guttercup

So I've been 'seeing' a couple of guys, one is really sweet, and i really like him and while we were hanging out this weekend the other one sent me a text asking for photos of my... well ... lady bits, he then asked if he could just come get me from where I was to 'fuck me nightly'


now he's good in the sack, i wouldn't mind that again, when is it ok to accept that, and when is it ok to offer it?

__________________
a sweet young thing alone and headless on a strange and diabolical planet

guttercup

I apparently had a reply i can't view?...
It's not about self-esteem, not about needing to be 'attached' to get off, it's more about the way it came about.

There was just a ot of mixed reviews about this guy after this from good friends. They all seem to think that he's not allowed to call me just to fuck, but if I happen to call him to do just that, it's fine.

I'm more or less interested in knowing why the double standard. I've been around the block, had some awesome one-nighters, and some great FWB and I know the rules I know how the game is played out.

Just why? Why is it ok for me to call someone when all my intentions are only to satisfy some carnal need, but it's not ok, to accept his call for the same?

-more of a just really wanting to know what others think on the subject.

__________________
a sweet young thing alone and headless on a strange and diabolical planet

genuinegirly

Yep, sounds like a double-standard. I don't see why there should be one.
Maybe your friends are worried about this guy using you. Do they not understand that you're happily consenting to these solicitations?

On another note:

Do you want a women's-only perspective? That's what we get when we post in the protected area that is the Ladies' Lounge. I can move the thread to Sexuality for you if you'd like the men to weigh in.

__________________
"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq

"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy

guttercup

Sure, why the fuck not.

I don't think it would hurt.

__________________
a sweet young thing alone and headless on a strange and diabolical planet

genuinegirly

Hope you get some interesting responses.

__________________
"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq

"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy

Daniel_

To my mind, the deal has to be equitable, and you both have to happy with whatever you agree to.

The only time I was in this sort of deal, she and I would call or text each other but would both feel happy to say "not today, thanks".

Your friends sound confused. If it's OK for you to call him, but not for him to call you, then you are effectively saying that YOUR sex is currency, but HIS sex is a paid service. He's not allowed to offer it to you? Why the fuck not?

If you are adults, if you are happy when you are fucking, if neither coerces the other into anything they later regret, and if both have the right to say no at any time then go for it.

However, if you feel forced, obligated, regretful, or unhappy with any of it, then there's a problem.

Reading your posts, I would suggest that the only aspect of the arrangement that has caused you negative emotions is the reaction of your friends, not the sex or the calls from your fuck-buddy. Maybe you should keep the boy and ditch the friends for a while?

__________________

╔═════════════════════════════════════════╗
Overhead, the Albatross hangs motionless upon the air,
And deep beneath the rolling waves,
In labyrinths of Coral Caves,
The Echo of a distant time
Comes willowing across the sand;
And everthing is Green and Submarine
╚═════════════════════════════════════════╝

Seaver

Your friend is putting her experiences on you. She obviously had a fuck buddy situation where she wanted a relationship and he didn't. Therefore, she's trying to get you to play power games with your new f-buddy instead of just enjoying the fun.

If you like to have sex with this guy go for it and ignore your friend.

__________________
"Smite the rocks with the rod of knowledge, and fountains of unstinted wealth will gush forth." - Ashbel Smith as he laid the first cornerstone of the University of Texas

CinnamonGirl

Well, one good rule to follow is don't accept a booty call when you're hanging out with another guy...that's just bad form.

Otherwise, as long as you're not making any promises to anyone else, then have at it. Here's the thing-- women like no-strings-attached sex just as much as men do.

__________________
"...for though she was ordinary, she possessed health, wit, courage, charm, and cheerfulness. But because she was not beautiful, no one ever seemed to notice these other qualities, which is so often the way of the world."


"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"

guttercup

Not the case with her at all, she's only been with one dude her whole life, 12 years and counting now.


Its more of I think they're scared that he'll see me as just that and nothing more. As of now I do like the guy, but I'm not in any place to be in a relationship. I think the confusing part is that I like one more than the other, and I spend a lot of time with that one. That situation is just fucked all together though...

__________________
a sweet young thing alone and headless on a strange and diabolical planet

MSD

If you're both in the mood for fucking, why does it matter who asks first? Your friend has a naive view of sex and probably withholds it from her guy as leverage. Relationships, romantic or physical, should be about making both people happier, not a zero sum game.

Cimarron29414

guttercup,

Do your friends' sexual views fall in line with yours in most other areas? Is it unique for their opinions on issues like this to be different than yours?

__________________
Gives a man a halo, does mead.

"Here lies The_Jazz: Killed by an ambitious, sparkly, pink butterfly."

Seaver

Ah... it's a power thing reflected from her own relationship then. Does she withhold sex to get her way with her bf?

__________________
"Smite the rocks with the rod of knowledge, and fountains of unstinted wealth will gush forth." - Ashbel Smith as he laid the first cornerstone of the University of Texas

snowy

Bingo.

As long as things are clear and you are two consenting adults--have at it, and tell your friend to mind her own business. Her heart may be in the right place, but she doesn't have the experience to have an informed opinion about the protocols of booty calls.

__________________
If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

guttercup

She's pretty much worried that I'll just become a slut I think.

Each time I would go home with a stranger (and there have been a few, not that i'm proud but hey, we all have our moments) she would give me this lecture about being safe and not falling in love because the sex was good.

I'm totally ok with seeing two guys, fooling around with them both, as long as it's not a back to back thing, that makes me feel dirty.

Now my problem is I'm getting my new apartment tomorrow, and they both want to come over.... what does a lady do?

__________________
a sweet young thing alone and headless on a strange and diabolical planet

snowy

Tell them you're still settling in and you'll let them know when your new place is ready

__________________
If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

Daniel_

Well - if they know about each other - one option in this is to invite them both over for some "fore and aft" action.

__________________

╔═════════════════════════════════════════╗
Overhead, the Albatross hangs motionless upon the air,
And deep beneath the rolling waves,
In labyrinths of Coral Caves,
The Echo of a distant time
Comes willowing across the sand;
And everthing is Green and Submarine
╚═════════════════════════════════════════╝

amonkie

The biggest thing is to be honest to yourself first - if you can't even do that, then there's no way you can communicate to someone else your expectations and desires out of a sex fun arrangement.

Also - Love =! Sex in all instances. It sounds like your friend is leaping from sex to relationships and so therefore is judging any person for relationship quality.

I have people that if the opportunity arose and we were both free and interested, I'd totally jump their bones, but I would never enter into a relationship with them, despite the sexual chemistry.

__________________
Calling from deep in the heart, from where the eyes can't see and the ears can't hear, from where the mountain trails end and only love can go... ~~~ Three Rivers Hare Krishna

guttercup

One situation is really fucked. I think I got myself into something bad, because we've both admitted that feelings have started to form.

He has what he calls 'a Seasonal Girlfriend' that is about to come back into town... I think I'm starting to like him in more than a sex way and well, in a couple weeks I wont hear from him as much and he'll be fucking another girl, thusly not fucking me.

I don't know if I should just jump ship now, before she gets here to ease my own pain or just enjoy the good sex until it stops.

__________________
a sweet young thing alone and headless on a strange and diabolical planet

Seaver

Um.. so she cares about you... but wtf does she know?

I'm sorry being with only 1 person is romantic... but taking sex advice from her is like taking career advise from a kid still in High School. They don't know dick because they haven't experienced anything.

The feelings are there, you have two options. You can keep having sex until he puts an end to it... or you can now.

Don't let him play you second fiddle. I know you like him, and he might sort-of-like you... but if he actually cared he wouldn't go to a "seasonal girlfriend."

__________________
"Smite the rocks with the rod of knowledge, and fountains of unstinted wealth will gush forth." - Ashbel Smith as he laid the first cornerstone of the University of Texas

guttercup

It's really strange, we were talking the other night and he said something about relationships and people and that he needs to talk to me about something but he doesn't have to words yet, he needs to figure a few things out. I do like him, and enjoy him in general, i'm wondering if us having a friendship after it all is even possible.

the other guy seriously wont leave me alone, he texts me daily, asking me to sit on his face. it's kinda off putting how pushy he is.

__________________
a sweet young thing alone and headless on a strange and diabolical planet

gentlesoul43

Dump guy no 2. he's obviously thinking that he can talk shit and get away with it. Booty calls have to come with some respect. He thinks he owns you and disrespects you.

Then again, he might be a good shoulder to cry on when Guy No 1 doesnt work out.

guttercup

I highly doubt that #2 will be that guy, every time i talk to him, even about seeing a movie he mentioned something about my crotch and his face, it's actually kind of annoying.

Ad for dude #1, apparently he had a talk with the other girl, and according to The King, we're dating now.

How the fuck did that happen? From fucking to dating? Seriously?

__________________
a sweet young thing alone and headless on a strange and diabolical planet

jerseyboy

If he is annoying you, he doesn't deserve to get what he wants. Hold off with him, and maybe he will learn a little respect. It might be a purely sexual relationship, but there still has to be some degree of respect involved.

KirStang

Happens.