Need advice... - Page 2 - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

cj2112 · 11-23-2009, 07:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PrettyInInk5

Okay... Well... I am 20 but I have been in a long term relationship, and my life is not a romantic comedy, I asked for advice hoping not to be criticized about my age... and yes he does call the very next day... he texts me and calls me everyday, and I never go visit him for just a night, its for 3-4 day periods, and he also comes up to my house and visits me. I just thought I was more than a booty call, because we dont have sex constantly, as i have with previous booty calls. We do other things such as walk around detroit, go to baseball games, go to dinner, go to the movies, go to the bar, etc... Thats what made this all so confusing to me!

I can see why you're confused, but really, it doesn't sound like he wants a relationship. The nekked pics of his ex on his phone just confirm that he's not exclusive. I think the jealousy id weird, but rather than try and guess, I'd be asking him wtf that was all about.

If you're confused (and I actually do understand why you are) you need to tell him. Ask him how he sees you guys. Don't come to him upset or pissed, but with a genuine desire to get to the bottom of what's bugging you. Don't expect to hear what you want to hear, but be open to what he's saying. Have an adult conversation, and you will likely understand this better.

PrettyInInk5 · 11-23-2009, 07:30 PM

Thank You Star & Cj.... I have made up my mind on the situation, when he comes to my families thanksgiving dinner i will talk to him in an adult manner outside before he leaves...

wooÐs · 11-23-2009, 07:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wooÐs

But everyone's so quick to judge this guy as being a douche when they when they know absolutely nothing about him...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Starkizzer

Well that is all information that might have given some of our cynics a different perspective. ...But you also can't come here and ask for our advice but not give the full story, not that we can ever know the full story.

Interesting.

Quote:

Originally Posted by cj2112

If you're confused (and I actually do understand why you are) you need to tell him. Ask him how he sees you guys. Don't come to him upset or pissed, but with a genuine desire to get to the bottom of what's bugging you. Don't expect to hear what you want to hear, but be open to what he's saying. Have an adult conversation, and you will likely understand this better.

Quote:

Originally Posted by woods

She just needs to talk to him.

/thread

PrettyInInk5 · 11-23-2009, 07:34 PM

You too woods, I appreciate your advice also! This site is great...

wooÐs · 11-23-2009, 07:36 PM

You're welcome!

Life is short. Spare your sanity by talking with folks directly instead of assuming or being paranoid. I'm just now learning this if you wanna know the truth lol.

cj2112 · 11-23-2009, 07:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PrettyInInk5

Thank You Star & Cj.... I have made up my mind on the situation, when he comes to my families thanksgiving dinner i will talk to him in an adult manner outside before he leaves...

Oh please don't do this at Thanksgiving w/ your family. Bad idea. Try it on much more neutral ground. I'd feel waaaay uncomfortable in that situation if I were him. Another day, another place. Not a family get together. I'm thinking a day at the park or similar situation. Somewhere much more relaxed for the two of you.

/edit BTW good luck and you're welcome!

PrettyInInk5 · 11-23-2009, 07:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cj2112

Oh please don't do this at Thanksgiving w/ your family. Bad idea. Try it on much more neutral ground. I'd feel waaaay uncomfortable in that situation if I were him. Another day, another place. Not a family get together. I'm thinking a day at the park or similar situation. Somewhere much more relaxed for the two of you.

/edit BTW good luck and you're welcome!

Very True... Good idea

spindles · 11-23-2009, 07:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wooÐs

She's not even old enough to drink!

Only where you live, not where I do!

wooÐs · 11-23-2009, 07:56 PM

What's the age for drinking there?

LoganSnake · 11-23-2009, 09:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wooÐs

You're welcome!

Life is short. Spare your sanity by talking with folks directly instead of assuming or being paranoid. I'm just now learning this if you wanna know the truth lol.

People lie.

Plan9 · 11-23-2009, 11:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wooÐs

I didn't realize the place was full of relationship experts.

Hah... oh, I can't believe you just said that.

...

Quote:

Originally Posted by LoganSnake

People lie.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Henry "Rollins" Garfield

Do you ever feel like you're getting used? Well, you are! All the time it's a game, it's all mechanics, that's all there is. What the hell do you think you are? You're nothing but an animal! You're brain is nothing, your head is spinning from love and bullshit. The guy just wants to get it in you, that's all. The words and phrases he uses are just symbols that you have learned to understand to reinforce the lie. It's all different ways of saying the same thing. You're no different. You pick the lie that you feel the least uncomfortable with and go with it. Don't you see that you lie to yourself every time you think that he loves you?

dlish · 11-24-2009, 02:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wooÐs

What's the age for drinking there?

in oz its 18

at least we dont kid ourselves

donmaytee · 11-24-2009, 02:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Halx

You mean: she was the only one who gave you advice you were willing to listen to.

Wow, that certainly made me step back and think :O

wooÐs · 11-24-2009, 07:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LoganSnake

People lie.

And that's just how life rolls. But it's better to determine he's a jackass yourself instead of assuming or running on others opinions, when they don't even know the person... imo.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Plan9

Hah... oh, I can't believe you just said that.

Shit, I guess I have it wrong...

All men are pigs and all women are psychotic bitches. Is that how it goes?

dlish · 11-24-2009, 07:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wooÐs

All men are pigs and all women are psychotic bitches. Is that how it goes?

there...doesnt that makes you feel better now?

wooÐs · 11-24-2009, 08:15 AM

Imma get it tattooed on my upper back.

dlish · 11-24-2009, 08:20 AM

how ironic... the OP "needs advice"...

woods says "All men are pigs and all women are psychotic bitches"

lovely!

make sure u post pics in exhibition woodsie

wooÐs · 11-24-2009, 08:21 AM

I just try to fit in with the cool kids

.

Cimarron29414 · 11-24-2009, 10:19 AM

I think the guy has been completely honest. "I don't want to have a relationship (be committed to one person)." So, he talks to other girls and has some other girls in play on his phone. He is not being respectful to you as a lady which is the most disturbing part of his behavior, but he IS being honest. The only question you need to ask yourself is what do you want? Answer that and act on that.

World's King · 11-24-2009, 10:44 AM

Just to end the rumors... She's not talking about me.

Thank you. Have a nice day.

Halx · 11-24-2009, 12:10 PM

I want to add to this, but feel free to ignore at your own risk. I know a few serial daters, guys with a different girl for every day of the week... they all operate under the following idea: They think they have this mutual agreement with all the girls where they know they are not committed, but they also avoid mentioning the others to each other because they know how much of a sore spot it is if it ever gets brought up. If you don't want to be someone's flavor of the week, then you should probably stand up for yourself.

Shaindra · 11-24-2009, 05:25 PM

I disagree with "the talk". It's very likely that you'll either end up pissed and upset, or he'll say just enough to soothe you for now, but keep on without a real relationship.

He likes you. He likes hanging out with you. He especially likes being the only one fucking you. But seriously, when a man says he's not looking for a relationship, believe him until he says *and* shows otherwise. He'll take all the easy "relationship-y" things you provide, and he'll feel like he's being straight because, after all, he *told* you he wasn't in it for a relationship. It's not his fault that you read into the hanging out, enjoying time together and fucking as a relationship.

My opinion is that you really have just two choices, accept the status quo, or tell him calmly that you *are* looking for a relationship and you don't want to waste any more time or emotional energy with this situation. This is called a boundary. Boundaries are good things. It means you know what you want and more importantly, it means that you are *not* going to settle for less. If you can maturely state your boundary without criticizing his choices or making ultimatums and then *enforce* that boundary, you are lightyears ahead of your peers.

Bear Cub · 11-24-2009, 05:31 PM

Sit down with him, watch the Notebook, and blow him.

You'll both feel much better about the whole thing.

PrettyInInk5 · 11-24-2009, 10:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shaindra

I disagree with "the talk". It's very likely that you'll either end up pissed and upset, or he'll say just enough to soothe you for now, but keep on without a real relationship.

He likes you. He likes hanging out with you. He especially likes being the only one fucking you. But seriously, when a man says he's not looking for a relationship, believe him until he says *and* shows otherwise. He'll take all the easy "relationship-y" things you provide, and he'll feel like he's being straight because, after all, he *told* you he wasn't in it for a relationship. It's not his fault that you read into the hanging out, enjoying time together and fucking as a relationship.

My opinion is that you really have just two choices, accept the status quo, or tell him calmly that you *are* looking for a relationship and you don't want to waste any more time or emotional energy with this situation. This is called a boundary. Boundaries are good things. It means you know what you want and more importantly, it means that you are *not* going to settle for less. If you can maturely state your boundary without criticizing his choices or making ultimatums and then *enforce* that boundary, you are lightyears ahead of your peers.

Thank you so much, this is the best advice I could ask for! I really appreciate it!

11-24-2009, 08:20 AM	#57 (permalink)
dlish Currently sour but formerly Dlishs Super Moderator Location: Australia/UAE	how ironic... the OP "needs advice"... woods says "All men are pigs and all women are psychotic bitches" lovely! make sure u post pics in exhibition woodsie __________________ An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay? - Filthy

11-24-2009, 10:19 AM	#59 (permalink)
Cimarron29414 Still Free Location: comfortably perched at the top of the bell curve!	I think the guy has been completely honest. "I don't want to have a relationship (be committed to one person)." So, he talks to other girls and has some other girls in play on his phone. He is not being respectful to you as a lady which is the most disturbing part of his behavior, but he IS being honest. The only question you need to ask yourself is what do you want? Answer that and act on that. __________________ Gives a man a halo, does mead. "Here lies The_Jazz: Killed by an ambitious, sparkly, pink butterfly."

11-24-2009, 10:44 AM	#60 (permalink)
World's King Here Location: Denver City Denver	Just to end the rumors... She's not talking about me. Thank you. Have a nice day. __________________ heavy is the head that wears the crown

11-24-2009, 12:10 PM	#61 (permalink)
Halx Please touch this. Owner/Admin Location: Manhattan	I want to add to this, but feel free to ignore at your own risk. I know a few serial daters, guys with a different girl for every day of the week... they all operate under the following idea: They think they have this mutual agreement with all the girls where they know they are not committed, but they also avoid mentioning the others to each other because they know how much of a sore spot it is if it ever gets brought up. If you don't want to be someone's flavor of the week, then you should probably stand up for yourself. __________________ You have found this post informative. -The Administrator [Don't Feed The Animals]

11-24-2009, 05:25 PM	#62 (permalink)
Shaindra Psycho Location: Massachusetts	I disagree with "the talk". It's very likely that you'll either end up pissed and upset, or he'll say just enough to soothe you for now, but keep on without a real relationship. He likes you. He likes hanging out with you. He especially likes being the only one fucking you. But seriously, when a man says he's not looking for a relationship, believe him until he says and shows otherwise. He'll take all the easy "relationship-y" things you provide, and he'll feel like he's being straight because, after all, he told you he wasn't in it for a relationship. It's not his fault that you read into the hanging out, enjoying time together and fucking as a relationship. My opinion is that you really have just two choices, accept the status quo, or tell him calmly that you are looking for a relationship and you don't want to waste any more time or emotional energy with this situation. This is called a boundary. Boundaries are good things. It means you know what you want and more importantly, it means that you are not going to settle for less. If you can maturely state your boundary without criticizing his choices or making ultimatums and then enforce that boundary, you are lightyears ahead of your peers. __________________ "Never regret something that once made you smile."

11-23-2009, 07:30 PM	#42 (permalink)
PrettyInInk5 Upright Location: The Murder Mitten	Thank You Star & Cj.... I have made up my mind on the situation, when he comes to my families thanksgiving dinner i will talk to him in an adult manner outside before he leaves...

11-23-2009, 07:34 PM	#44 (permalink)
PrettyInInk5 Upright Location: The Murder Mitten	You too woods, I appreciate your advice also! This site is great...

11-23-2009, 07:36 PM	#45 (permalink)
wooÐs Sitting in a tree Location: Atlanta	You're welcome! Life is short. Spare your sanity by talking with folks directly instead of assuming or being paranoid. I'm just now learning this if you wanna know the truth lol.

11-23-2009, 07:56 PM	#49 (permalink)
wooÐs Sitting in a tree Location: Atlanta	What's the age for drinking there?

11-24-2009, 08:15 AM	#56 (permalink)
wooÐs Sitting in a tree Location: Atlanta	Imma get it tattooed on my upper back.

11-24-2009, 08:21 AM	#58 (permalink)
wooÐs Sitting in a tree Location: Atlanta	I just try to fit in with the cool kids .

11-24-2009, 05:31 PM	#63 (permalink)
Bear Cub The Reverend Side Boob Location: Nofe Curolina	Sit down with him, watch the Notebook, and blow him. You'll both feel much better about the whole thing. __________________ Living in the United Socialist States of America.