Salem

I, have had many close calls, but never been caught. Parents have knocked on the door mid act, so i retract my hands form my pants and tell them to enter, and thus never got caught. My SO has never caught me, though there's been mutual masterbation. My grandma almost caught me once, that was horrible. But I've never been caught.

Have you?

Daniel_

Never. Which is a surprise, given how many years I've been able to do it...

Then again my bedroom at my parents was up a flight of stairs, and those were a boy's prime masturbating years.

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Xerxys

Nope, even the days I used to be unable to go 5 minutes without touching my dick!

It's like that Wayans brother said about whacking off. Men are like batman. We hide the porn behind the bookcase, we case out the joint before engagement, we do our stuff, but you come home to the tape still in the VCR!!

telekinetic

I lived with 3 guy roommates. We had a lot of porn on a central shared drive (a lot at the time, it was about 300 gigs). I was in charge of wget'ing sites that we had passwords to (90gig mirror of amkingdom was one of the jewels of our collection!).

The storage server had the monitor facing the front door, thus the seat had the back to it. Combine all of these facts with me being home alone and had just gotten a penis piercing, I was sitting in the chair, with my back to the door and my dick out (letting the one-day-old piercing air out), flicking through porn movies on two monitors spot-checking the last 20 gigabyte wget dump that I'd just processed. One of my roommates comes flying in through the front door with a girl he's trying to date in tow, sees what appears to be me jacking it in stereo in the living room, yells "Sweet merciful Christ, them's some big titties!" and heads on into the kitchen. No idea what the girl thought, and she never came around again after that.

That was the only time I've gotten 'caught.'

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twisted no more

wooÐs

My Father walked in on me when I was about 15 or so. I was butt naked after a shower. I could be more descriptive but I won't. It's too disturbing for me to recall. But he just went 'oh! Sorry!' and shut the door and left. ugh.

Xerxys

^^ I kept, (and still keep) things I can utilize to pellet people who don't knock or those who knock once as a warning then barge in. Assholes.

wooÐs

I had zero privacy as a kid / teen. They were always going through my shit. But they did have good reason to lol.

FuglyStick

Fuck. Yes. I don't know why I don't just set up a booth on the corner and charge people a quarter just to watch me wax the weasel.

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Lucifer

Unfortunately yes, by my mom. I had just gotten home at 17 from a summer spent in a dormitory at a work camp with 24 other guys. Needless to say, I was desperate for a good wank. I don't think my mom ever came into my room without first knocking after that!

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The_Jazz

Probably because you'd end up having to pay people to watch you.

Me? Yeah, several times. Including once where I was so hammered that I forgot to close my door.

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levite

A couple of times by my parents, including once where they wanted to talk to me about some kind of family matter, and when they saw what I was doing, were like, "Oh, well, come talk to us about something when you're finished." I was, like, "Believe me, I'm finished."

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Whose soul is sense, cannot admit
Absence, because it doth remove
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Zenturian

I was caught by my roommate's girlfriend in college. She walked in to get a CD, saw what I was doing, said sorry, and still looked through the stack of cd's for the one she wanted.

Charlatan

A couple of close calls but never actually caught. And I've done some risky wanking.

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noodle

By a trucker once driving on I-4 and stuck in major traffic.


And immediately after by my former SO who had been undistractable from a video game at the time. That was actually pretty fun.

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m0rpheus

By my GF quite a few times. But then it's not a big deal. I've walked in on her more than once too. I love sex but she understands sometimes I just want a quick wank. It's not like she doesn't have and use a vibrator either.

On the other hand when my mom walked in on me when I was younger... that was just embarassing. She turned and fled the room and we never talked about it. After that she always knocked.

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"it never got weird enough for me." - Hunter S. Thompson

LordEden

I can't ever remember my parents catching me, there were a few close calls, but I'm super ultra paranoid when it comes to that.

MY roommate/best friend once caught me, he walked into my room in the middle of the afternoon and saw porn on my PC with my pants off and walked straight out of the room. He now knocks, all the time.

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onodrim

Nope, never been caught, though I'm fairly certain that my dad came across a empty vibrator box that I accidentally left by my garbage can. Not my fault that he decided to collect garbage early! If he saw it, he's never said anything.

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-Carl Sagan

dlish

i've never wanked...therefore never been caught

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Xerxys

^^ You are so missing out ... once I discovered I only need one hand to accomplish tasks I have never let go with my other ... ever.

Orgo

I've had several close calls. Most recently my wife came home when I was sitting naked browsing some porn. She walked in and I quick closed the browser (I'm pretty sure she wouldn't approve of my looking at porn). She kind of laughed a bit later when she realized I was naked, but she knows I like being naked so strangely, she never actually caught me on that one.

Magpie_1

Sadly I've been caught. It was only once and by my father. I don't recall how old I was. It was during my teeny bopper years. During that time I had a dog. She use to sleep with me every night. When Dad felt it was his time to go to bed (was usually fairly late. Something like 3 in the morning.) and if my dog was still down stairs he felt the need to bring her into my room. This night in particular I wasn't tired and amusing my self he walked in on me. The horrible thing about it was that I was so into what I was doing I didn't notice right away. He was so mortified and shocked he was frozen in the doorway. That is until I noticed and tried to fake like nothing had happened. He just doped my dog on the floor and ran down stairs to his bedroom. He wouldn't look at me for days.

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bazkitcase5

fortunately, no! I would be mortified if my parents caught me....

thank God for showers and locked doors

Halx

A lot... a lot. A lot.

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Plan9

Dangerous extremist or boldfaced liar... pick your title.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

clavus

My SO walked in on me once.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

I quickly took stock of the situation: Porn on the PC, pants down, boner sticking out. I didn't see a way I could really spin this one.

"Um. I'm looking at porn and jerking off."

"Indeed you are," she said. She then went off to do whatever it was she was doing.

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Plan9

But what were the facial expressions / tone of voice here? That's the comedic part.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

LoganSnake

My mom walked into the room once as I was humping the couch. I used to be a humper ages 4-6 or so. I just remember her smiling and asking if I was having fun.

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boink

no, but crusing Urban Dictionary I found this once...thought it was funny

danger wank
masturbating, but in such a way that you are very likely to get caught.
Increasing the thrill by trying to finish cranking one off before you are caught

Geoff, fancying a danger wank , stood in his mum's bathroom,leaving the door open, grasped his throbbing member and shouted "Mum!"

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when you believe in things that you don't understand, then you suffer. Superstition ain't the way.

dlish

can't i be both? it's not fair that you pigeonhole me into just one category

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An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere

I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay?
- Filthy

Zandos

Like some of the others.. a few close calls, but never been caught.. Funny that it's the same with speeding.. Get it up to 90 for a bit.. decided I'm done.. slow down to the speed limit and BAM! there's a speed trap.. If I'd keep going that extra minute... Guess one of these days my luck may run out on one or both. :-)

Plan9

They're not merit badges, you can't collect 'em all.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

cleondann

my frnd also caught few days bk while masturbating... That is seriously
funny to me and embarrassing fr him... but his father didn't see him he just get the idea wt he's doing... that is wt he seems during discussing that to me..

raptor9k

deleted

Frankie Zee

I remember starting once while texting my then gf as she was coming over. I told her what I was doing and she walked in on me...but that was on purpose.

The closest I think I've come to being caught by surprise was a few weeks ago. I heard my roommate leave for work and I went back to sleep. When I woke up, I decided I needed a little me time after going to the bathroom. When I have the house to myself, I tend to leave the door open and turn the volume up. After I was done, I heard my roommate coughing in his room. He came back home while I was still asleep and I never heard him. I'm glad he didn't come out of his room.

sam1066

I never caught but my uncle just got the clue that something is going in the room.

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Dragonlich

Yes, by my father. One moment I was on the bed doing my, er, thing; the next moment I was pushing against the door to keep him out. I didn't know I could move that quickly...
Since then he has always knocked on the door before entering.

...but that was ages ago. Never been caught since.

Shaindra

I think I need to get caught masturbating...soon.

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Wes Mantooth

Probably. I used to have a bad habit of rubbing one out after a long night of drinking. Once in a while I'd black out or pass out or fall asleep or something right in the middle and wake up, pants around my ankles, hand conspicuously in lap and laying across the sofa. I don't know if I ever got caught, my room mates never said anything to me but I can't imagine they wouldn't have noticed.

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Willravel

Wait, so you've never wanked, but you've pigeonhole'd?

MissTiger

Nope! I've had some close calls, too, but never any time where I actually got caught fortunately. I'd be mortified!