idea applies.
I've heard wonderful things about sex on Ambien, which combines the dream-like quality with the reduced inhibitions it brings about.

noodle

Yes but some men on Ambien

just
can't
orgasm.

Which is great if you're trying to last, but 90 minutes of desperate attempts at orgasm later... it's the worst blue balls ever and horrible muscle cramps and dryness. Catch it early in the Ambien cycle or it's torture.

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Manic_Skafe

In every relationship I've ever been in its been so cool (and desired) that it goes without saying.

I should also add that the very notion if having to ask for sex is offensive to me. However common that Woman as Gatekeeper of Sex nonsense is it doesn't fly in my relationship nor my bedroom.

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PonyPotato

Men refuse, too. I've experienced it.

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"Without passion man is a mere latent force and possibility, like the flint which awaits the shock of the iron before it can give forth its spark."
— Henri-Frédéric Amiel

kramus

In our house "Italian Foreplay" (hey, you awake?) is not necessary. If I want some action I roll over and clamber aboard. All is good. She is always ready. Always. The sad truth is I turn her down a lot more than she ever has turned me down. I blame my age, poor physical condition and the lessened libido of a guy entering his mid-fifties. Once or twice a day is my max, and there are times I don't even do that anymore.

My experiences of waking up to stealth BJ's Ditto for when my Lady finds something in the middle of the night that she can get ahold of and ride - that is fine by me. We tend to sleep au natural so we always are spooning skin on skin. Things come up that way, and apparently there are times that a dream erection is useable. I've been told that once I enjoyed getting a BBBJWS without remembering the deed. That seems like a story to me, I don't know how I could not remember such a thing the next morning. BBBJWSs tend to make me smile all day, actually.

The only rule my Lady insists on is that I have to perform such shenanigans before 4 am - she has trouble getting back to sleep if I heave away on her too close to alarm clock time, and is overly tired all day. I don't have any rules myself. If I get intromission or some oral play that wakes me and makes me groan with pleasure I'm a happy camper.

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lostgirl

This thread is making me horny, I may have to go wake up my man from his nap the fun way.

I absolutely love it when my SO wakes me up this way. Though he has only done it a few times, he says he feels bad about waking me up.

It's the best way to wake up, and get right into it with him. I told him how to use the lick your hand, and wet the pussy method of getting started.

It's kind of a turn off to be asked if I want to have sex by a ong term SO. Just start being sexual, he knows he has an open invitation. I love it when he just starts taking off his, or my clothing, and just going for it.

I have to go take care of something, I may write more later.

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PonyPotato

Why does everyone seem to think that "consent for each act" means asking for sex verbally every time? For me, it means that my SO has a green light for all action (except this situation, which is usually discussed beforehand), all the time, unless told otherwise at that specific time OR because of a medical issue that has been discussed beforehand.

I've gotten more "honey, I'm not in the mood/too tired/too sore/etc." from one guy I dated than he EVER got from me.

Having confirmation that everything is a-ok in the consent area does not require a permission slip when you're in a relationship. However, disregarding a "please, not right now" or other boundaries that were previously defined would just not be cool.

Edit: I'll put it this way: guys, would you be okay with your SO jamming her finger or a dildo up your ass anytime, all the time, even if it's lubed up? My guess is that for most of you, the answer is "no," and so you might understand the conditionality of certain acts a bit better when you see them in those terms.

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"Without passion man is a mere latent force and possibility, like the flint which awaits the shock of the iron before it can give forth its spark."
— Henri-Frédéric Amiel

Redlemon

A what? I can't find a definition for that acronym.

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ASU2003

I don't really know how to describe this, but for better or worse, stuff like this makes up your sexual personality. It is a spectrum, and everyone falls someplace on it.

At one end, you have the nymphos (in both genders) who will sleep with anybody at any time. And at the other, you have the people who have sex only to have a baby (actually nuns and priests would be the end now that I think about it). I take a Kinsley approach to it all, and say whatever you are happy with is fine by me. But, you have to be happy. And like I said at the beginning, I don't know how the general population feels about this*, you could be very typical.

In my case, even if you told me that this wasn't cool (and I would respect any girl who told me that and wouldn't try it), but in the back of my mind, I would wonder what else can't I do. What else can't I say. And a girl's reaction to doing something wrong also factors into this. Would you get up and start screaming and call the cops, or would you politely tell him that you don't like that, or maybe he thinks you would like it.

*And feel free to blame porn for this. I don't believe porn has influenced me very much, but this would be one area where it has. I have no idea what a typical long-term sexual relationship is like.

**Does it vibrate? I've heard good things about prostate massage, but haven't tried it.

After re-reading my 3rd post, I think I was trying to talk about a different type of sexually conservative girl. But, I could see how that could be mistaken as meaning that this one thing would put you in the 'sex once a month with the lights off' conservative group, and that isn't what I was trying to imply.

---------- Post added at 07:18 PM ---------- Previous post was at 07:14 PM ----------

bare-back-blow-job/with swallowing

(I had to look it up too, too bad sex ed didn't cover the real info that I wanted.)

Red and Black

depends on the person and situation. with my significant other, if she wants to sleep, i better not wake her unless its a emergency. waking up with my boner when shes not in the mood is a big no-no. if we were already being sexual before hand, its most likely ok if i crept up on her and did a little touching (she likes foreplay) and waking her by my mouth or inserting my erection into her. one a side note, before i was with her, a friend (with benefits) and I would fool around by flirting and touching. finally after one night of having a good time going bar hopping and clubbing, we ended up at her place. long story short we grinding for a long time and fell asleep doing that. i woke up before her, and woke her up by poking her butt with my erection. she looks over her shoulder and tells me i can stick it in but i cant pull it out. i did so, and i kept it in there and started rotating it inside of her. eventually she rolled me over (with it still inside) and just rode it (reverse cowgirl) til she came. so on that note, I didnt have to ask.

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